New Year's Queeve threadAlright bummer's, it's me here (Queef Richard's), wishing you all (apart from that awful wankstain banned poster dozer EDIT: and brb) a Happy New Year, and my very best wishes for 2021.
I just fell down the stairs rushing to answer the door to the postman and have badly grazed my wrist. Worth it though, got a great new record. Doing individual beef wellingtons for din-dins, cool huh?
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 11:52,
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I have managed to burn a very specific area of the roof of my mouth, somehow'Queeve' sounds like a mediaeval word so I looked it up and it actually isn't but I did find a video of the world champion queefer.
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Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 12:19,
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all the promo offers for Uber Eats and Deliveroo ever seem to do is slightly offset their expensive delivery pricesJust Eat seem to have more genuine deals, plus I liked the Snoop Dogg ad
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 13:08,
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that ad was made by my mate's chumApparently it was a lot of fun to make.
(, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 13:23, archived)
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 13:27,
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Yeah I couldn’t be bothered working it out properly but I could see where it was going and I laughed anyway(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 19:18,
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I just ring up my local Chinese. Never used those delivery apps ever.(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 16:45,
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Another fascinating insight into the wild world of planearmanything good on telly tonight?
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broadsword, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 17:48,
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Just watched Aladdin with Will Smith7/10
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Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 18:09,
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Happy New Tier everyone!So, who's going to break the rules tonight and have friends and family round?
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Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 16:44,
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Friends? /talk?(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 16:51,
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It’s not about the friends you make, it’s about the strangers you insult along the way. (
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 19:12,
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morningpraise Jesus, I had a decent night's kip at last
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 9:07,
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Can anyone ID this disco tune? I guess it's cut to ribbons and fairly obscure. Might be on a Bruton LP..?www.midatlanticwrestling.net/audio_files/ThemeMusic/theme_files/WorldWideClosing78-85.mp3
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brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 13:59,
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Isn't it the theme tune to Starskey & Hutch?You might be better asking on a Northern Soul fan forum or something.
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Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 16:55,
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I have a strong feeling it might be the closing theme to NWA World Wide between 1978 and 1985.The internet doesn't seem to want to give this secret treasure up very easily. :/
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brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 19:45,
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Queef is your man for this sort of thing but I'm afraid he's too racist for this thread (
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 19:20,
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I hope he kills himself in the next 16 seconds.(
brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 19:46,
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I believe it's Shit For Cunts(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 21:25,
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It's shit and it's for cunts, it's shit for cunts(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Thu 31 Dec 2020, 17:30,
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lol look at these monstrostitieswww.offspring.co.uk/view/product/offspring_catalog/2,20/4011715286
I wonder why they've had to reduce the price?
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 13:00,
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Who needs arch support anyway?Blaze trails and fuck up your feet at the same time
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Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 13:08,
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Norman cathedrals need arch support m8That's who
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 13:51,
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I like this(
Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 13:58,
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I'm gonna design some sneakers with buttressesThat'll show that Offspring crew
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Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 15:19,
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I like big buttresses and I cannot lie.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 30 Dec 2020, 17:04,
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I still wear thesewww.freshnessmag.com/.image/t_share/MTM2ODM2MjE4NzAzMDYyNjIz/super-mario-bros-x-converse-chuck-taylor-all-star-double-upper--pre-order---5.jpg
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Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 14:00,
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please, I implore you with every fibre of my being, kill yourself(, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 15:34, archived)
loves itI thought about getting her the new one for xmas but opted for Immortals: Fenyx Rising instead, as it's about Greek mythology which got my approval
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 10:44,
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I don't think that new one has reviewed well.Zelda games are usually a very safe bet though.
(, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 10:56, archived)
new one seems to be just a fighting game(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 11:22,
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is her Switch online?there should be more Zeldas in the online shop.
There was also that remake of the Game Boy version that got released for the Switch.
(, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 11:26, archived)
just pissed off that I won't be playing her new game with herHer mum offered for me to have her stay 8-10 Jan - upon Barts' advice we said that was fine as long as jr got a negative covid test then isolated til I collected her. I offered to pay for a cab for them to go to Mile End to the walkthrough test centre but her mum's refused.
Stupid fucking shitcunt wanker.
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 11:59,
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Back once again for the renegade Queefster (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 9:39,
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I am absolutely knackered todayI have slept so badly for the past two nights it's freaking my nut out
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 10:34,
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sounds like no nut 2021morning
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Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 10:58,
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I hope you will enjoy the next 366 days(
Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 12:14,
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I know the feeling Haven't slept well since Christmas day
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 11:30,
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Wouldn't you like to know?(
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Wed 30 Dec 2020, 11:45,
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Ρ
ΠΎΡΠΎΡΠΎ, ΠΏΠ»Π°Π½Π°ΡΠΌ ΡΡΠΎ-Π½ΠΈΠ±ΡΠ΄Ρ Ρ
ΠΎΡΠΎΡΠ΅Π΅ Π½Π° ΡΠ΅Π»Π΅Π²ΠΈΠ΄Π΅Π½ΠΈΠΈ?(
broadsword, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 17:50,
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Let me guess... Anything good on telly tonight?
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Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 17:54,
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Pretty good actually thanks. My kid and her partner got me a switch lite which was completely unexpected and very cool. Her bloke also brought round his oculus (the stand-alone one) which completely blew me away, I had no idea they had gotten so responsive and immersive. Probably best if I donβt get one, I think Iβd waste a lot of time wandering around with a huge pair of white glasses on, waving my hands about like a twat and saying βwhoaβ a lot. Instead of, you know, doing useful things like contributing to this vibrant forum.
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mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 23:10,
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morningback to work, hurrah
1756 emails in my inbox :(
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 6:55,
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Mozart was born in 1756(
Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 9:26,
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Happy 60th birthday Thomas Lubanga Dyilo, convicted Congolese war criminal, on today December 29th which is your birthday which was on the 29th December 60 years ago.I don't know who he is but he's wearing a top with arrows all over it?
(, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 9:41, archived)
I’m off until the new year when I start my new job on the bins. My big present, a box set of Lewis, should keep me going until then. Plus it’s nice to support The Reclaim Party a bit innit. (, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 12:19, archived)
I've been told by the doctor to get plenty of sleep But I can't sleep because of the pain in my tonsils.
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 13:41,
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well that sucks, unluckytonsillitis or worse?
I've twice been hospitalised with peritonsillar abscesses, fucking horrible
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 14:10,
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Septic tonsilitis Lots of antibiotics and painkillers
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 15:53,
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not an all time classic but pretty good under the circumstances(
Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Tue 29 Dec 2020, 17:02,
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CheersMerry Brexitmas and a Happy New food shortage year
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Cheers Cheers, Mon 28 Dec 2020, 14:52,
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Brie tastes like a runner’s sock so I’m fine with thatStrikey-g cock
lolz
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Cheers Cheers, Mon 28 Dec 2020, 17:51,
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quick, hide your bendy bananas!(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 28 Dec 2020, 15:31,
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thanks for the Euroit's like inflation but worse
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Woodkovsky βΉοΈβπ»βπ½βπ£βπ©βπ§»βπ, Mon 28 Dec 2020, 15:46,
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No I'm sick and bored
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Mon 28 Dec 2020, 18:29,
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Afternoon allDid anyone get anything exciting, unusual, or amusingly shit for Christmas? What was it?
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Not just any diarrhoea. Marks and Spencer's diarrhoea.(
brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sun 27 Dec 2020, 15:06,
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My friend was unironically thrilled when her bestie gave her a bidet(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 27 Dec 2020, 15:37,
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Backpack in the shape of a coffin A Disturbed t-shirt and a Han Solo frozen in carbonite pop vinyl
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Sun 27 Dec 2020, 16:47,
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The backpack and t-shirt were both exciting to me The pop vinyl was amusing
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Sun 27 Dec 2020, 19:32,
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RSPB membership, and then saw a Kingfisher on the Christmas Day walk to the local nature reserve, first time I've seen one there.
/baldmonkey
(, Sun 27 Dec 2020, 16:58, archived)
I got a tiny terrarium with moss in it, from my brother.It's an old family in-joke that I like to molest moss. Which I do, sort of.
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Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 27 Dec 2020, 21:54,
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You should get a terrapin for it (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Sun 27 Dec 2020, 22:21,
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I just like the texture of it, so if I'm walking past an old wall or something with moss growing on it I will tend to give it a little stroke.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 27 Dec 2020, 22:54,
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MorningI'd never heard of mummers plays until that thread down there, guess they must not have been a thing around my parts. lol parts. What have you realised that everyone else knew about but you'd never even heard of?
(, Sun 27 Dec 2020, 10:44, archived)
I'd never heard of them either if that helps. Can't think of anything that everyone else knows about but I've never even heard of at the moment, but I'll keep pondering and get back to you if that's ok(
broadsword, Sun 27 Dec 2020, 10:57,
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Well I hope this fackin ragu is nice, it serves 105h til we find out.
Hope you're having a nice day. I think my mother might have been somewhat over-refreshed yesterday, she texted my kid to say 'happy birthday', only 7 months off.
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 15:08,
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Read it doc? I know the guy! Polish optician test etc. Sorry brb.
(, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 16:48, archived)
not really, noapart from the black eye, i have had a sore throat all day. checked it before with the aid of a small torch and my tonsils are yellow. fucking perfect.
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 18:00,
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As someone whose life has been imperiled by peritonsular abscessesGet thee to an apothecary asap
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 18:35,
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Septic tonsillitis I've had it loads of times. Doctor keeps trying to give me penicillin for it, every time I have to remind him I'm allergic to it
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 19:06,
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Hah Should have known something wasn't right, my ears were itchy yesterday, that normally precedes manky tonsils
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 19:07,
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Hello Queef Christmas and the rest of /talkI celebrated Christmas in style yesterday by making a pizza and slathering it with fresh chilis that were so hot it made me throw up. It's what the Baby Jesus would have wanted.
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Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 19:09,
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High queef, sometimes I like to sing 'shitty bumholes' to the music from chitty bang bang, you should try it sometime(
broadsword, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 19:52,
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17/20www.theguardian.com/games/2020/sep/01/gotta-quiz-em-all-the-guardians-pokemon-quiz
(, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 20:57, archived)
Boxing day I usually go and watch the mummers play then go for a walk, but since everyone's hiding from the plague and there's going to be a storm it looks like I'll be watching films indoors with copious booze.
(, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 10:01, archived)
See, I don't check in for a few hours and I miss out on all the red hot bummers action. And that's the true meaning of Christmas.
(, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 16:57, archived)
I love the idea of watching bummers playing.Skipping and gamboling, hand in hand, with (obviously) gay abandon.
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Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 26 Dec 2020, 21:05,
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we usually walk down to a local village to watch some mumming too, then get pissed in the village club before staggering home I'm making do with leftover curry and drinking at home
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 13:02,
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b3ta.com/talk/8287575
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 13:03,
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I look like I've been boxing Tripped over the ottoman and cracked my head on the fish tank. Another bloody shiner
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 10:50,
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bloody shiners can be aggressivei'd suggest getting it a separate tank tbh
(, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 11:01, archived)
Kinell12 hour kip there, no idea why but I feel great for it. Making ox cheek ragu today, fuck leftovers
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 11:50,
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My guffs are so toxic I’m scared to take a shitin case it dissolves the toilet
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Cheers Cheers, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 14:40,
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I have beer*raises glass*
merry something or other
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TBL I posted this on, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 21:55,
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So have I (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 22:01,
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I’m still sober! Someone brought an Oculus round, I’ve never played with one before. It was great. (
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 23:48,
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this is true actuallywww.broadsword.byethost18.com/skemispuff/
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broadsword, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 20:28,
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I have 2 Arturo Fuente Anejo cigars on the way. I’ve waited almost 2 years to get a hold of them, I’ve never tried them before. (
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 23:53,
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my name is jacob dyer and i live in bristol. it is fantastic. i sound like barnaby bear. i like barnaby bear. one time he went to france. i went to france. but some kid burnt my neck. i didnt like it.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 25 Dec 2020, 18:38,
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If you paste that into a Klingon translator then translate that back to English it comes out as:"My name is in my name. I think the Devils cannot attack. I think that's what it means for the creator. They find the money from the fire. I know that Gertrude is midnight."
Merry Christmas, everyone.
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brb Monkhouse Stampede, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 19:08,
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You speak Klingon. I'm a trekkie and even I don't speak Klingon, you fucking nerd
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 22:02,
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You can't even read English you drunk fuck.(
brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 26 Dec 2020, 0:58,
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You dirty buggeryoutu.be/yezy52eNVr4
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Queef Smegwin U r a ππ, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 16:35,
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I wanna wake up with youI wanna reach out and know that youβre there
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Richard Shitheels, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 10:34,
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.-"```"-.
/_\ _ _ __\
| /{` ` ` `}
{} {_,_,_,_,}
)/ a a \(. -- merry cunting christmas
_()_ __
{ | /_)(_\ | } _/ \
/`{ \ / }`\ _| ` |
/ { '.____.' } \ {_`-._/
/ {_, ,_} \/ `-._}
| `{--}` \ / /
| / { } | ` /
; | { } |\ /
\ \ {__} | '..'
\_.-'}==//\\====/
{_.-'\==\\//====\
| ,) `` |
\__| |
| __ |
| _ /\ _ |
| || |
\ _ _ || _ _ /
{` ` `}{` ` `}
{_,_,_}{_,_,_}
| || |
/-. _||_ .-\
/ / \ \
|___ / \ ___|
`"""` `"""`
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broadsword, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 10:40,
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I snore like fuck (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 11:04,
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Happy Christmas (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 1:01,
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Feeling happy and sad at the same time 2 years today since my sister died
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Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 1:17,
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A bittersweet Chrimbo to you and yours(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 9:53,
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Happy Christmas Eve btan's*cough* Brexit *cough*
I'll see you at 4am when it's time to open the pressies!
*Virtual kiss under the mistletoe*
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Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Thu 24 Dec 2020, 22:28,
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You've been very excited about christmas, why is that?(
mofaha β( Λ_Λ)β Κ
(Μβ‘β)Κ, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 0:35,
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Happy Christmas fucklips (
Smash Monkey 2 Prozac is apparently good for menopause, Fri 25 Dec 2020, 0:48,
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