Classic pub debate
Right lets face it- some animals are just sexy.

Which animal would you shag and why?

My answer- a slightly obese meercat
My mate Big Dave- a kitten (paedo?)

P.s no animals were raped in the making of this conversation
(vv STONED vv is also my Xbox live gamertag, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 23:33, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stop it!
Right, this is the final say about the bullshit that's been going on - I just read the HSH thread.
First of all, I have apologized to Gonz. I shouldn't have called him a cunt but yeah, I was getting pissed off about the cat thing.
I understand that I post some dismal posts, but for me it's easier to get it out on the interweb than in real life. My bad.
The 2 posts I made Friday and Saturday were meant to actually be funny but I guess they they didn't come across like that - again, my bad.
PsychoChomp and I have talked, we're ok with each other.
For those of you defending me, I thank you, but also remember I deserved the shit I got back on that thread and took it without saying a word.

I'm not saying let's be fluffy and huggy right now, but no more crap about what's gone on, ok? Please?

p.s. I went fishing today and it was awesome, and the cats haven't been thrown through a window in the last couple weeks ;)
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 23:29, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a dinosaur!
Well, a giant lizard. A bearded dragon, infact. I'm not sure if it's male or female so I've been calling it Izzard the Lizard.

It mostly likes to eat carrot.

I'm a bit disappointed. I finally get my childhood dream of a pet dinosaur and it's practically vegan...

Anyone else got a new pet? Does it not eat what you'd hope?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 22:38, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just watched Terminator Salvation
thoroughly enjoyable. I highly recommend it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 22:12, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Every Little Helps
So, my last two trips to Tescos -

1. Bill comes to £12.76, I hand over a £20 note, get back £8 change. Nice! Pay attention, tillmonkey!

2. Cashier scans first item, till makes sad beep, she presses button and moves on to second item. I spot that the customer display has changed from Next Customer Please to Item 2, not Item 1. After paying I check the receipt, no £4 box of fancy catfood. Score!

How's a major multinational corporation fucked up in your favour lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 21:49, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright Dave
How's it going?
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 21:12, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello all
I'm just going to leave this here.



Enjoy!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 20:26, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 19:47, 118 replies, latest was 8 years ago)

Oh god, I think I've just been homophobic discriminated at work =/
Some guy who is a right cunt at work started complaining about viruses on the computer, and how it's all my fault. I said to him I use my laptop for everything I do, I only use their computers to work.

He then said it was all from gay porn websites (he thinks I'm gay, because I'm not homophobic, so I must be one of 'em), so it has to be me. The conversation went as thus...
Him - "I don't know what you're doing at night on these computers, but it is full of viruses from gay porn websites"
Me - "Oh really? So the virus said the names of the websites they came from?"
Him - "Yeah', bumboys dot com, kissing boys asses dot com, sites like that, that's where the viruses come from."
Me (thinking) "Wow, you really are a biggoted little ignorant old man, you think I'm gay so I go on those websites at work. You're also an unimaginative liar, or a clausit homosexual who doesn't really know much about the internet because I doubt those sites exist. And thirdly, if you can tell those viruses come from those websites, you should go and work for Norton or something."
Me (said) "I use my own computer for everything I do, so it must be someone else"
Him "Nah', it must be you, that's what [manager] said".
Me "Fair enough, he can come and explain it all to me, I don't know very much about this sort of thing"
Him *walks off*

I'm straight, but I'm quite insulted to be honest, on two levels, a "your gay so i'll make up a story about you putting on viruses because of looking at gay porn" one, and on another level, "You look at porn websites that have viruses/ovbousely-pay-porn-websites".

=/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 19:15, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

SHAWTY HAD DEM APPLE BOTTOM JEANS BOOTS WIT DA FURRRRRR

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 18:50, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Motorcyclists
you are cunts. All of you, without exception. Just because you can fit between two vehicles on a motorway doesn't mean you have the right to force your way between the vehicles and then kick my front wing as you go past because you thought I should have moved over more to let you through.

Any motorcyclist that dies in a collision with a car deserves it for driving such a stupid vehicle.

I should just add that if any of you have friends or relatives who were killed riding motorbikes then I'm sorry, but they were a cunt and you're better off without them.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 18:39, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Typical
I'm away for the day and there is the busiest run of threads for weeks.

I'm not going to believe you when you say it's because I wasn't here, so you may as well not bother.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 17:47, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No new thread for over an hour
And probably no need for a new one.

Do I put brown sauce in my hotpot or not?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 17:13, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

DIY surgery and first aid
We've just been having a disscussion in the office about where exactly do you insert the old biro barrel during an emergency trachioctomy thingy. We have come to the conclussion that between the top of the breast bone and bottom of the larynx is the place to go.

Am I likely to be a hero, or just end up with a very inconvienient pen holder if I try this?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 15:42, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This is an exercise in tolerance, not that I can tolerate that crap.
So, the idea is that you complete the following sentence and heal the world with your evenmindedness by seeing the good in everything:

"I think [insert controversial topic, e.g. euthaniasia; abortion; aborted euthanasia] is [insert viewpoint, e.g. fun; sadfaced] but [insert conciliatory statement, e.g. grannies don't feel pain; each to their own, eh, what?]."

I'll begin:
I think the Gilmore Girls is rubbish but I'm going to sit down and watch it with a nice cup of milky coffee and some ginger nuts.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 14:29, 110 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

And as I'm finding fun articles this morning...
JMG, this article is just for you. Please implement this policy in the UK- it would be most amusing.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 11 Nov 2009, 13:54, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Heh.
I found this article to be pretty nicely written and presented.

Enzyme? Care to comment on it? It's a subject we debated a few times between us. I'd like to hear your take on this article...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 11 Nov 2009, 13:29, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I found a cake or death mug at work to today which cheered me up no end

but who's your favourite stand up, is there a little known comic or venue that you recommend.

Or simply cake or cake?
This being B3ta I suspect the answer is death by cake ingestion.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 12:22, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I didn't have time to make lunch this morning
And had to resort to getting a pre-packed sandwich from the canteen. Why do they insist in putting tomato in every fucking sandwich they make? I bloody HATE tomato. And yes, you can pick it out but there's always a little bit of tomato evil remains in the rest of the filling that contaminates my tastebuds with its seedy aftertaste.

Convenience food? My arse.

The cheeseburger flavoured crisps, however, were awesome.

What sandwich fillings do you try to avoid (because, like, a question is mandatory these days, innit)?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 11 Nov 2009, 12:20, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Marks and Spencers are having a 1p sale this Friday.
The 1p items are Christmas socks, card games, children’s puzzles, handkerchiefs, money boxes, tea-towels, mugs, notebooks, ties, knickers, key-rings, Christmas chocolates and Yule logs.
That's fhe family pressies sorted then. I'm gonna stock up on chocolates, and knickers, for my cross dressing days.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 11 Nov 2009, 10:54, 64 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where's that Kaol got to?
For the first time in his life his Zoology degree is actually going to be useful.

On American TV they sometimes have what they call 'Turtles', such as Mr Turtle from My Name is Earl, or the 'Turtle' they used as a prop on the Daily Show last night. Now, my problem is this, I don't believe that they are Turtles at all, they're Tortoises. Am I wrong in thinking that Turtles are aquatic and usually have flippers instead of feet, or are the Americans right and I'm just a big stupid head?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 9:14, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cheerleaders
Today, I'm taking photos of the University of Nottingham Varsity cheerleaders for thier upcoming calendar. August is going to be in bikinis. That's right, cheerleaders in bikinis, in November and I get paid to take photos of them.

I just felt the need to share my excellent news with you fine people. What's the best thing you've had come up in your respective line of work recently?
( Terry_Tibbs Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 9:08, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Not worth getting in a flap about
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8352711.stm

Apparently minge-flapectomies are all the rage these days.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 8:34, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's cold
and today I've got my thermal vest tucked into my thermal pants and my shirt tucked into my trousers. My hoodie isn't tucked into anything but I'm securing it round ym middle with a fairly snug fleece.

Having a poo earlier had to be planned in advance of the actual need for immediate splashdown.

Tell me what you're wearing and whether it's practical or not.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 7:58, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ooooOOOOOaaaAAArrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRggGGGGGGGGgggHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!!!!!
*beats chest furiously*

OOOAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!

You evolved from me, you cunts.
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Wed 11 Nov 2009, 0:11, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Beautiful people
A heartwarming tale of everyday folk. news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/wear/8352729.stm
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 22:34, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's been another strange day, hasn't it girls and boys?
And what have we learned today?

Well, I think that if a bunch of geeks and pillocks on the internet can't get along peacefully then the middle east is fucked.
( girlinthehole, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 20:00, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 19:25, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Am I doing this wrong?
I've been upsetting you for ages, but I've never had cr3 intervene like some sort of internanny.

Your tips for really getting OT worked up into a spasticated orgy of lipsmaking, handwringing and autism.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Tue 10 Nov 2009, 18:41, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)