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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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SPRING!
It's all fucking go out there. The trees are exploding in green, the flowers are going mad, the bugs are loving it and it looks like another sunny week ahead. Do you like a bit of green-fingered-ness? Or are you a reduced-flowers-from-Tesco sort? Have you ever tried putting any kind of plant into a bodily orifice that wasn't your mouth?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:05, 241 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
When I was very little I seem to recall eating a plant and being very, very ill afterwards.
I like green. Australia has a lot of browns and yellows and reds, especially in summer, so spring is always welcome.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)
I am growing my first ever plants, god knows what they are but they seem to be

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)
How very zen.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)
I have a bonsai tree
But it's not looked healthy since I bought it. I water it regularly, but the leaves are always brown and dropping off.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)
are you watering it too much?
and is the pot too small?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)
The soil's always dry
Like it's not absorbing the water.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)
You shouldn't water it
you should immerse it entirely in water until it stops bubbling, then leave it out for a few days. Then repeat.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
By "it"
I actually mean the pot and roots, not the whole tree.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
Ok, I think I get what you're saying
I'll give it a shot tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
no, no, not this. They don't like booze.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)
Are you keeping it somewhere too hot?
I once had a really nice umbrella plant that just kept going brown and losing leaves, no matter how much I tended to iut.

Turns out plants don't like sitting on top of televisions. Who knew?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
Mum had this problem with her hydrangeas.
stick some water storing crystals into the soil, might help.
edit - they live best if there's a tray of water beneath them.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
It came with a tray under the pot
I shall try a few of the suggested tips, cheers!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)
I ain't no specialist, but it seems to me that what you have there is a dead bonsai tree.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)
That's what I reckon.
Should really expect it for a tenner from Morrisons.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)
Ask Mr Miyagi to help you with it.
He's also dead, mind you.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:23, Reply)
I know, I've payed my respects at his grave.
Well, I tried, apparently doing the clap-rub-heal thing is considered in poor taste.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:26, Reply)
Is it in a draught?
Because they might not like that. Unless it's a tree that likes that sort of thing.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:14, Reply)
No it's not.

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Maybe it should be.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
Have you tried not being a cunt?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)
Not like i'm going to get much help with that here
This place isn't exactly swimming with non-cuntitude.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Half of them have never swam in a cunt.
/sometimes even I don't like what I type
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
How's the soil?
Trees need a lot of water. If the soil in the centre of the pot is dry, take the tree out, wrap the root ball in a tea towel and put in the sink for a few hours until it's nice and moist.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
The soil seems very dry and compact
A small glass of water seems to filter through it fairly quickly without the soil looking damp.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)
Yeah, it does that.
Do the tea towel trick. Once it's moist again, it'll do a much better job of keeping hold of the water. Once it's dry, you might as well be pouring water over a stone.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
It's dry because soil isn't actually all that good at taking in water.
it mostly just runs around the outside and out the bottom.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)
I did lots of gardening last year of the "grow your own" variety.
I lost my potatoes to disease, my tomatoes to idiocy and most of everything else to slug damage. This year I'm going to be moving house, so there's no point. Whoever moves into my current place will have a fucking massive batch of strawberries and raspberries to greet them, though.

Certain people have told me that this makes me incredibly boring. I'll be having the last laugh come the apocalypse however, as toe-curlingly expensive handbags won't be much use then.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:13, Reply)
Now that I have a flat I kind of like the idea of having a garden
but I know it'd soon descend into a big, weedy pile of closed-minded apathy.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
My next place is going to have to have a balcony, I think.
I shall cover it in grow bags and tubs and stuff and have a huge jungly green grocers there.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
I'd like a drum and bass butchers.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
This post is so poor Romanians feel sorry for it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:21, Reply)
Don't get me wrong, I'm am proud of its shitness.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:24, Reply)
God, a junglist greengrocers would be fucking shit
It'd be all beets...
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Haha, much better.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)
It'd be hard to find anything as well
because it would be MASSIVE!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
*polite applause*

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)
I have kept alive the plant you gave me last year.
I take this as a good sign for our friendship.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Woo!
Hang on, I gave you two plants last year?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
I can keep pot plants alive. It's the flowering plants I have trouble with.
They are both doing well.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
She only values half your friendship

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:17, Reply)
The sexy half.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)
Woohoo!

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
HA! Only half of you is sexy
If it's your front half you could always team up with Justin Timberlake to make a whole.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
I was hoping it was a top/bottom divide.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:30, Reply)
So you'd bottom for Timberlake?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)
*shrugs*
Not my type.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)
He came to my clubnight once y'know
according to the guestbook on the website for the night
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)
Lamest namecheck ever.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:35, Reply)
I have black thumbs.
Seriously, I'm shit at keeping plants alive. It's a wonder mr b3th is still going, to be honest.

However, I do love thi stime of year, mostly because it means I can venture outside without six layers on. There's a lot of blossom around in Weston, especially on the main road into town - it was obviously laid out as an avenue at one time, with lovely trees all the way along it. This is quite surprising, as the rest of Weston is a fucking dump.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)
Mr b3th is a plant?

(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee TeaBoy, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:23, Reply)
Are you implying your husband is a vegetable?
You are Anna Nicole Smith AICMFP.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)
I would say mind piss
but it was pretty much a leading statement
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee TeaBoy, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Silly Wookie
I was implying that I was surprised my killing touch hadn't spread to my husband, consideringthat I occasionally cook for him.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Maybe that's where you're going wrong then
You can't cook for plants, you know. They like the whole water+air+sunlight combo.
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee TeaBoy, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Father Time will take care of that for you soon enough, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)
That's what I'm hoping
; )
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:57, Reply)
My building doesn't have any running water today
due to water works on the road outside. They have dropped off about a hundred 2 litre bottle of drinking water.

Should I propose a big water fight?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Wet t-shirt competition.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Hang on Blousie
I said there is only about 100 bottles, how am I supposed to get my T-Shirt wet with such a paltry amount of water?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)
See if it's true about what they say the minimum amount of water needed to drown a person is.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)
I managed to kill a cactus through neglect. I am told this is quite hard.
In London the daffodils are already dead.

If only there was some kind of 'emotional hardcore' music that could soothe my broken soul....
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)


(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)
*eats munchy box*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
I still that's a horrible euphamism for Bella's vagina.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:24, Reply)
It smells of old doner meat and greasy pakora.


The munchy box, however....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)
That's not chilli sauce

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
Ugh.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)
From now on I shall call her 'Belladoner'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:36, Reply)
nice

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)
Or 'Smell'o'doner'?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)
hahaha
even better
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)
Has anyone seen her recently? Can you please go check on The System to make sure it hasn't been Smashed Up.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
Hahahhaa

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)
Paul Simon's Graceland album will cheer you up.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)
Paul Simon's death would cheer me up.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)
I've killed cacti by over watering them.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
Sorry to hear your ex is such an unmitigated cunt
From experience, I have observed that these people are the ones who suffer in the long run, once the child is old enough to make up their own mind. still, I know that doesn't help you in the short term.

You want me to track her down and bitch slap her for you?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)
Yes please - with your bosoms, ideally.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:24, Reply)
She could do that from WSM

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
If I can reach London, I can reach fucking Norwich
so just watch out.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:28, Reply)
*pokes with stick*
Bet you can't
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Wow, I've heard of low hanging boobs, but that's a bit far.
Swiiing looow, sweeet chaaariot. Coming forth to carry me hoooooome !
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)
What's the latest on that? Did she let your kids go to your ma's b'day?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Nope. None of it and am told no chance either.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)
Did hse give a reason?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)
Yes. I was 20 mins late back - due to my not knowing I had to be there at a specific time.
Due to her not telling me.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:35, Reply)
If I was you, I'd try Jermey Kyle, that way the world can see what a bitch she's being.
She would probably look at it in a opertunity in the same way. His team are supposed to be actually very good.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)
Thanks for your advice. I'll, err...think it over....

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)
Seriously, how much is another court case going to cost? How much is Mediation going to cost? did it work last time?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)
Court: at least 2 grand, mediation possibly a grand but I'm trying to do that unofficially anyway.
That what this meeting was supposed to be.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
And did it work last time? Do you have the money?
I'm not even joking, give it a shot, you're at the end of your teether.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Also:
can you get legal aid for this sort of thing? CSA, Fathers For Justice, anyone that might fund a case for you?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:58, Reply)
1. stop taking the drugs or you won't have a leg to stand on
2. see number 1
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
I don't want to get involved in internet arguing malarkey
but seriously, you've made your point, people have told you to fuck off.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:02, Reply)
I know, I saw
its well mean here, not like the good ol' days
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:04, Reply)
Hello Bert !
I was wondering, what's your opinion on NLP?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)
I think it's a fucking marvellous idea

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)
or you could try a dose of man the fuck up
sort your life out, get your act together, drop the drugs, take some responsibility for once in your life and be a good father.

Just an idea, don't shoot the messenger ok?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)
Fuck off Bert.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Fucking this^
Edit: By this I mean I agree, this is not an announcement of mine and Noel's secret, gay, online, long-distance dalliance or owt.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
wait, whoa, what's with all the negativity?
seems like good advice to me
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:54, Reply)
Tell me, are you one of these people
that thinks that staying out of debt is easy if you live within your means and therefore anybody who doesn't is a fucking idiot?

This is unrelated to your previous post, you just seem the type.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:56, Reply)
well that's just silly
debt has many factors, cost of living, income etc

drugs = bad and illegal, if they prevent you from seeing your daughter, stop taking them. eh?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Yeah, but if you lived within your means, you don't need to get in debt
I live within my means (apart from the 2K I owe on a credit card, the 200+K I owe to the bank for my house and the £150 I borrowed off my mum last week) so it's applicable to everyone.

And the country. Fucking budget deficits.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
also, don't ask the internet for money
that's some stupid ass shit, right there motherfunker
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Who asked the internet for money?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:04, Reply)
Blaireau69 had his mortgage paid for a couple of months by Batshitmentalist/RogertheStarfish

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)
Did he actually ask? Or did he bitch'n'moan and she gave in?
I still regard him as a hero for that, I wish I could troll someone into paying my rent for a few months.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)
and so did Monty a while ago
because he's poor and in debt and needs a proper job and to stop blowing it all on coke
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:08, Reply)
he's got a proper job

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)
Sometimes it's unavoidable.
It's managing your debt that's important.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:02, Reply)
*sticks fingers in ears*
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ITS ALL PEOPLES OWN FAULT FOR SPENDING MONEY THEY DONT HAVE
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Are you a seriously deep cover Bert?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:59, Reply)
deep cover?
I'm just bert, how you doing al?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
Weren't you wholly and entirely banned?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
why would I have been banned?

(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
For fucking your sister?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
you can get banned for that?!
Holy shit!
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Stepsister, al
Totally different. It even counteracts her being underage at the time.
It really doesn't.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)
where did you hear that?
Was it on a forum based around sick humour?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:04, Reply)
Because everything on here is a lie
I don't believe you're bert though.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)
I recognise this profile from a good while ago
I remember the story about the RE teacher.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)
As one of his?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:08, Reply)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1172401

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)
I was going to do that
fairly conclusive
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:08, Reply)
Good point well made

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)
ask me something only bert would know

(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)
What does your half-sister's vagina look like?
Does she have prominent labia?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)
no, you must be thinking of Becky/blue green olga
who fucked her brother, and is still in love with him, trufux
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:10, Reply)
Haha, oh man !
There is some real fucked up shit going on with some people here.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)
alright gonz?
Poo'd your pants lately?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:13, Reply)
It's been a little while, come close quite a lot, but always managed to blast it out against the bowl.
I once managed to get it under the toilet seat, I was impressed by that.

Got skidmarks though if that helps.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:20, Reply)
not really

(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:25, Reply)
half sister I heard

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)
That was it

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Half the sister, half the age, that's how it works, innit?
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)
I think it might be Robert Kilroy-Silk.
I didn't think he was a b3tan, but now I'm not so sure.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
Hahaha
*click*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Alright Bert
How is your offline half sister, you know the one you had sex with and then ended up on that pesky register. Does that impact on your visitation rights with your daughter?
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)
If it doesn't I'd be a bit surprised
I wonder if the social know about him being on the sex offenders register for having sex with his underage half sister.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:04, Reply)
This is internet gold, the return of BERT OOPS I'VE HAD SEX WITH MY SISTER
and his continuing meltdown
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)
He does seem an unusual person to be offering
familial advice. Really, it'd be rich for him to be making any suggestion other than "as far as I'm concerned, as long as you don't fuck her, you're doing better than me"
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)
not in teh slightest, she stays over every weekend
looking forward to spending a lovely easter with her, it'll be fab
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)
Do you ever have any, you know urges towards her
at bath time and such like
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Do you use her as the bait to get her friends round?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Hello my names Robert and I'm going to be your special friend

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:08, Reply)
and if you tell your mummy and daddy I'll burn your house down

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:08, Reply)
beat me too it

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
He tried it on the last thread too.
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1172046
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:09, Reply)
terrible bullying No3l
I expected better from you
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:11, Reply)
You did? Fuck.
You can't be Bert then.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)
chin up big fella
it'll be alright in the end
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)
Tedious as well as mental.
Oh, Bert.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:11, Reply)
it's tricky

(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)
Do your neighbours know that you're a nonce?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:12, Reply)
I'd be upset if I had kids and lived next door to a nonce

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:13, Reply)
she looked like me, but with tits
you can hardly blame me, can you?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:16, Reply)
Well I suppose she was only your half sister
Your old man, the one you used to constantly berate for his lame parenting skillz what does he make of it all? Did he give you a wink and a high five coz you went one better than him?
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:19, Reply)
don't think I ever berated the guy, I hardly knew him

(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:21, Reply)
Yeah you did, you used to constantly slag him as a loser, this being the same time that you were being placed on the sex offenders register
for noncing up under age family members

Oh man there's rich irony there
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:25, Reply)
don't think I did
you might have to show me that one, like I said I barely knew the guy. He was never my favourite person in the world, but I don't think I ever had any bad feelings towards him
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:27, Reply)
Or I could have sex with my sister, eh?
EDIT damn I'm slow
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:05, Reply)
probably best not to
what with the AIDs and all
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Superb: a nonce AND a complete cunt.
Please may I have some more advice. You're the kind of person I should be listening to.

Thanks
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:15, Reply)
I suggest leaving the internet for a bit, Monty.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:16, Reply)
+ giving up the drugs

(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:17, Reply)
'I'm getting the word......nonce'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:19, Reply)
Fuck you, Bert.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:19, Reply)
All the plants in our front room are still alive
and have been for several years. If any of you knew me or the better half, you'd be reading this post to a mental accompaniment of Overture for the Common Man. It is an achievement as unlikely as it is unprecedented.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Shame about etc etc etc

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:26, Reply)
That could not possibly make any less sense

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)
I was gently pressing the dead pet nerve without actually going there.
Now look what you made me do.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Did one of its little legs pop up when you pressed it?


I am sorry DF.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)
I really want to get involved in this, but I already promised him I wouldn't

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)
gaz me what you want to say and I'll say it
I made no such promise
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)
I have a sneaking suspicion that it's a bad idea for me to be around you lot today

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
WAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
He used to sneak didn't he, oh how he loved to sneak until you killed him.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:52, Reply)

sneaking suspicion that it's a bad idea for me to be around you lot today hard-on for marines
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
That's really very good
Remind me of this when I'm less over-tired and apathetic and I'll probably come back and click it. No, really
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:55, Reply)
it just leapt to mind
I'm keeping strikethroughs for just such occasions
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:58, Reply)
Wouldn't want the strikethrough police to have to rough you up now would we

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:03, Reply)
That is probably the gentlest ribbing I've ever been subjected to by a B3tan
Appreciate your consideration, sir
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Clenders gave me a cactus.
It remains alive, and murderous. The current score is cactus 8, office mongs who inist on prodding it even after being warned 0. I have issued triple points for the one it made bleed.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:28, Reply)
this made me laugh
it's the same mentality that makes us touch wet paint to see if it really is wet.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:29, Reply)
I don't have that mentality
and I look upon those who do with scorn and derision
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Anecdote:
Foreigner: "What's that plant?"
Me: "It's a gorse bush"
Foreigner: "It looks prickly" *touches* "ouch!"
Me: "..."
Foreigner: "Don't look at me like that!"
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)
I ate gorse flowers yesterday, they're good.
They taste like runner beans.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)
Do you need to borrow some money?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:34, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:35, Reply)
Pffft no.
I read you can eat them, and I tried them, and they're good.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:37, Reply)
When I was a small child, my dad used to take great pleasure in picking me up and depositing me in the middle of large gorse bushes.
Git.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)
This explains an awful lot.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:55, Reply)
You can brew beer from gorse flowers.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)
... and yet we don't think twice about darwnin

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)
is it one of the fluffy ones?
those guys are like stealth bastards
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Nope, it has inch-and-a-half spikes. It is clearly very, very prickly.
It's from Clendrix, after all.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)
then those people are idiots!

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Hence my calling them mongs.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:41, Reply)
my mrs does the gardening
I built the garden out of wood and turf and stuff, and that was where my responsibility ended, aside from cutting the grass
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:28, Reply)

grass cheese
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:40, Reply)
simple but effective

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)
At keeping the grass short?
Agent Orange has nothing on your digestive system.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)
that is correct
you should see how it melts faces
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)
I'm always convinced I will be excellent at growing things
as my grandpa was a farm hand and my gran on the other side of the family seemed to have magical plant growing abilities. Got some pretty good spinach growing right now :)
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:30, Reply)
I have purchased a parsley plant for the kitchen window
and miraculously it is still alive after nearly a month. I never remember to cook with it, though.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)
parsley has minimal use
oregano and rosemary grow quite nicely and are actually useful
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)
Coriander, on the other hand, is useless.
Doesn't like being cut, doesn't like growing indoors, gets murdered by slugs outdoors.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:35, Reply)
i managed to grow some
but due to being a clueless cook, it wasn't all that useful
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:37, Reply)
but coriander is yummy
used in all the best curries. and it has that soapy kind of smell that you have to fight past to enjoy it.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
Chives grow fucking well too.
Sage grows really well from seed, as does mint and thyme.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:38, Reply)
but don't plant mint with anything else
as it just kills it
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)
my chives are shit
I find with herbs that they don't grow big enough for how much I use them.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)
and rightly so
chives are shit, full stop.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:45, Reply)
they have their uses

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)
throwing in the bin and compost.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)
Rosemary is basically impossible to kill.
I ended up with a bush so big* that I used it as barbecue fuel. Excellent flavoured smoke.

*awaits some kind of strikethrough/abuse
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:44, Reply)
my rosemary has gone all sparse
useless thing. think maybe I didn't use enough of it or something
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:46, Reply)
I've discovered it is possible for it to die
in a really harsh winter up here, but the one I had darn sarf nearly took over the fucking garden.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)
mine's in a pot with some sweet marjoram and some sage
don't use them enough really or the bay tree.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
It's sparse because it's in a pot
rosemary needs planting out as soon as it's big enough to survive.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:51, Reply)
it's a great big pot
and lives outside
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:52, Reply)
you'd be surprised, it's still probably not big enough.
it's about root restriction and the lack of nutrients in a pot.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
you are probably right.
I am shit at gardening
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:55, Reply)
I like this and shall be doing similar.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:47, Reply)
I wish you lived down the road from me so I can nip in for a cup of tea and talk about how Catherine's kids are doing.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
haha, man, sometimes I wish I had your mind, mate.
just definitely not your guts. No offence.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:50, Reply)
I hate my guts too.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:55, Reply)
We have a bay bush outside our house that I don't even remember planting
The other weekend I chopped it back, because it had grown to halfway up my kitcvhen window. By the time I'd got it down to about three feet tall, I could actually see out of the window for the first time in a year.

It's not like I even use bay in cooking. I don't know where the fucker came from
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:53, Reply)
stealth herbage.
Worrying.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:54, Reply)
Are you _sure_ it's a Bay Plant and not a *whisper* Canabis */whisper* plant?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:56, Reply)
If you don't know the difference between bay and cannabis
I've got some brilliant skunk you can have for only £25 a quarter.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:57, Reply)
*click*

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
those sort of plants are pretty easily recognisable
because they fucking reek
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:57, Reply)
I grow quite a lot of stuff
I've got a couple of raised beds that I use to grow carrots, peas, spring onions, lettuce, etc etc. I'm also gonna try courgettes this year. It's all a piece of piss. Cabbages didn't seem to work as something ate them all - the same with the strawberries.

I also have quite a few hanging baskets that I'll be planting with petunias and lobellias.

Boring answer is boring.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:48, Reply)
I suspect pikeys
They come in the night and steal your vegetables. TRUFAX.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
Possibly
but I would have expected them to pick the things first, instead of just taking big fucking bites out of everything.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:58, Reply)
pikeys are pretty stupid.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:00, Reply)
and they smell

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:01, Reply)
courgettes are easy as fuck to grow
get some marrow recipes though. You'll go away for a day and come back to find that a courgette has gone from a few inches long to being an enormous marrow in that time.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 11:49, Reply)
stop leaving vegetable porn in the garden then

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:04, Reply)

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