Woo yay, and even houplah!
The story unfolds thusly:

I was bored and perusing Craigslist and found an ad that said that there were several upright pianos for the taking, in a building downtown with no elevators. They have lots of good lumber and machined parts, but are not really worth much as instruments.

I went to look, and sure enough, they're in the third floor of a church with narrow staircases. How they got up there is a mystery- unless you had four immensely strong men per piano, getting a 700 lb instrument up those narrow stairs with hairpin turn landings is fucking impossible. But taking them downstairs in pieces is feasible, so I agreed to at least try it on one.

I told a friend of mine about this, who in turn told another friend who wanted the ivory from the keyboards. He's an artist and a knife maker and wanted it for inlays, and was willing to help me tear stuff down in exchange for it. It turned out that he and I get along wonderfully, and got to be good friends over the next two days.

As it happens he has an ex girlfriend who works in a local art gallery- and not a high-end snooty place, but a gallery that features local artists and has a pretty high volume business. Charlie told her about my stained glass work, and I showed her some pictures I had on my iPod. She then caught me by the elbow and dragged me over to meet one of the owners of the gallery and asked me to show her the pics, which I did. She was intrigued and asked me to bring in some pieces.

I had one piece already and between yesterday and this morning I made another one. I had a third that I had made as a wedding present for a friend and carried that with me as well.

End result: I now have two pieces in the gallery, and have been asked to make lots more to display. Where everyone else is paying between $65 and $130 per month for gallery space as well as 15% commission, I'm paying NOTHING and have agreed to 40% commission on sales. In other words, it's costing me nothing to display my stuff here until I sell it- and if I get really going I can re-negotiate this. The owner was so impressed that she waived the usual jury process and let me immediately hang pieces in the window.

I know what I'll be doing this weekend...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 17 Sep 2009, 2:27, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

my high school obsession just contacted me through faceboak
she still thrills me but why do we have to loose our vital young flesh

yer man was right when he noted - youth is wasted on the young

we could have been at it like slick lithe leporidae but were too spotty and awkward to get beyond clumsy fumbles between protracted periods of sexual detaunt

i'm fucking 40 now and even thinking of her in her school uniform makes me the dirty old man i am

fucksocks
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 2:02, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

So, yesterday was Tuesday, right?
Which means today is certainly Wednesday!
What have You deduced today?

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 16 Sep 2009, 19:26, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This one time
I totally trolled a messageboard.
(guffbeak, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 18:38, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

This one time, I came home and this thing had happened
how we lolled.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:23, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just got home to see my lovely newly concreted back yard and found big paw prints from my back door to the gate.
Plus one cat called George outside with very grey looking feet instead of inside with clean feet.

I swear that cat is the re-incarnation of Houdini.
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 17:05, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You know when you think you know someone...
It turns out that back in 2001, a mate from years ago, we shall call Bob, skipped bail and left the country taking his wife Sandra and 3yo child with him. The dopey cunt ran out of money and came back about a week later. He got picked up and ended up behind bars and his wife divorced him, her dad overjoyed as apparently he'd been sitting on her £80k inheritence until the divorce came through.

Anyway, a mate of mine, we shall call Mick and his wife Gloria have a daughter who will be going on a school trip and needed a passport. The passport office said her passport has expired.
"But she's never had one"
"According to this she has."

So Mick had to take a day off work and go all the way to Durham and after presenting a whole skipful of ID, the passport people showed the photos that were taken on the application.

Yup, Sandra and child had applied for passports as Gloria and daughter. They had gone all the way to Liverpool with birth certificates and stuff and managed to get the passports. How fucking shit is that? So the police got involved but they won't really tell Mick & Gloria anything as they aren't the victims but the passport office is.

Me, Mick and Bob had all been mates since college, but Bob is currently working abroad but will be back in a few months so the chances are he'll be picked up at the airport. It's pretty much inconceivable that he didn't notice that his wife Sandra was travelling under a different name.

It's a most heinous thing to do to a close mate. Mick and I are both contacting the passport office to find out whose name Bob got his passport in.

So, anyone else had an old friend do something so awful to you or another close friend?

Or alternatively, I have some pork chops in the fridge and also some salmon, which should I have for tea?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 16:53, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH
One of my best friends is fucking selfish all the time. I'm pretty sure he doesn't realise. It fucking annoys me so much.

he always tries to get out of buying rounds in the pub, always whinging about having no cash when he saves half his wages, apparently as its in a different account its not there! He lives at home with mummy and daddy at 24 and sponges off them for everything, and he thinks the world revolves around him. It really fucks me off. He literally does not care about anyting or anybody else. This cunt needs a rude awakening, in a best friend kind of way.

Venting here... but any advice on how to show him his ways without a blunt "you're a seflish cunt" talk would be appreciated!
(g-rex, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:27, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

PSA: Opera Mini 5 Beta now available
As some of you browse OT from your mobile phones you might be interested to know that Opera Mini 5 now has a public beta version available, to install go to m.opera.com/next from your mobile device.

Changes include a blackberry native version, password manager, Tabs, copy and paste, inline editing and more.

Warning though:
No Android version yet
All Palm devices will have to stick with 4.2, as they aren't capable of running 5
Downloads, feeds and Opera Link are all disabled in the Beta while they polish the implementation
Devices with little memory may have problems, in general, and some may not be able to run Opera Mini 5 at all.
Devices with small resolution (less than QVGA, 240X320) are not recommended to try the beta
(bill, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 15:18, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My apple tree has no leaves now
as there's been a high wind all day. Only the apples are left.

What gets left after you've got wind?



Alternatively who did you hate most when you were at school?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 13:58, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Will the real althegeordie please stand up?
I don't like this new althegeordie; this talk clone, who repeats things he's read on other boards, verbatim, because he thinks they're funny. I don't like the long-winded, pointless rants that go on and on for several paragraphs at a time, I don't like the fake cuntishness either.

I want the real al back, the funny al (to be fair he still makes me chuckle sometimes), the cheeky little fella who could bring a smile to the most miserable of faces, the guy we all loved and admired, who could think for himself and not just do what everybody on /talk has been doing for years.
I know I'm a hypocrite, I went a bit doolally myself a while ago, but I'm back to my old self, I just hope he finds his way back too.

EDIT while reading this post, please try to imagine 'It must've been love (but it's over now)' by Roxette playing in your head.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 13:35, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh, hello,
I seem to be in the deeper recess of b3ta. A forgotten corner if you will. I might actually think of taking up residence in this lovely oasis of calm. Has any one got any tips on how I could survive this sublime wilderness.
( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Wed 16 Sep 2009, 12:17, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I fucking love some people on here
Dear Internet,

I have done something which is clearly prohibited. However, I don't wish to take responsibility for my actions and have decided to weasle my way out of doing so by looking for a loophole based on the width of a strip of paint, the mere presence of which clearly indicates that what I did was prohibited, but the exact width wasn't millimetre perfect, because it was painted by a human being.

I'm sure lots of people will jump up and point out that it's all down to THE MAN being a lying cunt who is just out to fuck you over and provide loads of examples where it was down to a corrupt official just out to meet targets.

I say fuck you all, you drivelling twats. I've never had a parking ticket. Why? Because I park in areas where parking is allowed and not in places where the presence of bright yellow strips of paint tells me I shouldn't.

When I park in a car park, I pay for my parking. If I were to stay longer than the time I payed for and I got a ticket, I would man the fuck up and pay the fine, if I were to park on a strip of bright yellow paint which indicates I shouldn't park there and I got a ticket, I would MAN THE FUCK UP and pay the fine. Because the fine is there to discourage you from doing it again, it is not there as a way to make the council money.

If it was a way to make money they wouldn't have bright yellow strips of paint, or signs saying "Don't park here" they would just have men with sticks going around and demanding your wallet. It would be a more reliable source of income.

Flame away you justice seeking rebels you, flame away and tell me how wrong I am.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 12:03, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning all.
I’m in a really good mood today, mainly thanks to listening to good music on the way into work. So with that in mind my question is this… Do you find that you listen to a particular song/band/artist when you need to be cheered up?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 16 Sep 2009, 10:48, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Parking ticket help
Morning all. I've just been hit with a parking ticket in a place that I have parked without problem for three years or more.

I remember reading here a few months ago about a site that told the best way to appeal a ticket, and included information about the lines on the roads not being painted properly etc.

Has anyone got the link please?
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Wed 16 Sep 2009, 10:44, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fuckalicious!
I'm officially unemployed which is a bit of a bugger.
Gonna take a couple weeks off, although I am actively looking for a job, but then will be super pro-active.

Considerations: Go to England for a week to see the fandamily, go fishing for a week in the mountains, sit at home and mope for a week or so, or MTFU and just enjoy the time off?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 5:38, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

if this aint the definition of punching above ones weight (no pun) then fuck me with a kazoo
scary
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 16 Sep 2009, 1:25, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

B3ta name in real life ?
Has your b3ta name bled into your real life?

I post on other (non b3ta) forums and my b3ta name is (for the most part) my other forum name(s).

However, I do also sign my name as JTW occasionally which confuses the hell out of some people (while making me chuckle).

Is it just me?
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 22:34, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who do you hold a grudge against?
I'm full of them today (not angry, just brimming with b3ta QOTW energy)...

I was "released" from my probationary period from a company who (unless you gaz me) will remain nameless - Not that I hold a grudge against those bunch of utter tossers.

The main protagonist was a person who shall remain nameless, but I suspect he posts (or at least reads) QOTW - a quirk of fate if you will. I will, say that he was/is an ignorant, self righteous, pompous, moronic, jumped up, tosser who deserves to be strung up by his testicles and beaten until he all his blood drains from his body which should then be burnt.

This was 2 years ago and, while I admit my own failures in this, I still feel agrieved that this happened as I feel a bit put out by this.

I'm not going to name the bastard, but if he is reading this - I remember you telling me in (city name withheld) that "my friend should have been given this job" and that you then undermined my position massively.

***JTW really needs to stop with the wine tonight....***
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 22:25, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Working from home?
Ok, another post (just to prove that I am in fact alive...)

I was working from home today (had to take daughter up the MIL for childcare as OH was/is away tonight) - and my sum total of work has been, er, minimal...

I did, however, make a Chilli-con-carne (with the right amount of cumin) and (if I'm honest) a fantastic sausage casserole (which my daughter refused....)

So, when working from home - what have you done when NOT working?

If my manager is reading this, then the above is a lie...
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 22:19, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Couple robbed while having sex in a bin
ap.amarillonet.com/pstories/20090915/493483747.shtml

Is it just me or did the wrong turn in their tryst happen when they climbed into the bin to have sex in the first place? Who seeks out bins to have sex in?

eewww...
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 15 Sep 2009, 22:14, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What phrase have you picked up recently?
Me? I've been using the phrase "bat-crap crazy" a LOT recently - I use it when referring to quite a lot of people and groups (women, for the most part).

What phrase have you picked up recently - It surely can't just be me...

I picked it up from "The Big Bang Theory" in case you (care or) are wondering - MMMmm Penny :)
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 22:06, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

QOTW has a new fail
Keeper of THE LIST has failed
Badger has failed in his latest attempt at QOTW and therefore needs to include himself on his own list –
www.b3ta.com/questions/helicopterparents/post520962
Encouragement may be required, please vote for his entry. The higher up on the list of autistic failures it goes, the harder it is not to go on THE LIST. A new special section is required as indicated in the replies.

Failing the above I’ll VECTOR MY GROTTY KNICKERS IF IT WINS QOTW.

toodlepips
(Anushka just call me james, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 20:44, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been browsing the QotW suggestions
and found this.

And I think it might actually work. It could potentially be as good as the books question - with potential for some silliness as well.

Whaddaya think?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 19:38, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's the Tuesday Evening Thread...

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 15 Sep 2009, 18:44, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just spent an hour and a half walking around ASDA
I walked out with some beens, some baby potatos and some socks.

That's it.

I hate my life.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 17:27, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm bored
still no sign of my baby, and I'm starting to think that by the time he's born he'll be ready for school. Luckily I've never heard of anyone who was pregnant NOT having their baby eventually, but I wouldn't be surprised at the moment if I was the first.

any suggestions for how to alleviate the utter boredom of waiting? I've cleaned the house, done lots of baking, eaten a curry and more pineapple than I ever want to see again in my life, and seen all that the shops in my local town have to offer (not a fucking lot).
I've also re read all the books in the house, plus bought several new books and read them. I have yet to resort to daytime TV.

alternatively, did anyone read the copy of Bunty that came free with the grauniad today? how the hell did women in the 70s not go totally mental with that kind of shite 'reading material' on offer?
( ascorbate, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:57, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

God, I'm literally weeping at home
because I've been slicing onions
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:32, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Since I spent some time away
I've kind of lost track of who's who in this place, and there are some new people too, so come in and introduce yourself.

I'm Bert; if you're a girl I'll probably try to groom you, if you're a boy I'll abuse you, but only in a sexy way.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 16:08, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Nobody puts Swayze in the corner.
I am the only one who's royally gutted that theres never gonna be a Point Break 2?

I know you want me so bad it's like acid in your mouth
(McJuurgensHaircut is authorised and regulated by your mum., Tue 15 Sep 2009, 15:10, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)