I remember....
watching Schindlers list at secondary school. I remember the scene where naked jews were being forced into the gas chambers. There were tears from the girls, the teachers and a row of uncomfortable boys who obviously had boners due to seeing their first ever naked woman, even if she was going to die a terrible death.

I remember feeling slightly disgusted and at the same time sympathising with the boys, poor sods and their hormones!
(lehcar_woo, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 17:02, Reply)

Hernia
I have had an inguinal hernia for about 5 years; next week, it is finally getting operated on. For those who don't know , an inguinal hernia is basically where there's a hole in my abdominal wall, and my intestines are coming down into my scrotum. As I said, I've been suffering this for a number of years; the trouble is, it's not always there. Sometimes, I'll be completely healthy and normal, then without warning, my intestines will suddenly come down. It is very very painful.

Anyway, I first went to the doctor about this, around 3 years ago. The night before I went to the doctor, the hernia was really bad. At the time, I had no idea what it was; it was just a strange and painful lump in my balls - I described it to people as being like having 3 testicles. Of course, when I woke up the next morning, it was completely fine - my genitalia looked totally normal. The doctor thought I was MAD. But he felt my testicles anyway, just to make sure. To be on the safe side, he referred me to the hospital to have an ultrasound. At the ultrasound, I had 2 more men feeling me up - only this time, there was the added thrill of them lathering me up with jelly. Erotic. The ultrasound found nothing, and they pretty much concluded that I was making it up.

A few months later, it was really bad and I went to the doctor again; the difference was that this time, I researched on the internet beforehand, and found that what I had fitted the description of a hernia. So after the doc felt my balls for a bit (again, sadly, the strange lump just wasn't there at the time), I said "Do you think that maybe it could be hernia?". The words were barely out of my mouth, when he shot down that suggestion with a swift "No, definitely not." So there was that theory gone.

Within the last year, I've had another 3 men feel my testes at different points - the first was a doctor (AGAIN, no symptoms when I went to see him), who took my suggestion of a hernia a bit more seriously when I told him that I have to take Ibuprofen 3 to 4 times a week, to dull the pain. So he said that next time it happens, I should go to Casualty. So of course, off I go to Casualty, this time with my girlfriend, who is standing right next to me as this man caresses my testicles; she later said that she thought he was being rough with them, but started taking mental notes when I told her that it felt nice. So yeah, he confirmed it was a hernia, as I had suspected for the previous 3 years. I went to the doctor a few months after, just for a check-up to make sure that I needed surgery. That doctor kept doing loads of tests; he would hold my balls and say 'cough', and then hold my balls in a slightly different way, and ask me to cough again. He was so gentle.

Anyway, in conclusion, I never suffered a hard-on while any of those men were feeling me up. I still can't believe that I went to the doctor/hospital about it so many times, and not once was felt up by a woman. Madness



Apologies for length, but your dead mother rarely complains
(Mr Timmels, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 16:50, Reply)

Not sure if it's inappropriate or not...
No matter what people say about Marge, there really is something about Millhouse's mother.

Sorry. Might not be inappropriate, just plain wrong.

Oh yeah, and I had the same thing with the optician as well.
(Benjimawoo, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 16:46, Reply)

Accidentally Erotic
would make a fine username
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 16:41, Reply)

gleeballs
"sweating like a naughty horse"

genius. love it! xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 16:36, Reply)

Brigadier
Here here!
(Keyser Soze, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 16:34, Reply)

Hermione.
Third film.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Fri 3 Feb 2006, 16:33, Reply)

Phone Sex
Taking the 'inappropriately erotic' option from the question reminded me of a little joke my mate's girlfriend decided to try and play on me. Using her boyfriends phone she attempted to text me with a message along the lines of 'I secretly love you, when are you going to come over here and give me a right good seeing to?' kinda thing. She figured that me, being a hom, would read this message, supposedly from my mate, and of course come running right over, eager to take him up on his offer of naughty bum fun. Natch. However, her little scheme went ever so disasterously wrong when she realised, a split second too late, that in my mate's phone, my number was listed right next to his dad's number. Guess which one she sent it to?

By far the funniest part of this story was the fact that she was so embarrassed that the only person she told about this was, inexplicably, me! My mate has no idea and his dad has never mentioned it to him, such must be the shock of your own son confessing his love for you and wanting you to do him up the wrong 'un. Whenever I hear he's going to family gatherings I always imagine his dad either avoiding him completely or, much better, sitting in a chair, hands clamped on armrests in a death grip, sweating like a naughty horse and desperately trying not to take him up on the offer.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 3 Feb 2006, 16:24, Reply)

whilst being strapped in my plane seat
a stunningly attractive stewardess leaning over me to put someones luggage into the overhead compartment and struggling to get the bag stowed away, i was forced to sit there whilst she bashed her heaving bosom against my head (repeatedly) and she was concentrating on her task whilst i was really enjoying the facial massage, only inappropriate as i was with my fiancee who is terrified on flying and was clutching my hand whilst covering her eyes with the other, spent most of the trip just staring at the stewardess and dreaming....
(faquar lives, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 15:52, Reply)

A Galaxy far far away....
Princess leia. You know it makes sense!
( HelloIamAdam and Adam is my name, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 15:38, Reply)

Cute Physio
I was 17 years old and having physiotherapy for a dodgy back and torn hamstring.

This largely involved me lying face down on bed/table thing wearing only tiny shorts, whilst Siobhan (mid 20s & looked like Scarlett O'Hara) rubbed my lower back / buttocks. Her rubbing also meant my raging hard on would rub against the couch beneath me.

However, I was totally in her hands. She would also do those "does this hurt" tests, which invariably resulted in me screaming in pain. She tended to hurt me after giving me unavoidably noticable erections, which gave me the impression that she enjoyed tormenting me.

Having the ultrasound jelly rububed into my legs was *nice* too.
(champagnerocker, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 15:29, Reply)

Cavegirl
Pretty feckin' edgy for a kids show - am I bad?
(silencio ....Fetch the Big Net...., Fri 3 Feb 2006, 15:23, Reply)

Jessica Rabbit
That was her name from 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?' right?

Anyways she was top totty, if only she wasn't a cartoon.

Also been hard in church thinking about the naughties me and the ex had been doin about half an hour ago.
(PieEater, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 15:14, Reply)

Wishing
Wishing that Serbitar was my wife txting me

Thinking of that made me horny!


I know, I know - perv alert
(Dirtyleeds, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 15:03, Reply)

Laptops
The warmth and vibrations always get me when I least expect it. Sat in a freezing cold server room? Rock hard. Backing up a mate's pc? Massive boner. Discussing mind-numbingly dull work with a beast of a colleage? Well, you get the picture.
(Lifesize cnut, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 14:56, Reply)

well...
In latin classes as a kid (13?) I got wood during a few lessons the one term. Mind you, the teacher did make us watch the film, Caligula...

I have never seen so many hunched over boys leave a classroom in my life...
(blackfacedfightinggibbon, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 14:51, Reply)

hahahaha
the bit in Howard The Duck when she's in bed with him....

...think that was my first identifiable sexual feeling as a young 'un
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 14:42, Reply)

email
sorry have to post this:
i find it very amusing to email my fella erotic stuff in work... you know what id like to do to him and stuff. its vastly hilarious when his boss tells me he sat around all day and refued to get up... texting him in meetings is highly amusing too!!!
sorry guys i know im a wicked wicked woman...
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Fri 3 Feb 2006, 14:42, Reply)

errrmmm....
House of 1000 Corpses...
( brooza wonders how long a sig can be and if this will fit, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 14:38, Reply)

the first time...
i donned the school standard issue red lycra swimming trunks. soooo tight, so small, made me feel naked. erection ensued...not good for me as my best stroke was backstroke.
(Jazz Bloke Music has charms to soothe the savage breast, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 14:37, Reply)

androgynous men
I went to see a band called Negative (not Type O, that's another story) and it turns out the lead singer is the cutest little boy there ever was. Not a hair on his body, long blonde hair, skin-tight jeans, etc. at one point he let a loooong dribble of spit hang down almost to the floor and then sucked it back in again - and suddenly I was catapulted into a daydream of snatching the dribble of spit out of his mouth and rubbing it all over my breasts.

I even met him backstage and had a cheesy fanphoto taken, and i couldn't stop trembling for weeks afterwards- makes me all gooey just remembering it.
(chesty, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 14:05, Reply)

A pain in the neck
I had a muscle spasm in my neck which left me in a great deal of pain - I could hardly move and when I did would get horrific bowell jarring spasms of intense pain.
So Mrs Porky loaded me into the car and took me into the countryside to see a chiropractor and ayervedic healer.A woman. A strangely alluring woman.With "healing" hands.
Anyway she got me to strip down to my grundies and proceeded to "manipulate" my neck, head, shoulders and spine.This had the alarming effect of losening these areas of my body and making others er....hard.
Anyway to cut a long story short she mentioned that she thought my breathing was a little laboured and then proceeded to listen to my heart with her stethoscope after which, she pronounced that she was worried about my ticker and possible blood pressure.
She then wrote to my doctor who called me in for a once-over with the comment " bit tasty then was she?"
( porky, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 13:59, Reply)

Geoff Capes
On the worlds strongest Man back
in the early 80's.

He's let himself go a bit since then though...
( kirkbear2, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 13:57, Reply)

Not me, but a girl I once knew
Had a thing for authority figures, particularly doctors.

She also had a voracious sexual appetite, and an interest in trying anything vaguely 'different'.

She is possibly the only person in the world to look forward to a smear test.
(Throbbe, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 13:43, Reply)

My gosh, the question should be what dosen't turn me on,
ok here are some of the more obscure things that turn me on,

Tall skinny Goth guys in drag - It was a freinds 21st b'day party and his goth twin brother in a miniskirt looking all akward and boney in a shirt 2 sizes to small tee hee.

Shelving books - I work in a library, shelving books is actually very realaxing, sometimes too relaxing.

Riding on public transport - Well what ealse have you got to think about.

Vigourus Exercise - Running, weights, push ups anything that gets blood circulating.

European accents - Liverpoolean, welsh, Austrian whatever.

Reading boring technical books - The mind wanders.

Bordome in general - hey what else have you got to do with your self.
(rattus, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 13:33, Reply)

The underware section
in a freemans catalogue helped pass many a pre-pubescent evening.

As did watching Blue Peter, when they had footage of Janet Ellis swimming.

When you grow up you have to leave childish pleasures behind

(Thank God)
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 13:20, Reply)

Crowded train
Most times being crammed into a tiny space with hundreds of people is just annoying. Sometimes it can be a huge turn on.

I once got on the train and it was already crowded so I had to stand. At the next stop an impossible number of more people got on and I found myself squashed between a wall and a man. He was in front of me and had his arse facing towards me. Add heat, some vibration and pretty soon I was as hard as a rock. If he didn't know what was going on, he would have had a hell of a surprise if he had been an inch shorter.
(BearWithLittleBrain, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 13:12, Reply)

Uncle Pervy
I had a mate a few years back when I was at a crap college and spent much more time smoking the demon weed than attending lectures, his name was Uncle Pervy.

Uncle Pervy admitted to having spent his childhood thrashing his Soggy Man Cheroot to thoughts of Blake's Seven's Servalan.

www.bbc.co.uk/cult/classic/blakes7/servalan/index.shtml

Had another mate who got a hard on every time he got on a bus. We used to unexpectedly decide to jump off at random stops and watch him struggle to get off concealing his arousement... tee hee.
(SmoothOtter, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 13:05, Reply)

Johnny Weissmuller's tarzan rescuing a pre-pubescent boy from a bunch of marauding cannibals.
actually ... johnny weissmuller's tarzan doing most things now I come to think of it
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 13:00, Reply)

Squeezing out the last few drops
People crying in films and on TV. Not in real life, it makes me uncomfortable.

Also, having just looked back at other people's answers I realize I've interpreted the question as "inappropriate = should never ever be found sexy", whereas most people have gone with "inappropriate = contextually embarassing but basically stuff like blonde buxom nurses touching your man-bits etc, which it's quite natural to find sexy" and now I look like a terrible twisted old perv. Cock it.
(oranguturn, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 12:44, Reply)