Rare Condition
I have a rare condition where i temporarily lose my mind.
Memory loss follows these episodes, followed by a stinking headache and the discovery that i've 'lost' all my money and gained several bruises all over my body. A degree of embarrassment is always felt, but i'm never entirely sure why.

This usually happens on Fridays and Saturdays.

Doctors are baffled.
(beebolbod for those that are hard of hearing - LISTEN, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:48, Reply)

3 years ago I lost a testicle to cancer
which was a bit of a downer but better than death, but now I have loads and loads of extra skin in my ball bag, the one remaining testicle now hangs so low I have to wear tighty whitey underpants because wearing boxers gives it too much freedom to swing round and under my arse so I'm constantly sitting on it which frankly hurts.

There's so much skin because proir to the removal of the dodgy nut it was twice the size it should have been and as heavy as a lead weight.


I s'pose I should as for a tuck really..
( Darryn.R, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:42, Reply)

Face Off
I tried to kill myself recently, but what actually happened was my dog ate my face whilst i was in a drug induced comatose state. Fancy that!

Some doctors did a great job of giving me a new face, so now i feel a bit chirlish about trying to kill myself again.

One thing's for sure, if i do have another go, the fucking dog is staying in the garden.
(beebolbod for those that are hard of hearing - LISTEN, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:28, Reply)

Extra body part...
...yeah I know it's not about extra body parts but I figured if someone is missing a foreskin that they could have a bit of the abnormally long one I have.
Quite proud of it really and I have managed to get a few 'curiousity f**ks'.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:22, Reply)

I am the proud owner of NO gall bladder
Makes not a blind bit of difference (other than digesting fatty food is a bit boring). Anyhoo -

After the usual long NHS wait I'm wheeled down to the anaesthetic room smashed out of my brain on pre-med only to find that one of the theatre nurses is a girl from school who I didn't really like much and hadn't seen in years. Me? - embarrassed about been stark nakey in front of the netball captain? Noooooooo.

So - to sleep - much cutting and scooping - yadah, yadah, yadah.

Later I wake up in the ward thinking that death would have been the easier option. I felt like SHIT. Turning over to find the bell pull for the nurse (to ask her to just shoot me) I see a smallish knobbly hens egg in a jar on my bedside table. Turns out that the thoughtful surgeon had never seen a gallstone quite that big before and thought I might like to keep it!!!

As it happens I did keep it. It's called Edgar. I used it to frighten the kids every now and then. That backfired big stylee when, unbeknownst to me, eldest son took Edgar to school for 'Show and Tell'. Much hilarity in the staff room apparently. Also makes an excellent novelty Easter ornament.
(Dozey Oates is off to Merkinland soon (:, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:16, Reply)

Bit through half my tongue once....
...guess I'll have to use thicker straps.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:11, Reply)

I friend of mine was cleaning his motorcycle
with it on its stand and the engine running. He wanted to wipe excess oil off the chain, so put it in gear and let the clutch out. With the back wheel off the ground, the chain and wheel were spinning freely and he held a cloth to the chain. Unfortuneatly for him, the cloth, and his finger got caught between the chain and the sproket. As it moved round, it pulled tight, crushing the finger. When it got to the chain guard it tried to pull his hand in, but that wouldn't fit, so it pulled his finger off instead!

The good news about all this is that he got a hilarious rubbery prosthetic finger. Girls love that y'know.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:10, Reply)

1 Ball
When my cousin was born a few years ago,the doctors discovered he only had one ball. They decided it may still be floating about in his body,and they'd need to operate to get the little bugger and put it back in the ballbag.

Now,seeing as it was a baby having an operation,every relative we know of bought him hoardes of cuddly toys,baby books,and videos.

One elderly relative actually bought him a video called 'Pingu and the lost ball'. And didn't even realise the cruelness. Fucking funny though.

In the end it turned out my cousin didnt have that elusive second nadger,and his parents didn't make him have an implanted false one. Hah,he'll have some explaining to do in the future...
(Miharu, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:08, Reply)

aaaaaaaaaaahahahahah
i lost my arse to a starship trooper....
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:04, Reply)

One happpy day in August...
.. My mum decided to race me down the hill to our house. She ran, I was on a crappy little scooter. I noticed myself rapidly speeding up before, yes, that's right, I went over a loose paving stone and fell flat on my face.

I lost half of my two front teeth. This was understandably pretty upsetting, so I put the teeth in milk in an attempt to save them. It didn't work.

Let's just say me and my mum don't race down hills any more...
(jade, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 11:02, Reply)

One of my mates at uni....
Broke his ankle really badly playing football a few years ago, and now has massive scars down his shin of his right leg, and part of the bone of his ankle removed; so rather than going out, it "dips" in.

He tells his younger cousins he did it when he kicked a shark in the face.
(Nyphur, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:55, Reply)

Womb with a view
10 years ago I had to get neutered for medical reasons and being 24, I asked that my girly bits be returned to me so I could give them a decent atheist burial. After a considerable hospital stay, major surgery and some top class drugs, I was discharged home. 3 weeks later I rang the hospital and asked where my ex-organs were. Long story short: 6 weeks later I finally tracked down the charge nurse on the gyny ward and she told me to come in and pick up a package that was stored in the ward fridge. I trekked over, got the brown paper bag with a heavy container handed to me and headed back home on the bus.

At 2am I decided to take a peak (as you do) and I shit you not, the container was filled with mashed spud and mixed veg!

I like to think that some poor old dear was served an interesting snack that night and a couple of nurses got well fired. Never did find out where they went.....
(jo-jo the majic clown, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:49, Reply)

I personally...
Have had 4 extra teeth out, which not a nice experience. I also have an ingrown toenail which is about 5 times thicker than it needs to be which I sure is due to come off soon.

My father however, has Crohns disease (lower intestines degrading). He had an operation about 2 years ago now, and refused to say what it was for. We do know he had to wear 'manpons' (tampons for men) and he has further informed us they "made the gap between my mouth and my arse that bit shorter".

Charming man my dad.
( The Sisko I hate the whole world, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:47, Reply)

At the age of 13
my doctor decided it was time for me to have a circumcision for some stupid reason. I won't go too far into the gory details of it, but I can tell you that a circumcision is no time to discover that you have an abnormally high tolerance to local anesthetics, and I don't think I've been able to scream quite so loud since then.
(Kimbo, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:38, Reply)

I had a large horrid wart on my finger for years.
As I do table-hopping magic at times, it caused me problems and looked awful.

Fortunately, I was in the lift at work one day, with a young secretary. We were doing some playful grappling(!) and my finger knocked against a metal strut. The wart was sliced cleanly off. There was a LOT of blood. I had to go to hospital and was embarrassed about how I was going to explain what had happened... (I wasn't, though, as the guy in front of me was a postman who had been bitten on the bum).

Anyway, two good things came out of this -
1: the wart was gone forever.
2: I married the secretary.
( Zaphod's Wombat - Never did quite get the hang of, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:35, Reply)

When I was very young and my Father still bathed me,
*mnngh* he used to make a hammock out of a giant beach towel and swing me around in it for japes.
One said bath-evening, I climbed out of the tub and sat in my towely-hammock to be swung around in the said manner. He picked up both ends of the towel and swayed me backwards only to lose grip of one end of the towel and send me flying face-first into the door-handle. I lost a front tooth and had a nasty ulcer develop in the gap until the adult tooth grew through it and split it. Eww.
On another note, a leper I once knew screwed a whore. He let her keep the tip.
(Dooley, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:33, Reply)

Self-cannibalism
When I was about nine years old I had a nightmare of a sore throat. My mum thought it was tonsillitis, and took me to the doctor. The doctor had a root around in my mouth, and then told me that I didn't have any tonsils. His diagnosis was that I must have "accidentally swallowed them". Now that's a scary thought.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:31, Reply)

When I was eight, the doctors removed my face.
They said I was too gay to wear it.
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:24, Reply)

Tragic Cricketing Accident
I was playing cricket without a box so you can probably guess the rest. I lost 50% of my descendants and whilst I was curled up on the ground going MMNNNGGggg next to the cricket ball that had done all the damage our illustrious team captain (Who due to lack of brain cells appeared to be oblivious to my state) was screaming at me to throw the ball. All I could do was whimper "I think I already have"
( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:19, Reply)

Not Me
But I was responsible.

I used to be a really strong bloke when I did lots of rock climbing and I used to show off arm-wrestling people. Not any more.

The last time I arm wrestled was at a party in the early 90's. I was showing off, taking on all-comers and chatting breezily away while they tried their hardest to make my arm move even a fraction. Then I'd glance at them while still chatting to someone else and slam their arm down without the slightest effort.

Then this guy I worked with had a go. We faced off, gripped hands and took the strain. Then my opponent hurled his full strength and body-weight into his arm and *pushed* with all of his strength.

CLICK-THUMP!

Honestly that's what it sounded like as his arm hammered into the table. He was still bent over with the effort and looked up.

"Did I win?" he said looking amazed...

"Errr - mate. Look at your arm" said one of the onlookers...

He looked down and arm was flat on the table, my hand was still gripping his hand and where his upper arm was snapped cleanly in two with a big loop of muscle hanging down in the middle of his arm.

He looked shocked.

"Fuck" he said. "This is going to really,really hurt" and promptly went into shock.

So that's my tale. How last time I arm-wrestled, somebody's arm came off in my hand......

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 10:16, Reply)

Cheers Dad!
Aged about 6, I was playing 'Piggy in the Middle' in the garden one fine summers day with my sister in the middle and my Dad at the other end.

He proceeded to lob the tennis ball to me over my sisters head and it hit me in the mouth. The ball then dropped to the floor and I caught my two front teeth instead!

They weren't even wobbly so I had a massive great gap for about 2 years!

Nice one!
(Smifta, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 9:50, Reply)

Manual surgery
I used to have a Cindy Crawford-style mole just above the corner of my mouth. Some bloke managed to take it off pretty cleanly with his thumbnail while we were playing rugby. It bled like a sonofabitch but remarkably there's really no scar.

Plastic surgeons, who needs em?
(flimflam_machine, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 9:38, Reply)

Missing bits
Not big or clever. Lost the big toenail on my right foot due to excessive tequila abuse on my last birthday. It was my 48th - should know better! I have 3 months to think of something to do for my 49th - any ideas?
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 9:38, Reply)

Lost!
I'm missing a few body parts due to accidents during my dim/murky past.

Both Big toenails - removed due to ingrowing toenails - compounded by playing football, and constantly pushing the nails in deeper every time i kicked the ball

Left hand - missing part of the tendon in my pinkie - put my hand through the window instead of managing to open the door (alchol might have been consumsed)

foreskin - still have it - but it was a close run thing - accident with my zip - leading to 6 stitches!
The stitches were fine - it was the 4 injections into the helmet for the local anesthetic that was just uncalled for!



POP - there goes my cherry - so thats another body part lost!
(sc0tsman, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 9:29, Reply)

Emvee!
'I left my aaaarse in San Francisco!'
;¬)
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 9:23, Reply)

Brain
I had my brain removed as to invent QOTW.
And to enjoy BBC/Fox news.
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 9:16, Reply)

Interest.
QOTW has been boooooooooring for ages now.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Fri 2 Jun 2006, 9:04, Reply)

I lost
the nail off one of my fingers in an accident as a child, involving my hand and a large brick landing on it.

a month later, THREE more nails grew back in its place, and to this day I still have 3 nails on one finger.

I am now 33 and feel old enough to apply to join The X-Men, as i'm sure this finger holds some sort of undiscovered secret power that just needs harnessing.

(returns to inserting said finger into kittens bottoms until secret power is discovered.)
(nappy rash, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 9:01, Reply)

not the kind used for dueling
teeth- schmeeth, I lost my.... BANJO STRING!! Ladies ask your old man if you don't know. I was with a lady who was somewhat larger than average, but hey I like 'em like that, and she mistook my cries of pain for ecstasy and kept going. it wasn't til I yell get off me you mad bitch that she realised something was wrong. sitting in casualty for 3 hours on a Saturday night bleeding from my knob, what fun. only thing more embarassing was all the nurses coming in for a look as I was being stiched through the ol' germans helmet, oh and being called "Deliverance Boy" by my so called mates for the next two months. As an added bonus everytime I got 'interested' in a lady it put the stiches in danger of spliting, which was nice.
appologies? I never got one.
(the tartful splodger, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 8:56, Reply)