Good morning shitcunts.
When was the last time you lost your temper and why?

Former smokers - do you have any advice about quitting?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:13, 200 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

i am in a constant state of perpetual rage

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I imagine this to seeing some kind of mouse trying to get out of its cage in your case

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

the mouse is asleep right now

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:21, Reply)

There there

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

urgh
leave your cock out of this
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:23, Reply)

but i only just put it in!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Probably around the end of my marriage, about 3 years ago.
Alt: man the fuck up and stop sticking fags in your mouth and lighting them, it's not that hard.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Why did you split up?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:23, Reply)

they both liked cock

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:24, Reply)

CQ is a vegan

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

I wasn't back then though

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Fundamental personality incompatibly
combined with her being a serious mental and me being an amateur one.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:26, Reply)

I see

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Obviously there's more too it, but that's the headlines.
If you look at the most popular QOTW post in my profile there are a few more details.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Alt: date a woman who doesn't smoke
When you ask if she minds you smoking, and she replies "No - but they stink and are doing horrible thigns to your lungs", it means "Yes".
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Wife hates me smoking. That and being a father are my reasons for stopping
before anyone asks no I have never smoked in front of my daughter - I always smoke outside.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Willpower it is then
Sorry mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Saturday morning trying to sort the kid's lunches out
Every time I went into the kitchen they started fighting, meaning I couldn't make lunch. This happened about 10 times and the "Dad" fuse blew then.

Never smoked but both of my parents stopped just after my daughter was born. Mam used patches then the "fake" cigarette thing. Dad just stopped
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

This is because your father is a real man.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Haha!
He does have a beard and smoked pipes, so I'll agree
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Exactly.
All the "how do I quit?" whining is just pathetic, I tried all sorts but in the end it was just a matter of manning the fuck up and stopping, while accepting I'd be an arsehole for a week or so. Anything else is just window dressing, if you lack the willpower, it won't help, if you have the willpower you don't need it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:24, Reply)

How is in whining to ask people about quitting in advance of stopping?
I understand it would be whining if I had stopped and kept going on about it.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Well Shirley,
Me response was honest, if couched in mock abusive tones. You stop by stopping. It's like the whole diet industry thing, there's no beg secret, you just eat better/less and/or excersize more, simple. However, there's lots of money to be made from gum, patches, inhalers and such, which allow you to remain addicted while not smoking. Granted they can be useful to ween yourself off the habit part, but at the end of the day, no willpower = no quit.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

you can and do break a physical nicotine addiction in just under 3 days
the rest is psychological, and therefore arguably gum and that shit makes it worse as it extends the physical addiction.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Indeed.
It can be a lesser evil han smoking, as it doesn't give you cancer, but dressing it up in all this arguably makes it feel like quitting is a bigger deal than it is.

1) stop smoking
2) sufer for a few days
3) deal with it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

This is true
If you truly want to give up, it is far easier to find the willpower.
Giving up is hard/near impossible if you do not actually want to do it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

This^
That was what both parents said. They actually really wanted to give up and just did. My Dad, being tight, made sure he finished off all his baccy beforehand so he wasnt wasting money
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:29, Reply)

This is one of my favourite pictures that's ever appeared on here
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

I find it's the husband fuse that tends to go.
The dad fuse has yet to be used - but then my daughter is only two months old.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Just you wait.....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)

I lost it a few weeks back when a friend of mine was just being an absolute pain in the arse, but it was mainly kept quiet
It's been quite a long time since I absolutely blew my top, can't remember what it was even over.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)

i've never smoked
but it is the most pointless, pathetic and disgusting habit. it smells, it is expensive, it is anti-social, it stains your teeth, your fingers, it is bad for you, you have NO IDEA how badly you stink to non-smokers, both in terms of breath and even just following you into a lift or something. and lots of smokers leave their vile butts lying around. i once had a date with a guy who not only smoked cheap-ass rollies, but left half a tonne of them on the windowsills of my balcony without making any effort to clear them up. one of the rudest, most ignorant things i've ever seen.

so quit because you're a winner!

i think my answer to the second question also covers the first.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:21, Reply)

It is an extremely stupid habit.
Went to a cessation clinic at my GP's this morning. Plan is stop tomorrow evening once my wife has gone to her parents for a week. That way I will get through the first few most difficult days without shouting at her.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

just remember you are stronger than the fags
and if that doesn't work... imagine this conversation in 4 years' time...

mummy, where's daddy?

he's not here right now, darling.

mummy, what's a bronchioloalveolar carcinoma?

well, that's why daddy isn't here right now, darling...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Ouch.
I will print this off and pin it up.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:29, Reply)

tough love, baby!
you will quit if you think of stuff like that, though. seriously, i used to cry as a small child when my grandma smoked, because i thought she was going to die.

she didn't die - but she DID get gangrene in her foot and lost a toe.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)

A couple of years ago another B3tan told me about her dad having his voicebox removed as a result of smoking.
This is also in my mind - given what a loudmouthed cunt I am.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Lovely.
I think I'll go for a tab, now.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:36, Reply)

it's nasty shit
my grandma's blackened toe stump is definitely why i didn't ever smoke when all my mates were getting into it. and when the doctor told her she had to give up smoking, she said defiantly: and what if i don't?

that's fine, he said. but i'll see you this time next year to take off the rest of your leg.

she gave up.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Keep 'em coming. It's all helping.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

My favourite fag packet warning is that bloke with the massive throat tumour.
Only, you don't notice the tumour straight away because of the utterly ridiculous and unkempt facial hair.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

I always think that is Billy Childish
But I'm not aware of him having had a throat tumour.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

I've heard that the main way to help is to do something else instead
i.e. have a glass of water, go for a 10 min walk, etc.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Masturbation

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I smoke 30 a day ffs! Can't manage that many wanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Your hands would be too tired to smoke then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

You considered it though

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Just don't mix the two up, or you'll scorch your scrotum.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Knitting is meant to be extremely effective
And extremely effeminate.

So, win/win for Battered
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:29, Reply)

What sort of scarf would you like?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

It does make you look cool though...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

only cigars
men smoking cigars makes me want to dry hump.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

I think your bizarre daddy issues have been discussed at length before
So there is no need to go over them again here.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

oh hush it you
lots of girls find the smell of cigars masculine and sexy!

AND some guys find girls smoking cigars to be sexy for some random reason.

prob because the cigar looks like a cock. men are subtle like that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:34, Reply)

I'm not in a position to comment on what girls find sexy
My knowledge is more in the field of things that they find wholly unattractive.
But before I hush, I'm interested to note that you think that a phallus in the mouth is a sexy look for a man...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

i only like the way it smells!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

you only like the smell of a cock in a man's mouth?
curious. *pages Freud*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

you know what?
i prefer it to the smell of cigarettes!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I have one cigar to smoke. My best man gave it to me to smoke when the baby was born. I will have this tomorrow.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Sign off smoking with it
Have a largey braaandaay too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

I like this. But red wine I think.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

This sounds like a good plan.
I'm a fairly recent convert to rollies, and have found that I've cut right down as a result of not being arsed to keep making them. Last night, as I sat down in the porch freezing my nuts off, I figured that winter time is as good a time as any to try giving up. Especially if it's a fucking cold winter.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

This morning
Why are taxi drivers permitted to use bus lanes? Especially bus lanes with their own traffic lights which override the sequence of the normal lights? This makes me angry.

Alt: I gave up cigarettes at college and smoked week instead (because weed smoking doesn't count as smoking). While it is true that you will not smoke the same amount as you would with cigarettes, I would not recommend this method. Especially to a new father.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:26, Reply)

I haven't had a spliff or a sniff since 6th April 2007.
Nor will I - would mess with my epi meds.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Chris Hollins probably
Still not over it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)

eh?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Strictly

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Meh.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:34, Reply)

This man knows me too well

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Not in the biblical sense

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

^ lie ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I went away for a long weekend away
Took no cigarettes, just gum. By Monday I was barely bothering with the gum.

The key, though, was smugly telling everyone how easy it was. Once I was back in familiar surroundings I got the craving back full force but if I'd caved, I'd have never heard the end of it.

It ended up taking about two weeks of gum to get through it - hard and unpleasant but I just about got through it.


Don't bother with the electronic cigarettes, they don't help with the psychological addiction so you might as well go for gum or patches.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Also: don't talk about it
This thread is really making me want a cigarette. :(
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

1) Get patches. (You don't need them but you'll think you do and they're as far removed from mimicking smoking as you can get.)

2) Be prepared to put on a bloody stone in weight. If you fancy a bifter, eat something. If you can eat healthy snacks fine, but if you fancy naughty snacks, you deserve it - you're giving up smoking. You can go on the diet afterwards.

3) Find something else to do. A project, something with your hands, whatever. Be busy.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

The cessation nurse I saw wants me to try a nasal spray. I will try this if cold turkey does not work.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)

How many a day are you on?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

At least 30. More if I go out on the piss.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

You gon' eat a lotta piiies

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

And doughnuts. Mmmmn. Doughnuts.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

I can't imagine nasal spray sandwiches working quite as well though...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Just man the fuck up and stop.
If you want to do it, you will, and if you don't or you're doing it to please someone else, you probably won't.

I still have the odd fag very, very occasionally when I'm drunk, but I accept that as fair price to pay for 20 years of smoking.

I do "get" some of rswipes argument about it as a habit generally, but I'm obliged to point out it's certainly no more antisocial than a fair few other habits. and it's no more or less pointless than drinking, it's just providing a narcotic to your body.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

hello darling
you think any of us believe you have to be drunk to have a fag?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:35, Reply)

yet again, I set them up and you knock them down.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:35, Reply)

it's a real team effort
not a tag team, though. you have your fags on your own time, ok?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)

After all, that's what you've been doing the last few months.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Ha ha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

The odd crafty "pull" on a "fag" when you're out, eh?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

It's terrible when you haven't got any and you have to "bum" a "fag" off "someone"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

I hate it when some random stranger comes up to you and asks if they can borrow a fag.
What, if I give you my address are you going to post one back to me or summat?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

true.
I just punch them and take one.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

you'd think that some of these would be too obvious
but no.

you're still bent!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I'm pretty sure being bent isn't something one can recover from, my sweet
so the word "still" is a touch superfluous.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

i'm not really bent, i just told you that to repel your advances gently
so you can recover from it if you like.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

ah, the word "you" wasn't supposed to be in there.
I've edited but now your answer doesn't make any sense - apologies.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

that's ok
everyone can still see that i had to turn you down, what with all the persistent pleading cock-gazzes and everything.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:50, Reply)

haha, yeah, cos that's definitely how I roll.


/more to the point - do girls on there REALLY get men cockgazzing them? Seriously?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

yes
i have had a fair few over the years. some by text, admittedly. so there might be a small degree of contributory negligence there.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Apparently, yes.
Edmund would deny this, however.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

What does a pleading cock look like?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

go back to wormulus' thread the other day
badger put a couple of pics on that, i believe.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Oh come on, that's harsh, man.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:24, Reply)

I imagine it would be weeping a tiny salty tear of desperation.
Unless it's Spak's.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

The irony being she's being having a fag for several months but has recently been forced to give him up.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1421376
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

sort of
i hope battered has more willpower than i do on that particular score.

if we were on fb right now, i would say "it's complicated".

and made much more complicated after recent dating events.

all good fun though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

He wanted you to wear a comedy moustache and take it up the Ronson?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:05, Reply)

When the curtain rail fell down on Sunday morning
alt: don'y tell anyone, cut out the habitual ones that you don't really need first then the day to days and then the ones with drink.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Have heard before it helps if you don't tell people.
So I won't IRL.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

it can go either way
sometimes telling people gives you an extra incentive not to let them down, so helps. But it really will only work if you are stopping fundamentally for yourself.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

I drink every day and only ever smoked in the evening.
So that would have been pointless in my life anyway.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Well you are already at stage three thne well donee

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

nah, I just stopped a couple of years ago.
But I like the positive viewing of the whole thing
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:21, Reply)

I almost lost my temper when my landlord refused to believe that my central heating is NOT fixed.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Ages ago, I'm not really a very angry person.
I'm more of a sulker.

I bought a new coat on saturday, I love it.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

keep it away from Barry.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

What style is it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

It's really "into" film

(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

dirty mac

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

lucky and blue.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Grey wool sort of overcoat with a zip up lining, I'll see if I can find a link.
this one www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10001_10001_044010562963_-1?breadcrumb=Home%7EMen%7ECoats+%26amp%3B+jackets
(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

You look different without your glasses on

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

It's my new look.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Amazing what several days on a tanning bed can achieve

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

burtons finest

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Also if you have one in a moment of weakness
It doesn't mean you've failed, just slipped - get right back on the quitting horse straight away.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

This sounds like very good advice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:03, Reply)

I lost my temper in about 1992 and have yet to regain it.
I only started smoking cigarettes a few years ago and only do so in evenings and weekends. I don't think I am addicted as I go a minimum of two days a week with absolutely none. Why I am telling you this I don't know - it's of no use to you whatsoever.

Sorry old chap.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

It'll be in the last place that you look, so look there first
IHTH
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Oh man i've moved house several times since then.
I fear it's gone for ever.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Put a new one on your Christmas list

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:03, Reply)

*Disappointment at getting a Tinie Tempah CD instead owing to a hilarious mix up involving a slightly deaf department store Santa*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:09, Reply)

'Dear Santa you FUCKING CUNT.
I requested an angry midget and instead have a weird shiny-looking 5 inch record which appears to be by some kind of 'urban youth'. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?

Yours etc.'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:12, Reply)

^ internet helpfulness at it's finest here ^
Surprised your not addicted given your liking of certain other substances.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

As am I.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Serious Question Time
What about MDs? Are you cutting them down with your new financial situation (i.e Greek)?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

I think he should change his username to Monty_the_Greek

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:04, Reply)

This might help me
my quest to woo Dr Francesca Stavrakopoulou. I am prepared to give it a try.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Christina Koletsa is more attractive

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Her knowledge of ancient civilisations is vastly inferior though.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:20, Reply)

I care not for ancient civilisations, just attractive greek women

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:22, Reply)

But Monty needs a woman with an interest in crumbling ruins

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:39, Reply)

He gets them for free, apparently.
And by 'free' I assume he means in exchange for use of his arse by his dealer.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:04, Reply)

My previous arrangement has sadly ceased.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Sad times at Boyce Towers.
Still, you should save money on anal reconstructive surgery.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Swings - but also roundabouts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:16, Reply)

That's milton keynes parks trusts motto.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:19, Reply)

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=roundabout
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:19, Reply)

By necessity I am, yes.
I've also cut drastically down on Small Drugs, which has led to the increase in cigarette smoking, used as a cheaper alternative to reefers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Did you really only start smoking cigarettes a few years ago?
What kind of peer pressure led to that?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:20, Reply)

I'm just a fucking idiot.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:21, Reply)

I'm not a smoker
but a work colleague who's been on 20+ a day since he was in his teens (he's now nearing 50) has been put on Champits(sp?) tablets. He's now 40+ days without a fag.

However, he comes off the tablets in a few weeks, so that'll be the real test.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:10, Reply)

I've heard some horror stories about those tablets - panic attacks etc.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Apparently it does have potentially suicidal side-effects
However he's a grumpy bastard at the best of times, so it's hard to tell.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Trying to sign up to the O2 website last night, the fucking pricks.

( Kroney, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Oh, and at the ex for reasons I won't go into here
And at work for being short staffed and impossible to keep up with.

I'm pretty fucking miserable today, all round.
( Kroney, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Go into the reasons here
can't be more embarrassing than /talk's dildogate.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Best thing ever, that was.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:18, Reply)

I showed real life people it in the pub.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Everybody in my department heard me laughing at that
and they gathered around my monitor so I could take them through it all. By the end total strangers who aren't even on b3ta were laughing and taking the piss out of Baldmonkey. It was glorious.
( Kroney, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:23, Reply)

He really is a monumental spastic.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:24, Reply)

He is an absolute gibbering cretin
but occasionally, quite by accident, he can be excellent value.
( Kroney, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)

It was great to see that he's not as revered as he thinks he is.
The witless downs-a-like.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:28, Reply)

It's almost worth finding his house and stealing his meds
just to watch the ensuing fun.

Scarily he has kid(s).
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Sadly he seems to still be around.
While Two Hats, who seemed the better of the two, solely by virtue of not being Baldmonkey, has sodded off.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)

the whole thing was so fake
more worrying is the sheer number of people who think a rampant rabbit is a dildo. it is not a dildo. it is a vibrator. there is a difference. a DIY difference.

if you're going to fake something that has already been done in "american pie", at least be accurate about it...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I know the difference, for what it's worth.
I don't really care, but I do know.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:48, Reply)

then don't be sloppy
it's like that ghastly THATS THE JOKE picture with the missing apostrophe. it's offensive.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:48, Reply)

I think you'll find I wasn't
I could be wrong, but I don't think I said dildo anywhere.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:51, Reply)

It will be some time before it's beaten.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:21, Reply)

By the time the film puns thread got going
I was close to tears. I had to post in it to congratulate everybody.
( Kroney, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:25, Reply)

You made the popular page for that, didn't you?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Meh, everybody loves a back-slapping I guess.

( Kroney, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Hey Kroney! Cheer up!
It might never happen!

Turn that frown upside down!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:18, Reply)

I hate people that say things like that.
Clearly I'm miserable because it already has happened. It's an idiotic thing to say.
( Kroney, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Precisely.
I was hoping to make you even more angry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:23, Reply)

You great, hairy twat.

( Kroney, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Chillax

(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:23, Reply)

That is one of the worst expressions ever invented.
Makes me want to punch a wall ala BM.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:24, Reply)

*steals Mrs Battered's dildo*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:25, Reply)

A RABBIT IS NOT A DILDO
god!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Mrs Battered didn't have a Rabbit
it was a large black veined thing.
You'll forgive me if I'm not totally up to speed on female masturbatory aids though?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:43, Reply)

i am sure the thread said he found a rampant rabbit
it did!

b3ta.com/talk/7368115
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Chompy's reply was excellent.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:46, Reply)

wormulus' was much better
i properly LOL'd at that
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Christ, you should run workshops for terminally depressed middle management types.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:23, Reply)

An increase in the suicide rate for these people can only be a good thing.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:25, Reply)

you still unemployed?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Trying hard not to be.
In the middle of another application, with another to complete afterwards.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:34, Reply)

I can't remember the last time I really lost my temper. I get miffed quite a lot with family.
I can't advise against giving up smoking as it was a piece of piss for me.
( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:36, Reply)

I can't imagine you proper losing it.
I think it would be quite scary.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:47, Reply)

RAWWRRRRRRRRRRRR!

( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 13:05, Reply)

Oddly enough, just now, on the way into work.
The fucking chemist where I pick up my weekly pills gave me the wrong ones, I got double morphine and no methadone. Which means I'm going to have to leave work early today to get them before they close. When it's now 12:50. So today, thanks to doctors, I'm only going to be in work for about 3 hours 45 minutes.

Fuck's sake, this is like the 5th time she's done this.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:54, Reply)

That's properly crap of them.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:58, Reply)

I'll take the extra morphine off your hands if you like.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 12:58, Reply)

You can take one every time you feel like a cigarette!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Oh, if I got to keep it, I'd be more than pleased, I gotta give it back though.
Sad Times.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 13:15, Reply)

Quit halfway through a pack
that way if you cave you will just have the one rather than going out and buying a new pack which you "might as well finish" I quit nearly 4 years ago and I still have the pouch I quit with. If I cave now it tastes like shit.

Also, don't bother cutting back. just quit. Nicotine withdraweral only lasts a few days, after that its just habit.
( Peej, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 13:17, Reply)

Holy fucking shit, there's only a new cunting thread

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 13:22, Reply)