The world is much much stranger than fiction
Do you realise that an English driver, in a Mercedes-engined car bearing the number 22, beat a Brazilian to the F1 World Championship by finishing in fifth place in Interlagos - for the SECOND YEAR RUNNING?!?

What has made you question the nature of things lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:26, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You may remember me
as the founder of the short lived b3ta religious cult BOAT, and as sometime poster of QOTW winning entries. If you do, you'll be pleased to hear that after 12 months and 16 days, I am FINALLY a librarian again! Just got offered a position at the local uni! Woot x infinity!!
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 19:11, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

TRUFAX!
The average number of accounts created, based on the length of time elapsed since I joined up, is 843.066 per month.

Is it home time yet?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:14, Reply)

Danger Danger!
One of the guys in my office was just telling me how he brought his son a remote control car the other week and within five minutes of giving it to the kid he had to take it back again - His son kept driving it into his legs, the little bugger.

It got me thinking about dangerous toys I had as a kid, I nearly lost an eye during a game of Pop-Up Pirate. Did you ever have any scary experiences with childhood games?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 22 Oct 2009, 17:03, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why hee-llo there !
What a pleasure it is to see you all, I do hope you are more than well, in fact, I hope you're feeling great.

I haven't been around here in yonks, so I thought I'ld nip in for the preverbial saucer of milk.

I'm very excited, as tonight I'm going to Harvester, and as such will get to enjoy The Salad Cart. I'll have a bowl filled with those crispy onion things and red-devil sauce.

Feel free to ask me something, or tell me something.

//edit//

www.b3ta.com/questions/fetishes/post548144
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 14:43, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm bored
there's something about being a bit ill or having been ill that makes me work harder. So I've basically finished everything for today, and still have almost 3 hours to kill...

I need you people to entertain me.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 14:36, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Liars are being sent to jail.. Fat people are having their fat kids removed from their fat hands... There's football on TV later...
This really IS already shaping up like JMG's Britain.
I hope you're all easing your way in.


Who has some questions I'll probably ignore?
We still didn't find anybody popular or important on here.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 13:22, 55 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's one o clock and
I haven't done any work yet.

I found out that the panini I was eating for breakfast has toasted seeds on top that look like mouse droppings, so I've been leaving them on people's desks. Once they discover it I go over, eat it and say "yep, definitely a mouse dropping" and wander off.

I found out that I can make a noise that sounds like a dripping tap.

I spent about an hour on the net looking for hammocks for my office because I am tired. They're too pricey for me to claim on expenses (alas I'm not an MP)

So what have you done for procrastination recently? *heads off to lunch*
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 13:09, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can a physics type person explain the light barrier thing to me?
Its said that if you break the light barrier you arrive before you've left so its impossible. But if for example it takes 4.4 years to reach alpha centauri at the speed of light. What if you went a bit faster than light and it took 3.9 years or something. If light isn't instant why is it impossible for the light barrier to be breached?

Im crosseyed thinking about it.
( Peej, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 12:46, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Damn you flim flam.
I've just overdosed on milk bottles and jelly babies and I feel sick.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 12:41, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

World's longest golf course
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8319749.stm

Sure as hell cuts up a loooooooooong drive
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 11:02, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Once again I miss the interesting times
and am left reading several thousand posts to try and figure out what's going on....

You just wait till I get a laptop and can post more in the evenings.

My Mrs has the flu. I'm hoping my bout of illness earlier this week was my immune system kicking its ass.

How are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 9:27, 47 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's looking a little serious..
A little attention seeking and serious.

How SERIOUS does /QFTW get, on a regular basis?
Do you have your own collection of b4shing, yellowhead bursting internet drama queens and cyber tough men on here?
Because I could clear all this up for you. I'm incredibly intelligent.
I have been hailed as the saviour of b3ta on many occasions. Bringing spotties and uglies together as one to cry at me.

I'm also not Lu. That's not my other account.


Help me understand QFTW a little better. We've gone over the lying now, and I don't need to hear any more excuses based up on that. Let us be grown ups and move on.
I'd like to find out what constitutes a good QFTW user. Asides being a girl or a Spaceman.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 22 Oct 2009, 2:38, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

a very public apology
Ah busted it is then.

A short lived experiment and very childish behaviour I fully admit. My most sincere apologies to anyone I may have offended but my most sincere grovelling has to go to bex – a shocking abuse of her trust and good nature. I am as she says a twat.

People running around going ‘your mum’ and calling everyone a cunt is hardly a shocker here. But of course if I’m wrong and anyone is genuinely offended by a thoroughly obnoxious persona intent on being a complete prick then again I do apologise.

It was fun for a while. I did make it clear from the offset I was a regular intent on mischief (I’m not the first or the last). I put enough of my usual witterings in there to make it blisteringly obvious and bex to her credit spotted that pretty quickly. I have to bow to the fact bex had the instinct it was me so it’s only fair she outs me proper.

I’ve posted on here as myself for nearly five years I think by now it’s pretty clear I’m probably only a level 4 cunt (assuming talk is at least 9).

If bex is not happy to accept my full apology then I will take my sorry self and go away for good. (I can hardly sign up and post as someone else I’m clearly rubbish at it) I have to concede I’d miss the place but if asked to leave I will.

If I grovel any further I’ll be part cunt, part rug. but i am very sorry indeed.

Oh and al – I’m not pretentious. I’m pretentious & condescending.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 23:31, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'd like to retract my apology to Spimf
For he is in fact a bit of a fucking twat. Schoolboy errors of using the same password for your regular account and meat puppet are there to be made fun of.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 21:49, 132 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HSH


The weather needs to go and live in the cunty shack!
( Maladicta, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 19:01, 86 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

'Sup motherflunkers!
I need to pack up my stuff to move, but I had a long day today and cannot be arsed. Motivate me please b3ta
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 18:53, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dear God (literally)
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/religion/6373674/Jesuss-face-spotted-on-the-toilet-door-in-Ikea-Glasgow.html#

I found this amusing.

Mind you, my 'disabled man abandoned up a mountain by some record-breaking martial artists from Coventry' link met with barely a chuckle the other day and i almost pissed myself.

*shrugs*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 16:30, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Urgh.
I am flagging this afternoon. I have just come back from the sweet shop of wonderment with: Giant Parma Violets, Hubba Bubba MAX Gum, a Refresher bar, Halls Lozenges (I feel lurgie is on the way) and a Strawberry & Cream Lolly.

Is anyone else wishing it was hometime?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 21 Oct 2009, 15:45, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right, you lot* are wordy clever types
Please could you solve an argument, is pre-prepared a valid word?

We say yes, someone else says no based entirely on the basis that prepare means to pare something in advance, and you cant pre pre pare anything.

*well some of you are
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 14:33, 59 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cancer joy has got me thinking and only so many self-depreciating posts can be funny before it gets dull.
So from now on I shall celebrate all that is good about me and my life.


What's the best thing about your life?

Vipros can start : )


Edit - I can run up a hill. How amazing is that.
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 12:38, 90 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tips...
Hello you lot.

I'm wondering if there are any foreign working B3tans here? The reason I ask is I've previously worked in Canada, US and India and I'm looking for jobs now in Asia. The problem is, the company I'm with have no remote opportunities so it's looking like I will have to do it without the help of a UK company.

Do any of you have any tips / ways to get companies interested and also do the relocation business?
I'm a Linux System Administrator (4.5 years) with indepth knowledge of Networks (CCNA, woot).

If you're not a geek, then tell me about your favourite places you've worked
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 10:27, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Question Time with a Dimbleby
Glancing casually over someone's shoulder on the tube home yesterday, I noticed they were reading a column in The Times which was discussing the possible appearance of the oh-so-delightful BNP on BBC Question Time. The article was based on ten questions which could be put to the Rt Hon Mr Nicholas Griffin which would show him up for the nasty, hate-filled bubble of fart gas that he is.

So if a representative of the British National Party were to appear on this current affairs program and you were to find yourself in the audience, what question would you put to them?

I would be tempted to proffer, "Benito Mussolini, Adolf Hitler and Oswald Moseley...shag, marry or kill?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 9:54, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The sad demise of sites I once loved
Years ago I read an article in The Times no less, about some brilliant web sites and as I'd just got my first laptop I tried one of them...Questionswap.com
Excellent little site where you could anonymously ask questions and then would automatically be asked a question in response. Your answer would be rated by the original poser of the question and in turn you could rate the answers you had received. Some were straightforward and rather like the sort of thing Yahoo Answers does, others were surreal and concerned chihuahuas - that was a particularly strong line of questions posed by b3ta's very own Humpty Dumpty was Pushed.
And in fact that's how I found b3ta - QS had a forum, not unlike Off Topic, I got chatting to Humpty and he suggested I check out b3ta...the rest as they say, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, over the last couple of years I have drifted further away from QS - it became very very slow and there were server problems. This has now resulted in the site going onto Ning.com and becoming yet another social networking place. It's a huge shame - I understand why this has happened and don't blame Adam the site owner but still...it's a shame to see a great spot of the internet going.

So...what's the last thing you've been sad to see go?
Alternatively do you think Robbie Williams will last longer than Whitney Houston?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 9:35, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am fat, ugly and stupid
as told to me by a 22 year old. Trouble is, I FEEL fat, ugly and stupid......and I'm 35
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 8:37, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning
Back at work today, still feeling a bit shitty, but have things to do.

Couple of questions for you.

Flash mobs: quite cool, interesting idea when they first started, or fucking shite?

Royal Mail: should they just fuck off?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 8:30, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Help, I got a virus
No, not teh bad aids. Anyone ever run into a nasty little thing called spyware protect 2009? it's completely buggered my home pc (i'm at work right now). the options seem to be: download another anti-virus remover (which the fucking virus/worm/trojan always seems to stop mid-download), or remove about 200 files one-by-one (presumably in safe mode, although the virus apparently stops some pcs from starting in safe mode. it's a persistent fucker).
any suggestions, tech-wise b3tards?
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 3:03, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

thanks bex
No need to apologise. Flidiot sounds like someone who had his lunch money taken off him a fair bit.

I feel quite sorry for him. We should all put him on friend - he clearly has none in real life.

Maybe if we all offer him some encouragement his writing might improve too.

Sad state of affairs though.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 21 Oct 2009, 0:58, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A public apology to Spimf
I assumed that he was Flidmong and said so last night. Apparently he's not, so I apologise for any hurt caused by the two posts I made yesterday on here.

It's also not my meat puppet in case anyone is wondering.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 20 Oct 2009, 21:16, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)