god, where is everyone?
alt: i have to run a BD meeting now, o joy o rapture. what do you do to stay awake in really boring meetings?

alt 2: hardest tongue-twister you know?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:27, 220 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I don't stay awake in really boring meetings, unfortunately.
I managed to fall asleep in one on my very first day in my job, which wasn't a great start.

Alt: Hardest I know, or hardest I can say, because they are very different things. I can't even say 'Red Lorry, Yello Lorry', although having the 'R' problem that all Estuary English speakers seem to have, that's not great surprise.

(Oh, and where is everyone? Presumably they are more sensible than you and I and aren't at work already)
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:31, Reply)

Say it? You can't even spell it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:35, Reply)

What? I thought it was what the band used to move their equipment around in?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:36, Reply)

Yes, and Dieter Meier drives it.
The idiot seems to think it's some kind of 'race'.


Oh LOL.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:38, Reply)

oh yeah

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:41, Reply)

They must have done more than two songs...
but you've covered all the ones that I know of.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I'm in a meeting.
No idea where the other shut ins are.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:32, Reply)

We're all in a meeting to discuss 'the Jeff problem'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:35, Reply)

The problem being, he fucks dogs.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:37, Reply)

Eaten the rocl

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:40, Reply)

More of it than I should have...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:41, Reply)

I'm here, briefly.
Alt: fantasise about slowly torturing and killing my employer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:32, Reply)

I'm on a train
I'm not convinced I like commuting but at least the train goes through pretty countryside.
I struggle to stay awake in boring meetings. I usually just fidget but it doesn't always work.
(berk, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:33, Reply)

Hi I am here
but as I'm not a regular you won't care :'(

Alt: I pinch my leg, I have got in trouble for falling asleep in meetings before, perhaps I wouldn't fall asleep if they weren't so fucking boring.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:36, Reply)

i care!

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Yes!
Alright Rose, troubling the world's lambrini supplies much?
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:29, Reply)

alright mush
no beer money until monday im fucking parched
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I've been working. It's all the rage up here.
Working is the new sciving dontchaknow!
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:40, Reply)

And 'sciving' is the new skiving.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:41, Reply)

Meh! I'm slightly hungover.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:41, Reply)

I've had less than three hours' sleep.
NB this is stress/worry-related not anything else.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Alt: I have a hole in the pocket of my "meeting trousers" to ensure entertainment is always forthcoming
Alt2: "Academy Award winner Robin Williams". I simply cannot say it out loud without laughing.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:49, Reply)

My loathing of that 'man' is impossibly to adequately convey with words.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:51, Reply)

*stunned surprise*
/sarcasm
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Fucking hell, I spend some time off the board and we start agreeing on stuff
How have you been sir? Also, Robin Williams; where does he rank on the Nutini Scale? Above or below O'Connell?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:53, Reply)

I am not at my best.
Williams is almost at Woody Allen levels.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Sorry to hear that
Not the Williams thing, he and Allen can both die of face-AIDS. Want to hear an HILARIOUS joke to cheer you up?

I don't know any, this is purely theoretical.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:04, Reply)

be fair, when he's playing a creepy psycho, he's quite good
One suspects for the same reason Woody allen plays an annoying little jewish guy rather well.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I reckon I'd be quite good in a role as a fey dancer protesting his heterosexuality

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Woody Allen is a nonce and a cunt

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:07, Reply)

see also: Morgan Freedman
But he sounds nice, so we let him off.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Really? What's he done?
PS: I like Woody Allen as a comedian and film maker, sorry.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Fucked his step granddaughter
which I reckon is one level creepier than Allen managed.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Oh, yeah, that's not right is it?
I had never heard that one.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:35, Reply)

See below
I'm taking turns having basically the same conversation with you and Battered.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Is he a nonce? Never heard that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:18, Reply)

See above^
Google Morgan freedman and granddaughter for details.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:31, Reply)

And don't worry - Google will autocorrect the spelling for you.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Yes, I have come to rely on this feature.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:38, Reply)

*boaks*

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:33, Reply)

indeed.
And yet we never hear about it because every one loves him, but most people secretly hated Woody Allen anyway and wanted an excuse to call him a nonce.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I'm on a bus on the way to work
Luckily they don't have many meetings at Maccy D's and a lowly burger flipper sush as I. I did however recently have to sit through a day-long lecture on electical safety by some one who, at least in practical terms, knew less than me. I passed the time by making a very elaborate doodle in my note book.

I can't think of any good tongue twisters , sorry
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Hello, I just woke up, I'm waiting for my tablets to kick in then I'll have a shower and then get to work.
Today's work is going to be rediculously slow because I'm going to pick up my new phone after work.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:53, Reply)

My favorite tounge twister is when I tickle the colon, it's well hard getting all the way up that back passage, so many bends and loops.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:54, Reply)

so, as Darth becomes Monty, you become Kroney?
Who am I now?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:56, Reply)

Me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Bugger, I'm not sure I can do the accent, but I'll have a crack
Whyay man like.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:58, Reply)

3/10 must dee betta man

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:59, Reply)

remind me, which part of The Wastes are you from?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Born in South Shields
Brought up in Sunderland
Live near Newcastle

Brought Dragged
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Okeee sah like geordie's naht a milliyen miles off wheyhay man like?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Pretty much, yes
Anyone who wasn't from Newcastle would instantly glower at you for calling them a Geordie, mind you.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Reet, ah'll dee what ah can lyke.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Can I be Wanderlust?

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Probably, it's all up for grabs today
You'll have to work out what her meme is though, unless it's fucking peniless old drug addicts....
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:08, Reply)

That's a little strong, I'd say.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Sorry, I'm sure what he meant to say was 'sleeping with'

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:18, Reply)

He's not sleeping at the moment

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I cannot decide whether to top myself or do a Timothy McVeigh at the moment.
I may do both.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Bombing is too random
You have some specific targets, don't you?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I certainly do.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Might I suggest that sir may prefer to "do a Derrick Bird" instead?
Or a "Murty"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Two birds with one stone
Go on a drug fueled rampage and kill several co-workers, then go for suicide by policeman
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I hadn't considered Moatying. Good call.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I managed to visit Rothbury on honeymoon earlier this year.
My wife only twigged why when I asked her to take my photo next to the "welcome to Rothbury" road sign. She was not impressed.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I reckon top yourself, I don't know what doing a 'Timothy McVeigh' is at I'm to scared it won't result in your death.
*high five*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Have I crossed the line?
I suppose actually you're not that old.

To be clear this was all aimed at you, although I can see it does not read well for lusty I have nothing but vague liking and respect for the lady.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Charming.

( wanderlust, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Doodle, think about other things to do, solve problems,
imagine naked ladies, drink coffee, steal biscuits.

My back has fucked itself again. I'm fucking down in the dumps today
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:56, Reply)

You're fucking a Down's in the dumper?
I suppose they'll be grateful for whatever they can get
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:59, Reply)

I call mine the Sunshine lolly

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Your penis, I assume

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Indeed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Is that because of the burning?
You should get some cream for that.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Here, busy as hell
Colleague is late for the third time this week, so I'm having to do one of his jobs.

Alt: Diet Coke and MTFU

Alt Alt: The Sixth Sheikh's sheep's sick. Either that, or Ken Dodd's Dad's dogs dead. (I have a feeling I've fucked up on several of those apostrophes, but I'm fucking shattered this morning)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 8:57, Reply)

You haven't been drinking, have you?
Morning mate, long time
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Had a couple of pints last night, just a very late night fella
And a none too pleasant conversation.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Care to share?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I'll GAZ you it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I'm going to assume it was concerning nothing so trivial as Torres' newfound familiarity with where the goal is
Hope it's nothing too severe
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Torres has always known exactly where the goal was
the problem was his inability to hit a barn door with a bread roll.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Well that's hardly pertinent
He doesn't need to aim anything with his hands or rely upon arm strength to be good at his chosen profession... oh I see, it's a METAPHOR
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:13, Reply)

You rarely come onto the field equipped with an 8-stringed instrument with anal rape connotations
to be faced with the rear end of a bovine, either.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:14, Reply)

You should try that at hockey next time
Spice things up a bit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I can't.
I go cross-eyed and then my head jerks.
I try water and moving my feet but they can tell. Or I go to the toilet and put cold water on my wrists and neck.
Anyone who knows me knows that I cannot control my need fo sleep. It's not far off narcolepsy.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Give me my sleep back!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:08, Reply)

I'm here, but occasionally I look away to do some work*
*Not really, I just skive on other bits of the internet.
Alt: You are in the meeting too - if it is boring, then liven it up a bit.
Alt 2: I trip over words in normal everyday speech. Tongue-twisters are way beyond me.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Tongue Twister
RSwipe has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front.
RSwipe has a square cut punt.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:09, Reply)

*claps*

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:10, Reply)

square it may be
the clap, however, it does NOT have.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:35, Reply)

No most gayers carry clhamydia so you're more likely to have caught that. If he ever got it up that is.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:42, Reply)

getting it up was not his problem
other things. those were his problems.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Finishing off? Imagining you were Jason Donovan? "Getting you there"? Stealing your hair products?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I will hear naught against Le Donovan

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Not hitting the "right" hole?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:49, Reply)

"in off the pink on to the brown"
I hope to hear this in snooker commentary at some point.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:51, Reply)

"were"
Do I correctly detect a past tense here? Has he been binned?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:50, Reply)

think so, yes
it's sad for lots of reasons, but i have a date next week, so i'm not going to dwell on the sad parts, i'm just going to do what i do best - squash them down, pretend everything is great, and smile brilliantly at everyone!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Well you have my sympathies
to whatever extent you deserve or want them.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:07, Reply)

thank you
i am just trying not to think about him....... so i don't collapse into a heap of GOD I MISS HIM!

he was a bit of an idiot in many many respects, so hopefully it won't take long.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Good luck with that if you're posting on here.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

ha
i'm a tough old cookie
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I was working. Sorry. Won't happen again.
Alt - I generally walk out. Best lesson I ever learned from my old director of R&D. If it hasn't been achieved in the first 45 mins of a meeting, it's not going to be achieved. So just leave.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Well, we are 45 minutes into this thread now
How is it looking?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Sorry, I was on my way to the door, there.
It's OK, you've got until 10 as that's the first lecture I teach today.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:13, Reply)

What are you a lecturer in again?
You know, just in case we could share ideas on the subject.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:15, Reply)

I teach Chemical Engineering at UG level
even though that has mostly fuck all to do with my research or my expertise. PG level I teach bioprocessing and biotherapy development.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Yeah, I was thinking about doing that
*feverishly looks up all those words in a dictionary*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:20, Reply)

My father did Chem. Eng.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:30, Reply)

He has my condolences.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:30, Reply)

It's not my cup of tea, I have to admit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I started my UG degree in it
and got the fuck outta Dodge as soon as possible. But I'm attached to a chem eng dept now, so I'm teaching lower level stuff. It's OK, but it's not really my passion, and I think that might just show in my teaching enthusiasm ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:37, Reply)

make sure it doesn't
haha that is NOT optional in legal settlement meetings or mediations or anything of that evil ilk.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Of course it is.
It's an option in any meeting as long as you a) have the balls and b) know that you're important enough to the meeting to get away with it. You need to tell people at the start you're going to do it, though.

EDIT - obviously, if you're meeting a client, condition b) probably doesn't apply, I appreciate. Although as a tactic to get business it might work better than you think...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:38, Reply)

the thing you are missing here
is that the meeting can be going brilliantly, in that we are making real progress to crack the case or to get the parties nearer each other and further away from the court. it's a successful meeting and must not be terminated.

doesn't stop it being fucking DULL, old buddy old pal. how would you like to spend 5 hours going through a 100 page terminal dilapidations report agreeing liability and quantum for each item of disrepair?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:44, Reply)

If it takes more than an hour
there's been timewasting by all parties. Fuck 'em. I've got better things to do with my time.

Usually meetings take too long because too many people are present. In my answer above, in option b), if you aren't important enough to the meeting to get away with walking out, ask yourself what the fuck you're in the meeting for in the first place ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Yes, but you are probably not being payed eleventy million an hour (plus disps, whatever they are) to be in the meeting
innit?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Very good point.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:49, Reply)

A cynic might suspect that the law can be necessarily convoluted and time consuming for just this reason
Meaning that many lawyers can spend much expensive time sorting it out for the rest of us.

Not that I would say such a thing of course, oh no.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:55, Reply)

It's not complicated
they spend 3 hours playing jenga and then 25 mins nailing down an agreement, a swift congratulatory line or two and then bill for 3.5 hours. Rounded up to 4, of course, cos you don't bill fractions of an hour. Job done.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Plus disbs
disbs are very important, probably.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:00, Reply)

they fucking well are!
imagine a 5 day trial. counsel's brief fee might be £25,000 plus a refresher fee of £8,000 per day.

that's a fairly hefty disb!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I should have stuck with Law after A level
Only A I ever got in my academic career that was, true story.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:05, Reply)

A lawyer friend of a friend*
revealed that if she thinks about a case while she is, for example, showering in the morning, then she will tot this up as time spent on the case and charge accordingly. Not sure if this includes disbs though.

*No lawyer is a friend of mine
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:03, Reply)

On the basis of payment being transfer fees
I own several lawyers and a barrister, mind you.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:04, Reply)

yes
that is exactly it.

it's like you have a spycam following my every move.

which would not surprise me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Oh come on.
Tell me you don't have the occasional game of scrabble just to add 20 minutes to the bill.

And, of course I do. There's no point going at stalking half-cocked now, is there?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:03, Reply)

was your use of the word "cock" deliberate there?
shame on you for lowering the tone.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Absolutely.
And with that, I'm off to scare some second years. toodle-pip.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:10, Reply)

my learned commie friend is correct
if i walk out within 45 mins, i can bill £332 plus VAT and disbursements.

if it lasts 5 hours, i can bill £2,075 plus VAT and disbs.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Ohhh.... Disbursements! Of course!
*is still none the wiser*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:57, Reply)

it's expenses that aren't advice related
photocopying, counsel's fees, travel to court, taxis, food, legal process server's fees, court fees etc etc.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:02, Reply)

So do you charge for expenses as well as disbs?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:04, Reply)

She charges for fucking everything, you can bet on it.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:08, Reply)

It's amazing
lawyers don't eat normally, apparently. That can be the only justifiable reason for food being an "expense"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:09, Reply)

if you have a mediation
so you have a room for your clients, a room for the other side and their lawyers, and a room for the mediator, that is 3 x lunch. now we are a fancy city firm. we're not talking a pikey packet of prawn mayo. we're talking a proper catered buffet.

someone gotta pay for that shit!

obviously i don't charge for lunches if i am not actually in a meeting and spending money on the client...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I know it's the way the game is played
but I'm fairly sure when my company lays on lunch for a client they don't actually charge them for it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:13, Reply)

we don't always bill it
every case is different
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Only when the clients are penniless orphans, innit?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Anyone would think that one or both of us had been through a bitter divorce
or other costly legal proceeding based on the tone of this conversation.

Where as actually my divorce was amicable with not a lawyer in sight and the only time I've been in a court was as an observer.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I always fall asleep while meditating

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Never mind all that
I had a gorgeous ride in this morning. Crisp, fresh cold air and watching the sun rise over the lake.

My wife has a new job but its hard to say what she does. She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
( Peej, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Are you sure they are sea shells?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I heard they were syphilitic she-whores.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:43, Reply)

his wife
not yours!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:45, Reply)

woah, steady petal. b3ta 101. I don't bring my wife up here, so insulting her is not "in the spirit"
I'm not Darth, now.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:48, Reply)

oh alright
he said his wife, not every single girl you shagged before your wife, then.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:54, Reply)

That's better.
although, I don't bring them up here either, to be fair.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:56, Reply)

which is precisely why i have no option but to make them up
and when i say "them", i mean both of them.

and when i say "both of them", i mean your right hand and, for special saturday nights, your left.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:59, Reply)

It's like you've known me my whole life.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:03, Reply)

i am familiar with your work

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Also, how's your head this morning?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:44, Reply)

fucking banging
went from here to have drinks at my friend's new house. pink bubbles.

bring on the vodka. wine just makes me slooooow and hungover!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Oof, jesus christ.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I don't go to meetings, I go to lectures.
when the lecture bores me, I try to keep myself awake by keeping my eyes REALLY wide open.
Also, First year of uni = done. *smugs*
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:00, Reply)

On my sofa, drinking tea
alt: coffee

alt 2: cunninglingus
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:05, Reply)

SWIPEY
I actually have a law-based question to ask you, if you have a minute
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:10, Reply)

go on, spit it out!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:11, Reply)

would make a change

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:12, Reply)

"My friend said that if my hand was bigger than my face, that I'm legally a homosexual minority"

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:15, Reply)

In my school that meant you had AIDS

( Kroney, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:16, Reply)

IN mine it meant you got punched in the face

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:20, Reply)

^very much so.
It still works too, I did it to a friend a while ago.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Hey, hey, scarpe, smell the cheese

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

The gist is that the sister-in-law has dumped her bloke
and since he's moved out he's been hassling her for money, because whilst living with her (in the house she owns) he was paying rent and putting money and effort into the upkeep of the house and garden. Has he got a leg to stand on?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I'll give you a non-legal answer to this one:
Has he bollocks.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I'm going to go with no

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Tenancy agreement in place?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:19, Reply)

An equitable interest may have arisen based on the works carried out

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:20, Reply)

my learned friend is correct ^^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I dunnered the gud

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I believe so
Every time the subject is raised matters get emotional and her sisters ask me to drop it. Don't have the intricate details. As far as I can tell, what he's asking for is like claiming back money on paint if you redecorated the bedroom of a room you were renting. But I don't know the law.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Loser
No one will care over a pot of homebase magnolia, he's not really going to institute proceedings on this basis. A strongly worded e-mail should be sent with the specific advice to 'jog on fucko'
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Knowing her she'll settle for the sake of keeping things amicable around the nipper
Thank you for your input
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Agree with noel on this one
if they were married then just possibly maybe, but otherwise he can do one.

Also: hello sweety *waves*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Morning darling
Are you well?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Not in body but in spirit.
Glad yo see your smiling face once again.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Dashed decent of you
What have I missed?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Not a huge ammout.
I still have the same virus I had when I saw you (might want to get tested BTW) Noel has returned, Swipey is single, Sporto broke and then fixed his back, Monty fucked off for 2 weeks and returned and Morgan Freeman's a nonce, this is all I can think of.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:38, Reply)

*makes notes*
Thank you for the update. I have actually got a bastard cough at the moment, I might switch the blame target from the Dutch girls I met before the gig to you, because of the breasts.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Fair enough, so does my son
I am avoiding the blame on the basis that I don't have a cough, just a sore throat.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 11:05, Reply)

unfortunately
he MIGHT have.

it will depend how formal they were about it being "rent" and whether she was careful to accept his money into the house as a gift, loan or rent.

if not, he might be able to argue that it was a resulting or constructive trust, with the intention that he was to gain a beneficial interest (ie some share in the financial value). absolute worst case nightmare scenario would be 50%, although i do think a court would be more likely to find he gets his investment back plus whatever it might now be worth if the property has gone up in value.

did she own it before he moved in? or were they together when she bought it?

this will totally turn on its own facts. the court will look at how the payments were made and the evidence as to the understanding that it was rent rather than him paying into a house in which he had an interest. i would say her best bet is to see a solicitor to write him a serious BACK OFF BUDDY letter now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I'll go round and get him to back off, in exchange for a complete box set of Black Books.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:24, Reply)

you can't offer that
you don't have the complete set
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:24, Reply)

That's what I meant.
Is it just being hungover that makes you occasionally a bit thick?
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

no
i was born that way
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

*Gagas*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:34, Reply)

It was her house before they started seeing each other
He lived there for nearly four years and they have a child together so it was definitely always in his interests to improve the house for his own good as well as hers, and she asked him to leave rather than him walking out.

It sounds mental to me, but this is exactly why I'm asking your opinion.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Because she's mental?

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:26, Reply)

No, the breasts
Always
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:28, Reply)

it will depend on what he's done and how much he's spent
as rory says, he isn't going to issue proceedings over a pot of paint, but he might be doing it to hassle her.

she should see a lawyer before paying him a penny. if nothing else, he will keep coming back for more!

whereabouts does she live? my old firm in uxbridge would be v reasonable on fees?

or i have had this outfit on the other side if she lives near you, the guy i know here is great. i could easily call him for an intro for you:

www.birketts.co.uk/
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:29, Reply)

always with the referral fees

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

cynical moose
i don't get a fee!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:38, Reply)

; )

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:42, Reply)

She's Norwich-based too
Thank you for the advice and for the recommendations :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

WOH WOH WOH WOHHHHHH NOW. C'mon everyone, you're missing something vital here.... single vulnrable good looking* lady.
* Presuming she's got the same jeans as Darth, who let's face it, would make an hot looking chick.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Silly Gonz
He said sister in law, which means she has teh same genes as Ms Foxtrot. This means she will be fit as hell, but will rip your balls off if she suspects any kind of silliness.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:31, Reply)

This is a stunningly accurate description of Ms Foxtrot's sisters
Sadly I wasn't entirely specific; she's her stepsister.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Ahhh, coolio.
Still interested, mrs foxtrot is well fit, or she looks like a bloke, I can't remember how I was taking the piss out of her a few months ago, I really should write these things down in a filo-fax. Whatever I said though, still totally would, double soo 'cus it would devistate darth.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Pst! Gonz!
swipe is now single too, just saying like.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:35, Reply)

You know, if I'm ever single again
I'll be straight on here pimping myself out. It's like a fucking meat market in here most days.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

You could do worse B3thles
Gonz is worth a quick fling, just for the breakfast the next morning.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:42, Reply)

You can ask Tu', I make a fucking awesome breakfast.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I do hope DG does not take the inference from that that one so easily could.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:46, Reply)

I don't reckon he'd mind, I seem to have a free pass with spouces, people figure it won't ever happen so they might as well, but then can't get annoyed 'cus they were the ones who gave me backstage access.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:48, Reply)

stage passage
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Wait, what, really?
Let's see, we're on the 20th now, it's my birthday on the 31st, I reckon if we move fast, like, start shagging this weekend, then by my birthday she might start considering it 'serious'. That with moving flat over the next few months, I think I might be able to score some nice Sofas, you know "SEeing as you're spending so much time here, and we're spending so much time on them, what with us being serious now, might as well get wipe-proof ones, leather does that."..... brb, googling Laz-e-boy.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I thought you had run off with Vipros

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Yeah where is he?
I've just not been feeling very sociable mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Not like you, all ok?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:19, Reply)

He's a screaming Mary, would you be ok with that?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Of course we live in a free and fair society Rory, to malign someone due to their sexual proclivities is both wrong and illegal

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Hopefully on the up now.
Thank you for asking :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Got married and changed job.
Won'r see much of him from now on.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:21, Reply)

It'll cost you about £9 though, by my reckoning.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:11, Reply)

As long as that includes a happy ending

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:19, Reply)

When lawyers are involved there are no happy endings
except for the lawyers
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I'm here now, you can all stop worrying.
Alt: If you're running the meeting, isn't it up to you to stop it becoming boring?

I have a hideous record in staying awake in meetings. Once almost caught a disciplinary because of it. I managed to blag my way out of that one though.

Alt 2: I can't do any of them. I have enough trouble just talking normally.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:33, Reply)

there's only so much you can do
if the topic is dull - and dilapidations, for example, ARE dull - your hands are tied.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Take in a big bag of m&ms or something
and if anyone says anything vaguely pertinent, chuck sweets at them.

or instigate a game of meeting bingo.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)