b3ta.com talk
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Talk » Message 6160955

THREE fried eggs. THREE slices of toast. A little bit of cheese and mayo and ketchup.
I'm bored of training kittens properly. I've taken to squirting them with a water pistol whenever they are getting on my tits. Which is all the time. I hate cats.
(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:58, archived)
I'd love to see you front "Animal Hospital" for JMGTV.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 12:58, archived)
+ised

(I helped save b3ta! baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:00, archived)
You could wrestle a bear during the end credits.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:02, archived)
I met a man in the pub once who said he punched a badger.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
Badger is sometimes used a slang term for homosexualianists.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:07, archived)
I heard they can smell bum up to a kilometer away,
and you can stop them only with a firm punch to the nose or gouging their eyes, or a harpoon gun
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:12, archived)
I heard they can hear colours.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:15, archived)
Someone once told me they nurture their young in pouches on their chests

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:19, archived)
It's political correctness developing full blown schizophrenia.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:21, archived)
I saw one in the street one night
It was weaving a small ceremonial Squirrel figurine out of a hedgehog.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:21, archived)
homophobe

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:30, archived)
Homo

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:47, archived)
phoblerone

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:48, archived)
I've had a drunken debate with a vet about my ability to take on a badger.
He said it will rip me to pieces. I'll prove him wrong some day.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:08, archived)
My reply looks really fucking dodgy after what Dr P has put above.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:09, archived)
You disgust me.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:11, archived)
I've heard they're vicious.
This guy reckoned he'd bumped into one in his van or something, but it was only stunned, so he picked it up by the scruff of its neck, slapped it a few times, and sent it on its way. He also said he'd killed an Alsation that went for him one time. Or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:12, archived)
That sounds like
you've been to a QOTW bash.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:22, archived)
honey badgers are tough little bastards
www.b3ta.com/links/The_Honey_Badger
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:34, archived)
bastardbadger

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:35, archived)
awesome

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:42, archived)
Animalised Hospital?
"Hello! I'm baldmonkey and I'm here at Great Ormond Street hospital to cheer up the kiddies! I poured black paint down the sides of the building to makeit look like a tiger, complete with razor sharp teeth around the doorway and to make it really feel like we're inside a hospital-shaped tiger, I've been stapling the carcasses of buffalos all over the place. Lots of blood all over the floor looking really grrrrrreat! OI TIMMY! STOP FUCKING CRYING AND HELP UNCLE BALDERS WITH DECAPITATED BOAR!"
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:13, archived)
BERTIE THE BOAR

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:32, archived)
Call him whatever you want, he has no head!

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:41, archived)
what is my role on JMGTV these days?

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
Most of the work in front of the camera.
Midget wrestling.
Paint-balling the blind.
Etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:09, archived)
What about me jmg?

(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:19, archived)
GMoS would require a female co-anchor.
We're VERY PC here at JMGTV.
We make it especially clear that we employ Moohalaa, a well known queer.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:22, archived)
Do I have a role ?

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:23, archived)
Somebody's going to have to hold the women off of GMoS.
..an anti-fluffer, if you will?
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:24, archived)
You need the Remington fluff-away.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:26, archived)
I think I would fail at this
since I would interfere with the women in an inappropriate manner and bring shame upon the house of JMG.

JMG JMG JMG JMG !

DOLEing out baldness with repetition ! WOOP WOOP !
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:29, archived)
I've spoiled MANY the dinner party with my bald antics.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:45, archived)
Be fair though
if you had hair, you would break free from the confines of your mums spare room and RULE THE WORLD.

Fatties would worship you as a god.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:46, archived)
I'd cheer up the kids with put down hamsters by flapping my 'wobble board' at them
saaaaaadly hedidn'tmakeitthroughthe niiiiiiiiight Umm Shakaa HUUNE Shakaa HUUNE Shakaa HUUNE *wabble wibble wobble* stroke it...
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
HOW we don't win more International Emmys I'll never know.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:09, archived)
Likewise.
I heard Phil Collins is a big fan.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:13, archived)

+ ny
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:22, archived)
Ha ha ha ha ha

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:28, archived)
Cheesy lover :S

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:33, archived)
I have an irrational hatred of cat-owners...
well... it is rational, they are selfish cunts
(likeajackhammer, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
Are you still planning to come over here and steal our jobs?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:08, archived)
So.. you do like eggs then?

(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
You! You would like this:
www.toplessrobot.com/2009/05/lego_continues_to_be_awesome_as_hell.php

I hope you get the reference.

Back to training for me...
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:41, archived)
STOP LYING ABOUT EGGS

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:04, archived)
Fried eggs, cheese, mayo and ketchup?
Oh, baldmonkey, you make me feel ill.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:06, archived)
HOW IS IT ONLY ONE O'CLOCK?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:06, archived)
HOW IS WHAT ONLY ONE O'CLOCK?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:07, archived)
THE CLOCKS
IT'S ALL WRONG
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:10, archived)
It's ten past.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:11, archived)
oh and that's fine with you is it eh?
just as I thought.
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:11, archived)
I've been advocating this position for years.
Even when it was neither popular nor profitable to do so.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:14, archived)
It's a good thing for me
I have got so little done today.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:11, archived)
hurry up then or you'll miss it

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:29, archived)
Water pistols work well on them.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:09, archived)

Water

Ye staters are a soft bunch, and no mistake.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:10, archived)
That's why I wee on my various women when they get out of line.
Don't get outta line Esme. You'll get a solid yellow cable of telling off if you're not careful...
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:14, archived)
I find they don't have enough weight for a good pistol whipping

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:19, archived)
We used to use an old flash cleaning bottle filled with water for the same purpose
One time i caught the kitten pissing on the floor and grabbed the bottle, only after about the 3rd dousing I noticed i had picked up the actual flash kitchen cleaner. Seemed to do the trick though.
(I helped save b3ta! Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:12, archived)
You fat fucking bastard

(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:18, archived)
This is why you are fat
and slovenly.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:20, archived)
and a mental

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:35, archived)
GW & WORMULUS
CONQUERING FAT MENTALS SINCE HALF PAST 1 !
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:38, archived)
I'm going to have vegetable rice and some chicken for dinner.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:20, archived)
I had vegetable soup for my lunch
It were braw!
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:25, archived)
Hoots!

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:27, archived)
I dun an exam.
Then I dun crying afterwards.

:(
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:38, archived)
You should be beaten up for this sort of pansiness
(Wo)Man the fuck up.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:39, archived)
I hope you spent several months preparing for the crying.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:40, archived)
Oh I've spent a lifetime crying at things I can't change.
I'm well practised.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 19 May 2009, 13:43, archived)
i'm fucking hungry now
OI! bellboy get me some KFC
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 19 May 2009, 13:45, archived)
proper "brain food"
all the liberal intelligensia dine solely on the output of the Colonels charnel house.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:48, archived)