I crashed my Car ;(
Curbed it when I was messing with the sat nav, tyre burst like Rick Waller's belt after an all you can eat buffet and spent the next 45 mins by the side of the road like a one legged, toothless prozzie. :(

It's gonna cost a fortune for a new wheel...anyone got any money saving tips?
(Eggstrovert isnt patronising you...honest..., Thu 30 Jul 2009, 9:34, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A couple of nights ago
Me and a few friends were sat in t'pub walking about films. More specifically, films we've recommended, that other people hate.

The one that was thrown at me the most was this by one or two of the party, where the rest of us thought it was excellent.

So my question is this, what films have been recommended to you by others which you found shit? One of mine is Donnie Darko, pile of wank.

Alternatively, tell me about your perfect sit down dinner?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 9:11, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a headache.
Someone tell me how lovely I am to ease my suffering.
( girlinthehole, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 8:53, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

U2 have already ruined my day
listening to Planet Rock this morning and they announce they are about to play a U2 cover of the Creedance Clearwater Revival song Fortunate Son - one of their best songs in my opinion.
"This might not be too bad" thinks I, for once willing to give that shower of absolute cunts the benefit of the doubt.

I was wrong. It was the worst kind of ear-rape. They had taken a great song and completely fucked it up. It's in the same league as the fucking All Saints absurd cover of Under the Bridge.

I'm going to get a t-shirt made that says "Fuck you Bono" or maybe just one of these www.8ball.co.uk/tshirt/3/34142/T-Shirts/Offensive-T-Shirts/I-Fucking-Hate-Bono-&-His-Fucking-Face/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 8:35, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Rise And Shine You Fluffy Bunch Of Fluffers!

Here's the deal...i've made FAR too much VERY strong coffee and it needs drinking. there's milk (hot or cold) and sugar...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 30 Jul 2009, 7:06, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My car keys are on top of the fridge
Feel free to use this thread for anything you want to remember tomorrow.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 23:09, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, in little over a week's time
I shall have a house full of b3tans, no doubt doing sordid things with kittums (and we don't even have any cats), belching, farting and generally misbehaving in an abhorrant yet socially acceptable manner. Offline and IRL.

How should I keep them in check? And is it acceptable to get guests to do the washing up?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 22:49, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Are you looking at my bra?
I used to have a t-shirt with a picture of Pat Wright and Dave Arrowsmith (Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer) looking most non-plussed with the slogan underneath, "Are You Looking At My Bra?".

What are the chances of finding said classic again?

I cant find it on the interweb - can b3tans help

thanks
rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 21:05, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

On BBC two right now
is a programme called Home for Life.

Now I might be going mad but the two presenters look like the brothers of Frodo and Nathan Barley.

It's true, look at them, NOW!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 20:25, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This was in the metro today
and I did a tiny cheer to see b3ta referenced, to the bemusement of my colleagues. Then I realised I hadn't actually seen the link in question, so I shall pea it here in case anyone else missed it.

theridiculant.metro.co.uk/2009/07/clarkson-beat-box-powerslide.html

what do you think?
(berk, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 19:50, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Unfortunate Name Corner, episode 743
Another to add to the list would be:

Elvis Jesus, born on Dec 23.
I guess mom just wanted to cover all her bases.

For anyone who has heard of this hotel chain:
Howard Johnson, age 22
You know this kid's mom had to have heard of the place long before naming him. It begs the question: did she name the kid after the place of conception?


Any new unfortunate names in your area lately?
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 19:34, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home
In honour of this being a year since Pointless Experiments week, I thought I'd try something pointless at the office. Last night, I installed Gabriella Cilmi's "Sweet About Me" on my iPhone and decided to listen to it as long as I could just to see what happens. I managed to listen to it on repeat most of the time when not talking to someone, found the distraction only minimal and even ended up whistling the tune on my way home.


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 19:30, 95 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Have just finished eating my eveing meal of coco pops
Did anyone else do their weekly shop drunk?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 18:08, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stolen from /links
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1202620/Temple-Tat-Plastic-Buddhas-fluffy-gloves-crisps-look-like-Linekers-ears---just-1-Welcome-Poundland.html

But what a stuck up bitch!

Plus, how dare she insult French Fries? They're ace!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 17:15, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sorry I just need vent this before I explode with laughter
I work in an IT department in a uni and this woman just called up askng for help getting video files of her flip digital video camera. No problem I said you can just drag and drop the files it works like a usb pen.

She bought her laptop down and I gently showed her what to do.

"How did you do that" she suddenly snapped
"I haven't done anything" I replied
"Yes you did you made that move, that bit how did you do that"

Turns out her problem was that she didn't know you could move windows around the desktop and she presumed anything covered up by another window was inaccessible. Using computers is a big part of her job and she's been here years and never learned how to use a mouse.

Can I laugh yet?
( Peej, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 16:52, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right so.
It is my best mate's stag night in September, and I want to do a surprise activity for him. He got me a speedboat ride on the Thames for mine, and I can't think what do do for him (although we are doing laser tag in the early evening).

What surprise would you give your best mate for their stag/hen do?

Alternatively - if it was there, would you go and live on a base on another planet, and why?
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 15:21, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So someone slit his wrists whilst watching Big Brother
but surely he's not the first to get the urge to do so?

entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article6731698.ece

*Disclaimer - I have never watched Big Brother, so for all I know it may be entirely uplifting and jolly entertainment full of intellectual conversations and interesting moments*
( ascorbate, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 14:34, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'll be stopping off at Tesco's on the way home
What ready meal should I get for my dinner? I had Pizza on Monday so no pizza.

I'm quite the fan of their Beef Casserole with Dumplings.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 14:34, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last day at work...
I decided to quit my desk based London job, leave my flat, and go live in the mountains... tomorrow is my last day at work and i'm shit bored already... what can i do to occupy myself?
(CornishStanley can't post hyperlinks, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 14:29, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

quick straw poll then
After that race on last week's TG, what supercar?




Edit: I added the Vauxhall because my bother had one when I was about 10, and it went like a shitty rocket of a stick.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 14:17, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone going anywhere nice this year?
Did I mention I'm going to New Zealand?

It's only at the other end of the bloody earth.

I've bought a new cossie for the trip : )


Edit - Morpeth is a close second re the excitment level.
( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 14:00, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I thought I'd bring this discussion here
I posted this vid of old Top Gear on /links

www.b3ta.com/links/Ye_Olde_Top_Gear

Anybody used to watch the old TG when it was informative and reviewed cars that the viewers could actually afford and own rather than test-driving cars of £100k+ on a private track. The sort of cars that are only going to be purchased by people who aren't going to be in on Sunday evening watching telly.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 13:05, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woo Hoo with a bit of Yay thrown in for good measure
I've just seen that they are releaseing BSG on Bluray.

I wantsssss it my precioussss.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 12:13, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

All right?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 11:54, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning bitches
Some of you probably read cracked, some of you may have read Bonoman which made me laugh as it's taking the piss out of Bono which I approve of.

I can't think of a question today so feel free to just bitch about "celebrities". I had the misfortune to catch the last 5 minutes of Big Brother last night before Charlie Brooker's show and I can't believe they have manged to find such incredible retards and left them in a house unsupervised and they have managed to not burn the house down yet. If they did burn down the BB house I think viewership would skyrocket, place your bets on how many housemates would think sitting under a table protects you from fire.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 10:49, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sad news from Downing Street this morning
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5927190/Downing-Street-cat-Sybil-dies.html

:-(
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 29 Jul 2009, 10:24, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Flicking through my news feed this morning
I found this:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8173533.stm

I'm utterly unsurprised but it still makes me want to weep with fury and distress. It's supposed to be summer for fuck's sake - yet I could see my breath in the air when I cycled in this morning (wearing a jumper and yes, you've guessed it, my waterproofs)

Does this fill anyone else with the same thunderous despair it fills me? Would you like to mount an expedition to the Met Office and beat them with sticks for filling our heads with thoughts of barbecues and heatwaves earlier on in the year?
(berk, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 10:05, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
We had a shit lyrics thread a couple of days ago. Now tell us those lyrics you like.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 9:55, 46 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Vipros' log
been at work since half 8. Bored out of my mind already.

anyone doing anything exciting today?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 9:18, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

10 points to the best reason for me arriving at work at 7:15 this morning
This is not fun =/
( Captain V, Wed 29 Jul 2009, 7:35, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)