I've just spent all evening doing battle with my ISP.
I'm worn out. It only took me an hour and eventually reaching the 8th person who could actually help. Once I get my phone bill for the debarcle then I shall put on my 'angry of Todmorden' head and exact a suitable refund.

I only wanted a new modem ffs as my current one won't work with Windows 7 on my laptop.

Now where were I? Oh yes!

*searches for more Jeff Bridges pics online*

Oh and does anyone know how to transfer my Itunes music onto my laptop?
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 21:02, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No mention of the Oscars?
I'll just say this then - I defy anyone to tell me 'The Hurt Locker' is a good film.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 20:40, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh dear
A girl I know on facebook changed her status to this -
"John Venables new name is David Calvert, he lives in Fleetwood and raped a 19 yr old girl in school ground in Warrington. he spent time at barton child unit so he knew the area. Some prison warden doesnt think it should be kept quiet either! Pass it on to as many people as you can"

Clearly she's pasted this, as she can't spell to save her life, and the sentences almost makes sense. I found it interesting, so thought I'd whack the name into google, see what it came up with. This makes it fairly clear that this rumour is fairly clearly bullshit, so I simply noted that this info is wrong, checking google would confirm, and that we should leave the poor guy (Calvert, not Venables) alone.

The response made me laugh, and weep for humanity at the same time.
I quote - 'poor guy are u serious?a type of guy you would normally hanf out wic i suppose the guy is SICK IN THE HEAD and must b something wrong with you to even think that"FREAK"'

What has worried you about society recently?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 17:38, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lately I find myself having the horn something terrible for Jeff Bridges. I don't know why because I never fancied him before.
Who have you been unexpectedly drooling over lately?
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 15:20, 123 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm currently making
an Xmas pudding. How festive have you been today?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 14:39, 79 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

my boss's other half who comes in twice a week to do the accounts
just threw an apple core at him for being pessimistic, and clocked him right on the top of the head, which made me spray tea out of my nose and make a retarded snorting noise. now he has a sandy vagina and i'm getting evils. when has your sense of humour dropped you in the shit?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 14:36, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning my Off Topic chums
for some reason this morning the first thought in my head was "I should join eharmony".

What was your first thought this morning? Can you old farts even remember back that far?
Don't care? Tell me how fabulous you smell.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 13:25, 80 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In the interests of keeping matters calm and troll-free today
I propose a civilized discussion, with tea and cucumber sandwiches, about the most entertaining way to horribly murder Michael McIntyre, Chris Hollins and Russell Brand. Not necessarily in that order.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 11:41, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I need to buy biscuits for the office later
Bourbons are a dead cert but what other biscuits should I buy?
I should also state I am the one who eats most of them and I don't like coconut.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 10:43, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

B3ta Book Club. Meetings Tuesday mid-morning.
Anyone up for a B3ta Book Club? Here’s a sample – the idea is the club improves.

I’m reading Kim Edwards’The Memory Keeper’s Daughter
A multi-million-copy US No.1 bestseller apparently.

Why? Bloody good question. I suppose the subject matter appealed in a warped sort of way.

Plagiarised synopsis -

On a snowy winter's evening Nora Henry goes into labour. With the help of a nurse her doctor husband delivers her a healthy son, but there follows an unexpected twin sister who has Downs Syndrome. As was frequently the case at that time, the Downs child, Phoebe, is sent to a home to be cared for. The job of taking her there is entrusted to the nurse, Caroline, who takes one look at the place and decides to care for Phoebe herself.
Meanwhile David Henry makes his big mistake and informs his wife that their daughter was stillborn, setting in motion a chain of events that has repercussions for years to come.

So I’m halfway through and what keeps me reading this Mills and Boon failure is the very occasional absolute pearl of writing. Here’s an example –

On p6 Norah (later to bear a Downs Syndrome child) is writing “in the perfect script she’d been taught in third grade, her teacher an ex-nun who had engraved the rules of penmanship in her small charges. Each letter has a shape, she told them, one shape in the world and no other, and it is your responsibility to make it perfect.”

Wow. Here I saw in one sentence the religious angle (catholic schooling), gender modeling (penmanship, quite deliberate use), and Arian eugenics (one shape in the world). This is going to be a great book.
Then there is pages of fluttered eyelashes – a woman ‘hides her blushes’ and I swear another ‘swoons’.

Anyone finished this book, and is it worth the read? Can multi-million Americans be wrong?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Tue 9 Mar 2010, 10:21, 46 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I saw an advert yesterday
which was encouraging drivers to reduce their speed to save fuel. Fair enough, you say.

But it said 'travelling at 50mph uses 10% less fuel than travelling at 70mph'.

And I thought, if I turn that round, that means that at 70mph I'm travelling 40% faster, and so get to where I'm going more quickly and enjoyably, and only burn about 9% more fuel.

Bargain! Or am I going to upset eco-warriors by thinking like that?

Alternatively, do you give a shit about the Oscars?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 9:21, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hi everyone.
I just got my new laptop today but I don't think it will last long. For the past 10 minutes I've been trying to open it at the wrong end.


Please don't let me turn into my mother.
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 8:49, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

God
I'm 37 and I've just spent the evening acting like a 15 year old girl off of the early 80's, sitting in my room listening to the new Goldfrapp 80's sounding record 'Rocket' on my giant headphones and singing along. Later, I'm probably going to put on my PJ's and phone all my friends to talk about lush boys.

'woah oh oh! I've got a rocket, woah oh oh! You're gettin on it'.

God I love being an eighties girl. Boy. SHIT.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 23:07, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, I haven't been here all day on account of b3ta being blocked where I'm based two days a week.
What's this shitstorm that the user formerly known as .... refers to then? I'd hate to think I'd missed something exciting on the internet. *wanders off to kitchen*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 19:10, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening all!
*Bends knees and salutes.*

My names George Dixon and I'm preparing Roast smoked ham with new potatoes and steamed vegetables for dinner. A simple recipe but it leaves me time for some nice Lustau Gran Reserva.

Well? Famine or feast? What are your plans for tonite?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 18:21, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My first look at off-topic..
Dear Regular Off-Topic Posters,

after noticing some weird overreactions and politics creeping in to QOTW in recent weeks I decided to check out Off-Topic. I can't say I'll be back, the word clique seems to sum it up.
I'm sure you're all nice people, and I very much enjoy your stories in QOTW proper but you're not very nicely behaved in here sadly. It's a very small and relatively insignificant corner of the internet, you can have it all to yourselves, with my sincere blessing.

All the very best,

Finch.
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:08, 102 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's nearly home time! Yippee!
If you were a hippopotamus and you were merrily swimming along in the watery mud, then some little bugger came along in a boat a little too close to you, would you shuffle along and let them pass or would you totally flip their boat over and eat their face right off?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:00, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

CHILL OUT EVERYONE.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 15:57, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Legless has breasts

(__, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 15:51, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I Know I've Been Away For A While

But since when did QOTW turn into a trolls paradise?

Leading the charge seems to be the svelte and desirable Amorous Badger. He's set himself up as Judge and Jury on QOTW posts which he adds to his to his QOTW fail archive. He needs to do this. He needs to ridicule and belittle people he's never met to make up for the bastard trick that God's played on him.

'Cos he is a short-arsed weed. 5ft 7 and 8 stone, wringing wet. Poor bastard. No wonder he's bitter. He probably got beaten to shit when he was kid. Something made him this bitter and twisted..

Hiding behind a keyboard gibbering and flinging shit is the only fun he has, poor soul.

Judge not, lest ye be judged....

And I really should stop posting when I'm pissed....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 15:33, 83 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd like to apoplogise to all of you who didn't get an invite to the 3litan bash.
It's nothing personal, it's just that you are shit people.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 15:30, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There we go, rest of QOTW, here's some emo poetry.
My pain knows no bounds, My fears that were lost are now found.
They ask me weekly, something not gloomy, a question of humour,
Their intentions were not of me to speak of my mother's tumour.
They once asked, a story of my favorite telivison loser,
I couldn't think of an awnser, so I recalled my childhood abuser.
He locked me the basement, and fed me on rats brains,
I'm embelishing, but tinned tuna is more or less the same.
Basement is a bit harsh, it's really just my downstairs room,
I only had freeview as they wouldn't shell out for sky multi-room.
I never really got much attention from the oppersite sex,
Turns out nobody gives a fuck the tatto on my bicepts.
Batman's logo is now emblazon'd on my forearm,
I thought "oh well, at least it would be considered geek charm"
But now girls don't want to know me, and neither do my mates,
My gran's my best friend, but at least I'm getting reuglar sex.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 15:18, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I watched Chinatown for the first time this weekend
What 70's Neo-Noir movies and/or undisputed classics of cinema have you discovered for the first time recently?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 15:01, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This right here
www.b3ta.com/questions/letterstheywillneverread/post656315

Has to be the neediest post I've read in quite some time.

Edit - I've just been for a wee and realised my pants are on inside out. I don't know how I managed this.

Edit Edit - okay a question, when did you last, errrrrr, I don't know, do some origami. Or watch a documentary.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 13:44, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

i've had the raging shits for five days?
Quacks see this as trivial nonsense so i've tried 2 days of starvation and i'm still shitting, what the fuck am i shitting?
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:17, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wm Grant and Sons are Bastards.
On Saturday I finished my latest bottle of Sailor Jerry Rum. I went to Sainsbury's and bought another. "Ooh" thought I "New label! Not as impressive as the old one but meh, things change."
I got it home and poured myself a liberal libation. It didn't smell right and tasted like Tescoes own brand dark stuff. Ok, but nothing like the real thing. I then found out the recipe has changed "After consulting you the drinker."
They didn't consult me or I would have told them it is brown water of the arsehole kind. It is rotten.

What do you think has changed and not for the better?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 12:05, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can I get excited about the F1 yet?
I'm veto-ing all answers of "no".

I'm quite upset Stefano GP isn't going to make it with Villeneuve as I'd quite liked to have seen him and Schuey going round 2.

If you're not excited about F1 you may talk about other things you are excited about occuring in the next week.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 11:56, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Does anyone want a drink?
Tea, coffee, Gin and tonic?

Lol, office humour at it's best.
What other office based hilarity have you encountered in your work?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 10:37, 93 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning!

Last night my uncle interrupted me on the phone in my mum's garden to say "You'd better get back in there. They need you. They're trying to massage each other and they're fucking screaming."

What have you found impossible to explain recently?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 8:52, 97 replies, latest was 16 years ago)