Greetings Englander pig-dogs.
Raus, raus. Schnell. Achtung, Spitfeuer.

I see this morning that the laudable practice of setting oneself ablaze in pointless objection to oppressive Arabic regimes has become fashionable. I consider this to be excellent news and look forward to the first remedial pupil from Leicester doing a sympathy human torch. I am also greatly looking forward to Montstock where my new breast implants will doubtless be the talk of the night - along with that dress.

Now, Ricky Gervais is widely acknowledged to be one of the worst wankers of all time, but were his Golden Globe jibes no more that someone calling cunts cunts, or were they off-colour and mean-spirited? Not the kind of thing we like here at all.

Alt: How do you do what you do to me? I wish I knew.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 8:33, 49 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

All boards Saturday night bingo.
You're all invited. b3ta.com/calendar/event/23202
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 22:48, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

In case anyone is interested.
Pic of burnt dress in replies.
( girlinthehole, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 19:46, 384 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm going to order a pizza.
But what to top it with? Suggestions please.

Alt: Is there anything good on the telly these days that I really ought to think about watching?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 18:57, 89 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Not sure if I am becoming more irritable but
the people in the office where I'm on secondment don't half spout some fucking shite. Faux-deep bullshit about music and stuff. If Monty were here he'd go fucking mental.

How shit are the people where you are? If it's just you, then how shit are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 16:43, 121 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Here is something I think we can get debating, about one of the world's oldest proffesions; that of the prostertute.
I'm going to start this off with the fact that "I've never slept with someone in exchange for material goods / money / whatever".

I can see both sides to the argument on this one. I think enforced prostitution is tantamount to rape, that when you hear of people being enforced to have sex with men for money, it's horrific. And it's even worst when it's those who are underage.

But why is it so bad when the prostitute in question is voluntarily selling her body? Why is it OK for pornographic stars, who are both being paid? Why is it different for someone to sleep with someone else, such as a footballer, in exchange for the chance to sale the story later on?

There are plenty of people out there, and I'm not saying they're decent people, who will lead someone on, take wine'n'dine them, buy a £25 bit of jewllery from H.Samuels... and their only intention is to get a leg over. Isn't this worst than prostertution because it's under false pretences? Wouldn't you rather a friend of yours go with a prostertute, where all the cards are on the table at the begining, than to hear he's been leading someone on and potentially damaging someone's feelings? Isn't that more nobal?

There are loads of reasons why someone might not find love, or want to find love, but still want to do the phsyical act. Or they might have problems, such as extreme shyness, sexual immaturity, some sort of mental or phsyical defect... where by going to one of these people, they could overcome and learn to be comfortable infront of other people in their own body.

But then there is the other side, generally from what I gather via litrature and documentaries, people who come into such lifestyles are generally prone to some really shit stuff; abuse and drugs mostly. They're trapped in this lifestyle, at least for the time being, they generally don't want to do the job, but they're enslaved by addiction or horrfic people. For some it's a means-to-an-end, they can fund a lavish lifestyle, education or give their children a chance they never had.

What's your two cents on the situation? Do you have any sort of potential solution?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 15:07, 197 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I just received this text from a friend.
'Don't take this the wrong way, but everytime you enter the room it smells like someone smeared shit over my face'

What's the best text/gaz/insult you've received?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 14:46, 120 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Now I am huge fan of young Noellers, but that thread was shit.
What's the best thing you are expecting from 2011, be it personal, political or entertainment-wise?

EDIT obviously for some of you it's clearly Montstock 2011, but set that aside when considering your answer as that's a given.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 13:08, 237 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fuck that, weekends are for losers.
Weekdays is where it's at. It all happens during the week. This week, for example, I'm cooking chicken and drinking champagne, making cupcakes cos I'm manly and that, playing Wind Waker again, playing guitar and generally relaxing. And work. The cunt. Then this... Erm... Yes... This weekend we're going ROOOAAD TRRRRIIIIP to follow the Thames source-to-sea. I simply cannot wait. Driving's great and I love turning my CD up and pootling along the motorway. Do you listen to music in the car?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 11:51, 126 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning all!
How was your weekend?

Mine was pretty damn good, I got rather drunk on Friday, then had a friend stay at mine, where we walked to Tesco at about 3am to buy more booze.

On Saturday I helped a friend move into the house I'm in, then went to see a friend, who insisted I go for a drink with her. I then stayed out with her, and we had a good laugh. The night was made even better by a phone call off my brother telling me he'd just got engaged, and wanted me to be the first to know.

Yesterday I watched the football, then was having a few cans, chatting to a couple of my house/workmates who were cooking a roast, and they put a plate together for me, as they had shitloads spare.

All in all, pretty damn good weekend!

Alt Q: I missed breakfast this morning, bit disappointed about that. What is your standard breakfast on weekdays? And what would be your perfect breakfast?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 8:39, 193 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

berk is too shy to ask.
But she'd like help writing her online dating profile.

Knock yourself out kids.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 22:51, 152 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've had the world's dullest day.
Make it duller before I collapse.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 19:35, 187 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hello
Listen, I was wondering, if you don't mind. It's just that I've thought about this for quite a bit and never do anything about it, and it would be nice if, you know, maybe something could happen? I donno, let's give it a try and see, worst comes to it we can still be friends.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 17:02, 52 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Rejoice with me brethren.
For once again I am on the path of true righteousness.
( girlinthehole, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 13:18, 215 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning Chumps
Anyone want to place a bet on if I'll actually hoover the pile of salt out of my car today?

Proper question: What is the other version of you doing today, you know, the one who did/didn't make that important decision some weeks/years/decades ago?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 10:37, 62 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

MORE OF THE SAME

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Sun 16 Jan 2011, 1:36, 122 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Oh man, it's Monty's candle day!
Happy candle day you, you horrendous old drug snuffling, obscure vinyl collecting, cognac quaffing queer.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 16 Jan 2011, 0:09, 46 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Evening Internet.
How are you at the moment?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 21:57, 295 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My first weekend of the new year without a bottle of wine.
Can I haz a flat belly now pleeze.

OK I know the weekend isn't over yet but I'm feeling proud.

What have you done recently to give yourself a pat on the back?
( girlinthehole, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 16:35, 72 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Woo Saturday
Although I'm at work so more of a "ugh Saturday"

Found a good punk radio station on live365, found anything good recently? No? Oh... sucks to be you.

Gonz made me watch Harry Potter and the goblet of fire last night. Annoyingly I quite enjoyed it, to the extent I suggested watching the next one tonight, what moments of madness have you had rececently?

Or Super Bonus Alt Q: If you could save [name of someone you love] from death but in the process you'd lose an arm would you do it?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 9:05, 91 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Just re-reading some of today's 'action'
it occurs to me that, if I am brutally honest, I do not give even the tiniest wizened tagnut of a shit about the Tunisian system of government.

They could overthrow the government and descend into frenzied cannibalism and I would struggle to suppress a languid yawn.

Am I a cunt for failing utterly to engage with the modern world? Convince me that I am wrong to feel this way through the medium of informed dialogue.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 22:50, 218 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Friday evening thread where the cool kids are
I've talked about myself and my concerns too much today. Tell me what's worrying you.

alt q: If your hair was stood on end, could you get though doorways without ducking? Which doorway could you get through?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 19:43, 133 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Which bits of DIY will you be catching up on at the weekend
If so, hopefully it goes better than this chap www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23914320-mother-and-son-electrocuted-in-bath-as-heater-falls-in-water.do

Alt : any other plans, not that I care
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 17:14, 105 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

WTF?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12191423

What miracle would you like to take the credit for?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:38, 174 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've lost a nominal code on my sage software : (
What have you lost recently?
( girlinthehole, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 13:39, 205 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

90nz0, as we all know is now the officially recognised hero of QOTW.
As permitted by myself and Baldmonkey, official kings of /talk.
What will you, the lesser internet be sending to /talk in return?




Please take in to account we don't want liars, fat chicks or some of the Games Workshop nerdery you lot no doubt get up to.
90nz0's very important. There must be equality in this trade.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 14 Jan 2011, 13:36, 12 replies, latest was 15 years ago)