Piss off
Another pal of mine fell asleep in a room full of people in full post-pub party mode, then got up and opened a drawer in a chest of drawers.

When he started to undo his flies and make ready to relieve himself into said drawer he was asked what on earth he thought he was doing, at which point he smiled conspiratorially to his host and said 'it's alright, everyone's doing it'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 8:40, Reply)

Wall
My friend Marcus once woke up fifty yards down the road from his house wearing pyjamas and his school blazer having let himself out trying to escape the marching hammers from Pink Floyd's The Wall.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 8:37, Reply)

more of a lack of sleep.......
when my oldest daugter was a newborn and therefore still waking every few hours to eat, i was just a bit tired. the ex mr badgers couldn't be bothered to actually take one of the feedings......he reasoned that i was off work for several months so could nap later......(like that is going to happen with a baby in the house).

i quickly discovered that i only had to be awake enough to stumble off to the kitchen and make a bottle.........i would then sit in a large chair where i could feed the baby (yes in the proper upright position) while dozing............

there were many night-time feedings that i flat out didn't remember because i dozed through the whole thing.......

i realized it was time to either ship the kid off to grandmother so i could get some real sleep or start waking fully after one interesting incident.......

i woke thinking the baby wanted a bottle, made one, and by the time i got back to her crib i found she was still asleep. my next step was to set the bottle on the nightstand and gratefully crawl back in bed. i couldn't have been asleep for more than a few minutes when the interesting bit happened.......

apparently the cat jumpped on the bed to get some sleep as well because i woke up holding the cat like a baby while trying to stuff a bottle in the poor cat's mouth! i couldn't understand why the baby didn't want the bottle and seemed to be a lot more furry than i remembered....


for some odd reason, the cat didn't want to sleep on the bed again for quite a while.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 24 Aug 2007, 7:59, Reply)

De plane, de plane!
The summer after my first year of college found me sleeping on the floor of our living room, as my room was in the attic and it was too hot up there to spend any length of time, even at night. This was at my behest, as I usually would sleep in my little sister's room, but she snores like a freight train.

Now, I had been known to sleepwalk occasionally as a young'un, and every now and then had woken up on the toilet or the couch even as an older teen. But I had not had a true episode in quite some time. Until this night.

I still remember exactly what I was dreaming that led up to these events. I was dreaming that I was in our living room, and needed to get out because an airplane was landing there soon. In my dream I walked a bit through the hallway, then out the door and into another building, which turned out to be a school dormitory where I had attended camp once. My room was the one with the piano outside of it (it really had been), so I played a small tune on it as I passed. I then started feeling along the floor to try and find my pillow and sheets.

In reality, what I had done was walk into my little sister's room, turn on the keyboard, and press a few notes while making contented noises to myself. I then started crawling along the floor. Lil sis wakes up and asks me what in the world I am doing. Still asleep, I tell her I am looking for my bed, but that I was apparently in the wrong dorm room. I apologized profusely, thinking I had woken up some stranger in my dream, and turned to leave.

Somewhere down the hallway I wake myself up by running into the doorknob on our closet. For some reason I was scared shitless and couldn't stop shaking. (I later heard this can be a normal reaction to waking up while sleepwalking) I manage to find my way back to the living room and to my pallet on the floor, but my blankets are all missing. I fold my egg crate mattress around myself as best I can and attempt to fall back asleep. The next morning we found my blankets in the hallway where I had apparently dragged them.

I can still remember the feeling of waking up after all that and being completely terrified. My lil sis thought the whole thing was funny, but it made me want to sleep in a room with locked doors for quite some time afterwards.
(NuclearMosquito, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 5:39, Reply)

tarantulas


not sleepwalking per se, more like sleep-beating-yourself-senseless....

When i was about 9 or 10 my uncle came to live with us... with his 2 full grown boa constrictors and 3 turantulas.

The boas were lovely,affable and affectionate. We had two large rubber plants on either side of our couch where they would repose, and as you would relax an said couch as one does, they would slither down upon your neck and chill out and watch a bit of telly with you. Appropriately enough we would fail to mention this to guests, as they would make themselves comfortable, but that is for another QOTW...

One morning we awake to find two of the three tarantulas missing from thier confines. much searching and dismantling of the house ensues, to no avail. it seems we have a couple new roomates. i'm not really cool with this.

I *awake* in the middle of the night as an undisclosed lump climbs under my covers from the foot of the bed and slowly makes it's way up my legs to my wee man parts...cue me beating the shit out of my poor willy and the like in a fit of terror until i *awoke*, never to find slumber again that night ( and fitfull nights thereafter).

next day we found the two unfortunates frozen stiff in the backyard, as it was winter, and i live in canada, back when winters were proper.

still not a big fan of spiders

length about 12 feet or 12 inches, depends on the weather.
(goorf, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 5:18, Reply)

Vigo
I dreamed that I was doctor quinn medicine woman being chased by Vigo from ghostbusters. I woke up terrified under a ute clutching this lifesize stuffed dog which I had thought was one of my kids.
(Sammyj, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 4:12, Reply)

Sleep Sex
This is definitely weirder than sleepwalking. An ex-girlfriend of mine on one or two occasions engaged in sleep sex. It's not as creepy as it may sound.

I crawled into bed while she was sleeping and she was talking in her sleep to me. She didn't seem to know who I was. I put my hand on her and she said "How did you know that would feel good?" She suddenly became obsessed with other pleasures, and asked my name before we had sex. It was basically like sleeping with a totally different girl. The main difference was that she screamed my name, which is something she had never done and would never do again.

Anyway, when she woke up she didn't remember any of it, but recalled having a good dream. I was not accused of rape.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 3:48, Reply)

Carflark!
Alright, only one of these is sleepwalking specifically, but I'll relate them all.

When my brother was a youngin, he came down the stairs one night, stood there, and said "Adrain has her head stuck in the coffee table!...balloons..." Adrian was our dog at the time, and actually got her head stuck in the coffee table the next day, but it was bound to happen anyway. Another time my brother sat bolt-upright and said "carflark". Again, who knows.

Now my turn!

When I was 10-11 on a trip to Curacao, I was sharing a bed with my mum (my dad was in the other). They say that all of a sudden I sat up, stared at nothing, and said "tooooouch....toooooouch....". I have no idea what was going on, but I feel abd for my mum. That's like something out of a horror film. xD

And, finally, I have a nightguard (to keep me from grinding my teeth). Or...had. I can't wear it any more for this reason. I'd go to bed and put the damn thing in. When I woke up, it would be on my nightstand, clearly placed there.

By me.

This happened twice (and more than that I'd torn my retainer out and thrown it under my covers, but that's much less epic).
(RabidIceWeasel, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 3:46, Reply)

My wife
My wife sleeps topless, and when she's under stress she has a tendency to sleepwalk. Two of the three times I've seen she tried to leave the apartment and I had to stop her.

My parents were coming for a visit recently and she got stressed out enough to sleepwalk. First she walked to the front door and pulled out all the shoes from the cupboard and arranged them nicely. Then she went to her bedroom where she stuffed her backpack full of bras (at this point she was still only wearing shorts). Rather than actually go on this doubtlessly monumental trip, she fortunately crawled back into bed. I have no idea where she was going or why she'd need to take a dozen bras.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 3:44, Reply)

Sleepfalling
I was staying in a log cabin in mid Wales with a few friends. The cabin was a very basic one with no water or electrics and a few bunk beds. Sometime during the night i wake up feeling cold and discover i am lying on the cold concrete floor of the cabin , wearing nothing but a furry pink coat. I had fallen at least 6ft from the top bunk onto the hard floor and then found one of the girls coats to wear. I had a rather big bruise on my arm for a few weeks as well.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 3:02, Reply)

I keep having dreams where I'm flying
and then I'll wake up in a tree. Some native American dude told me to bury my hand in the ground for like 3 days and if moss grows in it, then that means I'm a Shaman.
( intesvensk can't recall when I last checked the newsletter, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 2:50, Reply)

When i was 7
i had gone down stairs and was watching a fuzzy screen on tv in my sleep. I woke up after my mother came down stairs to ask what i was doing... i was obviously very confused..

A friend of mine also did her washing in her sleep...
(loop, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 2:28, Reply)

Not really sleepwalking...
I have such vivid dreams. Occasionally, I'll wake up and think they're true. I've done things like cry because I've thought someone was dead or even get up and start hunting around my bedroom.

Once, I had a dream I was hit down by a car. I woke up and got really upset because I assumed I must be dead. It took me ages to work out I'd really been asleep.

Not exciting but I don't sleepwalk.
(ladyintheradiator, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 1:28, Reply)

*Snore*
Just a couple of stories somewhat in the vein of some others.

A friend of mine showed me a text message she sent once. It went something like this "Hey, i'm ok. Just got back abdnfuew hroejhoiw jieoq8384an from work and i'm pretty tired". Turns out she had fallen asleep momentarily while texting and her thumb had merrily continued poking buttons until she woke up again and continued where she left off.

My girlfriends family are notorious sleepwalkers and talkers. The only one that sticks in my mind is the time her younger sister was thumping about upstairs and as her dad came upstairs to see what the fuss was promptly decided to throw herself down the stairs. Cue one very surprised and relieved father and one extremely comatose girl.

I must confess that my girlfriend and I engage upon sleeptalking almost nightly. Usually involves one comment of absolute arse followed by the other person commenting about how the talking person is really asleep. However every so often it happens simultaneously. One time I called out "quickly we must repaint the ceiling with memories" (I was dreaming I was painting the Sistine Chapel of all places) to which my girlfriend replies "no we cant they are not good enough and no-one else will understand". At this point we both came to, being aware something very strange had transpired...

Length? Enough to put you to sleep.
(McMosha is clockwatching at, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 1:28, Reply)

My former (kinda) girlfriend
was terrible for random outbursts in her sleep.

First time we fell asleep together, she punched me weakly four times in the night. Not too bad, I thought, it's a small bed, and she fidgets a little. No harm.

We shared a hotel room in Liverpool (Adelphi, if you're interested). I couldn't sleep for some reason, but she could. As I lay, drifting in and out of sleep, she shook me awake, and when I asked what was wrong, she punched me. Quite hard. I saw she was asleep, though, so ignored it.

A few minutes later, she shook me again, and mumbled something about "snowball", before telling me to "shave a wave". I moved further away from her in this double bed...

I also have this tendency myself to "jerk" suddenly, as I fall asleep. A leg, or an arm, or sometimes my neck, will just spazz out for a second, then stop.

This has caused me to:

kick a girlfriend in her sleep.
elbow people on my break at work.
And, most memorably,
knock over a guy's cup of tea on the train, spilling hot liquid all down him. He was not best pleased.
( Thinker, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 1:06, Reply)

probably because im lazy ...
i didnt sleepwalk, preferring instead to talk in my slumber. this i managed quite successfully on many occasions, notably on school mornings (a while back now!) when mum would attempt to wake the beast and would "hold a 10 minute conversation" with me. after which she'd leave the room and i would continue to sleep until there was almost no time left to get ready ... even after i repeatedly told her to just "slap me, or kick me out of bed, PLEASE", she never did. [should this have been in the parenting QoTW? :P]

the one time i -did- bother doing something in my sleep i dont even remember. i was passed out on a bed one sunny afternoon and a mate thought it would be funny to see how i reacted to him patting my arse as i lay face down on the bed. apparently (and i have no recollection of this) i jumped up, made a kick towards his face, while he jumped back into a corner, scowled at him, then went back to sleep ...

and i wondered why he was so nice to me at dinner that evening.
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 0:49, Reply)

I'm a pisser, my girlfriend is merely an idiot.
Well, when I was a nipper I changed bedrooms with my sister, as it was my turn for the bigger room. That very night I apparently heaved myself out of bed and followed the mentally programmed route to the toilet.

Of course, there toilet was no longer there, but happily my wardrobe was. Apparently my mum was laughing too hard to stop me pissing all over my shoes.

I also often used to stand over my mum and dad in the middle of the night, just staring at them. My mum reckoned I was definitely going to become a serial killer.

As an aside, my girlfriend often talks bollocks in her sleep. Only last week she woke up and checked all round the bed before informing me that she was checking if the ceiling had fallen in.

She raced a walrus to the cashpoint yesterday evening. I'm off to bed, it's like a surreal multi part soap opera.

*pop*. Apologies etc, but if you're going to stab the cherry, stab it with something long.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Fri 24 Aug 2007, 0:47, Reply)

Apparently...
'Typical' College story.

I'd always been known for sleepwalking as a kid, but fortunately growing up in the middle of nowhere all it resulted in was a few surpised cows as mini Chev wandered around the field. Apart from when I stood staring out of the window leaning against the radiator for long enough to get 2nd degree burns...

But the potentially most embarrassing story follows the usual trail of alcohol....

After a fairly (but not unusually heavy night) I apparently went for a pee (in the proper place, unlike most tales here), and on the long trail back (approx 10 metres) firstly walked in on a mate 'introducing himself with new gf (switching lights on and introducing myself apparently very politely despite her understandable screaming), followed by being discovered asleep in the bath covered by tea towels by random person, then waking by best mate up (next door neighbour) and insisting (and doing, despite his protestations) climbing across the roof from his dormer window to mine, approx 100 ft above a river (amongst many much harder things).

Oh, and for something just less personally scary..

a) furious grandparents (incl. physical punishment) for swearing in my sleep aged 7. I was blamed for my own subconscious...

b) waking ex-gf saying we needed to buy a new wardrobe (we didn't even own an old one)
(Chevron71 is oscillating wildly...., Fri 24 Aug 2007, 0:39, Reply)

I don’t sleep walk
But I do have very vivid recurring dreams about needing to piss desperately. I’ll find myself in very awkward situations where I’m busting for a piss but there is nowhere suitable and will end up doing it in front of an assembly. Or sometimes I find the toilet but can’t lift the lid and end up going all over that – all the time panicking that I’m going to get caught.

But by far the weirdest was when (still dreaming here, people) my mum walked in on me pissing ketchup into a shepherds pie.
(Creamy Discharge Freeze Motherstickers, this is a fuck up, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 0:00, Reply)

Good thing I didn't flush...
I'm told that once when I was much younger, I sleepwalked through my parents' room (waking them up) on the way to their bathroom, where I promptly used their toilet, wiped myself with the bathtowel hanging across from the toilet, pulled the towel over and stuffed it into the toilet, washed my hands (!), and went back to bed. To this day I almost wish I'd tried to flush, just for the mayhem it would have caused.
(enervatrice, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 23:57, Reply)

Sleeptalking
No walking involved in this one, but when holidaying in Florida a few years ago, my mother, sleeping in the same room as myself and a friend sat upright, looked right at me (still awake) and proclaimed "She'll never clean it like this".

She then woke up, realising what she'd done, groaned and fell back into bed. Needless to say, me and my mate didn't sleep for a while, too busy laughing and doing impressions.

Another time (this one involves walking, temporarily at least) she walked into my room where I was sat at the computer and complained that I was up so late. She then was quiet for a minute, I asked her what she was doing whereupon she said "Fainting" and promptly slid down my door.

*Pop*
(kris kringle I only posted this message to find out the date on, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 23:53, Reply)

Paaaarp
My other half has a very early start so he's often fast on, whilst I'm lying in bed reading or something. He's entertained me with various sleeptalking, and annoyed me greatly with standing up and relieving himself on the bedside table, but the most recent thing he's taken to doing is letting rip with the loudest smelliest fart ever and then giggling like a schoolboy - all whilst fast asleep. I find it quite endearing at the moment... Can't imagine that lasting.
(Kohoutek, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 23:51, Reply)

Usual stuff
Definately linked to stress for me. I was once told by a girlfriend that I sat bolt up right in bed. Woke her up and said "What makes you think it was murder?"
I then turned over and returned back to my deep sleep. Not so much luck for my then girlfriend who spent the rest of the night with the duvet pulled up to her face staring at the back of my head.
( Smithlick is often seen at the bottom of threads, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 23:27, Reply)

The Horrors
Oh the horrors of sleepwalking

ever since i started secondary school i've sleepwalked, its linked to how stressed i am.

I've woken up down the shops,at other freinds houses, once on the roof, in the bath, in the hottub, at work, at an ex's house (explain that one)

when i was 16, i was dating a pretty 15 year old lass, and i used to stay over about 2 nights a week (and she would stay at mine 2-3 a week)

one night i woke up and started to have sex with her in my sleep (its happened dozens of times, i lost count at 30ish) not usually a problem , as she was used to it.

there was one catch..

Her, her sister, and her mum shared a room for 6 months, fucksocks.

Oh no, it gets worse

I then went on to slip into the (Older!) sisters bed, and carry on. yup

Older sister didnt mind, girlfreind did

woke me up mid act-never, EVER wake a sleepwalker

most sleepwalkers become violent, i have panic attacks, not the petty small ones where you need to rest for 15 mins, no more the blue lips, passing out kind, i've "Died" twice thanks to these panics

que the mother waking up and having to give mouth-mouth

Yup, Shagged two sisters and "pulled" the mom in the same night.

never mentioned it again.

i have 3 coursework assignments due in in 12 hours time, and i havent started yet, who wants to bet i'll sleepwalk tonight?
(tainek, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 22:50, Reply)

I occasionally sleepwalk when I sleep somewhere new.
We moved house when I was 12. Not far at all, just round the corner, but to a bigger house. Being twelve years old, I helped out with as much lifting, carrying, hefting, pushing and Being a Grown Up as I could. By the end of the day I was thoroughly tired out. I sat down with my family to the eagerly-awaited takeaway meal and could hardly keep my eyes open. After the meal, I trudged sleepily up to my new room and climbed into my old bed.

I woke up because I was cold. It was very quiet and dark, I'd guess around 3am. I looked around and thought, "that's odd, I don't remember coming out to the garden." Shivering and looking down at myself, the realisation slowly dawned that not only was this the garden of my _old_ house, but that I'd inexplicably taken off my T-shirt and was sitting on cold damp grass in nowt but a pair of old boxers.

I was twelve. I'd been asleep. The boxer-clad parts of me had done what they tended to do when I was asleep at that age and were clinging damply and rather tightly to my, er, embarrassment.

To this day I don't know if anyone saw me. I wasn't a sporty kid, but I don't think I have ever run so fast in my life.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 22:35, Reply)

Don't wake me up and expect me to talk sense
Sister comes into my room one morning.

Sis: Where have Mam and Derek [our stepfather] gone?
Me: There (points)
Sis: Where?
Me: THERE!

Where am I pointing? At the lower frame of the (open) top window! Apparently that's where they'd gone, in that bit of the frame there!

Length: about 2 feet, and three inches square.
( eXOBeX, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 22:20, Reply)

My brother phoned up his girlfriend in the middle of the night for a chat, the conversation was as follows:
Brother: "Hi"
GF: "Hey"
Brother: "How are you?"
GF: "Fine...how are you?"
Brother: "Good"

Follows about 5 minutes of conversation. The next day when he talked to her - she didn't remember a thing.
( St. Defenestration The REAL one, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 22:20, Reply)

My sister
(who's a regular lurker here so will probably read this) used to sleep walk a *lot* when we were kids, so, some highlights:

*Sleepwalking down the stairs to my parents bed room (parents have a dormer bungalow) with quilt in tow -- never once tripped over it and it's an open plan stair case.

*Sleepwalking in the hotel room whilst on holiday in Malta but somehow following the route that would take her downstairs in our home, so cue opening door to bathroom and not finding a stair case.

*When we had bunk beds with sofas underneath (MFI number) she manages to climb down from her bunk, come into my room (across the landing) climb up my bunk's ladders and wake me up to ask me something (can't remember what now). My solution? Tell her to go back to bed, so off she goes back to her room, climb back up her bunk and into bed. This was all whilst sleep walking (though eyes were open and were just black)

There's probably more that I can't remember right now. All stopped before she finished junior school.

As for me, I don't sleepwalk but I sometimes (rarely) remember dreams, or more specifically, I'm semi-conscious in the dream and something shall happen and I'll just say in the dream "well this can't be real because that can't happen" and I wake up.
(iapetus, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 22:14, Reply)

Talking
I've been known to sleep-talk. Well, of sorts - it goes like this.

We're talking in bed - "Blah blah and it's like when you're just falling asleep and you're in the REM (rapid eye movement) state"

Pause - and this is where I apparently have dropped off.

Seconds later, I wake up - "And it's to do with lorries"

"What????"


It's what I do - when I'm talking and it's late, sometimes I drop off mid sentence or even mid-word - slip into a dream and then wake up and continue the dream conversation - which is usually utter bollocks.

Sorry this is a dull post - I just don't sleep-walk....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 22:10, Reply)

the problem is NOT waking up
The problem with me is not waking up... this was exploited to various elaborate lengths by my friends who new after a few sherbets I would nodd off into a virtual coma, leaving myself open to every prank in the book. Yes all the usual, half an eyebrow, going to the toilet in a pub loking in the mirror to see a Groucho moustache and glasses... but the strangest way to wake up was at a party in a rather posh and large family garden... in a trailer, travelling at speed, downhill toward a girl with her knickers round her ankles having slighted off to the bushes for a pee. It clipped a tree broke the wood off the end of the trailer with the force of decelleration and i skidded and tumbled to a halt right in front of her astonished urinating pose.... and you think dreams can be wierd!
(ElektroMotif, Thu 23 Aug 2007, 22:09, Reply)