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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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OK new thread for no reason other than that one's somewhat unwieldy now.
Or 'unwieldly' as my boss says. It makes me want to punch him. He is also incapable of correctly pronouncing 'shown' - the cunt thinks it's two syllables and insists on saying 'show-un'.

What makes you irrationally (or perfectly justifiably) angry about your boss or colleagues?

PS one of my staff thinks the name Hughes has a silent 'H'. He can say words like 'house' etc without difficulty but the next time he calls 'Mrs Youse' I think I shall cry.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:34, 239 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
My boss is a gimmer with no social skills, shit taste in music and does no fucking work.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:36, Reply)
Just make sure that report's on my desk by 4pm, OK?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:39, Reply)
It's funny because I'm self-employed.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:43, Reply)
I think you're going to have to pull yourself in for a disciplinary.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)
You're the second person to suggest I discipline myself
in the last five minutes. Either you all think I'm some kind of filthy pervert, or all b3tan men are filthy perverts.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:56, Reply)
The latter.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:58, Reply)
I think you're probably right.
You feeling any better yet?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:59, Reply)
Not really : (
I don't usually get very needy for human comfort when I'm ill but for some reason I am this time.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:02, Reply)
Give Blousie a Beechams!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:02, Reply)
I've had an internet hug from poppet and luggage.
Not the same as the real thing but better than a kick in the teeth as they say.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:05, Reply)
*boobysquishinghugs* again
Colds are shit, Blousie. Day Nurse and Night Nurse are where it's at. Also, hot toddies and hot baths. And lots of sleep.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:07, Reply)
I'd go and see my mum for a cuddle but she's small and bony.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:09, Reply)
So's mine
I do wonder sometimes how she ended up with a heiffer like me for a daughter.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:11, Reply)
^this
Unfortunately me and my sisters take after my dad.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Yeah, me too.
My Dad, that is, not yours. DJ takes after our Mum, which is why he's apparently so good-looking.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Both my parents were lookers when they were young and even into middle-age.
By rights I should be fucking gorgeous.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:18, Reply)
You say that like you're not.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:19, Reply)
I'm not.
I'm not fugly either.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:21, Reply)
I can't speak for everyone,
but I am certainly a filthy pervert.

I didn't choose a creepy gaz as my medium, though. Points!
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:01, Reply)
One of my colleagues has no arse, and has to shit in a bag.
It sometimes drops out of the bottom of his shirt, and is most off-putting.

Another one has just about the worst case of dandruff I've ever seen. When he combs his hair, it looks like it's snowing.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:38, Reply)
Ugh to both. Ugh.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:40, Reply)
Yup.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Which of the two is Piston?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Neither.
He's not on my team.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Hang on
You work with someone who DOESN'T HAVE AN ARSE?!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Yeah.
Colostomy bag.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:50, Reply)
How can you bugger him?
/Darth's thoughts
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:51, Reply)
Yeah alright mate
"My" thoughts. Yep. We believe you.

What's going on around here, Luggers? That's three in three days.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:52, Reply)
no one is convinced by your poor efforts to deflect the gay jibes on to others

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)
AA saw Busted live
Sportscow watches Holby City

Judge for yourself
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:56, Reply)
ok, well they aren't helping themselves.

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:56, Reply)
'xactly
I admit it was flimsy in your case, but B3tans seem to be lining up to take the pink bullet this week
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:58, Reply)
so it would seem

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:59, Reply)
I think they sell those in Ann Summers, don't they?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:08, Reply)
How does watching a TV program about a hospital make me gay?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Well, there's always the stoma.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)
How does he sit down without falling off the chair?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:53, Reply)
You work for the Council don't you?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)
No, an IT company.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:59, Reply)
That's odd, usually the wastebin of humanity work exclusively for the Council
and by work I mean do nothing but gossip, be on flexi time, or simply fuck-it on the sick for six months
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:01, Reply)
How is working for the council going for you then?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:05, Reply)
One of my colleagues likes to stand up and stretch his legs. Perfectly understandable.
Except I fucking *hate* being loomed over. Everytime he does it I get angrier and angrier until I have to tell him to sit the fuck down, at which point I get accused of being grumpy etc etc.

The rest of his habits, slurping coffee, leaving his chair in the middle of the cubicle when he gets up, arguing every. single. point. to death, are also extremely irritating.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:43, Reply)
*Looms*

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:49, Reply)
move to a new cubicle?

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:50, Reply)
I am my own boss.
being a tutor and all.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:49, Reply)
I want to encase one of my managers in a wicker man and burn him
He asked me how long it would take to do a case involving a whole bunch of fiddly, time-consuming tasks. I tell him it'll take X hours at the absolute minimum.
He comes back and says that we got the job, we have 1/2 the amount of hours I said it'd take, plus we have to rush it through as an urgent case. It now falls on me to do the damn case, and my protestations are being largely ignored.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:49, Reply)
that is pretty much exactly what happens to me with projects I work on.

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:51, Reply)
I've told them to make a choice
Either they tell the client they will need to pay more, or they tell them that they won't get as thorough a job. Or my company can just suck up the loss.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)
unfortunately in my industry the company has to suck up the loss.
engineering sucks.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)
Same here
I'm just making my bosses aware that this manager fucked up, and it's on his head, not mine.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:56, Reply)
only thing you can do really.
the difficulty we have is that if we don't put in low proposals we don't get the work, and loss making jobs are better than no jobs.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:57, Reply)
Are they, though?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:00, Reply)
yes
because if there is no work then our overheads don't get covered at all, whereas if we have some work then they do. To a certain extent.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:05, Reply)
That's what this manager thinks
In another example, we were asked to do a particular job, every analyst this manager asked said there's no way we could do it, we don't have the skills, experience or equipment. He quoted a high figure in order to put the client off without saying we can't do the job. The client accepted...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:00, Reply)
that happens here too.
but we can usually wing it. or sub-contract.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:05, Reply)
*ignores*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:51, Reply)
I have an irrational harted of people who don't provide Cheese and Pineapple updates.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:50, Reply)
Forever in our harts!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:51, Reply)
Ow, Blousie.
Why did you let me go to the pub last night? I had 4 pints - hardly excessive - and I was throwing up for hours in the night.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Oh dear : (
Dodgy kebab afterwards?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:53, Reply)
No, dodgy pint I think.
I was drinking 6x and I think that might have been responsible.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:53, Reply)
What's 6x?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)
Wadsworth brewery 'brown beer'.
Not overly pleasant.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:55, Reply)
You're not wrong.
It was okay going in, but bringing it back up at 3am was far from enjoyable.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:56, Reply)
it's like Castlemaine
with two thirds of a Trebor XXX mint dropped in
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Hahaha

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:56, Reply)

www.6xale.co.uk/
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Oh deer.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)
We're advertising an office junior post at the moment.
Shitty work for almost no money. 800 CVs so far. 3 have made it to interview but no further.

Amazing, in this world of 65 A***** GSCEs for all children isn't it? These cunts are all illiterate or live two hours away.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:54, Reply)
I am not surprised. I'm sure you're staggered by this revelation.
They just teach the children what they need to pass the specific exam questions they set now. It started happening when I was at school but we, at least, still got instruction in some basic grammar. I don't think that happens anymore.

I'm sure I read a story a while ago that they no longer mark down spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:58, Reply)
This brilliant teaching method has just failed to get about 700 people an interview with me.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:04, Reply)
Soon you're going to be forced to start employing them
as will every other company in the country. Can you imagine the state of the place after that happens?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Idiocracy
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:22, Reply)
it's funny
but I believe it's happening
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:25, Reply)
This is Daily Mail bollocks
Grammar and spelling are still essential parts of English exams.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 13:29, Reply)
One of my colleagues is a dick.
That's all, really, you need to meet him.

Actually, I can think of an example - last year someone asked me when I arrived at work in the morning "What did you think of the final of Strictly Come Dancing?" to which I replied "I haven't seen it yet, don't tell me anything about it, and that goes for The Apprentice as well". He proceeded to Google the winners of both and talk about it as loudly as possible, going to the length of standing over me to do so when it became apparent I had my headphones in. This culminated with him just saying "KARA TOINTON KARA TOINTON KARA TOINTON" until he was sure I'd heard.

Cunt.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:55, Reply)
I quite like him, from what you're saying.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:56, Reply)
You should facebook the cunt up

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:57, Reply)
The difference is
this sounds like something you might consider amusing internet japery, but I can (and did) avoid B3ta in instances such as this. I doubt you'd do it IRL. No idea what I'm basing this supposition on.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:58, Reply)
I'm guessing he is from the West Midlands
My sister-in-law insists on pronouncing 'humans' as 'yumans' and also 'yuge' instead of 'huge'
I have trained my 5 year old son to correct her every time.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Kipper Tie?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:57, Reply)
Nope. He's from Mill Hill, London NW7.
Drives me fucking mad, it does.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:59, Reply)
We have a friend who is very very Welsh
He pronounces 'here' as 'yur'.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:59, Reply)
You see I find that charming.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:00, Reply)
There's lovely.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:01, Reply)
there are some nice welsh accents
but they come from a very small part of Wales.

My ex was properly Welsh, from Swansea, but had cultivated a posh English accent.

One thing I noticed while hanging out with a lot of Welsh speakers and Welsh people generally is that they drop their t's and things like that a lot less than most English people would do.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:02, Reply)
It took me three weeks to reliably understand the Valleys accent
when I lived in Wales.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:09, Reply)
I think the registrar doing our wedding is a welsh bloke
there are some jobs that are just made better by having a welsh person do them. Tour guide is one, I'm sure registrar will be another.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:11, Reply)
Mine sweeper...

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:15, Reply)
I have a sneaking suspicion you and he would get on.
He's not really what you would class as 'normal'.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:02, Reply)
you will probably find that he pronounces 'here' as 'by yur'

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:01, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:01, Reply)
I've got a real fondness for the Welsh accent.
Not sure why.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:02, Reply)
Me too
I'm a half-Taff though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:03, Reply)
Ah.
So no... unnatural feelings towards woolly jumpers then, or any ovine members of the animal diaspora?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:06, Reply)
No, I'm not from Derbyshire

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:08, Reply)
As have I.
It sounds great, to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:06, Reply)
Hello new person, you don't seem like a mentalist.
This is unusual here, so I shall not accuse you of being Bert, or of driving a Honda Accord, or any of the usual greetings.

Instead, I shall just say hi.

Hi.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:00, Reply)
He/she is a breath of fresh air around here.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:02, Reply)
Oh right?
Isn't that nice? I get the full-on OT hazing and you roll over and just say "hi" to the next newbie who comes in?

Well thankyoy very much.

I think not.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:03, Reply)
Oh well.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:06, Reply)
You've had it fairly easy as well so stop moaning.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:06, Reply)
*bullies*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:06, Reply)
I'm hoping it signifies an end to the full-on hazing.
you've done well though.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:06, Reply)
You barely got anything.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:07, Reply)
There's worse?
I'll keep my gob shut then.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:08, Reply)
There's a good girl
Pop the kettle on, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Put your own kettle on, you cheeky git.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:15, Reply)
seen what's happened to Freefair?
although that is mostly his own fault.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:10, Reply)
I've not been on much recently
Is he the one with the vocabulary?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:12, Reply)
Yeah, lots of words, no language.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:12, Reply)
That's him
Synopsis; 16-year-old comes to OffTopic of all places and tries to tell us that we're wrong.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:13, Reply)
We ARE wrong

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Good point
Factually innaccurate and ignorant, then
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Sometimes some of us are that too
But we're still, on average, far more knowledgeable and worldly-wise than some teenager.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:18, Reply)
Not according to him
That was his principle error. That, and going up against Dozer, who is stubborn and argumentative even when not being provoked by some uppity little twat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:20, Reply)
You have to admire the lad's tenacity though.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:20, Reply)
Staying power diminishes with age.

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:22, Reply)
Agreed
The invincibility cloak of one's teenage years diminishes when you start to learn life lessons
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Sounds like I missed a fun thread

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:21, Reply)
Woodside screengrabbed it
It's fucking massive though, I can't read it even with maximum zoom on my puny work PC
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:23, Reply)
Got a link by any chance?
Oh yeah, he turned out to be a thread deleter too, didn't he?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:24, Reply)
He did indeed
God forbid he should have to stand by his opinions once they'd been proven bollocks.

I don't have a link sadly mate, and I can't remember how to spell Woodside's full name to search for it! Wouldn't be surprised if Amorous Badger had got hold of it though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:27, Reply)
I'd just love to see him try the same trick
in the local Working Men's Club.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:20, Reply)
yeah
and he knows all about everything, despite being 16. Unless he's making it up.

I'm undecided. I've seen a facebook page which is apparently his, and I could believe he is what he says. Others are fairly certain he's not.

Frankly he seems kind of boring and needy, whereas other newbies aren't
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:13, Reply)
Almost every teenager believes they know everything about life
They consider themselves immortal, more highly evolved than anyone who came before them, righteous and seers. In fact they are opinionated and cursed with a colossal sense of entitlement matched in scope only by their naivety.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:18, Reply)
that is true.
until they grow up they should be gagged and forced to toil in mines away from the light of day.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:19, Reply)
I agree wholeheartedly
And would go so far as to say that the law be changed to allow abortion up until they reach 18 years old.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:20, Reply)
I'd buy that for a dollar
edit: as an aside: Passive by APC just came on my ipod. Fucking brilliant tune. Really nice vocal melody and lyrics.

I was well excited to read that article yesterday. New Puscifer, APC are touring with 'good energy' so may get new songs, and Tool are writing.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:21, Reply)
It's one of my favourite of their songs
Originally a Tapeworm song that he finished with APC, same with Potions.
Just wish APC would play some UK dates.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:25, Reply)
ah yes that rings a bell.
ditto. I'd love to see an APC and Tool gig.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:27, Reply)
My ipod is on shuffle, which almost m=never happens
I don't half have some absolute dross on there.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:26, Reply)
I have a shuffle, so it's not got room for dross
and the battery has just run out.

Arse.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:29, Reply)
Mine's a touch. It's 32Gb, though I'm only using about 20.
And if I deleted all the stuff I never listen to, it would be about half that.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:30, Reply)
100GB of music on my work mac mini
A good portion of that is stuff I rarely, if ever listen to.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:33, Reply)
I had to get a shuffle
otherwise I always select the same few songs and listen to them. I can't deal with choice. I'm rubbish if I go in a record or book shop.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:37, Reply)
I can't understand how anyone can live with only 32GB.
I am constantly on nearly full with my 80GB classic and I really wanted to upgrade to a 160GB, but then they downgraded it to 120 which is shit.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:35, Reply)
Is it all music though, or do have video too?
My Creative Zen is 60Gb, but I use that for video. Which, when you think about it, is pretty stupid, considering the ipod touch has twice the screen size.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Nope, all music
I don't want to watch video on something that tiny.

I've just checked and you can now get 160GB ipods again. I might wait until I go to New York in the autumn and get one there.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:40, Reply)
probably a good idea

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:43, Reply)
my shuffle is 2Gb
but that suits me. It doesn't take long to change stuff and it means I listen to random things from the big collection on my computer.

I've discovered some great music I didn't know I had because of it. Or brilliant albums from artists where I just have all of their albums but only listened to one or two.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:39, Reply)
They are all pole dancers?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:25, Reply)
Have you seen how fat teenagers are nowadays?
Don't be disgusting.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:26, Reply)
Er, hello?
Of course there's worse! Have we met?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:11, Reply)
I've just noticed that your sig spells Fabulous
I can't even joke here. You really are the gayest straight bloke ever
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:20, Reply)
I'm taking that as a compliment
I think that's the first time you've ever called me straight
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:24, Reply)
There have been multiple times when the top 5 answers on popular were all insulting me, Darth or Bobby

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:12, Reply)
Bobby and Darth got the full treatment.
Your lack of obvious mental deficiencies or gayness means you've had it rather easy, I'd say, Luggers old son.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Scarborough Fair, or whatever the fuck his name is, got both barrels.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:10, Reply)
Man uP you slag. Change your tampon

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:26, Reply)
Hi Kroney
I did get the Bert accusations initially, but I think I managed to dispel them by not going mental or sleeping with any family members.
However, it is often the ones who don't seem like a mentalist that you have to watch - cf "He seemed such an ordinary guy, kept himself pretty much to himself"
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:25, Reply)
FOB

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Haha thanks

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:30, Reply)
They only pretend to be retarded to annoy you.
You must have a giveway tick that you show when they do it. I expect they are pissing themselves with laughter in the toilets right now, while you frown at your keyboard.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 10:57, Reply)
A sizable, yet vocal, minority of them
Think that 26 degrees is a comfortable working temperature and when it drops as low as 20 in here start complaining that it's "freezing" and lobby to get the air-con/heating turned up until it's unbearably hot.

We have windows and they do open them, but last time I opened mine the MD walked past and I was castigated for as apparently opening a window "messes up the air-conditioning".
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:12, Reply)
I fucking hate that.
our air con is stupid and annoying, and I'm the only one who knows how it works. Doesn't stop other people fucking with it though.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Ours is centrally controlled by building management
which is either a blessing or a curse as it means it takes a while to get it changed/fixed.

On balance this is good, but I'd prefer a few radiators around the place, the ability to open windows at will and for the winging flange-fairies to learn to put on a fucking jumper when they get cold.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:25, Reply)
You can always put on a cardi if you're too cold
but there's not much you can do if you're too hot. The next time they do it start taking your shirt off, because you 'can't work in this temperature'.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:14, Reply)
good thinking

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:14, Reply)
No one wants to see niai69's malnourished communist nipples

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:18, Reply)
I do.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:22, Reply)
most kind
I'll send you a picture.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Fankoo!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:28, Reply)
Points for remembering I'm a commie.
But I'm not malnourished, a bit overweight if anything ATM. I have threatened to strip before though.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:27, Reply)
This reads better when you read ATM as 'ass to mouth'

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:28, Reply)
I've often wondered
if your job takes a toll on you.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:30, Reply)
ATM always means Ass to Mouth to me as well...

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:31, Reply)
What job doesn't?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:31, Reply)
true
Mine does tend to make me avoid television, but I'd rather that than the dreams you must have some nights.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:36, Reply)
Alright Claire

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:39, Reply)
I have no clue what that means
but I assume it's an insult.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:47, Reply)
Do you work on "Two Pints of Lager"?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:45, Reply)
nope
I do something very boring peripherally to do with television.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:54, Reply)
I seem to remember we had a run in at some point...
You seem more relaxed these days, have you given in the capitalist machine and got yourself a nice big Starbucks hot chocolate?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:30, Reply)
really? more than I remember
Maybe I was having a bad day, I can be shouty about politics if you like, but mostly where's the point, almost no one agrees with me so why waste my breath.

If you want to add to the stereotype I also ride a bicycle to work and am a vegetarian, oddly not as much of a yogurt knitter as you might expect from all that, but I'm a hippy in the same way Darth is gay.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:34, Reply)
A cyclist bumped all along my car this morning, I beeped and he gave me a thumbs up and cycled off
what a massive cunt
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:37, Reply)
I'd have run into him and given him a thumbs up
as I drove off and left him sprawled in the gutter.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:38, Reply)
I tend to agree
an awful lot of cyclists are cunts, just look at Al.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:49, Reply)
Oi, what the fuck have I ever done to you, you weak limbed nonce.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:53, Reply)
I seem to remember
we argued about the necessity of lycra a while back, anyway, being a cunt is part of your internet persona, no? or is it just being fat?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Oh, I remember you.
For some reason I thought it was Ape that was opposed to wearing sensible clothes when cycling long distances.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:58, Reply)
Nah, t'was me
And to be fair if I rode more than 10 miles at one time you might have a point, although I'd still rather walk that wear Lycra, anyway, as above I was probably having a bad day, so will apologise, a bit anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:01, Reply)
HAHA you apologising carrot botherer.
I wear lycra when running too. I think turning 30 had something to do with it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:04, Reply)
Great
so, you're fat, old and run around in Lycra, what a mental image *shudders*, this among other things is why I (36 and not in great shape) do not wear Lycra, I always remember the line about it being a privilege and not a right.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:07, Reply)
So you fit the stereotype but have concrete proof to the contrary
Presumably you really like air travel, or fucking hate trees
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:39, Reply)
I don't mind air travel
it's like being on the tube but with a guaranteed seat and a better view and while I have no objection to trees I much prefer to live in the city, specifically Lahndin, best place in England and therefore the world.

Edit: and come to think of it, unlike you, I don't look like the stereotype.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:51, Reply)
I was about to say "how do you know?" or something equally dense
but then remembered that B3tans have compared my profile pics to famous quenders John Barrowman and Tom Cruise. So you... SHAVE?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:55, Reply)
once a week or so
I do have a beard, but it's well-kept and my hair is short and I don't dress like a hippy either. And yes, sorry mate, it may just be those profile pics but you do look epically gay
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:58, Reply)
Once upon a time I'd have got all uppity about this and been all "what, even the ones with my girlfriend in?!"
whereas now I'm like, "eh..."
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Sounds like sense
Not like it matters, you have a woman you seem happy with, as long as she know's you're straight what do you care?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:04, Reply)
This is exactly my attitude in the face of those few B3tans who would mock me
You are either extremely wise or terrifyingly psychic, sir
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:10, Reply)
wise, definitely wise
I may also have been accused of being too in touch with my feminine side for my own good at times, never bothered me as long as I'm getting laid. Not that I am at the moment but I've gazzed BGB a picture of my nipples, so hope springs eternal.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:13, Reply)
Matter of time mate

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 12:24, Reply)
My boss will complain over the stupidest things.
There's a girl here who works overtime at least 3 times a week. Last friday she went over her lunch by 5 minutes, and was pulled into his office for a bollocking.

The reason she was late back is because she'd been asked by the Sales Director to pick up a card for a colleague, despite her not heading anywhere near Tesco.

His double standards are shocking, and when he's not here the atmosphere is so much better. There's shitloads more, but I think I've mentioned them all in the past.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:16, Reply)
My boss now has a blog on the university website "just for staff"
It appears to be unprotected and allows HTML in the comments. I am fighting temptation.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:23, Reply)
Are you Lulz Sec?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Shhhhhh you'll blow my cover
I'm really an 11 year old boy
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:26, Reply)
*Get's cock out*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:34, Reply)
HR, finance, IT support and office services
Why are these areas always staffed by useless jobsworths?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:23, Reply)
Well if you did your job properly in the first place, they wouldn't have to give you grief.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:24, Reply)
that's bollocks
I do my job well and finance are still cunts.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:26, Reply)
This makes no sense...
HR - don't know what they are doing, work their days to the minute, are massively unhrlpful and try and outsource as much of their work as possible back onto us.

Finance - incapapble of billing on time

IT- slow, useless and patronising

Office services - walk around doing fuck all except meddling where it's not needed
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:27, Reply)
What do you actually do, Apers?
I've just realised I've no idea
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Proof reader.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:33, Reply)

r

Or 'the man who tells Darth a bedtime story'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:34, Reply)
*click*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:35, Reply)
Secret innit, it involves insight, account and client management and masterbating in the toilets

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:35, Reply)
Is Glory Hole filler an actual job now?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:36, Reply)
As much as your role as Glory Hole reciever is

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Ahh, you fill the vending machines

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:37, Reply)
that's the one
I can get you free Apple Tango if you wnat to come over and watch Steven Segal movies
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:38, Reply)
THAT'S THE BEST OFFER I'VE HAD TODAY

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Loads up "Half Past Dead"

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:42, Reply)
We are not slow
We have very strict time limits on all logged IT calls and we hit 98% calls close within resolve time last month. If we don't then we get bollocked.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:33, Reply)
Oh yeah, we get an auto response really quickly...anything else takes more time

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:36, Reply)
Response is one thing
But we have 98% resolve within time stats you'd probably not hate IT so much if you worked here.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:38, Reply)
We fix most of the stuff on the initial phone call.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:39, Reply)
Of course not, but in the nicest possible way to you
if you took a straw poll of people here, who don't work in IT support, or on the street a vast majority would say that IT are useless.

This would either because they have no understanding at all of the difficulties of IT support or you are actually all useless
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:41, Reply)
This^

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:42, Reply)
I call our lot the SH dept.
SH-IT geddit?

How we laughed.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:45, Reply)
I had to point out to our director
that having a Northern Housing Implmentation Team might be OK but the Southern Housing Implementation Team might not be best pleased by their new nickname
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:46, Reply)
Our IT fellow can do the job, but he likes to make it seem like a black art.
It is his human communication skills that are lacking.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:45, Reply)
One of ours is like that.
And he has some hygiene issues.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:46, Reply)
We have staff like that
Information sponges that cannot be wrung out. It gets right on my tits when people dont tell you things that could help
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:48, Reply)
I tried to explain to people what I'm doing, or why I can't do it
but nobody seemed to give a shit, some of them even said so. So I stopped bothering.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:50, Reply)
For the vast majority of people
it will be that they don't have the first idea of what they're doing or of what we do, or how difficult it is to do what they're asking us to do.

For the rest, it'll be because there are some cretins working in IT, the same as there is everywhere else.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:47, Reply)
In fact, a litmus test would be to give them all a week off
and then see how long you last without somebody to explain to you how to sort a spreadsheet (three calls this week) or how to attach a file to an email (two).
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:52, Reply)
The trouble with most people
Is they only contact IT when they have a problem and are thinking negatively. I rescued someone phd the other day and didn't get so much as a thank you. I rebuilt several database servers that went wrong and no-one cared they just saw their websites come back online and though "Took long enough"

Yes the vast majority would say "IT are useless" But if you did a poll and said "Why don't you fix it yourself then" They wouldn't know how.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:55, Reply)
How long does it take to turn it off then back on again?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:41, Reply)
Not this^

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:42, Reply)
Cos McDonald's wouldn't have you

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:25, Reply)
I work in IT support and I can assure you
only about 80% of us are useless and only 50% jobsworths
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:26, Reply)
Nonsense
99% of IT staff are fucking useless. I am!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:40, Reply)
because the trained monkeys turned the jobs down?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:28, Reply)
They all work in here

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:39, Reply)

or an
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:44, Reply)
I cannot deny this

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:47, Reply)
My boss is thin as a rake but seems to be constantly eating
He has a cool box full of sandwiches sitting at the side of his desk that he's constantly dipping into and he doesn't let conversations get in the way of his mastication. I once saw him dip into the box during a lengthy phone conversation with a client and start munching away noisily.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:50, Reply)
Your boss is that bloke Daphne left at the altar for Niles AICMFP
If indeed that is his name
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 11:53, Reply)

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