Afternoon.
I am original, funny, likeable and attractive. What are you?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 12:28, archived)

jealous

( $$ ✅, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 12:37, archived)

I’m also lying through my teeth, I’m a hideous social reject.
But at least I’m a good liar!
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:05, archived)

i absolutely believed you
i don't anymore, obviously
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:07, archived)

You fucking stupid fucking cunt

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:27, archived)

just being a dick ok

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 12:47, archived)

And bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:50, archived)

just don't then

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:58, archived)

The resurrection

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 12:50, archived)

If your resurrection lasts more than four hours you should seek medical assistance.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:06, archived)

stone roses?

( theniwokeup has been awake since, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:18, archived)

y

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:20, archived)

not into drama
gsoh reasonable shape and condition looking for friendship fun and maybe more
(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 12:52, archived)

Reasonable condition?
Would you say “near mint” or “lightly played”?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:08, archived)

I'm what can only be described as 'shop soiled'

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:19, archived)

"obvious signs of wear and tear on the underside"

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:19, archived)

oblate spheroid

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:03, archived)

'open box'

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:04, archived)

Some ringwear and noticeable crackle throughout

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 23:30, archived)

Bored

( mongychops, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 12:59, archived)

Go fish!

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:13, archived)

yeah bring back live from the lake

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:00, archived)

Mind your own business

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:12, archived)

:(
I just want to get to know you better and then maybe your popularity will rub off on me.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:29, archived)

My son came home with his whole band
They are noisy and annoying
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:57, archived)

Give them the brutal truth about their skill level.
Then fart and shut them in whatever room they are in.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:01, archived)

Annoyingly, they're actually very good
I'm still doing the fart thing though. Straight up power move.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:29, archived)

Charge them; studio rental fee.
Yes. Then you can buy more hats.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 18:59, archived)

Lol, rub off

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Mar 2025, 18:32, archived)

Lol, like wanking

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 18:37, archived)

Well
I have most of my own teeth and only one filling.
My handwriting is okay, actually better these days than when I was younger.
I make an EXCELLENT cup of tea.
Cats get on with me.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:32, archived)

Anyone liked by cats is all right in my book.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:40, archived)

When I am forced to write
I am forced to acknowledge how terrible my handwriting is, and that I should probably write more
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:58, archived)

if most of them are your own
who's are the rest?
(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:04, archived)

✋

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:29, archived)

alright Fred Dineage

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:16, archived)

alright

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:50, archived)

Friends
and neighbourhood cats that come and say hi when I'm passing.

I'm not good with dogs unless I know them.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:36, archived)

*whispers*
(they meant your teeth)
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:49, archived)

So did garold, he can bite through your jugular with his cat teeth.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:54, archived)

Well why didn't they say?
I have had other people's teeth. My other half used to be a trainee dental nurse and was helping a friend with an art project so we had a bag full of other people's teeth in the house for a while.

It was a see-through bag.

It was fucking horrible.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:55, archived)

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:16, archived)

It gets worse. I reminded him about the teeth and he said this:
"In secondary school I brought human lungs back home for a week. I had station displaying healthy lungs vs smokers lungs."

Brazil in the 80s, when kids could just borrow stuff from the anatomy museum.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:44, archived)

I took a stillborn piglet to school once
which was fucking grim even then
(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:14, archived)

i played football with a frozen rat in the car park of chessington world of adventures.
happy days.
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:18, archived)

i was doing work experience at the zoo, it's fine. perfectly fine.

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:20, archived)

just remembered it was actually called 'footrat'

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 18:18, archived)

You must have been seriously shit at football
if you were well matched against a frozen rat.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Mar 2025, 20:06, archived)

i really was. i still am.

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 21:11, archived)

football life
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 21:26, archived)

true as well.
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Thu 20 Mar 2025, 6:18, archived)

garold has a mouth full of cat's teeth, pass it on

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:55, archived)

garold has a month's worth of rat's piss, pass it on

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:06, archived)

Harold is a mong with a twat's face, pass it on

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:34, archived)

I'm the beating heart of /chat, FACT

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:42, archived)

+l -he +f

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:44, archived)

-at +lm

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:46, archived)

/chlm
monsterzzz
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 13:49, archived)

belming helm?

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:05, archived)

belming helrm

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:07, archived)

alright ET's disabled brother

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:17, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:32, archived)

Eaten Thalidomide

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:07, archived)

The Jamzzzzz

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:15, archived)

Oh right, in the west midlands yeah?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 23:39, archived)

the beating heart of /ch a tw
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 23:38, archived)

Annoying, sarcastic and great at parties

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:07, archived)

Are you just great at annoying, sarcastic parties?
Or do you have other qualities which make you a great party guest?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:23, archived)

35 years of Violator, what's everyone's favourite Depeche Mode record?
You can't say Hitler.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:31, archived)

That one

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:47, archived)

Ultra is v good.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:51, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8441049
( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:56, archived)

I liked Exciter too but suspect I’m in the minority there

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 15:57, archived)

god you're not black, are you?

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:21, archived)

Like the night m8

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:27, archived)

best kind
i'm not into these half blacks it's like they've made no effort at all
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:39, archived)

SOFAD

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:04, archived)

Good choice
Music For The Masses was my most listened to album on spotify last year.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:11, archived)

don't really have one
my brother really liked them so I didn't by default
now that I'm older I can happily listen to their stuff but I'm not bothered
(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:12, archived)

I'll put you down for Violator then, cheers

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:35, archived)

do what you want
I don't give a shit
(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:53, archived)

you probably don't give blood either
you bastard
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:55, archived)

yeah but only because of the hepatitis

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 18:42, archived)

listened to them loads but couldn't name a single track off the top of my head

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:09, archived)

exactly the same for new order

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:15, archived)

They're shit

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 23:34, archived)

a hopelessly romantic starry eyed youth
that became a hopeless farty arsed adult
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:13, archived)

I’m sure there’s hope for your farty arse yet.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:15, archived)

fingers crossed!

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:16, archived)

your worst nightmare

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:45, archived)

a six foot tall rabbit covered in jam?

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:54, archived)

Getting spitroasted by Jedward while my mum tells me off for doing it wrong?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:57, archived)

jesus christ

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 18:03, archived)

hosted by ant and dec

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 18:45, archived)

ho fi
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Mar 2025, 20:05, archived)

Your date says she voted for Reform?

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 18:02, archived)

morning

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 5:37, archived)

Not you.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 6:22, archived)

:(

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 7:10, archived)

What are you doing up so early, Cunt?

( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 6:56, archived)

alarm go ding

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 7:09, archived)

But why ding so early?

( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 7:13, archived)

i like to wake up to feed the birds
ther're so hungry
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:39, archived)

i genuinely get up to feed the birds
i have a wagtail that sits on my bedroom windowsill and sings at me until i feed it. i can't ignore it because it's so cute.

it's also waiting for me when i get home from work.
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:43, archived)

Why did the Rastafarian get up so early?
Alarm go ding an' ting
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 8:08, archived)

I've got a side gig playing cymbal in a reggae band.
I just stand at the back an' ting.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 8:59, archived)

That joke has been doing the rounds for 20 years mate.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:06, archived)

I never claimed to be original, funny, likeable or attractive.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:07, archived)

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:11, archived)

I don't know what I'd do if I got banned from /qotw.
Probably nothing different.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:25, archived)

I created a new account so I could continue to be a dick.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:31, archived)

that seems like odd behaviour
I'd never do that
(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 12:53, archived)

Most >90000 user ID accounts are puppets or ban-evaders that just can't move on.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:03, archived)

i feel attacked
in my defence my previous accounts were hacked. by dickheads.
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:41, archived)

Now this,
this is good.
( .Yeti., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:06, archived)

For extra misery, I'd imagine.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 19 Mar 2025, 7:33, archived)

mid-week bollocks

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 7:09, archived)

bollocks

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 7:10, archived)

oooh, ahhh just a little bit

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 8:35, archived)

Gina G y/n/o

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:06, archived)

jalb

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:39, archived)

JLB-8?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 11:02, archived)

Would you have sex with this 25 year-old woman now that she's 54?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 11:05, archived)

Probably just once.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 11:36, archived)

100%

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 17:57, archived)

Morning
I managed to have a very rare lie in
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 9:02, archived)

Wednesday Wednesday Wednesday.
The most "mid" day of the week, as the kids are saying these days.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 9:03, archived)

Wednesday

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 9:18, archived)

Well it's all fucking go in here, isn't it
Alright?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:28, archived)

*goes*

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:29, archived)

Come go with me
There
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:26, archived)

on the stairlift?

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:41, archived)

I'd fucken love a stairlift

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 20:08, archived)

*fucks*

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:32, archived)

*isn't's*

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:36, archived)

ey up

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:36, archived)

*wells*
deep hole's in the ground's
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:38, archived)

wanna cuddle fart?

( $$ ✅, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:49, archived)

yeah, I'm game

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:54, archived)

we know m8

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:03, archived)

What you don't know could fill a barn m8

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:24, archived)

m8

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:26, archived)

I reckon you could fill the M8 with a barn
across the way, like, not the whole length of it. Maybe two barns, one on each carriageway.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:34, archived)

you could be right m8
i don't know much about that sort of thing
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:53, archived)

Oh, forgot to mention
the other night I was walking home from the shop when I saw what appeared to be a young man filming himself by torchlight singing backwards while riding a bike (forwards).
( brb natural fistic, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:50, archived)

What a shame that you remembered

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:24, archived)

Shame on YOU for being such a big meanie.

( brb natural fistic, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 20:18, archived)

How do you sing backwards?

To the tune of Britney's Toxic of course
( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:33, archived)

It's nice to know that David Lynch has been reincarnated as a twat

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:35, archived)

*rights*

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:50, archived)

alright "all social media companies"

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 17:52, archived)

“Everything’s computer! That’s beautiful.”

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:41, archived)

This place would die on its arse if I stopped posting.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:33, archived)

This post would arse in its place if you died stopping.

( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:13, archived)

Well put

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:15, archived)

I have eaten my dinner and had a glass of Co-op red.
Now it's time for Duolingo and DS9.
( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:35, archived)

duolingo's fucking shit these days

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 18:48, archived)

Does Duolingo do Klingon?
As I typed that, it dawned on me that it probably fucking does.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:00, archived)

I still think that Mark Okrand's feature on the development of the Klingon language on the special edition of Star Trek III: The Search For Spock is the greatest DVD extra ever.
There, I said it.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:05, archived)

Kill yourself.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:10, archived)

I note that you're not saying I'm wrong.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:13, archived)

If they still make Speak and Stick Your Head in an Oven
you should buy one
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:27, archived)

actual lol

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:42, archived)

I bought my Mum the Teach Yourself Klingon tape set for her birthday.
Should I kill her, too?
( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:15, archived)

Yes please!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:29, archived)

Not a patch on the Neil before Sutekh bit, soz.

( brb natural fistic, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 20:16, archived)

HIja'!
- petaQ
( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:07, archived)

It also has High Valyrian
- or however it's spelled.
( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:09, archived)

It's spelt "Hungarian" m8

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:24, archived)

Is a Hungarian adult publication a porno magyar?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:30, archived)

Igen

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 19:33, archived)

Quick bollocks, yeah

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 11:38, archived)

B O L L O C K S

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 11:39, archived)

Turtle Power

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 12:02, archived)

Bollquicks

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 11:41, archived)

QBol

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 12:18, archived)

Just a soupçon of bollocks

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 12:29, archived)

Funnily enough, that was Queef's breakfast in Vietnam this morning

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 12:30, archived)

Mmmmm, spicy!

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 12:49, archived)

He likes hot sauce, IYKWIM

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 12:52, archived)

Well, more body temperature than hot

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 14:09, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 6:25, archived)

,ptmoh

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 6:42, archived)

Is that the new dmeddf?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 18 Mar 2025, 7:11, archived)

meh,

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 7:42, archived)

Scott

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 18 Mar 2025, 7:51, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 8:53, archived)

arseboon dilbaro

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 9:16, archived)

Semen Khaidenko

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 10:13, archived)

Peter Cockhead

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 10:20, archived)

No real names Ian

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 10:41, archived)

How about Dick Cockhead?
x.com/ActualNames1/status/1774508717146288566
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 18 Mar 2025, 11:14, archived)

PC Dick Cockhead, sporting an impressively firm helmet.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 11:40, archived)

Lol head

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 12:03, archived)

Cheers

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 7:42, archived)

Smegg Wallace

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 7:44, archived)

dunno who that is, soz

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 7:58, archived)

anwff qskksw

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 8:38, archived)

that's easy for you to say

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 12:52, archived)

Ja

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 8:33, archived)

morn fist
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 8:45, archived)

Oh COME ON

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 8:49, archived)

and FIST?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 8:55, archived)

FISSSSSST

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 9:12, archived)

again, like we did last summer?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 9:56, archived)

We said we’d never speak of that again.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 10:17, archived)

We're Not Gonna Take It - Fisted Sister

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 9:57, archived)

Fist and Shout

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 10:54, archived)

I imagine you would, yes

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 10:54, archived)

Happy Turgid Todger Tuesday

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 11:19, archived)

Turtle power!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 18 Mar 2025, 11:41, archived)

REMs lesser knownzzzz

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 18 Mar 2025, 11:45, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:57, archived)

would any of us be here if we were?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:25, archived)

alright

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:31, archived)

i'm not ok
you're not ok
but hey
you're also a cunt
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:33, archived)

bit rude m8

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 19:01, archived)

Old Sanitariums used to allow tours, so people could observe the mentals through toughened glass.
That's how I see it. I just wander through now and then to see what shit has been smeared on the walls.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:40, archived)

Not a bad idea that, someone suggest that to the government so all these people signed off with mental health problems can at least contribute something to society

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:47, archived)

"people signed off with mental health problems"
the politically correct term is: Brainwrongs
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:58, archived)

-Brainwrongs +/links

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 18:00, archived)

that reminds me i better check what they're upto

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 18:14, archived)

Spazheads

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 17 Mar 2025, 18:38, archived)

Entry fees could pay for a great many things!

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 18:41, archived)

Give an example please.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 20:33, archived)

A subscription to your favourite cat magazine

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 22:21, archived)

ym

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 23:07, archived)

oh yeah
like your shit don't stink
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:57, archived)

, Trouser

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:58, archived)

Nah, not really today
Asthma is being a bitch, so I've blasted my inhaler so much I'm getting steroid rages and palpitations.
All part of the fun, nothing unusual, just shit feelings and jitters.

Still it's better than a lung collapse, eh readers?
( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 18:41, archived)

i would say so

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 18:50, archived)

depends

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 19:08, archived)

on what

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 19:53, archived)

whose lungs

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 20:03, archived)

Things worse than lung collapse

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 20:35, archived)

Certainly needs more research

( mongychops, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 20:46, archived)

That's for the eggheads to figure out
I'm an ideas man
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 21:00, archived)

Yes, and when patients complain about their collapsed lung I like to cheer them up by saying "Cheer up it could be worse, you could have BOTH lungs collapsed"
Which would of course be extremely fatal.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 20:47, archived)

^

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 21:01, archived)

Does that happen?

( mongychops, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 21:16, archived)

Pushing that cunt down the board

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 10:13, archived)

<s>board</s> japper
It's like docking but for heteros.
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 10:40, archived)

Docking but for heteros, you say?
This sounds right up my japper. Wait, I mean alley. Wait, I mean back passage. Wait, I mean do me right here and now.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 10:52, archived)

OK

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 10:49, archived)

I’m a master actor but I’ve never given myself the opportunity to elevate my poetry, my concepts, to the level of the mastery I’ve attained as an actor.
said Will Fucking Smith
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:22, archived)

imgur.com/gallery/59UpK
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:33, archived)

my poetry, my concepts, my shitcom

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:40, archived)

That one time he rhymed "boom" with "room", that was pretty masterful.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:51, archived)

I wish he'd come back, once again

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 13:03, archived)

This from the man who was in Hancock

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 13:17, archived)

A pint? That's nearly an armful!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:10, archived)

*something about an attack on stage*
edit: oh no wait, that was Tommy Cooper.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:13, archived)

What do Will Smith and Tommy Cooper have in common?
They both had an attack on stage!!!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:16, archived)

Just as well you didn't prematurely give away the punchline,
or that joke would have been completely ruined.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:41, archived)

You could say I suffer from 'premature eJOKEulation'!!!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:05, archived)

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:18, archived)

+and Salman Rushdie

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:27, archived)

For consistency, that should probably say Hadi Matar

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:34, archived)

shouldn't it also say Tommy Cooper's heart then?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:46, archived)

WELL?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:46, archived)

I have reviewed your suggestion, and can confirm that we have taken it on board.

What do Will Smith, Hadi Matar and Tommy Cooper's heart have in common?

They all had an attack on stage!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:54, archived)

alternatively

What do Chris Rock, Salman Rushdie and Tommy Cooper's heart have in common?

They all suffered an attack on stage!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:56, archived)

I'm sorry we've written a joke :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:20, archived)

This is how American sitcoms are made, isn't it?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:24, archived)

Cheers

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 18:23, archived)

Not that Hancock

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:33, archived)

the dodgy health minister?

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:52, archived)

thatsthejoke.gif

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 17 Mar 2025, 19:12, archived)

He should organise his own poetry slam
m p
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 13:55, archived)

Dear Mr Rock
I don't mean to be uncouth
But your face I will sock
If you don't keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 13:59, archived)

Are you pronouncing "uncouth" to rhyme with "mouth"
or do you pronounce it "mooth"?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:02, archived)

It's well known that Will Smith is from a little village in north-east Scotland where they pronounce it "mooth".

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:05, archived)

it's where vermouth comes from

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:28, archived)

then Woody Allen shot it and thtrapped it to hith fender

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:59, archived)

There was a young Prince from Bel Air
Who's wife didn't have any hair
When The Rock made a crack
The Prince gave him whack
Now he don't get work anywhere.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:45, archived)

There once was a b3tan named garold
Whose username rhymed well with Harold
But in limerick verse
It couldn't be worse
Because something something fuck you garold your username is shit
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:51, archived)

This is very good.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:47, archived)

Thanks Mr Trouser. I used to write poems occasionally here on /talk.
They were always well-received by a few people and just about tolerated by the rest. I might do that again.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 19:17, archived)

Alright there Kae Tempest

( brb natural fistic, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 21:39, archived)

It seems to me like he's received higher accolades for his music than for his acting,
but I struggle with basic numeracy so what would I know?

Anyway I suspect he's better at acting than anyone posting here.
( brb natural fistic, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:52, archived)

He has undeniable star power, that counts for a lot.
I think he is actually quite a reliably good actor as well. #opinions #internet
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 15:58, archived)

Yeah I mean, he can do all the emotions with his face on command, and remember words, and knows where the camera is.
Given that there are successful actors who cannot do any of those things I'd say Smith is doing pretty well. Dunno anything about the Master Actor criteria though. He's obviously been high on his own farts for a decade or two by now and his kids are super creepy. This is just about all I care to know about Will Smith.
( brb natural fistic, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 17:56, archived)

technically you've pushed more than one

(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:52, archived)

monday morning

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 5:04, archived)

Poolside lager here
lol
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 5:21, archived)

on the bog are you

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 5:58, archived)

dropping the kids off at the pool

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 12:41, archived)

-l

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 16:50, archived)

yeah?
yeah.
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 7:19, archived)

What the hell were you doing awake at 5:04?
Did you set a 5am alarm just so that you could be the first one to post a new thread this week?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 7:38, archived)

i wake up early so i can catch worms
Or something
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 8:56, archived)

*rubs eyes and lets out a big yawn*
morning
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 8:10, archived)

Last night the cat spotted a fly
she chased it around and now, this morning, the fly is buzzing around the top of the skylight. The cat is absolutely fixated and is telling us all that there is a fly that she needs to catch. And eat.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 8:11, archived)

Perhaps she'll die.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 17 Mar 2025, 9:00, archived)

I guarantee she will die, just like everyone and everything else.
Happy Monday!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 9:05, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 9:09, archived)

It was all I hoped it would be

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 14:10, archived)

Sunday evening!
Doing blow or wanking your dildo?
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sun 16 Mar 2025, 19:55, archived)

working :(
so the dildo one
(littlemix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Sun 16 Mar 2025, 19:56, archived)

blowing my dildo
it won't fit in the dishwasher
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Sun 16 Mar 2025, 20:26, archived)

Out in clubland having fun!

( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Sun 16 Mar 2025, 20:34, archived)

Reading a jolly good book thank you

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 16 Mar 2025, 21:13, archived)

What book?
I'm looking for something new to read
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 16 Mar 2025, 22:13, archived)

yeah? well read this: *parp*

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Mon 17 Mar 2025, 6:03, archived)

Relaxing with a pint
After dealing with insane family members
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 16 Mar 2025, 21:54, archived)