Back in Tiberius’ day (14-37AD)
some Venetian chappy invented an unbreakable glass*. He made a vase and showed it to the emporer, who asked if anyone else knew the secret of this glass. Chappy said no, so Tiberius had him topped. Fair do’s really. After all, if you controlled the Venetian glass trade you would do the same.

So if you were to find a source of naturally occurring renewable energy (SNORE) how would introduce it to the world?

*Prof. Amberl to provide citation please.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 14 May 2010, 11:51, 47 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Because they're ugly and they stink
It's a punchline thread!
Don't post the whole joke, that wouldn't be funny.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 May 2010, 11:16, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yesterday evening, the platform at Stratford was particularly busy because some inconsiderate git had decided to off themselves at Bethnal Green at the peak of rush hour.

So, like the good Brit I am, I was queueing for the train. Over the 12 minutes it took a new train to come in, the space around me was slowly filled my more and more pinstriped suits and braying voices. It was, to say the least, heaving with people.

Now, heaving or not, I had been queueing, dammit, and I was getting on the next train first. The train pulled in, and a fellow with particularly wide pinstripes tried to shove his way in front of me. At this point, I grew massive elbows, and wormed my way on to the train.

Oh, how the people pushed, and oh, how the people shoved. Pin Stripe man, obviously angered about how he had to get on the train after me (can you imagine the indignity?), crushed his way on to the carriage - and, more importantly, started crushing me too. I let out a genuine "oh my god the air is being squeezed from my lungs and I fear I may die" kind of gasp. He questioned me:

"What's your farking problem?"

I replied, with the last air I had in my lungs, and at considerable volume:

"YOU'RE RAPING ME!"

He got off the train. And then, between Stratford and Wanstead, everybody was looking at me funny. So, b3ta, my question is this: when did you last falsely accuse a complete stranger?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 14 May 2010, 10:21, 132 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ARGH!
I overslept by 10 minutes, get stuck in traffic, and by the time I get to work I realise I've left my security dongle (hurr hurr) at home. One of my machines crashed overnight, causing me to lose valuable processing time.

Oh, and my machine-made mocha has no FUCKING chocolate in it!

What enrages you today?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 14 May 2010, 9:40, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning
Nice to see you
How you've been
The beginning of another lovely day.

If wishes were horses what would you ride?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 14 May 2010, 7:19, 140 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bedtime stories - anyone want one?
One day Uncle Peder made a little wooden horse. This was not at all an extraordinary thing, for Uncle Peder made toys every day of his life, but oh, this was such a brave little horse, so gay and splendid on his four green wheels, so proud and dashing with his saddle and blue stripes! Uncle Peder had never made such a fine horse before.

"I shall ask five shillings for this little horse!" he cried.
What was his surprise when he saw large tears trickling down the newly painted face of the little wooden horse.

"Don't do that!" said Uncle Peder. "Your paint will run. And what is there to cry about? Do you want more spots on your sides? Do you wish for bigger wheels? Do you creak? Are you stiff? Aren't your stripes broad enough? Upon my word I can see nothing to cry about!
I shall certainly sell you for five shillings!"

From "Adventures of the Little Wooden Horse" by Ursula Moray Williams - first published 1938.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 14 May 2010, 1:11, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Love is....
simultaneous farting.


Discuss.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 13 May 2010, 22:56, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

IMPORTANT NEWS!
I just came from my textiles lesson. During the lesson I had to go next door to the glass classroom. In there a student was working on a piece in yellow glass which looked exactly like a cock!

let me reiterate that I SAW A YELLOW GLASS COCK!! No pics yet, will try and sneak a photo sometime.

What's the coolest thing you've seen today?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 May 2010, 21:30, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm not sure when this may have happened
and I hate to say it has amused the hell out of me, but someone has got into my b3tards account and replaced one of the pics that was in my profile with an enormous picture of a croissant...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 13 May 2010, 17:39, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening all
Can anyone help me out? I've been told to see if I can recommend a wireless router for home use, and I don't have a clue about it. Can anyone recommend one for me?

Alt Q: Have you ever cheated on a significant other? Did you feel guilty?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 May 2010, 17:32, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Rev. NakedApe is taking confession
spill your guts you 'orrible lot.

When I was seventeen I threw a rock at my little sister on the beach, "for a laugh", but it was a flat disc and the wind caught it. It clocked her on the head with the accuracy of missle. Everyone ran to see if she was ok, but she seemed fine so I took her home.

It turns out she has no memeory of this incident, I think I broke her brain.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 May 2010, 15:28, 143 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Music thread, please?
Currently swimming in my head is
The Big Pink "Dominos"
Shiny Toy Guns "Major Tom"
and N-Dubz "Wouldn't You"

What you got goin' on?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:39, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Let's share the good things!
I’ve been part of Engineers Without Borders (EWB) for a while, but I wasn’t an active member for different reasons until quite recently.

EWB works with other NGOs to carry out engineering projects in developing countries, from making houses and schools from something better than hay, to install pumps to bring water to communities and explain them the proper ways of getting that water clean before drinking it; from doing research in order to get seeds that are more resistant to draught to helping with the use of new technologies or machinery.

If you are an Engineering student or new graduate, you could help by going on a placement and putting one of those projects in to practice; which would be as good for them as for you, because you’ll get work experience in an exotic a new place.

If you graduated more than 5 years ago, or if you have nothing to do with Engineering, you can help from your own home, as little as a couple of hours per week. We need people to manage projects; help students with technical problems and support them; evaluate the cost/benefits of the projects; spread the word in schools, universities or work places… There are many things you could do.

We don’t ask you for any money. Joining is for free, as well as most of our events. Some training courses need paying a small fee, as not all the speakers go for free, and there are rooms and food to pay for, but that’s about as much as it’ll be.

I won’t bother you anymore, and I won’t write another post like this, as I know it’s annoying to keep being invited to things you don’t care about or you don’t have the time to do. Just this once, and sorry if I bothered you.

If you want to know more about it, gaz me and I’ll tell you what you can do.

Sorry porkylips for posting so soon after you! I'm a bit busy today.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 13 May 2010, 13:12, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For the non-metro reading b3tans
www.flickr.com/photos/st3f4n/3844735023/in/set-72157616350171741/
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 13 May 2010, 13:10, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Itching for revenge.
This made me laugh lots.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 13 May 2010, 12:50, 64 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I know I shouldn’t, but…
I secretly really love that shitty processed smoked Bavarian cheese with little bits of ham in it. I am a huge cheese fan and I know this stuff is indefensible filth but if I am honest I really, really like it.

What embarrassing foodstuff or drink do you secretly have a penchant for?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 May 2010, 11:07, 253 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tonight Monty is going to order me a massive serving of hot meat
Which b3tan fills you right up with something gorgeous?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 May 2010, 10:13, 60 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You are allowed to banish from the earth forever one item of clothing: which do you choose?
Personally I am torn between Ugg Boots and Crocs.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 May 2010, 9:36, 101 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good Morning Starshine,
The Earth Says Hello.

Gliddy gloop gloopy
Nibby nobby nooby
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba dabba
Le le lo lo
dooby ooby walla
dooby abba dabba
Early morning singing song

Why don't they write them like that anymore?

PS: Anybody want to join my club? See profile.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 13 May 2010, 7:52, 119 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bloody hell - I'm still working!
There should be a special beatitude for anyone working this long a day.

Blessed are the late-workers, for they shall get a salt beef sandwich on the way home. Or summut.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 12 May 2010, 23:32, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Aww, crapsticks.
Looks like the TV has gone tits up. The colour's gone all funny. Well, the colours are perfectly coloured it's just they're in the wrong places - blue faces and green hair, that sort of thing. And there's weird primary coloured concentric circles dominating the screen.

Just what I need right now; the possibility of forking out a few hundred quid for a new fucking telly. I blame the new government, as it was working perfectly well last night.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 12 May 2010, 20:33, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Got to work
this morning, and guess what the topic of conversation was?

a.) The fact that Bully-Tory boy was PM
b.) The fact that there was no Eastenders.


It's a sad, sad country in either event, however, it's even more sad that b.) is the answer.
(dchurch bah, Wed 12 May 2010, 19:55, Reply)

Well what a surprise
the Bf has let me down again. Anyone want to cook supper for me tonight as I have nothing defrosted. Or shall I just go and have a few beers?
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 12 May 2010, 19:51, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Some weeks ago now, but
in the "Write the letter you should have written" QoTW, I wrote to the Leccy board and told them that I was charging them 35 quid for getting me out of bed.

They just paid up! Woot!
(dchurch bah, Wed 12 May 2010, 19:04, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well Done!
You've all played together quite nicely, no turds or broken glass in the sandbox.
I'm off out again shortly to see Mr B the Gentleman Rhymer. Should be a spiffing evening.

As you were.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 12 May 2010, 17:15, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hey Nobodies.
I think I only recognise two names from /QOTW and that's from seeing them on /Talk every now and then.

Why should the internet know you?
Please don't turn this in to an argument. I haven't got the time.


Yours,
JMG. B3ta's Leader.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Wed 12 May 2010, 17:03, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

POLITICS THREAD
The BBC have published a brief list of the coalition policy plans here:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/election_2010/8677088.stm

A few things stand out to me, there's the rather massive figure of £6 billion in budget cuts but it doesn't say anything about where it'll be cut.
The NHS will see a real term increase in funding? How?
Trident staying? another expensive thing which hopefully will never be used.
And new nuclear power stations, I know they're needed but they're fucking expensive.

So basically, I'm annoyed they haven't scared the shit out of us already, which means it's coming. I have no question I'm just opening it up to debate.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 May 2010, 15:27, 192 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

God I'm so bored I've been on /talk searching my name.
Apparently I'm still a bloke and strangely I find this comforting.

What comforts you in your times of woe?
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 May 2010, 14:29, 137 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ohmegood, today is fucking awesome beyond belief, I'm so smugging it up right now.
I have the best graze box evah, it's sooo good.
- 'Wasabi Peanut Crackers',
- 'new moon' (chocolate cashews and rasins),
- 'love mix' (gojis, cherries and apricots)
- 'natural vanilla seeds' (pumpkin & sundflower)
.... every single one of them is fucking lush

My iPad arrived today, and I've found a work-around the App Store not working in the UK on the iPad (made a US account in iTunes, going to see if I can link that up with paypal later on to get paid apps, even though I'd have to re-buy them when it comes out over here, so I won't get much paid stuff)... reading books on it is awesome.

PLUS I've got God of War 1&2 for the PS3

This is seriously one of the best days I've had, prezzy wise, this year !

And I got some cherry beer in the fridge.

Fucking WIN !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 12 May 2010, 13:25, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)