now I've been studying hard all night but why the FECK
hasn't anybody else put up a "home sweet home"?



lazy shites. What're you all doing then if not procrastinating?!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 22 Apr 2009, 11:17, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

People of b3ta
if you could have any sound or lighting scheme when you unzipped your trousers, what would it be?

edit: subject edited. was suffering from temporary brain impediment
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 10:45, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How would you "Stimulate the economy"?
I would play it "Eye of the tiger" and get it to lay into a punch bag while thinking about its worst enemy.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 10:14, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HDM
I’ve got a couple of sets of tickets going begging for His Dark Materials at the Lowry Centre in Manchester this Sunday. Part 1 starts at 2; part 2 at 7:30.

Anyone interested? If so, gaz me.

They’re £16 each – that is, £64 in all. Obviously, if I can sell both tickets to both parts together, that’d be preferred; but if you’re only after one set, then that’s doable. The downside is that you might find yourself sitting next to me if noone else wants the other set. It’s probably worth shelling out for both just to avoid that, what say?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 9:53, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today,
the Chancellor will announce X. The budget will be known as Y. He is expected to say that the mumble mimsy will be the ahemest cumsplatter budget, and the Chancellor will be holding his pickle.

I love clairvoyant news.

What does genuinely amuse me when listening to the BBC Propaganda Channel, is the subtle difference in context the word 'expected' gains:

They know exactly what he's going to say, they don't think he might, therefore it becomes a threat, and I'm quite enjoying the mental image of Mr Darling sweating whilst trying to remember what he's expected to say whilst a little red dot dances on his forehead.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 8:45, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Argh! Me back!
I've just put out my back, the first time it's ever happened. Jesus Christ and the Seven Dwarves, but it hurts. The NHS web site states "Back pain will usually last from a few days to a few weeks." A few weeks? I can't move without moaning like a whore.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 8:30, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New Comic


Another comic, for your sins.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Apr 2009, 8:20, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wanna feel old?
wannafeelold.tumblr.com/
One of the board/talk guys Friz has started this blog, and it's pretty good stuff.

For example, "Saved by the Bell started 20 years ago".
( Cawl, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 22:13, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anybody here keep rats?
Only here's some instructions on how to turn a dearly departed pet into an LED Throwie Rat.

Looks like fun!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 21:05, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Tuesday Night Thread

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 19:37, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

From the NYT obituary of JG Ballard
“His fabulistic style led people to review his work as science fiction,” said Robert Weil, Mr. Ballard’s American editor at Norton. “But that’s like calling Brave New World science fiction, or 1984.”

Apparently if it's good it can't be Science Fiction.

Heard anything else smugly patronising and completely wrong lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 17:58, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Really, A week and I'm the first one?
My Edinburgh photos have been added to the B3ta Bash Pool, check my mad photography skillz at:
The Flickr B3ta Bash Pool
(bill, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 14:57, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Along the lines of No3l's post, below
I'm in a good mood today, because I've acquired my first crank.

I feel like I've made it professionally. It can only be a matter of time now before I get my first death threat - the sign of real impact.

I also like the way I'm referred to as representing the British ethical establishment. I think I should demand a pay-rise.

EDIT: I've just been told of someone who was sent a bullet in the post by someone who objected to her ethics research... yikes.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 14:14, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Those of a certain age will appreciate this
If the names Sonny Bonds or Roger Wilco ring any bells somewhere deep in your memory, check this out!
(username1, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 14:08, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*belms*
I'm in a really fucking good mood.

Having daughter around the house is completely wonderful, the weather kicks arse, I walked seven and a half miles in the sun yesterday, and I've got enough money to get by.

What's made you happy recently?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 12:56, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We've just had a notice from on high
that we are no longer allowed to listen to our ipods and stuff at work.

fucking ridiculous.

it's left me fuming, as well as a few of my colleagues. half of the people in this office listen to music at work!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Apr 2009, 12:03, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Loam, soft Loam


How are you all my lovelies?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 21 Apr 2009, 9:21, 122 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fuck me, but old people, eh ?
I'm currently looking after my grandmother - poor old dear is 95 and unsurprisingly going downhill fast.

Old age isn't a battle, it's a war, with more and more bits of one's dignity / sanity getting eroded each time, with no prospect of it getting anything but worse.

On that basis, how old would you like to be when you die ?

I think another 20 years on this planet would be enough for me, which would mean me carking it at 61. And that's not young - it's just early enough to miss the worst bits of getting old.

So when do you want to check out, and if it's "when I'm really old" how do you think you'll dodge the bullets of infirmity and decrepitude (apols for length)
( I_Was_Mordred, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 20:27, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pirates! and Power Metal!
I'm sure there's more than a few here who will enjoy Alestorm - Captain Morgan's Revenge.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 19:33, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Best indie club..
In Birmingham?

Thanks.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 15:49, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lucky/Mad Bastard
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/8007565.stm

The part that really scares me is the line "The father of three was back on duty within an hour of the near-miss."

If that were me, I'd stay the fuck down. You've had your lifetime of luck dimished in an instant!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 15:14, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The sun is shining,
it's a beautiful afternoon, and I'm stuck in an office without a lovely chilled beer sitting in the shade underneath my hammock.

And that, my friends, is proof that there is no God.
(TheColonel, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 15:02, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

just looking at some photos of me and my other half from the wedding we were at this weekend
in comparison to some from my bro's wedding a while back. (year and a half I think)

quite a difference.

partly down to my amazing new suit, but partly due to other things too.

Photos in replies.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 14:06, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Following on from Vipros' question below
What is the worst sequel of all time?

My starter for ten would be Superman 4: The Quest For Peace. What an unmitigated pile of wank that was.

Come to think of it, I saw this at the pictures the same week as Jaws: The Revenge. Which is also cack, but at least it has Michael Caine uttering the immortal line "Oh shit. A shark", so it's not all bad.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 20 Apr 2009, 11:16, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Monday morning question
My colleague asked me this this morning:

What is the best sequel ever? It has to be an amazingly good film in it's own right, but also when compared to the first film.

My colleagues answer was Terminator 2. Great film, better than the first film, but the first is also very good.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 10:43, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How sad am I?
The google webcam car came past work this morning. I rushed out of my car so the camera would catch me going into work.


I'll be captured for posterity on the tinternet.
( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 10:38, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Foam sweet Foam


I'm going to be away at the NEC all week, how will I survive without my fix?!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 9:14, 118 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bloody hell
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8007253.stm

I thought it was Rolf. I must be getting old.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 20 Apr 2009, 8:55, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)