If you were a member of the opposite sex
do you reckon you'd be different? What traits would stay physically/be worse etc?

Alt Q: Nicest thing through the post recently?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:04, 249 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My new phone came in the post WOOOOO
If I was a bloke I'd have massive penis rather than a massive vagina. Win.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:06, Reply)

I'd be a shit woman.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:07, Reply)

d be m
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:07, Reply)

What a totally unnexpected reply,
no wonder even vipros hates you.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:08, Reply)

That's a bit harsh
:(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Cry me a river

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:15, Reply)

Maybe I will
*sniffs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

use the cock Luke

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

tubgirl?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:08, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:09, Reply)

:(

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:10, Reply)

some might say
you're a shit bloke.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)

True but I can count them on one hand.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Because your family has a history of inbreeding
and you have 18 fingers?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

+,000

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

this was clever

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

you're going to have to explain the sig
it's world of warcraft related, isn't it?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Starcraft 2

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:31, Reply)

i can see the horror
after sweaty gamers have spent 72 hours solidly locked in front of it without showering or eating anything that doesn't get delivered in a cardboard box. but can you explain the glory?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Sometimes you beat a 14 year old and they get hilariously angry.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I'm going to Zerg rush you and then you'll be crying like a little girl except I don't play Zerg and I'm shit at it so :(

( Theoban What of it, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I'd be alright lookin'
With an awesome haircut.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Forgot my own response
I reckon I'd look better as a man than a woman. I have the jaw for it. And obviously my breasts would just be the equivalant of a massive cock.

Alt Q: I got series one of Merlin through the post
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I'd have a smaller cock
and bigger tits, I hope. And a minge.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I'm not sure I would be any different
nicest thing through the post was a tax rebate that came yesterday.
( M o D, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:09, Reply)

I'd be just the same, only with massive norks.
Oh, and I'd do it all.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:10, Reply)

and you'd be loved for it

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Just like Diana.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:16, Reply)

If I was a girl
And you were a girl, do you reckon we'd, y'know...*winks*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:14, Reply)

I reckon we'd make a tidy profit.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:17, Reply)

can I watch?
/male
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:17, Reply)

You can hold the camera

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Thanks
the film might be a bit rocky
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I'd probably complain more and be more unreasonable, but be able to blame it on the time of the month.
If a man were to try and blame my awful mood on the same thing I would strike him down!
GIRL POWER!
(TheColonel, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Only because everytime a girl is slightly annoyed
men go "ooh is it that time of the month?" and then laugh because periods are so fucking funny. ha. ha. ha.

Replies to this post of "are you on your period hahaha" will result in me taking you to a basement, where I will slowly cut your cock off whilst asking if you like bleeding for five days.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

What's the matter
Get sand in your vagina?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:25, Reply)

You really should remember
of all the people here, I know where you live
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Yeah, I know
But you like me too much to want to kill me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Hang on a second the jury is just coming back in...
passing the verdict on... oh... oh.. it's not good for you at all Lab.

On the plus side I'm in Banbury at the moment so you have a good hours start
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:29, Reply)

If you killed me
Your life would become a montage of you driving along, seeing a Stobart lorry, and starting to shout, but then turning to the passenger seat and seeing it empty, your face drops. A heavy, sad sigh escapes you, as it starts to rain.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I play Stobart by myself all the time
as I drive 1,000 miles a month. Why do you think I'm unbeatable?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

beatable bearable
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

oh sadface
now you've gone too far
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

You've threatened to maim and/or kill me
Many, many times.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

"I picture a man
and then remove reason and accountability"
( Kroney, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:23, Reply)

fuck off Jack Nicholson

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

World's most unsettling face
right there, on that man.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:26, Reply)

^ this
he could be sweetness and light and giving out free kittens and chocolate and he would still terrify me.
(berk, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I'm pretty sure
that he's half goblin.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Speaking of sex
If the rumours are to be believed, Here's PJM SFW
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I'd be a fucking amazing women, it's so piss easy, all you do is sit around watching jermmy kyle eating bonbons and then your kids come home from school and you just give them a cardboard box and then your owner/man comes home so you can WAH WAH WAH....
... at him all evening and not let him have a word in edge ways because tracy next door has been seeing Bob behind Dave's back and you're just dying to tell someone.

..... this is another classic "I don't know where I'm going with this" post.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

sad times gonz
all this rage and sexism... i don't know...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I donno, I just got a picture in my head of me in a wig, some nice marks'n'sparks knickers, minus a stone or two, plus a few 0s on the bank account balance....
... and I thought "Damn straight, I'm a hawtie pie".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

you should go after what you believe in
make that dream come true
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I wonder if there is a porn out there, like photoshopped porn, of people shagging themselves, where one person is in a wig.
I can't be the first to think of that, I'd make a fortune.

Does anyone have a tripod I can carry? No, I'm not talking about my nickname.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

rule 34

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:45, Reply)

To be fair
You could do all of that as a bloke realy.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

You could
but you wouldn't.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Owner - ha ha.
Are you single by any chance Gonz?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I just don't know where I go wrong =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

You see, Piston told me all about it, how to get the chicks.
What you do, see, is point out all their mistakes, thus showing you are clever and therefore would potentially produce good offspring. You let them know how ugly they are in front of your friends, so she gets a low self esteem, and can see that you can do better, again, making you appear a good potential father, but you've got to sweet-talk her in private, showing her that you're a little bit interested, as otherwise she might leave thinking that you don't want her. If she doesn't do something right, like cook dinner properly, then you fling it at the wall, thus showing you're deserving of only michaline star stuff every day. If she decides to talk during a film or telivision show you enjoy, she has 'wronged' you, so that means you're allowed to cheat on her once per sentance.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I'd have a go on you if you were a chick Gonz
It'd be beautiful, like two doves singing at dawn, or the West Yorkshire Cricket Team coming first in the triathlon
( Theoban What of it, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I'd be the world's most angular woman
Great legs, though. I'd be a pretty good Tudor as it is *smug*
( Kroney, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Dunno realy
Apparently I look fairly androgynous as it is so I'm guessing not too disimilar to how I look now. But with tits and a minge instead of a cock.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

My corset came through the post
but i was dead to the world so post office has it.
To break the mold or however you spell it, i reckon i'd have an average sized penis. And would probably be gay.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I'd probably be gay
maybe a bit bi

edit: I've decided I'd be bi. Only makes sense. I'd be like Julius Caesar
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:25, Reply)

I look at my brother
and I worry about how I would have turned out if I was a boy. I'd have probably ended up like him, unnecessarily obsessed with saws, fig rolls, starting fires and crashing into trees.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:25, Reply)

Fig rolls are awesome!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Not as awesome as saws, starting fires
And crashing into trees.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:27, Reply)

you can see how the first two
could lead to the third if they went a bit wrong and you needed to get away in a hurry.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

That is a very valid point
I may have to question my brother now about his fire starting... hmmm...
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Hmmm...
I'm not fussed, my bro however will consume an entire packet of fig rolls in under 5 minutes! :S
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I'd have a massive beard for one
and I'd probably be a single geek for another. And taller, I would hope. But otherwise, no, not really.
Nicest thing through the post recently was a gorgeous next suit in a size 12 *frolics* I did buy it myself though, does it still count?
(berk, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:26, Reply)

So you'd be vipros?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:27, Reply)

I'm not single
and I wouldn't describe my beard as massive
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:29, Reply)

It's bigger than mine

(berk, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

that remains to be seen

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

I've met berk
She doesn't have a beard. On her face at least.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

interesting
*makes notes*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

So, whereas a couple of b3tans actively sleep with others
You're going to rack up a list of 'theory b3ta fucks'?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Are you hoping you're on it?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

No
But, in all honesty, I'd be hurt if I wasn't.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

You're totally on mine

(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Aww I feel loved!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

after creating The Picture
you can have anything you want
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I'd feel like it'd be blackmail
I cannot enjoy that.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:41, Reply)

What's "The Picture"?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

I made him a picture
It will never be seen by anyone else.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Now I want a Picture
I bet we all want one now
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

you need to have a SACRED BOND

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I bet they don't
And I've made you a picture! Two in fact (although one's for others too).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I want a special Picture
like his ^
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

it's not just mine
it's mine and Lab's

he's going to feel even more uncomfortable looking at it after this
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

I should never have made it
And I certainly should never have sent it to you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:51, Reply)

I want to see this picture more and more now

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

hahaha
I'm going to have to have another quick look
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

*cringes*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

ooooooh yeah

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

*researches how many CAT5e cables are needed to support a human body dropping from from 10ft*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Why, is it you and him high-fiving
over Amberl's tits?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

That actually
Would be better. By a fucking mile.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

in an aside
I highfived the hell out of some people at sonisphere

you got the odd person standing where people were walking asking for high fives. I suspect that at least 3 people had to go to hospital for hand injuries.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Hope they didn't get seen by JohnTheDane

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I have a feeling it's a photoshop of Lab and Vipros
in a 'this is what we'd do if we didn't have girlfriends' pose
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Nothing sexual is happening between us
That's all I'll say.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:04, Reply)

you can't leave us dangling :(
you have to tell us now!
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I can't even remember the conversation that led to its creation

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:11, Reply)

I vaguely can
It was something along the lines of 'with your hair and my beard, we'd be unstoppable'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:16, Reply)

haha, ah yes

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:28, Reply)

God
You really don't
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

that would imply that I would have some kind of choice

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Dude
Your beard is called Choice.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:38, Reply)

this confuses me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Meaning, with your beard, you can pick and choose the laydeez as you please

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:41, Reply)

if only that were true
the only lady I've met who really digs beards is Lusty. If only more were like that....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

More are, they just don't vocalise it so much
My girlfriend gets upset when I shave.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:43, Reply)

facial hair = win
in the large majority of cases. That is all.
(berk, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Thank you for proving my point
Cheque's in the mail.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

you've got yourself a good one there

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Now if only I could grow a proper beard
Not this lazy, half-hearted thing.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:45, Reply)

just let it grow as long as possible
then shave it off and do it again
and again
and again

then it should be a reasonable length. That's what I did.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

That I can handle
I just get random bald spots.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:52, Reply)

you just need to style it around them
gaz me an email address and I'll send you an amusing and educating guide
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

A friend of mine gets around his bald patches
by having a tricorn beard.
(berk, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

nice

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I shaved mine off while away
I look slightly odd, and a little babyfaced.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I looked more than slightly odd last time I shaved mine off
freaked me right out
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

You got rid of the cavalier tash?!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

In fairness to the man he's engaged
and once someone with a face like Vipros emotionally traumatises a woman to the stage of getting her to marry him, you don't want to run the risk of giving them a reason to leave you.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:38, Reply)

that is a very good point

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

what's the prob, you've got a backup

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Voice of experience there.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I'm alright now
she's got a better car than me, so if she leaves I get half of it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

do you reckon you'd split it between front and back seats
or down the middle, passenger/driver?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

I'd want the front
it's got the bit that goes vroom in it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

not if you drive a porsche

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

you should all make these lists
would make for good reading
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

until the inevitable flounce
by one person who is not mentioned once haha
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I feel if I published a list of b3tan ladies I'd do wicked things with
I'd be hounded off this site quicker than an Edmund alter-ego.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

well if you will insist
on including Chompy what do you expect?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

In no particular order
BGB
Roota (but only if djtrailprice lets me)
rachelswipe
Amberl's breasts
the other bits of Amberl
Clendrix
EDIT Kitty - but it would be a sympathy bone to stop her getting upset.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

*looks*
aw :(
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

hahahaha

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

you weren't on the list either.
ha.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Kitty is pouting now.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

I bet you are too
or at least you would be if you weren't thinking "It's okay, I can have anyone here, I'm a rapist" and then chuckling to yourself.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I'm doing a proper sad face
with my bottom lip all sticky out and I've made my eyebrows go all crumply.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Aww
you'd be on my hypothetical list
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

thanks
don't like Al anyway so ner.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

aww

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Aww
desperation is so attractive.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

It can't be, or you'd have a girlfriend

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

There I've editted it to make you happy

(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:00, Reply)

ZING!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Well done for spotting the sarcam.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

well done for spelling sarcasm correctly

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

It's this original and clever wit that everyone missed so much.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I missed it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Half his posts could be copied and pasted from the other half.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

it's efficient
I approve
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

You would.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:00, Reply)

GET IN!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

he would if he had the chance!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

And the approval of djtrailprice
but really I'd want him to join in.
And Roota to go and sit outside.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I thought as much

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:26, Reply)

yay
fanks al
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Doesn't sound like a bad bloke to be
I do have beard envy, although at the same time I doubt I could contain quite that much smugness.
(berk, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

you think I contain it?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Well, not so much I suppose
I guess if you keep it in too long it explodes outwards in a Krakatoa-like fountain of croissants.
(berk, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

it does count
and good for you.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

i got sent flowers at work
this is without exception the best thing that can happen to you during the working day. fact.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Lies
An early finish trumps all.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:32, Reply)

happy

DURR.
early happy

DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
DURR.
n early happy
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

What?
That makes no sense.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:35, Reply)

It fucking does.
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=happy%20finish
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Should it not have read:
"early happy" then?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:38, Reply)

I am fick, it clearly should.
Forgive me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:40, Reply)

You're forgiven
And it helps reaffirm that I'm not going mental.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:41, Reply)

aN happy?!
(TheColonel, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I'm going to kill myself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

no
the lovely surprise and then everybody asking you who they are from as you carry them back down and then how pretty they look and smell for the next 10 days or so. that trumps all!

although i did also get sent a lot of vodka by one of my clients who makes it the other week too. that was also a good day.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:41, Reply)

You seem to get a lot of 'gifts' from 'clients'. You must be doing a 'good job'.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

*cough* money laundering *cough*

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

at 500ml of vodka a pop
that is some sloooow money laundering!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

they'll neeever suspect....

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Nonsense.
I got a RECORD. Much more like it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I once got a $300 cash bonus at work.
I'm fairly certain this is better than getting flowers.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

It really is.
Especially if there are other women around.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:51, Reply)

I'd probably have a small penis.
I'd still dress the same and listen to the same music though. And I'd still want to do unspeakable things to Emilie Autumn. To be fair, I'm so much a boy already I probably wouldn't be that different.

Alt: My pole.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

On a sidenote
something weird just happened. While I was typing, scratchs began appearing on my hand. Like cat scratchs, the way they go slightly puffy. Bearing in mind the cats are outside, I felt nothing scratch me, have been around no knives, and actually saw them appear
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Stigmata

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

i doubt stigmata
looks like catscratches on the back of your hand
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

it has reminded me of a great Clutch song
which goes "don't worry, it's just stigmata, pass me a napkin and don't you dare tell my mother"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:41, Reply)

It reminds me of a great Bauhaus tune
'Stigmata Martyr'

/ex-goth elder brother
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Fond memories now of the Maxwell advert

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Good old Pete Murphy
They played a couple of shows last year which my brother attended: one amazing, one shit, apparently.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

You just can't go back
I don't even want to know what David Sylvian is doing these days. Bet he's a fat bald bloke now.
*sigh* Such cheekbones.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Now I've got to google him
*fears*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

OMG!
How gay does he look?!?!?!

It's no wonder my first husband was gay :(
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:03, Reply)

He always looked like a right shirter.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:35, Reply)

Weird, is it a rash or something?
Keep an eye on it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

nope
two long thin scratches. I have literally no idea how it could've happened
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Neurotoxin,
you've got about 15 mins.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

:S if it was a snake
I reckon I'd have seen it,
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Microneedles in your spacebar.
Nice knowing you.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:51, Reply)

oh the lies Pyschochomp
what did I ever do to you?

Besides I'd just have to die then. Isolated area and all that
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:52, Reply)

probably lupus

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:51, Reply)

It's *always* lupus
except when it isn't.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Oh my god!!
Ghost Ed!!! He's after your HAND! RUN AWAY RUUUNNN AWWWWAY
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

RUNNING NOW
they're still here
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

There _was_ a cat, but he died, 100 years to this day ago.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I got a new laptop delivered. Does that count?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

smaller tits, shorter hair and a nice handbag shoe combination

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I'd love to be a big hairy bloke
But my family aren't hairy or particularly big.
I'd probably be just short of 6ft with three chest hairs. Otherwise I'd look the same as I am now. Shorter hair maybe.

Oh, and I'd punch farmers a lot.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:42, Reply)

You'd be me?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I thought it was geese, not farmers?

(berk, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

that was Kitty

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

he couldn't handle a goose

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:52, Reply)

You've only got two chest hairs.
I stole one while you were asleep last night.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

I wondered what was in the glass vial around your neck

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

That might be creepy to others
But I find it touching.
OH GOD, this is how people fall for psychopaths and are found half-eaten at the side of the road.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Its only a matter of time my darling,
only a matter of time *hannibal lectors*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I can think of far worse ways to go.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:03, Reply)

You're lucky you found it

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Little blighter gave me quite a hunt.
I nearly had to turn the light on. But my night-vision goggles came through in the end.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

If you'd asked
I would have given you one.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Yeah, but where's the fun in that?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:23, Reply)

Yes, Labs, I'd be you
Even down to your strong moral code and your Superhero job.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:51, Reply)

You forgot
Manly, muscular thighs.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Natch
But I do already have my own.
Along with the oddly muscular shoulders that wouldn't disgrace a rugby front row.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I'd be a fat bird instead of a fat bloke
I'd probably get laid more
( Theoban What of it, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I don't think it works like that
either that or I've missed a lot of opportunities
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

DON'T RUIN MY DREAMS

( Theoban What of it, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Nicest thing I got in the post recently was a t-shirt
If I was a bloke I'd be crap at it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

This post is unfair to those of us with both parts.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

I think this wins for most unexpected post

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I thank gawd i'm not a woman
i'd be some frumpy old pig scarer for sure

I could probably carve out a niche for myself on OT moaning about my shit life
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

shut it batshit

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

I'm surprised she flounced
someone must have been super-mean to her
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:16, Reply)

sometimes its the only option
*grumps*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:16, Reply)

I thought that comment might get some replies
it's all about using the right bait
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:19, Reply)

:)

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:22, Reply)

I think I'd make a good bloke
and I'd definitely be a better father than a mother, I have an excellent selection of dad-style jokes and I'm pretty good at mending thing.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Here's the plan
1.Have a kid
2.Kill the father
3.Do Dad things
4.???
5.Profit!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

but but that leaves one
having to do both jobs and cooking, cleaning and being emotionally supportive suck
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Ah...
Welcome to my world.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Murder always has it's downsides

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:15, Reply)

That's where I went wrong
I forgot that bit of the plan.
*facepalms*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

I'd still be strong-minded, hard-drinking and a complete wrong'un.
As for physical traits... well, see for yourself.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 19:02, Reply)