Radio One
I know that at 38 years old I no doubt fall quite a way outside the age group that Radio One are trying to appeal to, but of late this station has really begun to wind me up to the point that I can't listen to it anymore.
Chris Moyles and "comedy" Dave along with the rest of their little crew broadcast such utter, repetitive childish shite that most even most eleven year olds must find it tiresome. The basically tolerable Jo Whiley seems to have been replaced by Fearne Cotton, who although easy on the eye is an annoying, banal bint who "LOVES" everything, every band, song, etc. Edith Bowman is little better, with her irritating Scottish brogue and stupid fucking catchphrases like "Wakkid!" and "Get In!". Then we have a pair of reedy voiced twats (one Northern, one Southern): Greg James and Nick Grimshaw, who as far as I'm concerned might as well be one and the same, personality-free wanker.
Scott Mills is quite amusing at times and has his moments I suppose, and the content of Zane Lowe's show (if not his horribly enthusiastic style) is pretty good, but in short, a really good way of "grinding my gears" is to spend the day listening to Radio One. They can't even read the fucking news without having to play some music behind it. And why the fuck do their jingle singers feel the need to put on an American accent?

The only regret I have is that every so often Radio One play some decent new music (i.e., not R&B) and I might miss out on it.

And yes. I'm a miserable old bastard. But I really don't see the attraction of Radio One anymore.
( BobbyParadise, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 12:44, 15 replies)

As there seem to be a lot of motorcycle fans on here, a few bike gripes
I've grown up in Derbyshire, near Matlock Bath. So every summer, I'm treated to an immense display of bikes, a lot of which are piloted by utter nobheads who think the road past my house is a racetrack. You can usually here them and spot them, a race-rep plastic coated crotch rocket, wearing a power ranger suit and hanging off the bloody thing at every corner. In the height of summer we are talking a crash every other weekend, often fatal. THEN they wonder why the police, especially in North wales, are getting so pissed off with bikes, and will hassle anyone riding anything with only two wheels and an engine?
Ironically, the best and most considerate riders are the Harley Davidson Patch club types. Which in my eyes deserves far more respect. Also, they are often riding some wonderful pieces of garden shed engineering, which I love to see.

Mind you, the last category brings me onto my second moan-the wanabe outlaw who works in a bank. If you want a custom, you build it yourself, preferably in your kitchen. Buying a bike with factory fitted "custom" options is a bit lame.
Though at least they're not hurting anyone, unlike the former. I have no problem with other peoples hobbies, as long as they don't hurt anyone else.
( Greenbat, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 12:43, 3 replies)

American Football
Why for the love of god why ?

Not only is the game what appears to be a overdressed and overcomplicated game of rugby but the game goes on forever ?

Inject some Generic big music personality singing in the game intervals and you have the equivalent of hell in a stadium.
(Cov Boy, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 12:34, 7 replies)

Alpha male nonsense
Since the QOTW changed I have had a long hard think about things that I don’t understand the attraction to. I really didn’t want to compile a list that included soap operas, nightclubs and being sodomised with a broken bottle, as I’m sure everyone and their dog have covered them in more than enough detail.

The thing that I really don’t understand the attraction of is trying to be the alpha male. For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about I mean those men who have to be top-dog in ANY situation, whether you are in a meeting at work or simply down the pub. This usually involves being the loudest person in the room and belittling everyone else and their opinions without actually listening to anything they say.

I have never understood this urge to be the biggest swinging-dick. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some limp-wristed doormat who wouldn’t say boo to a goose, but I’m also a pretty laid back bloke and if someone wants to be the king-of-the-castle when they've got an audience I’m more than happy to let the baby have his bottle. The problem is, when I do blow my own trumpet (fnarr fnarr) it is so out of character it comes across as being obnoxious.

For example, a couple of years ago I was at a good friends wedding. His new brother-in-law was a tool of the highest order. He was a manager for Hertz and he was informing everyone how wonderful he was and what a great promotion he had just received and that his car was a Mercedes 1234 which is so much better than the Mercedes 123 but next year he will upgrade to the Mercedes 12345 and blah blah fucking blah. He had been dropping thinly disguised snide comments in my direction for a while when he piped up with "Of course the worst thing about owning a Merc is that you have to park it next to grotty Fords". He was referring to my 10 year old Mondeo, without thinking I retorted, "It looks nice in the garage of my detached house". It shut him up quicker than a swift kick to the knackers, but the people who heard looked at me like I had just wiped my arse with a fist full of fifty pound notes and then smeared them it in their faces while shouting "I am considerably…richer…than YOU!"

Of course, my lack of alpha-male nonsense may explain why I am an un-married 32 year-old who hasn’t been with a woman for...err...when does virginity grow back?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 12:21, 14 replies)

soft core porn
what's the point?

people that like porn don't like it

people that DON'T like porn don't like it.

who's it for?
(Markygee Surname: "Balls". First name: "Lick-mah", Mon 19 Oct 2009, 11:36, 7 replies)

Dog ownership
I can sort of see why people own dogs. They are fun to have and reward you with devotion and loyalty, but to me they are just a massive pain in the arse to look after! I don't mind stroking one, or throwing a ball now and again, but that's as far as it goes for me...

1) They smell

I'm sorry but no matter how much people protest, dogs are smelly creatures. Everyone who owns a dog will smell of dog. You clothes, car, house, curtains and furnishings will all have that "dog" odour. Your garden will smell of dog shit, even if it is shovelled up quickly.

2) The effort

Walking through the park in a force 9 gale, rain lashing your face, frostbitten fingers clutching an inside-out Wharburton breadbag full of dog shit while your mongy spaniel lollops ahead. Marvellous! Going on holiday? Throw away those foreign brochures; I'm sure a wet weekend avoiding dog shit on a dog-friendly beach in Bognor will be as nice as that week in St Tropez...won't it?

3) The expense

So that cute little boxer puppy has quickly grown into a "Winalott to shit" converting machine has it? Nobody saw that coming! And vets fees? I never liked just having the one mortgage on my house anyway...

4) The charities

"Hello, I'm from the Dogs Trust, I wonder if you wouldn't mind sponsoring a...*click*..hello?...hello?"

Oh and btw - I don't mind tossing a few pence into a bucket for somebody collecting for dogs trust, but I won't be made to feel like I am personally responsible for cruelty to dogs because I am living on a budget and can't afford to sign up to a direct debit, thank you very much!

5) Leaving it locked in the kitchen while you go to work

"WOOF!! Owww..owww..........WOOF!! Owww...owwwww "WOOF!! Owww..owww......WOOF!! Owww...owwwww "WOOF!! Owww..owww......WOOF!! Owww...owwwww" ALL FUCKING DAY!!!

6) Slobber

"Aww it's just being friendly" - yeah I really love having my face being coated with a thin film of dog slobber like a scene from Alien. And people who let the dog lick their face then carry on as if nothing unsanitary has happened!! WASH YOUR FACE DAMMIT!! WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WASHES ITS ARSE WITH?

7) Chavs have them as status symbols

"YEAH! LOOK AT MY BIG SNARLY DOG ON A CHAIN! DON'T MESS WITH ME MOTHERFUCKER OR I'LL SET SADIE ON YOU!" is that the dog or your wife? I can't actually tell...

sorry :)
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 19 Oct 2009, 11:31, 7 replies)

central heating
"oooh but don't you want to be warm?" ... er, put on a jumper ...

"ooh but don't you want your bathroom towels to be all hot and snuggly from the radiator when you get out of the shower?" ... er, what are we now - five years old?

"but we live in britain, we *need* central heating!!!" ... yeah, like everyone who lived in a dwelling of whatever description prior to the latter half of the 20th century failed to survive beyond the age of two because of freezing to the cot in midwinter, QED we're not here because our ancestors died

"but i'd just freeze if all i did was sit on the settee watching the box all night in an unheated house!" ... i think i rest my case...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 11:29, 4 replies)

I don't enjoy 'fun'

If anything is described as being 'fun' - I won't like it. Best example is 'Fun Fair' - not fun and almost certain to be not fair. Circuses, theme parks, nights on the lash, holidays on the beach, nightclubs, fancy dress parties, works outings.

"Come on Che, it'll be fun."
"No it fucking won't be. Piss off and have your fun, but leave me out."

And, no. It's not just my age. I've never liked fun.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 11:26, 6 replies)

I dabbled for a while
in chaos theory, but looking back, it seems like a very strange attraction...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 11:04, 1 reply)

Edith fucking Bowman
She's not good looking, she irritates the fuck outta me, and every time I even imagine hearing her say "Get in!" I immediately think of my foot up her clunge...
( snee held his breath since, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 10:36, 4 replies)

iPhones
bin dun? or is it taboo on somewhere like here? Who cares.

They're for cnuts. Every app ever made for them - is also for cnuts. No, it ain't jealousy that i want to pay 40 notes for the priviledge of owning one - they're just POINTLESS. infact 90% of what phones do nowadays - is pointless. Exchanging contacts by 'bumping' them together - DO YOU SEE WHAT COMPLETE DAFT TWATS YOU LOOK LIKE? oooo it shows u the way to the nearest bank in feet. Come off it.

AASARRrrRRGGGFFFFIFIIFFFFGGHHHHH. Brain washed fucktards.
(TheManofScience, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 10:35, 2 replies)

Designer / Celebrity labels
I'll never understand why people feel this matters when purchasing anything.

Clothes that have someone's name on them are no indication of quality or attractiveness. They were probably designed by an underpaid assistant anyway. Buy stuff you like, not just a name!

And the concept of celebrity perfumes baffles the hell out of me. They won't make you smell like that person (who can actually afford to buy the good stuff!)
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 10:18, 5 replies)

Lesbian Pr0n.
I do not get either. Well, the made for straight men kind, that features tow barbie-doll lookalikes with giant (and terrifying) acrylic nails and every act is generally done three feet away from each other (and the relevant, ahem, parts of the body)
what about the poor ladies such as myself that go for the more dykey lesbians? i can't afford subscriptions to websites like the crash pad series etc. it's a modern day tragedy, i tell you.
(charlottebronte stalking through the moors, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 9:20, 10 replies)

"i"
Putting a small case "i" in front of every single product. It isn't just Apple at it either. I have an iVac (not chosen for the name but because we were tight arses). Kraft wanted to call the new watered down vegemite iSnack.

It's the biggest piece of marketing douchebaggery since putting a number in the thousands behind product names.

iT iS iNsulting to our iNtelligence.

Oh and using numbers as letters in movie names, it was bad enough when the l33t kids did it.
(afroboy, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 8:51, 8 replies)

Jeremy Clarkson.
Essentially, Richard Littlejohn with dark hair and a better car.

Yet, he's not reviled.

Why?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 8:50, 11 replies)

Cars.
I don't understand how people can get so whoozy over cars. I cycle to work, and it always amuses me when people say "Why don't you drive?"

"Because its quicker by bike, and I don't have to pay for petrol or parking" I say.

"But it's so much more convenient to drive!" they say.

What? Have people really become that brainwashed by car manufacturers advertising of the supposed free lifestyle that driving brings that they are utterly incapable of utilising any other form of transport? "Oh, I could never cycle to work. I'm too unfit" some folk say before telling me they live a mile away. So they drive. And pay for parking. And walk the half mile in from there.

I can and do drive. Why would I want to spend an hour of my life each day staring at the metal box next in the line in front of me as we edge closer to the daily grind? Why would I do that when I can spend the same time cycling through the countryside enjoying the outside world, getting some exercise, and cycling past queues upon queues of standing traffic? I drive when I need to transport large heavy things from A to B, or travel a great distance which actually would be inconvenient by any other route. But that doesn't mean I give a flying fuck about your new alloy wheels, how the price of petrol is skyrocketing, or the poor persecuted motorist is being targeted with the wholly unfair and not at all brightly coloured and well signposted in advance speed cameras.

I do like Top Gear though. Odd, that.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 8:46, 1 reply)

Why do non football fans get som angry about wages?
If you dont pay to watch games (at stadiums or on telly) or have any other association with football merchandise then you aren't contributing to their wages. Its like me (in Britain) moaning about how much Americans get paid on the dole
(Dr Zoidberg is going for a scuttle, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 7:59, 3 replies)

Angry teetotallers ...
I just don't get it. You don't drink. This is your personal choice. Do not expect a medal.

With this much self-righteous bile you ought to just revert to Islam and be done with it.
(Que?, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 7:49, 3 replies)

I gotta couple a tingz
Hmmmm.

The Simpsons
I watched it because it was a cartoon. That was years ago. When something is made into a cartoon it becomes engaging and interesting…especially for kids. Not anymore. There's too much better stuff on. They're just dull now. When it comes on I'd rather chew tinfoil whilst committing self harm.

Animal Collective
It's echoy bollocks.
"ooh but he's so modern and feel-good man!"
No he's not. It sounds like someone's playing a beach boys record in a gigantic tin shed under the ocean. It's simply awful. You wouldn't do that to any other artist so why do it to the bloody beach boys? I mean come on. If you were going to play music that sounded like you were playing a record under the ocean in a tin shed, you'd pick The Beatles, or Nirvana or someone credible....but the beach boys? Honestly.
ok 10/10 for effort but minus several million for quality.

Cars
When people start talking about “S” series and the “new open top model” my eyes glaze over and I think of ANYTHING else except cars: boobies, horror movies, lint, ice-cream sticks…basically anything except sodding cars.
Just for the record I can drive but for me a good sound system and cheap running costs are more important aspects of a car. Cause let’s face it: Cars get from A to B. Buses and trains do the same thing. So when you’re talking about cars, you might as well be talking about public transport. And who likes that? No one! So shut up about your shitty cock-mobile.

Religion
Dodgy topic but here’s my take on it:
ALL RELIGIONS ARE THE SAME!!!!
That’s it.
Basically you should: BE NICE!
Now if you need a book or an imaginary friend to keep you in line then you’ve probably got some serious issues that we haven’t got time to cover off today.
I actually don’t mind religion and people who participate in it. A majority of them do their own thing. But I can’t stand it when you get on your high horse because you think that your imaginary friend is better than someone elses? Then I gotta stop you and smite you for being a cock.

Facebook games
Do I want to be a pirate or a ninja?
No I do not! I don’t send you a letter to your Microsoft outlook asking you if you want to be a cuddly toy or a rapist, so why clog up my wall with such stupid requests?
On facebook I want to check my emails and find out what my friends are doing.
That’s it.
I don’t care if my primary school friend David MacKnight has become a level 3 Zombie! There are simply too many applications on facebook. Fuck!*

Sex And the City
A show about women who act like whores made especially for women who act like whores.
If you find the show so damn sexy and hot maybe you should watch some hot fisting action: My fist, Sarah Jessica Parkers face.

Russell Brand
Do I really need to justify my dislike for this spastic monkey?

Eastenders/Coronation Street/Soaps
Boring tripe for people to watch so that they feel better about their lives by watching the socially retarded lives of others … a totally pointless act you may as well stare into a fucking mirror all day. No I didn’t watch the show last night and no I don’t care.

Yorkshire pudding
As a child I remember all the hype surrounding Sunday roasts with Yorkshire puds. Now pudding as far as I’m concerned sounds like a dessert. And I remember the day dad made us a Sunday roast with Yorkshire pudding. “What is Yorkshire pudding?” I remember thinking to myself. Is it chocolate cake with ice-cream and sprinkles? Maybe it’s a fruit based custard or something?
Nope
It’s basically flour and milk, beaten together and baked. It looks like a retarded muffin.
“But you use it to mop up your gravy!”
Big deal. My tongue does that. So does bread. Personally I think we could live without Yorkshire puddings and the world would vastly improve.


*having said all that I am secretly addicted to Mafia Wars on facebook. What a dick :(
(Markygee Surname: "Balls". First name: "Lick-mah", Mon 19 Oct 2009, 3:56, 7 replies)

Harvey Birdman
It's weird because it's about the only Adult Swim cartoon I don't like. I dunno, it doesn't make me laugh.
(ElGranto, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 2:29, Reply)

Porn with blokes in.
I mean honestly, do you REALLY want to see some big sweaty man arse with hairy balls bouncing up and down and getting in the way of your view of the lady bits and then his disgusting angry purple veiny meatstick discharging spurts of rancid spunk into her mouth and eyes and...

...I'm sorry, I think I've just come.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 2:16, Reply)

Two of the best-received movies of 2007
There Will Be Blood - I found it slow and pretentious
No Country For Old Men - While I applaud any film that fucks with audience expectations, I was ultimately left feeling unfulfilled despite an awesome first half.

Yet these two movies seemed to be met with almost unviersal praise by everyone else. Slow year or did I just miss something?
(ElGranto, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 1:39, 2 replies)

..in American Bashing
Everyone here seems pretty cool in that the BNP are twats, the Daily Mail is a hate sheet and that racism is just shit. Yet, having a go at the Americans is somehow acceptable. They're often portrayed as loud, arrogant, fat and stupid. It's a big generalisation for 300m+ people, on an opinion, shaped for the majority, by the media. If other nations just saw our telly, in particularly our reality tv, we'd look, well, American. [sic]

Age old argument but if you substituted Paki in for Yank and it sounds a bit yikey, you've probably overstepped the mark.
(Hansdown, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 1:06, 10 replies)

B3ta /talk
As good as the rest of this website is, /talk is full of the most ignorant, nastiest little clique loving losers i have ever had the misfortune to talk to.

If you don't get the 'in-jokes' then you are insulted and made to feel like shit just for daring to ask a question or mention something about your day.

I bet half the wankers who occupy it wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life. Little turds.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 0:23, 72 replies)

Musical theatre
I just don't understand what people about musical theatre, and the music is shite too.
(themothers, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 0:19, 2 replies)

Eating Piping Hot Food
This seemingly British obsession is mental. You can't taste it. It fucking hurts. It cuts a relaxing evening meal out down to about 20 seconds and it encourages stupid suggestions like, "blow on it" or "take it from round the edge."
(Hansdown, Mon 19 Oct 2009, 0:17, Reply)

Freddie Mercury et al, AKA Queen
nah, not really. Only kidding.

as you were..
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 23:52, 1 reply)

I don't undestand the attraction
of eating very expensive food in a snobbish restaurant full of chefs & wine jockeys.

Why? Not because of the price or miniscule portions, but the fact that everybody & their cousin in the kitchen has to TOUCH every damn thing on your plate with their bare fingers!!

When I've viewed these activities, on tv, never ONCE have I seen these food touchers go near a sink to scrub hands with hot water. Only the wiping of fingers on a scummy apron.

Only if hands are sterilized & scrubbed as if for surgery before & after each step of this process would I maybe consider eating food that is served this way.
(barrycounty, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 23:14, 2 replies)