I've just remembered, right
When I was in 'Nam (cue flashbacks, chopper blades overhead, Wagner) we visited a shop selling ridiculously cheap DVDs. I resisted the urge to buy a BSG box set, suspecting it might not be 100% genuine owing to the front cover depicting the Enterprise NCC-1701-D in flight alongside a Cylon BaseStar, but Ms Foxtrot and our friend Freya found a film called LXD: Legion of Extraordinary Dancers. Totally not kidding.

What ludicrous and totally self-descriptive film titles would you like to see made?

Alt Q - How the FUCK is Stuart Baggs still in The Apprentice?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:58, 125 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Mrs V and I are skint
so are not buying each other much in the way of presents this year for christmas, just a few small items, totalling £30 or so.

I have no idea what to get her. Any ideas?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:39, 151 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The Royal Family
Priveleged, out of touch relics that cost the country far too much and have no place in a modern meritocracy. Or a beacon of all that is good about Britain, hard working and vital to our tourist economy.

Lets have a heated debate.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:06, 101 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning all
Last night I had one of the best laughs I've had all year. My local does karaeoke on Thursdays, it's a good laugh, those who are shit know they are, so it's just a bit of self deprecating fun.

Last night was no exception, apart from one guy. He'd been glaring at anyone who got up and sang, then sneering as they finished. No-one really gave a shit, he just looked like another drunken dickhead. Eventually, he gets called up to sing, and launches into a track I don't know (I don't know what it was, but it wasn't a Lou Reed track, this is important). He's fucking awful, it's highly entertaining.

He finishes, and steps down from the stage. The DJ says "And there we have it, Lou Reed!" The guy turns round and says "Aw thanks, he's one of my heroes", DJ replies with perfect timing - "It wasn't a compliment, I can't understand a fucking word he says either!"

Had me in hysterics.

What have you heard/seen recently that's had you laugh until you hurt? This is my favourite photo of the year, a Lad's mugshot after swallowing a bag of Cocaine

Alt Q: Favourite album(s) of all time, by anyone you like.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:03, 28 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Cuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnttttttttttttt
unnnnnnnnnnnntt

thats how it works, right? I'm fucked if I'm asking a question, fuck you.
( broadsword, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 5:54, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Tell me something awesome
Or an amazing fact.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 21:38, 153 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

OK - new thread
The best xmas single for many MANY years.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MWHFrXiq-Y

Yes, I know this isn't links but this is SO good.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 19:48, 62 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I have wine, pizza and excitement.
What do you have?
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 18:26, 155 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Around The World - An Atlas in Song
A quick music thread to see through to hometime. Extra ace points for brilliance of song and obscurity of place.
I'll start

Istanbul (Not Constantinople)
Luton To Lisbon - Fischer Z
White Car In Germany - The Associates
(Cave Duck, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 16:20, 174 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Who here knows about getting short fiction published?
Or even just reads fiction magazines and has a good idea of the best ones?

I've got some short stories I flatter myself are ready for publication...but I have no idea where to send them to. I've had a cursory google, but there's no real comprehensive list of short fiction magazines, especially British ones, and no real way for me to compare them.

They're mostly sci-fi and horror. Anyone got any tips?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:47, 82 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Even more than usual
anything and everything is irritating the hell out of me today.

How can I cheer myself up?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:29, 92 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

POKER, and how great I am at it
I love poker.
I would love a POKERB$SH
Anyone else up for a B3tapokerb$sh?

I recently won a tourny at the Walsall G, and on boxing day, I get to play in a $100,000 dollar guaranteed tourny that I qualified for for free. (Unstable Mrs is NOT impressed at the timing)
I am, however, relatively shit at poker in the grand scheme of things, and would welcome the chance to meet some fellow B3tans and play poker and get pissed at the same time.

Gaz me if you might be interested.
(Unstable-Dan looks like that bloke out of Scream, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 14:01, 27 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm thinking of buying this jacket.
www.asos.com/Asos/Asos-Revive-Jet-Beaded-Kimono-Jacket/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=1380584&cid=2623&sh=0&pge=2&pgesize=20&sort=-1&clr=Black

Please ladies of B3ta, tell me I'm a silly arse and to save my money.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 13:15, 94 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Generic Lunch Thread
I got Chicken Teryaki Noodle Soup. I wish I got this years ago, it's so lush, loads and loads of chicken and noodles.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 12:32, 56 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Big thread scares and confuses me
I may have mentioned that I recently came into some money. The question is what to spend it on. Obviously most of my male friends are encouraging me to buy an iPad or an Xbox Kinect or a massive fuck-off TV, but currently I'm favouring laser eye surgery. This will cost about a grand but I reasoned that by not having to buy contact lenses it'll pay for itself in 4 years. Does this reasoning, and reluctance to buy flashy technology, make me old?

What's caused you to construct elaborate arguments to justify the purchase of lately?

Alt Q - Should people be made to take tests before they're allowed to breed? Easy tests, with questions like "Do you find Little Britain funny?" and "Would you name your progeny Wayne or Beyonce?"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 10:16, 194 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My weekend starts at 5pm tonight
Shut up, I deserve it!

What is no more than you deserve?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 9 Dec 2010, 8:37, 205 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So whose lurking in the shadows then?
I just got back from watching a nervy football game. What's occupied your evenings and what are you all wearing?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 22:38, 70 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My Boss
Ive recently relocated to Manchester for a job with a mate dealing with low impact RTA's. Fairly mundane stuff but it pays well.
I did get a warning about the boss here before I moved with my mate saying he was a bit crazy, lairy, will get namked in the office etc.
Fair enough.

Understatement of the century. He is an immature, disgusting pig of a man with what I think is untreated ADHD. He shouts torrents of abuse at every member of staff. Refuses to do anything for himself and has a lot more money than sense.He has the manners of a street urchin and constantly leaves bottles of his urine in places.
He constantly tells me how much he hates me and wishes I was dead. Delightful.
I constantly get sent out to get food to fill his vile sexist, hateful mouth. it's like TheDevil Wears Prada but without the nice clothes and witty anecdotes.

How are your bosses??
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 20:22, 45 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm fairly happy this evening
Today's exam (physical maths) went better than expected and I've finally got my kite instructor's insurance papers - meaning I can start charging people for lessons. On the minus side, the number of people who want to spend two hours on a frozen beach at this time of year is, how shall I put this, zero. Roll on summer.

What's gone well or badly for you lately?

Alt Q: Most underrated or overrated musician (living or dead).
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 18:43, 46 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Righto. Enough of that nonsense.
Hello, good evening and welcome. Wilkommen, bienvenue etc etc.

Herein lies a sanctuary for the verbose, the long of windedness, the wordy, the garrulous, the locquacious and the tautologically-minded.

Anybody have any plans for this evening? I have none whatsoever, other than 'buy some indigestion tablets'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 15:48, 179 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Three Words Allowed

(Cave Duck, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 14:33, 360 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Insult: Bored of that thread.
Preamble: Right now I know you're all wondering what to get me for christmas, but hey I don't want any presents.

Link Section: If you do insist on getting me a present anything off this list will do just fine: Toms Hardware Holiday Gift Guide 2010

Main question intro: Although that is a great article it is a bit ruined by "models" in cheap "sexy" christmas outfits although the brunet is quite hot

Main Question: What else has been ruined by women today?


Alt question: what's for lunch?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 12:42, 151 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Today on a Facebook page for a local shelter they had a dog which had to have a leg amputated, that is up for adoption.
They said the family couldn't afford the opperation so had to give him up.

What I don't get though is, the dog has had it's operation now, paid for persumably by the shelter, and they're looking for a new home.... now it's been paid for, why don't the family take it back? It would be a result all round, for all involved, except people will start giving the sick dog up for adoption, getting it fixed, then taking it back... costing a fortune.

Anyway, I sent the dog's page to my ma', and I *think* maybe possibly doubtful-but-hopes-up that I can convince her to adopt the three legged dog and we'd share it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 12:42, 13 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fuck it, I'm bored but too lazy to read that previous thread
While I was in Glasgow I had to pop to Sainsbury's at 8am after realising that I'd forgotten to bring toothpaste. The place was absolutely barren, it was like something out of 28 Days Later. Then I discovered why - the alcohol aisles were cordoned off, the barriers bearing the message "Scottish licensing laws prohibit the sale of alcohol at this hour".

I was stunned. Who knew Scotland had licensing laws?

What's flabbergasted you lately?

Also, this isn't links, but I'm sure Monty, at least, will appreciate this; www.savethewords.org/
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 11:22, 70 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Has everyone died?
(prays this is true)

Have you all been eaten by Nombies?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Dec 2010, 10:04, 108 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Good Morning Children.
During the current bad weather the wife's car has started first time every morning.
Thank providence for improved technology.
What do you thank providence for?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 8 Dec 2010, 8:28, 108 replies, latest was 15 years ago)