They follow you...
Most of my nicknames at school were the normal sort: Scruffbag, stinker, truffle (after the shuffle)... Nothing with real thought behind it.

Then I got to college, and a general trend struck up that I looked like Christopher Biggins (My glasses at the time didn't help). Even the teachers called me 'Biggins'...

Even when I moved to University (and none of my friends followed) it seemed to mystically follow me. When I started my Masters, even the students called me it to my face... S'pose I was used to it by then.

By the time I left Uni, I'd changed hair colour, style, had new fancy slim-line glasses... I got to work and for four precious years I was Fatty Gay (Do I get bonus marks for something that sound like it's foreign?) or 'Fatty Batty'. Couldn't argue with it, so I got used to it. At least it wasn't blasted 'Biggins'...

Then. One fateful evening. A re-run of Porridge on the telly... What started the following morning at work?

Apparently, I'm irrevocably 'Lukewarm'. Portly... Gay... Biggins.
( moogthedog, Mon 22 May 2006, 8:10, Reply)

That takes the biscuit
My cousin used to have a ginger tom cat called McVitie.If asked "Why Mcvitie?" he would reply "Cos he has ginger nuts..."
First post, how was it for you?
(Mackeson_drinker, Mon 22 May 2006, 6:54, Reply)

my friend had the nickname 'Gary Glitter'

because he abused children.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 22 May 2006, 6:01, Reply)

A mate of
mine's real name is Stew

Naturally his nickname is Pid or Mr Pid to you...
(m0n|<eY, Mon 22 May 2006, 5:02, Reply)

Spud
was so-called as he was a bit of a vegetable.

Ooze was named for the amount of sweat and stink he produced on long hikes.

Dim was named because he is a bit dim by nature.

Penis-features real name is Dick.

PF also named me Fuckbag. Which was nice.
( DeSpong currently knitting your suggestions - see profile, Mon 22 May 2006, 4:56, Reply)

Harsh but Fair
The school bus was a breeding ground for excellent, imaginative and usually hurtful nicknames.

I remember a group of girls we used to see in Sutton at the bus stop. I think they went to St Philomena's catholic girls school in Carshalton.

Anyway, as our bus pulled up at their stop, we would all bellow their nicknames out the window. These included:

MEAT FLAPS for the least attractive one of them.

HOD CARRIER for the heavily set one.

DAVID BELLAMY for the dark haired one with a bit of a moustache.

I cringe now at how embarrassing this must of been for them in front of all the other commuters...everyday.

In an ironic twist of fate, several years later I ended up going out with the David Bellamy one for about a year, who amusingly still referred to her friends as Hod Carrier and Meatflaps.
(Mandrill, Mon 22 May 2006, 3:58, Reply)

Duck & Others
There was a girl i was friends with at school - she started to piss me off after a while so i started being a bit nasty - She was nicknamed duck because when she laughed she looked like one. Needless to say once people started calling her Duck she didn't laugh so much anymore. I also made a song up about her dandruff too, I'd sing it to her and anyone else that would listen during physics. I think she ended up hating me.

Snake also hated me but fuck it i can't help being a twat. Anyway snake got her name because of god knows what - I think she'd said something stupid about snakes which people found funny or whatever. She used to get really mad whenever anyone called her snake, obviously that made people do it even more.
It made her cry a few times.

Beavis was nicknamed beavis cause he looked like him - we tried finding someone that looked like butthead but we never could.

Jesus was named jesus because of his long lank hair, i liked jesus he was cool. The the day we left school for the very last time some twat cut his hair off.

Molly - After the film 'Ghost' came out a girl had her hair cut - She looked like Molly, I lengthened it to Molly Mushroomhead. She didn't like me.

There are more but i can't quite remember them all - I got the Nickname 'Bitch' When i went to sixth form. I thought that they could have tried harder, lazy bastard sudents!
(HamsterOfDoom, Mon 22 May 2006, 3:54, Reply)

we like songs
James the cat...
(sing to the tune of Jake the peg)
Deedle-eedle-eedle-dum
is really fat
Deedle-eedle-eedle-dum
Couldn't sit on your lap
Deedle-eedle-eedle-dum
Cause he'd squash you flat
Deedle-eedle-eedle-dum!

We used to wait inside the school gates for the poor bugger to arrive and chant it as he walked in. Bit long though.

Mum used to call me Ichabod for no reason but to make me mad. This was shortened to Icky which was worse. Conjures up unpleasant associations doesn't it.

My favorite was 'mushroom head' given to a girl in my 3rd form class who recieved a very unfortunate haircut, she grew it out over the next four years but retained the name mushroomhead indefinately.
(Sufficiently unusual & humorous at times, Mon 22 May 2006, 1:50, Reply)

Convicted!
Ever since I was convicted for murdering an elderly aunt, I've been affectionately nicknamed 'Aunt Murderer'.

My mum still calls me 'Jim Jam Podger'. In her letters.
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Mon 22 May 2006, 1:40, Reply)

FGW
Back in my school days, there was a fat ginger wanker. We called him, imaginitively, "fat ginger wanker". Abbreviated to FGW, at least he always knew who we were talking about... he was a bit of an arty type, probably reads this board. Hiya there, FGW!
(stoat on the road to nowhere, Mon 22 May 2006, 1:12, Reply)

Dun Dun Duuunn
My on/off nickname (kindly given to me by my own mother) Is fadge/fatfadge/fadgita - Her reason for the vile name is cause apparently when i was a baby/toddler i was a fat fucker and my fadge was apparently fat.

The bitch.
(HamsterOfDoom, Mon 22 May 2006, 0:55, Reply)

There's a boy with a hairy back at college
that we used to call Carpetback, or, if you were a bit more nerdy, Chewbacca. And he started goung out with a lass that somehow ended up being called The Ostrich, who has a fat ginger friend that I knew for a while only as Henry VIII.

Me? I get called the Undertaker and Hitler, and I have little idea why I get either.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 22 May 2006, 0:40, Reply)

History teacher
One of History teachers was called Mr. Hepworth.

One day, during a lesson, Mr Hepworth suffered an epiletic fit. Several students thought it was hiliarious, doubled with the new term "Hepiletic Hepworth" they giggled for weeks about it.

Variations were limited to stuff like "Heppy" but the sight of a large ginger rugby player suddenly collapsing and very nearly twatting his head on a desk.... never really appealed to me or amused me that much.
(tylrdiablos, Mon 22 May 2006, 0:30, Reply)

Teacher
Oh and at school, PE teacher called "Strauss". Took us years to figure out his name was "Mr Howells" but he spoke very quickly.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 22 May 2006, 0:07, Reply)

4 years
first day at Uni, in the pub (Pump & Tap, Leicester, not there any more... boo) was introduced to "Fat Bloke" - thats what he said his name was and thats what everyone called him.

"Fancy a pint Fat Bloke?" "Yes please" was a typical conversation.

4 years later, we still didnt know his real name and we would have been shocked if had been anything other than Fat Bloke.

Well anyway if Fatty didnt go and flip out on us... the whole gamut of fatty whinges... "why do you lot all call me fat bloke, I'm not fat, I'm big boned" etc etc whinge whinge.

Sorry Fat Bloke, you were a nice guy. But fat.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 22 May 2006, 0:06, Reply)

Black
I was fondly nicknamed "Wog"
my dad is black

this spawned many spinoffs of songs sung at full volume in clubs by a large amount of people by just replacing key words in the song with Wog.

"fear of the Wog"
Classic.
(Buttoxpillow, Mon 22 May 2006, 0:05, Reply)

Obscure 90's football reference...
At my school one of the maths teachers was mr slavin. so we called him bilic after the obscure 90s footballer slaven bilich. I think only 5 of us got it, but everyone used it. Also a kid called JP was nicknamed Jay Gayness. And a camp kid called something robinson was changed to bender benderson, never felt bad about that until i saw him last week for the first time in 5 years and he recognised me. now i feel bad.
when i was 12 i was nicknamed the ginger biscuit from hell. or maybe someone called me that once and i made it stick in a Mr Cool Ice kinda way. either way its awesome.

I also call my sister dave all the time except at funerals. her name is kate. i cant actually remember why
(gingerchris I'm trying..., Mon 22 May 2006, 0:04, Reply)

Minty
Minty was one of the geography teachers at the comp I went to (erm...twagged to smurk tabs and drink harp lager in the park) His name was Minty cos he were called Robert (u work it out..) thats not very interestin, what was, was that he was done for cottaging. Oh my, how we laughed at him ... old bugger (lit.) got his own back on me tho... thumped me one while i was havin a fag (a ciggie, not his besty) waiting outside the exam hall before me maths A level. He wore patches on the elbows of his tweed jacket .. always a sign (of a geography teacher) that is.
(DeepBlueMax, Sun 21 May 2006, 23:39, Reply)

Yet another
When I was 30 years younger, I used to goout drinking with a load of guys, only one of whom had a non-surname-related nickname. He was nicknamed "Bronson" after Charles Bronson the cinema mugger-slaying psycho hard man. Mick was about 7 stone dripping wet and a really nice guy.



They ALL like girth
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sun 21 May 2006, 23:27, Reply)

The navy can, indeed be cruel with nicknames.
Cess Pitt.
Silica Gell.
Swish Curtin (the noise it makes as you pull the curtains back).

There were two Nobby Clarke's in my mess.
Nobby the stoker.
Wobbly Nobby, as a result of a limp gained due to a spinal injury.

I was Wobbly Nobby. Which didn't really bother me. At least it was unique.

At least I wasn't "That fat cnut Hicks".
(Le Grenouille, Sun 21 May 2006, 23:24, Reply)

Nicknames
Weeeel let me see. Flintstone/Fred (Surname Flint)
Also at High School;
Digger/Murderer/Alice (was into Alice Cooper, wore a long mac etc)
Chunk (Bit fond of the old pies)
Other kids we had were:
Zombie (zits)
Gonk (looked like one)
Buddah (had a zit in the middle of forehead)
Jimmy the Jew (dad owned local paper shop which was expensive)
Stiffy (hair gel)
Banger (Girl who got shagged in bathroon and banged her head repeatedly on toilet base)
Spaz (surname Sparry)
Probably more to come...
(kitescreech still here, Sun 21 May 2006, 23:16, Reply)

Mmm Throaty
A-Level Biology with Mr. Powell: Unfortunately the man had a rather prominent adam's apple and a nervous disposition which i guess made it bob about somewhat. Resulted in the 'hilarious' nicknames of 'Throaty Powell' and [more amusingly] 'Whooped up a bollock' as it appeared that somehow he'd had a large coughing fit and just hacked one of the fellows up there...still there to this day I hear. Also said please and thankyou after most sentences 'can you open your books please thankyou' etc which on top of the fact that we didn't respect him at all meant that every lesson was a joyous occasion spent counting how many times he said please and how many times the bollock appeared to be making a break for it out of his mouth. It's suprising how I managed to actually get a C out of it to be honest.

And he was a shit teacher. Yeah...
(TruckfulsOfWoo, Sun 21 May 2006, 22:52, Reply)

Nicknames? Hate 'em ;)
Well, started out as Acko at primary school, (derived from surname), okay, not too bad, then went to secondary and grew my hair looong - and it's curly - so became, either Hair Bear (kinda cool!) or Crystal Tips (not cool!). Then became Phineas The Thug (not cool when you're introduced to people) cos I shaved all my hair off, and Fireman Phineas (a bit embarrasing, frankly, but better than nowt...) cos I joined the London Fire Brigade. At 19. With adolescent spots, oh yes. So from then on I was Spotty, or, to one particular wag of a sub-officer at training school 'E8'. Why, we asked. "'Cos it's the postcode for 'ackney! hur! hur!". Sigh.

Apologies, length, girth, whatever, fuck off then it's my first post...
(phineas, Sun 21 May 2006, 22:29, Reply)

Other people's are more interesting.
Passed down through the years "have you seen the mulletman, the mulletman, the mulletman..."

He had a mullet.
(ladyintheradiator, Sun 21 May 2006, 22:15, Reply)

teacherrss
ermm we've got an i.t technician called jesus!
i was in a lesson once, and my friend got asked where his homework was and he casually said "ohh sorry miss, jesus wouldn't let me print it off"
the look on her face made me chuckle for the rest of the lesson.
(rosie-pie, Sun 21 May 2006, 21:46, Reply)

my flatmates brother
when my flatmates mum was preggers she named her bumps. no one can remember what her first two kids were called whilst they were still bumps but the youngest (paul) is now universillay known as bod. i only found out his real name after being friends with said flatmate for 7 years
( bertisfantastic bert is a sleepy bear, Sun 21 May 2006, 21:32, Reply)

Not having any ties to the Wild West
In school one of my mates decided (at the time me being overly porky, gladly recently losing some of the weight)to call me Sheriff Fatman, and him referring it to me by the telling our german teacher to call out Sherriff Fatman instead of my real name.

In return,I nicknamed him Arseical or Arse for short. (although i rarely ever used it)
(Bridgwatered, Sun 21 May 2006, 21:30, Reply)

Never really had an interesting/amusing/embarassing nickname...
...erm...

...see you next week then?

Okay.

/coat
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Sun 21 May 2006, 21:10, Reply)

Fatty
simply because I am underweight.

Its boring now.
(ladyintheradiator, Sun 21 May 2006, 20:53, Reply)