Good morning, you dismal arsebandits.
I got pissed right up and made a Thai curry so bastard hot it was inedible yesterday, but rather than bin it I am daring myself to have it for lunch. Nommy nom nom. This could lead to my Valentine's day dinner out being interspersed with gastric agony.

Should I gamble? We're going for Argentine steaks tonight so deliberately sabotaging it is perhaps idiocy in the extreme, but I like to live dangerously.

Anyone doing anything 'special' tonight or are you 'special' all the time so it's hard to tell the difference?

Alt: kiss my musky arse.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 9:05, 122 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

In case of earliness
Roses are red
Violets are blue
OT is fluffy cloud land
And I LOVE all of you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Sun 13 Feb 2011, 23:50, 162 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I just thought I'd pop in and say you're all fucking lovely.
Whoever 'Lovely' is, I'm sure they're very, very lucky.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 13 Feb 2011, 22:15, 74 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

i thought i'd pop over and call you all a bunch of cunts.
you bunch of cunts.
(Mortal Wombat - he's just an excitable boy, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 22:05, 11 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Noel reporting in
Weekend: fab, sunshine
Face: beard, fed
Miles: nine, non-stop
Tunes: dubstep, folk
Tired: zoned, zombie
Remarks: none
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 19:21, 181 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I have spent the last four hours planning and making dinosaur alphabet cards for the class
next week. THey have come out brilliantly and after lamination tomorrow should last a long time. What have you done recently that you are proud of?

Alt Q: Should I go out tonight for a few beers or be good and stay in and watch Top Gear etc?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 16:37, 77 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's rainy and dull but I'm getting my groove on.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO3hlmEyaiA&feature=fvst
( girlinthehole, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 10:14, 58 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Oh great
another opportunity to start a thread that'll only get pity replies

I need a question...something about medical conditions? Or why I've not gone to sleep yet? Or why it's so hard to get work done at the weekend despite the fact it will make the rest of the week so much more bearable?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 23:30, 76 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

i am supposed to be at a party
i am still on the sofa stuffing my fat face with ben and jerrys (the frozen yoghurt one so it's not TOO bad) and i am still in my gymkit. the irony of this does not escape me. i am going to be v late for this party.

the question is, where the hell did you lot all go??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 20:44, 241 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Chicken and chips for dinner and the original True Grit on the TV.
Saturday just got real.
( girlinthehole, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 17:58, 115 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

YES!
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1057195
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 14:15, 19 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Today
I bought middle class soup and disco biscuits from Aldi.

Seriously images.jambase.com/fans/selo34/DiscoBiscuits.jpg

What else is wrong with the world?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 13:58, 8 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

GOOOOOOOOOD MOOOOOOORNING BI3TNAM!
I suspect most of you fuckers are still in bed dreaming about nommy pies and your supermodel girlfriends.

So weekends, are you super awesome like me getting up early and embracing the weekend (ok so maybe I have to today but tomorrow I am getting up early for my London adventure) or are you a slobby mchungover? Got anything planned this weekend?

*dances around*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 7:51, 96 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

Chop chop - I've not got all day
Convince me that you're not a drooling internet obsessive.

I need to sleep soon so I'm needing answers PDQ.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 22:20, 95 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

For the benefit of anyone who was contributing to that last thread
and who hasn't yet twigged which b3tan Chickenlady reckons looks like Tim Minchin, it's Devil-in-Tights. OK yah?

Evening, fuckers. And dog fuckers. What's your poison this evening? Please, grab a stool, have a drink, and talk in increasingly loud tones as I keep ramping up the volume on the jukebox.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 11 Feb 2011, 19:16, 131 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Chickenlady's Friday Afternoon/Evening Quiz
Just like last week I've trawled the dodgiest sites on the internet to find pictures of our fellow b3tan's celebrity lookalikes.

Some may be easy (the photos, not the b3tans, cheeky!) some may be hard....

How many will you get?

**EDIT***There are three that no one has guessed yet...are they YOU?
Look in the replies to see them.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 17:14, 248 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Woo he's gone
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-12433045
(PsychoChomp, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 16:19, 100 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I have a piece of light-bulb buried deep in the sole of my foot.
No amount of dutch courage and tweezing can shift it. I'm in a lot of pain. What would you like to change about your body?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:42, 30 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Getting this in before a news link materialises, 100 posts has been and gone
Pet hates. What do you hate so much that it makes you want to gush lava from every orifice, however frivolous an offence others might consider it? Mine are the twats who get in my way when I'm walking down the street, and the inconsiderate cunts who think it's acceptable to drive along a road which I'm obviously trying to cross.

I'll hazard a guess that Monty's will be poor grammar, syntax and spelling. And forrins.

Alt Q - favourite movie director ever
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 13:41, 184 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right, you fucking nommy wankers.
I am so utterly bored, that I am genuinely interested in what form of pathetic gruel you will be dribbling all over your carer in the guise of lunch.

SO BORED am I, even, that I would like to know your weekend plans.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 12:13, 107 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

ME
I shouted at one of my colleagues this morning. He brought up something we disagreed about and settled yesterday, just to get at me, so I growled at him. Who was the last person you shouted at and why?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 11:29, 80 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Chaps:
Favourite weapon of all time?

Gels: something about shoes or periods, I don't fucking know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 10:30, 155 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

There seems to have been an outbreak of awesomeness in B3taland.
Thank you both for my gifts.

You know who you are, although I only know who one of you is. The other is a mystery. I am genuinely touched and not in a dribbly window licking way.

Question: Can this day get any better?

Edit: I think I've figured out who the other B3tan was.
( girlinthehole, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 7:56, 113 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

One more lesson evaluation to go and I'm losing the will to live.
What are you putting off at the moment fellow b3tans?

Alt Q: Recurring nightmares, do you, or have you ever had any?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 22:16, 120 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hey! It's a magical night
and you have a transporter that means you can turn up in the bedroom of any famous person/B3TAN and the police won't hassle you.

Where are you going first?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 20:09, 136 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Anyone doing anything fun this evening?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 17:40, 74 replies, latest was 15 years ago)