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Ten things to do before you die
1 - Fall in love
2 - Become a parent
3 - Experience awe (fuck dolphins, swim with a whale)
4 - Have sex exactly how you want to have it
5 - Explore the limits of your physical strength and endurance (fatties, this can mean walking to collect your pizza)
6 - Conquer something - a fear, a mountain, an unwilling sex partner...
7 - Put yourself in perspective, stand next to a mountain, lie on a warm sandy beach and count the stars
8 - Learn to love adrenaline (drive a car too fast, climb a cliff, ride a bike down a mountain)
9 - Make someone laugh with you
10 - Obtain validation from the Internet.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:29, archived)
Too much mountain; didn't read.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:30, archived)
*validates you*
I reckon I've got 8 of those.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:30, archived)
LEVEL COMPLETE!
 
Your time: 23 years
Average time: 72 years
% explored: 80%

-- PRESS THE SPACE BAR TO CONTINUE --
 
(I helped save b3ta! TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)
This loot system sucks.

(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:48, archived)
What loot system?

(I helped save b3ta! TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)
I've counted up 5
not bad for only 22.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:31, archived)
I've got 5
I suspect not the same 5.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:32, archived)
I've not climbed any mountains or had any children
but the internet loves me and I do love shagging.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)
ever shagged a whale?

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:35, archived)
The moment I posted that I realised how this could be misinterpreted as a crack at your ex

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:35, archived)
ha
I didn't pick up on that.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)
Did he ever ask you to stick a harpoon up his arse at the point of orgasm ?

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:43, archived)
no
and I won't do it for you either, Ahab.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)
Ok
You just do the sex at me and I'll handle my own harpoon.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:46, archived)
FROM HELL'S HEART I STAB AT THY PROSTATE

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)
I should really have edited it to 'dolphin'
rather than drawing attention to it.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)
it's too late now
we all think you're mean.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:37, archived)
I am mean, terribly terribly mean.
It's been getting me into trouble on here recently.
I think perhaps I've changed.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:38, archived)
to be fair, you do take insults as well as give them
you side-partinged ponce.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)
*ignores*

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:42, archived)
their penises are the size of small cars
too big even for my cavernous vagina.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)
Your fanny is like an inverse cast of a Matey bubblebath.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:37, archived)
you just want to see it filled with an octopus wearing a sailor's hat
you sicken me
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)
*adds to wank bank*

(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:42, archived)
oh hai there!
did you stay long on Friday?
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)
Until closing time.
There was lots of merriment and derision of the shitter b3tans.
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)
aw
Piston broke doesn't have much luck, does he?
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:50, archived)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:52, archived)
:)

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)
All but one done

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:31, archived)
I've done
1,3,4,6,7,9
if you reply to me I can check off 10 as well.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:31, archived)
4 isn't possible you dozy fuck.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:32, archived)
It doesn't specify that it has to be with someone else.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)
Yeah but now imagine you had four hands,
eh?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:43, archived)
how could you get four hands on something so small?
ha hee ho hum
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:56, archived)
7/10
FUCK YEAH
(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:32, archived)
is that your own set of standards?

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)
Yes
I've done 9
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:42, archived)
That's convenient.
I think I'll also choose my list of things to do before I die from things I've already done.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:45, archived)
Hoorah !

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:46, archived)
bugger
i won't be having kids
(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)
You can adopt
Even if it's just a gorilla at London Zoo
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)
I reckon I'm up to about 8

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)
laughing at you
is not the same as laughing with you
(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:35, archived)
Actually I suspect 7 is closer actually.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:45, archived)
actually actually

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)
Fuck off, you fucking wanker.
I hate all this "things to do before you die" shit. I don't give a damn about swimming with any hairy fish or visiting Rio de Janeiro during a festival or whatever.

If I want, I'll sit in my room all day every day from now until I starve to death.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)
die then you fucking grumpy cuntface
pffft
(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)
I MIGHT JUST.
WHAT THEN, EH?
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:37, archived)
WE GET TO EAT ALL YOUR FOOD FATTYPUSS

(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:38, archived)
Joke's on you!
It'll have gone off by then.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:40, archived)
bugger

(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:50, archived)
would you like a free 10-day WoW trial?

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)
No, but thank you.
I've tried the odd MMORPG, and I tend to get bored after a week or so. 3 of those days would be wasted!
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)
Yeah I'm putting all that pretentious stuff off until after I die,
priorities priorities, dying is far more important.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)
I'll never achieve any of these
NEVER
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:34, archived)
Being Genuine BGN I'm fucked for number 10
6 - Conquer something - a fear, a mountain, an unwilling sex partner... Made me office LOL
(I helped save b3ta! Gooch Is neither here nor there, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:35, archived)
hiiiiissssssssss

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:38, archived)
big gay nigel

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:57, archived)
4 out of 10
Must try harder.
(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)
You missed out
11 - Have Dolly Parton wank you off into a dinner lady's hair..
(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:36, archived)
That's covered under "experience awe"

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:40, archived)
I've done all except 2 and 10 :(

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:37, archived)
I've swum with sharks, will they do instead of whales?

(I helped save b3ta! Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)
Depends
if it was a couple of manky dogfish, no, if it were bronze whalers, fuck yeah.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:41, archived)
I don't know what they were
they were about 1.5 metres long and close to the shore of Santa Cruz Island, Galapagos.
(I helped save b3ta! Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:45, archived)
Dude
those were marine iguanas.

*shakes head*
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)
Those buggers are everywhere.
they snort out little puffs of salt water from time to time and huddle together like mini dragons.
(I helped save b3ta! Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)
You lucky person
I'd rather swim with sharks than boring non-bitey things.

Sharks are beautiful.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:43, archived)
They are
I have done it too, though only gay nurse sharks and in a tank, not in the wild.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:45, archived)
I watched a programme a while back
and I vaguelly remember it having a woman in it testing a chainmail suit by basically taking bits of chum in with her, and confusing the shark with it to get it to bite her arm. She was sore from all the yanking, but essentially fine.

Seriously jealous.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)
I wouldnt want a shark to bite me
fuck that.

Fuck that up its scaley cloaca.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:50, archived)
She was fine, though.
I reckon I'd be alright. Sore but happy.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:51, archived)
Not sure about beautiful
but it was amazing to have them swim around us.
(I helped save b3ta! Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:47, archived)
They're beautiful to me.
I like the whole 'perfect for purpose' thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:48, archived)
I thought a 'bucket list' was a warning on the bus shelters about local women with big vaginas.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)
Are these instated by you? Or by some sort of magazine puff piece?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:39, archived)
What magazine puff peice
would miss out "SWIM WITH CUNTING DOLPHINS" ?

I swam with Dolphins and it was shit. I was far more in awe swimming with stingrays or seeing a badger. Dolphins are a fucking let down.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)
Bottle nosed cunts

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:46, archived)
I'd bottle their fucking noses
WITH A BOTTLE !

Fucking clicky cunts.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:48, archived)
ha ha ha ha

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:51, archived)
hater

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)
8! I think. Ish.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:40, archived)
All these young hipsters, I don't know
Maybe 2 of those at a push.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)
I thought I had done number 4
then you realise you just want more and better.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:44, archived)
That's more about
not being repressed.

Like if you're a gay, go out and suck some cock, dont just have sex with ugly girls and make do.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)
is fucking dolphins THAT awe inspiring?

(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)
Dunno
Apparently dolphins like you to touch their cocks and fannies though.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:51, archived)
*gets depressed*
*thinks of the time he made someone very happy, lightens the fuck up*
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, archived)
Plant a tree, fight a bull.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:53, archived)
Bullfights are only good
if the bull wins.

Or if the human is alone an unarmed.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)
Or a blind human.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:57, archived)
I watched a bullfight once.
It was actually quite impressive, even if the bull didn't stand a chance. Those matadors are hardy bastards.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)
fight a tree, plant a bull

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:00, archived)
Done
And I punched a cow and ran away once, does that count?
(I helped save b3ta! nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:00, archived)
Done them all ta.
Life's a bit shit knowing they're all in the past though and it's a while before most of them will happen again.
(I helped save b3ta! nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:55, archived)
You miserable pile of dogshit

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:56, archived)
I am these days.
Maybe I should try to do some of them again.
(I helped save b3ta! nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:58, archived)
think of some different ones.
the power is in your hands.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:58, archived)
How did you know my nickname for my penis?

(I helped save b3ta! nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)
hurrah, your life is complete, now you can go ahead and die happy.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:59, archived)
I've done
1, 3 (but not that sort of awe - SCIENCE awe), 7 and 9 and I'm making a start on 5.
The rest don't really interest me that much.
I'd like to obtain validation from getting a job hippie, but that doesn't look likely at the moment.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:57, archived)