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fine words butter no parsnips

(rawx, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:40, archived)

Censorship lesson part 1

censor all occurences of what you want censored.

(

Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:42, archived)

ho ho ho ho ho

...i see what you mean.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:43, archived)

Hee hee!

Looks COOl though :)

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:43, archived)

lol

oh fuck it then...
i tried my best and failed at the first hurdle....
fuck!!
[edit] and it's even in bigger letters that than the bit i smudgged[/edit]

(rawx, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:43, archived)

Is this anything to do with the Google coding challenge

thing?

(

Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:48, archived)

My head hurts.

Don't understand...

(qwerty, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:49, archived)

Quality work though

(

Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:46, archived)

lovely!

(

munkt0n, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:50, archived)

omg

are these the originals??

(

smirny ~(8(|), Thu 6 Jun 2002, 14:07, archived)

Hehehe

What is the "spaz" image?

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:49, archived)

Thats Spaz Hall.

Its in Munich.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:54, archived)

hehehe

cool!

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 14:00, archived)

you forgot to wipe out the link at the top!

Still, cheers! It's fun!

(qwerty, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:44, archived)

bloody hell!

..people still actually use coldfusion?

(

munkt0n, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:45, archived)

Whaddya mean?

Cold fusion is tops!

(qwerty, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:50, archived)

joke!

I just havn't seen a .cfm page for yonks.

there's too much asp & php in this world, we need more cfm!

(

munkt0n, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:53, archived)

How about a nice

.xgi?

arexx.kicks-ass.net/rot.xgi

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:59, archived)

not my

choice

(rawx, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:51, archived)

Splendid

it works a treat.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:47, archived)

Bill gates thinking

(AlMurdo, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:36, archived)

Is this satire?

Or are the images just not appearing?

(qwerty, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:37, archived)

I think...

...the images aren't appearing...

[edit] it is a capitalisation problem in his image tags..

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:38, archived)

aaaah - feckin Queen again!

(

Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:32, archived)

hahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahaho ho

(Biscuitfairy, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:39, archived)

Bill

(AlMurdo, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:30, archived)

(qwerty, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:33, archived)

ahh

now I need tomsk's broken image kittie... anyone got him? I love heem soo much...

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:34, archived)

apologies

if this is spazz.

But I thought it
was
funny
.

(Phil not DS, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:20, archived)

Nice

Except its too easy to cheat :)

I'll let you figure out how..

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:26, archived)

Raar!

Just got 692MPH :)

Edit: 726MPH.
Edit: 774MPH.. i don't think you'll get much higher than this.
Edit: Actually... 1361MPH.

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:27, archived)

Hmmm...

I always suck at finding cheats :( 295MPH -- bah! My monkey spanking skill is weak!

[edit] HOW!!!? hehehehe :P

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:29, archived)

Nahh

You have to figure it out... these scores ARE possible with a VERY simple cheat... :)

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:34, archived)

Hmm...

Does it involve wiring the rear axle of my car up to my mouse port?

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:36, archived)

you

might want to slow down a bit...you know blisters an that

(

dhobi Mur Inhexha!!, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:32, archived)

heh

i cranked me mouse up to max with fuck off acceleration and got 1300ish..
hehe.

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:33, archived)

Don't need to do that

ooh heres the secret..

Drag the hand to the right, and let the pointer go off the edge of the flash.

Drag the cursor UNDER the flash, and re-enter the flash to the left of the monkey.

Instant big score :)

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:35, archived)

Ahhhh....

I is stoopid and unimaginitive :)

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:39, archived)

way too essy as you say

(minoltion, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:31, archived)

Except

I didn't use photoshop

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:33, archived)

neither did i

i used pant shop pro

/coat
/door
/car

(minoltion, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:34, archived)

talking of easy to cheat...

what was the URL of H & Claires levitation game?

(

munkt0n, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:31, archived)

hey! It's on B3TV under Games

B3TV

(

Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:34, archived)

it's at

www.b3ta.com/claire

and it's not so easy to cheat now :)

(

chthonic, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:35, archived)

dagnammit!

fiendish frames...

(

munkt0n, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:43, archived)

Bill Gates House2003

(AlMurdo, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:19, archived)

ahem

Crop?

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:20, archived)

red text on blue background

makes my eyes bleed.

(crazymum, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:21, archived)

its

nat thot bod.

(Phil not DS, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:21, archived)

reminds me of going on training

courses where the machine you're sat at has no internet access and Solitaire removed. All that is left to you is Paint and changing that Scotty dog background pattern.

(

adverse_camber, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:34, archived)

he's still up there

..a bear made off with his ladder.

(

monkeon schmonkeon, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:12, archived)

heehee...

methinks the pigeon's been fed too much mullet...

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:13, archived)

the pigeon is a lovely touch

I'd like to see him play a guitar solo.

(

rob, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:14, archived)

He looks like he's about to

start belming!

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:19, archived)

Potatoshop activist

I really have to do some work now.........
kitty revolution

(twisted sorry mummy they made me do it, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:11, archived)

He he!

been a while since I used this one!

(qwerty, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:14, archived)

va-va-vroom

(

breel, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:08, archived)

What's it got

on it's back? I hope it's a weapon for killing weasels.

(Amerella, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:11, archived)

its a motor

cause he cant reach the pedels on the front wheel.

(

breel, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:13, archived)

Quality as usual Mr Breel. He doesn't look very happy though

or is he just trying to look suave and cool?

(Nacho, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:22, archived)

He's a bit pissed...

...cos he missed his appearance at the Jubbly parade.

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:27, archived)

fantastic.

and inspired.

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:12, archived)

A b3ta poem

Maybe 24 hours late, but here goes:
Breel had a little lamb
He kept it in a box
And when its ears got too cold
He made it warm ear socks.

(

winston_theramin, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:30, archived)

woo

yay
but who told you about flossy

(

breel, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:43, archived)

I figured

you were a bit like Noah, and had every kind of animal, all kept warm by colourful ear socks.

(

winston_theramin, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 14:00, archived)

cute

and wonderful work sir

(

Staticgirl, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:32, archived)

Woo to Dave Green of NTK

Grauniad Online interview:

What is the state of net comedy?
The Onion is influential - almost too influential, argues Area Man. And photo manipulation is big with the kids - Shakespeare once classified grades of satirical comment from "the quip modest" to "the reply churlish", to which we must now add "having your head crudely superimposed on the body of an animal".

Nice to see we get a mention :) (full text)

(

chthonic, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:06, archived)

oooh

get her

(

rob, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:10, archived)

I was being nice Rob!

I thought it was cool that he referred to something that was obviously b3ta, but didn't give them a URL due to the reasons he's mentioned before regarding his Times column.

(

chthonic, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:13, archived)

crossed lines

no worries. But I'm sticking with the kids.

(

rob, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:15, archived)

That's probably

The most worrying end-of-sentence I've ever heard.

(note: Kids are only to be stuck with as part of a calorie controlled diet. For further advice, please see your doctor)

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:19, archived)

Must be here then cos I don't see anyone

else potatosloppin evil kitties!

(

Ted, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:11, archived)

I met Dave Green a couple of weeks ago

and he was very nice. Except he kept calling me Joel.

(

rob, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:12, archived)

Holy Roller Coaster

(

Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:01, archived)

Bill Gates House2003

(AlMurdo, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:00, archived)

It's so

small, and X like ;)

[edit] Here's my house:

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:02, archived)

I like

the irony of Bill Gates house not being found...

(

rogan, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:08, archived)

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:16, archived)

The dangers of Boots...

Always look behind you...

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:47, archived)

The danger of Boots... Part II

Always look above you...

(SF, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:04, archived)

Hee hee!

Nice :-)

(

bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:08, archived)

Here's

Today's Gallery with traditional soundtrack.

(

Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:45, archived)

can i get the..

..tony hart/ gallery audio file off you?
i cant find it anywhere

(spiral, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:49, archived)

Tony Hart! Woo!

(

NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:04, archived)

don't have it on me just now

but you can capture it here

(

Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:10, archived)

(spiral, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:13, archived)

yay

im in it again with my 'wogan is evil' pic

(icedragon, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:08, archived)

(MrGwilt, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:44, archived)

That cat's

a lot less evil than the one in go (which funnily enough cropped up in yesterday's time spaz)

(

rogan, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:58, archived)

Boots

(

SpunkyBackpack, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:43, archived)

Change the logo

make it read "People" but in the boots-logo style :)

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:46, archived)

ho ho

nice one

(

rob, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:03, archived)

Google comes up trumps

Just did a image search for "the fear"
and got this evil bastard.

(Dr Gonzo, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:39, archived)

i have made a

little google/ story toy that will find illustrations for a phrase. can you think of any good phrases that don't involve god, bukake and elephant?

(rawx, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:44, archived)

Fine words butter no parsnips.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:45, archived)

nice.

although, sadly it proves that i need to do some debugging... bollocks... will post the buttery parsnips as and when...

(rawx, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:47, archived)

laying in the sun makes eggs dry fry

or something

(

ramirez brr..., Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:53, archived)

spong fear!

(

munkt0n, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:52, archived)

Being scared of the dark.

Cowardly or imaginative.
Discuss.

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:37, archived)

The dark is cool

except when you are drunk and the dark is full of ugly women ;)

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:38, archived)

and

when your watching ring

(minoltion, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:40, archived)

I'm not scared of the dark

just the drooling, malformed, pointy teethed monsters that hide in it.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:38, archived)

heh

stephen king said that first :)

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:41, archived)

did he?

I suspect he's in league with them. Ooo I now have an excuse to post a crap photoshop I did ages ago.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:45, archived)

That loosk like the bit

in Aphex Twin's "Come To Daddy" video where the thing's screaming at the old woman.

(Dies Irae, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:46, archived)

dark:

not scary!
things hiding in the dark:
hoy-oi! scary!

(

aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:42, archived)

The dark?

Turn on the lights! Turn on all the lights.
I'm scared mummy, I'm scared.
I can hear them with there wheezy breath and scratchy claws. I can hear them.
Must hide, I must hide deep in the covers.
hide, hide, hide.
Turn on the lights, turn them all on.
I can hear them.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:43, archived)

it's amazing

how the magical properties of a few sheets of cotton/nylon/newspaper can make you feel protected from huge hairy monsters with big pointy teeth and barbed claws!

(

aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:46, archived)

They wont find me in here.
Will they?

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:48, archived)

im with you.

covers over the head.
I've always wanted a snorkel in bed. So you can breathe safely without fear of attack from the demons.

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:47, archived)

Ah, but what if they

plug the hole? All demons come with a snorkel-cork as standard, dontcha know.

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:50, archived)

You're just sayoing that

to be mean.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:55, archived)

No, it's true!

Ask yer mum, she's the one who tucks you in tightly at night, to make sure you can't escape when They come....

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:59, archived)

she's

making a sacrifice to save herself!

(

aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:00, archived)

Its not true

It cant be.

Wouldnt this 'Whats hiding in the dark' be a good challenge?

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:06, archived)

i dont like grinfish

anymore. nasty grinfish. baaaaad grinfish. sit! staaaay!

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:59, archived)

Motorists beware!

Its not the monsters that live in the dark that are really evil, its the bootmonsters!

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:43, archived)

the dark, cows

and people in leather trousers...

(rawx, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:45, archived)

When I was little,

I perfected a technique for rolling myself up in a duvet and folding the end under so that absolutely no monsters could get in. V. hot though.
Nowaday I am not scared of the dark at all, because it is a warm place that contains sleep.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:57, archived)

But sometimes

dont you wake up in a cold sweat, your heart throbbing in your throat, convinced that, just out the corner of your eye...you saw something.
It could have been the flicker of the curtain, or even breeze blown twig that causes the dark shadows in your room to move.
But you're not sure so you sit, upright in bed scanning every corner of your room making sure that everything is okay and you can sleep once more.

Or is that just me?

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:02, archived)

its not just you....

its me too..
but actually those moving things in the dark are actually the "floaters" in your eyes... You dont notice them in the daylight, but at night you see them coz your eyes are more sensitive to light - hence you see moving things out of the corners of your eyes.
Make you feel better?

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:04, archived)

Aaaaagh!

We've all got shit in our eyes! Pass the Domestos!

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:07, archived)

its great isnt it?

all the dead bits of retina floating down to be reabsorbed. eyes rule. I love mine. I can look at beer and breasts with them. mmmmm beer.

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:08, archived)

now YOU'RE just saying that

to be mean.

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:05, archived)

it's okay grinfish.

he can't make the dark scare me. the dark is fine.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:15, archived)

ah, but

how do you get out when you need to make that mad dash past the moving, slashing shadows for the light switch, hmm?

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:02, archived)

no no no no

the dark is bad. thats why i try never to see it sober.

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:02, archived)

jeez!

you big pussies, the lot of you!
...If it helps, I'm scared of spiders and mirrors. Especially mirrors in bathrooms... urrrrgh... ooh I just shivered thinking about them!

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:15, archived)

im terrified of these things..

they EVIL

(

Hugo Rune, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:17, archived)

I know what you mean

The film Candyman didnt help.

Candyman.
Candyman.
Candyma....

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:18, archived)

Shush! You!

Shut up!
Don't EVER say that - that's EXACTLY what started me off.
Just DON'T, all right?
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRR...

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:23, archived)

Uhoh, too late....

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:35, archived)

But

if you say 'Handyman' three times he comes to fix your sink...

(

rogan, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:43, archived)

Me too

I remember watching upstairs by myself and had to stop it halfway through and go for a drink downstairs to settle my nerves. (I lived in apub at the time).
Its creepy.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:44, archived)

Um.....

I think the third word is "Candyman" Nicky.

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:32, archived)

Henry

red card bullshit

(

csabai, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:30, archived)

It should have been

Hi-ho Silva! But he got lucky.

I'm not complaining. One less real club in the second round 8o)

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:32, archived)

is this a new game?

Eric
blue van fucksticks

(

Craymen, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:43, archived)

Bob

Green carpet wankface

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:52, archived)

john

pink truck pissflaps.

(crazymum, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:53, archived)

David

Mauve podule cuntymint

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:54, archived)

William

Yellow Fridge Shithandler

(

grinfish redux I can remember when all this were eels, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:56, archived)

Jim

peuce omnibus monkeyspunk

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:58, archived)

alan

beige spoon blowjob

(spiral, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:04, archived)

Thomas

Orange window fuckplinth

(

Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 13:18, archived)

i feel jipped

by adobe

you go and buy photodeluxe NOT photoshop thinking its a wise idea (i mean it has the word 'deluxe' in the name) and you dont get imageready with it at all

of course you cant download it anywhere, only the update.

im getting pretty pissed about it

(skagg, Thu 6 Jun 2002, 12:29, archived)

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