Extensive List
After writing this, I now realise that I have a problem.

1. Being called mate, pal, dude, bub or guy by anyone (including close friends).
2. Blacon, Ellesmere Port, Connahs Quay and Flintshire/Deeside
3. Bulldogs or Rotweillers et al.
4. Calling your children Harvey/Hervey, Leyton, Tyler, Courtenay, Chelsea, Kaylegh, Romeo, Tyrone, Germaine, Leroy,
5. Chewing gum, why? Eat a wine gum instead.
6. Dragging your feet.
7. Eating in public.
8. Eating without a knife. You are not American, they cannot help doing it, YOU can.
9. External multi-coloured Christmas decorations (the white lights can be done tastefully in moderation)
10. Fake breasts.
11. Family photographs taken in a studio with a cloudy grey/cloudy brown background. Except for when you get your degree, you have no choice.
12. Fish knives.
13. Girls with shiny makeup. Why TRY to look sweaty?
14. Gold “Mr T” style jewellery.
15. Gypsy earrings (they are a type of hoop).
16. Hands free mobile kits (I once tried to talk to a woman at Morrisons because I thought she was talking to me).
17. Inflecting at the end of a sentence when you are not asking a question (again, you are not American, and even if you are you should not do it either).
18. Leather sofas.
19. Lounge, it’s a sitting room.
20. Men wearing jewellery other than a wedding band, thong/bead necklace or watch.
21. Men with any piercings.
22. Mispronouncing Anthony/Antony. However you spell it you never pronounce the aitch.
23. Not pronouncing ing, ick, t and d.
24. Onion rings.
25. Orange Tans.
26. Over using exclamation marks when either one would do, or none should be used.
27. Owning Louis Vuiton, especially authentic Louis Vuiton.
28. Plasma screens that are too big (they can be dangerous for your eyes and you cannot see the program very well), just showing off.
29. Playing dance music in your car so loud that you have to have the window open so your eardrums do not split.
30. Rap/House/Dance music.
31. Saying “Gutted”.
32. Saying “Like” at the beginning or end of every sentence.
33. Saying “Pleased to meet you”. Are you, are you really, why? Since we have only just met how can you know. My grandmother was told by her mother (who worked for the Duke of Buccleuch and Queensberry) to only ever say “How do you do”. Professor Higgins was right.
34. Saying “Random” instead of coincidence/coincidentally.
35. Saying “Right” at the beginning or end of every sentence.
36. Saying “So” as in Sooooooo Coooooool, Sooooooo Fit
37. Saying “You know what I mean”/”You know what I’m saying” or even just “You know” at the beginning or end of every sentence.
38. Saying naughty lady words c**t and t**t, I never use them, they are disgusting, the worst words and nobody has the right to use them EVER.
39. Shaved heads.
40. Sky.
41. Smokers/Smoking
42. Spitting in the street. Swallow it or spit into a tissue.
43. Steak knives.
44. Sun/Mirror/Star/Sport/Telegraph (very badly written).
45. Swearing in every sentence. Swear words should only be used very occasionally e.g. when I stub a toe nothing helps as much as saying fuckity fuckity fuck fuck over and over again.
46. Taking your shoes off when you go into a house. Buy a vacuum cleaner.
47. Tattoos and piercings.
48. Text speak. When I text people I use full words and decent punctuation.
49. Too high heels. If you cannot walk in them, wear court shoes.
50. Too much leg
51. Very fat people (you know you think it too).
52. Vest tops.
53. Wearing a sports shirt with someone else’s name on it (is your name Beckham? No, then give it back).
54. Wearing Burburry.
55. Wearing Fred Perry.
56. Wearing Rockport.
57. White socks without sweat pants or shorts on.
58. Women with more then one piercing in each ear (and even then only over the age of 16).
59. X-mas. I may not be a Christian but I do recognise that the word is derived from Christ Mass. Have some respect. Crimbo indeed.
(992234177, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:07, 77 replies)

You seem to have been brewing over this one for some time..

Whats wrong with having Sky? I like having hundreds of channels but shite all to watch
(i should have joined myspace, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:08, closed)

Heh
I thought he had trouble with the blue (or grey) stuff overhead when outdoors*.

*embarrassingly true


( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 8:28, closed)

blimey
do you have ANY friends?
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:09, closed)

Hahaha,
Nice!
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:23, closed)

Hear, hear!
I'm aware it's been said, but I feel inclined to add an additional vote of EPIC FAIL.
( Sylia Stingray is pilfering the biscuits on, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:58, closed)

"When I text people I use [...] decent punctuation."
It's a shame that the same clearly doesn't hold for posts to the QotW.

You self-important turkey-wanker.

EDIT: All this on your first post, too...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:12, closed)

Hmmmm
you really don't get how this question thing works.

It's for stories and tales, not fucking shit lists which have already been done several times over.

Epic fail.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:14, closed)

My guess...
Is that we're dealing with someone who's - at most - 21, who's been privately (and expensively) educated, probably lives somewhere in the home counties, wears brown trousers out of choice, aspires to be a partner in an accountancy firm, watches arts programmes on BBC4 without really understanding them, secretly admires Melanie Phillips and Quentin Letts... and is called Henry.


Just a guess.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:20, closed)

You mean
this is an alter ego of The Goat?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:22, closed)

40. Sky
I just stared at this completely bemused for several seconds before realising it must be referring to satellite TV.

I'm obviously alright, cos I have cable. Get in!
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:16, closed)

!
cunty twatburger
(plonker, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:16, closed)

Hi Grandma!
... I didn't know that you were a b3tard!!!!! See ya at crimbo!!!!(PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(Ott3r, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:17, closed)

Re: 59
Firstly, the first Christians themselves used 'X' as shorthand for Christ, so I don't think you can call it disrespectful.

Secondly, unless you actually go to church or sing carols at Christmas, you're really just having jolly winter fun by combining traditional Yule festivities with some more modern inventions. Secular Christmas has about as much to do with Christ as Thursday has to do with Thor or Monday with the Moon.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:19, closed)

I always
carry a large hammer on thursdays.

And on mondays I flash my bottom at strangers.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:21, closed)

Hmm
I wonder if you could actually get away with that? Or if you'd be arrested?

*Grabs sledgehammer, tazer and Mjornir sticker set & waits for thursday*
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 14:58, closed)

I was just going to point out the X-mas thing
They're right you know, X-mas is acceptable.
( Peej, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:30, closed)

Hmmm... Ones that directly apply to me...
1,5,7,20,23,24,33,38,41,43.

What do I win?
You cunt...
*shakes head slowly*
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:22, closed)

"More fail, Vicar?"
...
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:24, closed)

Right.
46. Taking your shoes off when you go into a house. Buy a vacuum cleaner.

-What the fuck? No dirt where you live?

31. Saying “Gutted”.

-That's firemen screwed then.

12. Fish knives.

-what exactly is the problem with fish knives? They're not for little fish to go around stabbing each other, you know.

52. Vest tops.

Sometimes it gets hot, Captain Taliban. And exactly how much is 'too much leg'? Because I'm starting to think you might mean 'any leg'.

7. Eating in public.

- yes, how dare people masticate in front of each other, the dirty sods.

Seriously, you need... something. I'm not sure what it is. Try heroin.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:24, closed)

See...
Fish knives and steak knives.
Surely it's "common" not to use them?
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:26, closed)

I think, in the typical way of the upper class (if this pillock is, although I doubt it)
he probably just shovels it all in with a fork and chews with his mouth open.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:27, closed)

Lovely...
Like a horse.
Which, interestingly enough is what most of those fuckers look like anyway.

I really try hard not to judge people, but he (I assume this is a "he") must be the most boring bastard in the world.
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:29, closed)

I would say this is a he, he doesn't realise the idiocy
of telling people off for wearing high heels, and advising court shoes instead.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:36, closed)

I have no idea
What court shoes are, but your train of logic seems impeccable.
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:41, closed)

Have a look.
images.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&q=court+shoe&gbv=2
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:42, closed)

Oh, thanks!
So, do we attempt to seduce him, just to give him a real-life punch in the face from all of b3ta, or is it not worth the effort?
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:46, closed)

I reckon we give him prole cancer.
Smash the system etc.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:48, closed)

Ya see...
Smashing the System would be less fun than smashing his reproductive system with a brick.
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:55, closed)

you missed these two
38. Saying naughty lady words c**t and t**t, I never use them, they are disgusting, the worst words and nobody has the right to use them EVER.

- You cunty twatface.

45. Swearing in every sentence. Swear words should only be used very occasionally e.g. when I stub a toe nothing helps as much as saying fuckity fuckity fuck fuck over and over again.

- See previous response.
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:30, closed)

I most certainly am not a cunty twatface, you pissfaced owl vagina.
:-)
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:34, closed)

^^^
MFOTFABL
(Bazongaloid, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:37, closed)

Yes. No. Green? 45.6.
Ooooh, ooh, I know. The Catholic Diocese between the years of 1904 and 1912.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:38, closed)

Sorry
that's a bit of obscure b3ta slang there. It means moved foot on the floor a bit laughing.

It's an acceptable way of using lol without looking like a 14 year old.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:43, closed)

Ahhhh I seeee

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:48, closed)

Like, that soooooo was not shitting aimed at you, right
Dude!!!!!!!!!! OMG WTF
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:39, closed)

Ahh, can't beat a bit of comedy misunderstanding.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:40, closed)

"Too high heels... wear court shoes."
Mate, what the fuck are court shoes? You mean, like, trainers, innit? Think I saw some on Sky once. Might get my fat girlfriend some for xmas.

Pleased to me you by the way.
( rofl harris, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:34, closed)

Ooooh I missed that.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:35, closed)

Is this a joke?
I mean, has it been posted as a joke, obviously its a "joke" as in pathetic
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:37, closed)

After half an hour's consideration
I think that this person may be one of my favourite new b3tans. I'm going to add him as a friend so that I can see every time he posts and add helpful replies.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:38, closed)

You considered this for half an hour??
I'm somehow left with the feeling that a vital piece of research has been completely scuppered by this thread.
( masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:44, closed)

Hello, new person.
I am a QotW troll. I only ever post in order to slag off people whom I think deserve it - smug hippies, armchair psychologists, right-on slackjaws and so on.

Nobody likes me. Many have me on ignore.

Right. So that's the introductions over. Now let's get to business. You are one of the most unpleasant-sounding people ever to have contributed to this site. You are a braying, felching idiot. You have the intellectual and cultural acumen of a right-wing amoeba. You fancy yourself far too much - which is lucky, really, because (I'm willing to guess) the only other person who fancies you is your sister. Not even your cousin, with whom you have occasional joyless sex (continuing a long family tradition of cousin-swiving) really likes you.

Welcome to b3ta.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:44, closed)

Best.
Troll.
Ever.
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:47, closed)

Honoured, I'm sure.

(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:04, closed)

high fucking five.
If I may ask though, what's swiving?
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:48, closed)

It's a faux-medievalism...
... for shagging. I could have used "tupping", I suppose. Either would seem about right in a context like this, where the object of my barbs is the sort of person who probably has a family tree hanging in the loo with coats of arms painted on it.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:54, closed)

Ahhhhhh I see. Wonderful.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:56, closed)

The OP is a cunt's cunt
and you are being cunty to him, which makes you a cuntcube.

*HEAD EXPLODES*

He fucking deserved it though.
( chart cat has an itch, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:12, closed)

reckon there's hope for him?
To be fair, many other people who perhaps should know better have been posting lists.
Not quite as long or denouncing perhaps, but still.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:27, closed)

What a cunt/twat.
Has anyone considered putting '07' in front of this user name and giving it a call?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:09, closed)

To quote the great Derek & Clive.....
What a FUCKING CUNT!
(nonstopdancer, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:18, closed)

Who are you fucking calling cunt, cunt?

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 21 Oct 2008, 12:50, closed)

.
John Stitch
(nonstopdancer, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 16:17, closed)

Alright nonstopdancer...


start dancing.
(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 21 Oct 2008, 18:02, closed)

Judging by the places they consider common
I'd say Cheshire set, prob went to a posh school there,

or is actually from one of those places, I'd bet Blacon...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:22, closed)

59
Have some respect for what, exactly?
It's not even his 'real' birthday.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:28, closed)

and....
you missed number 32 - twazzock.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:47, closed)

say
what?
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:26, closed)

Just me then?
that liked this......a little bit.....
(Pork2311, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:46, closed)

I've got one for you
60. Pompuous, superior twats like you who, if there's any justice in the world, will die friendless and alone.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 12:27, closed)

ouch!
...
( rofl harris, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 12:33, closed)

Well,
I see we've finally found where Osama Bin Laden's been hiding.

I didn't realise he liked Wine Gums.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 12:56, closed)

33
"Saying “Pleased to meet you”. Are you, are you really, why? Since we have only just met how can you know. My grandmother was told by her mother (who worked for the Duke of Buccleuch and Queensberry) to only ever say “How do you do”. Professor Higgins was right."

Professor Higgins was also fictional. I hate the phrase "How do you do". What does it even mean? How do you respond to that question? "I do the doo like Betty Boo"?

"Pleased to meet you" is polite, to the point and makes perfect sense.

If only my great-grandmother had been a skivvy to the chinless classes, then I too could have a superiority complex and use tongue-twisting nonsensical phrases.
(posthumous mince is tiptoeing through the tulips, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:02, closed)

YOu seem to be (amongst other things) confusing the word 'Common'
for 'things which annoy you to a lesser or greater extent'

RE: Saying naughty lady words c**t and t**t, I never use them, they are disgusting, the worst words and nobody has the right to use them EVER.

I respond: Cunty cunty cunty cunty McCuntified cunts, with cunty cunts on top and a cunty filling, glazed with cunts and kept in a bag made of cunts. By cunts, for cunts. Cunts.

I'm not even overly keen on the word most of the time, but fucked if I'm going to expect other people to temper their language based on my irrational dislike of a word. It's useful in certain, cunty, circumstances anyway.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:06, closed)

"Cunty cunty cunty cunty McCuntified cunts, with cunty cunts on top and a cunty filling, glazed with cunts and kept in a bag made of cunts. By cunts, for cunts. Cunts."
This is the greatest phrase ever written.
(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:49, closed)

I second this.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 18:04, closed)

39. Shaved heads
yeah, fucking chemo bastards

Honestly - get a life you silly twat.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:27, closed)

Why so unfair?
The first line "I have a problem" really diffuses most of the negative comments, as it's clearly an imaginary rant list, rather than a deep and meaningful statement.
I don't think this sounds much worse than many other posts, especially as it comes across to me as a bit in jest.
Give the poor sod a break.
(although #46 isn't funny whatever way you look at it - sorry)
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:39, closed)

Sweet cunting retarded Christ in a jizzbox
No less than 6 of the above refer to piercing or jewellery. The tribal peoples of the world have been well told - nearly all of them wear some kind of piercing or jewellery and have been doing so long before your lot started riding horses and marrying your siblings.
Also, Rap/ house / dance music - I don't like most of it either but I wouldn't diss it all outright. Fascism at work...
(rampants, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:39, closed)

Annnd....
The the award for 'Least Popular Person Ever on B3ta' goes to...


Sylia's thought for the day: it's better to be maybe a little 'common' than an arrogant tosspiece.

Right. I'm off to watch my Sky TV whilst wearing a miniskirt, high heels & a vest top.
( Sylia Stingray is pilfering the biscuits on, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 14:05, closed)

What a cunt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Bernie, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 17:27, closed)

Troll
and a good one too.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 20:08, closed)

Wow...
...I know I've been away for awhile, but I've never seen any post go down quite as badly as that one.

Thing is, who can honestly say who's won here? If that's an honest statement of his view then yup, he's most probably a shocking wanker and urgently needs this to be pointed out for him. If that's the case, well done us.

However, it could be that this is just some tripe designed to get a rise out of people - seen that before and even bitten on it once or twice myself. If that's the case then he's done remarkably well so well done him.

Either way though, reading it still makes me think 'fuck off you cunt', and that's coming from a confirmed rant-merchant like me.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 20:32, closed)

I suggest you look up why the abbreviation Xmas was used in the first place
What's wrong with using a steak knife? Or a fish knife? Why does silver service (i.e. posh) used fish knives if they are common?

Oh and by the way - cunty twatty twat cunt.
(hutchers, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 19:01, closed)

Sinead O'Connor finds point 39 offensive.

( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 19:07, closed)

I would suggest getting laid as a cure for your terminal anal-ness, but I suspect you'd have trouble pulling a door with "PUSH" on the other side.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 19:09, closed)

The One that bothers me the most is #24
How dare you not like onion rings?

You quivering bollock.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Oct 2008, 13:54, closed)