Anyone doing anything exciting this weekend?
Do tell.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 10:55, 245 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm going to see Harry Potter finally!
I'm excited about that. :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Are you six?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

I wish.
things were so much simpler when I was 6.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Are you nine?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

add ten to that.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Are you mentally retarded?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:36, Reply)

No dear - I just have different tastes to you.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)

The tastes of a retarded nine year old.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 13:03, Reply)

possibly buying a van
might be playing a gig
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 10:59, Reply)

in a van?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

it seems unlikely

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Hopefully getting a haircut
That's about it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Christ what a bunch of dullards we are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:00, Reply)

playing a gig isn't all that dull
except for the people listening obviously.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Not me. no siree, nothing exciting happening to me this weekend.
I shall probably die of boredom.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I completely believe you ;)

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Introducing the bf to some of my dad's side of the family at an 18th birthday party.
This particular family are the best branch of the family tree. Not as weird as my mother's side and not as rough as the rest of my dad's side.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Has he been demoted back to boyfriend?
'Cos I heard you guys were engaged!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:12, Reply)

OMG NO WAI

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I'm building a pizza oven and a den with a slide.
Weeeeeeeee.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

...and a full size scalextric track
and an airport for your remote control helicopter and a stable for you dragon
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I don't have a dragon.
You've made me sad. Where can I get a dragon?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I know a way you can chase one

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Mmmmmm. Lovely lovely opiates.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

you must travel to the west of the kingdom
and quest for the long fabled egg of the mighty dragon Thrafmador - 3 leagues tall and with eyes the colour of flaming rubies. It is guarded by many a monster and trap, since the jealous King of Flapnorot declared dragons to be a curse upon the land and commanded them to be put to the sword and the final egg to be sequestered beneath the reach and ken of mankind.

If this far you have reached, your quest is only beginning. To incubate and hatch a dragon egg requires strange magics which will take a lifetime to master. You must find the one mage in the kingdom left with the knowledge of these arts and complete his 7 tasks which prove your capability and commitment.

After decades of training maybe you will be ready to hatch the egg, but have a care, dragons, despite their size are flighty beasts and require training lest they devour you and all that you love for breakfast.

The road is fraught with dangers and challenges, Shambolic, are you ready to face the quests and the traumas of this path? Do you desire it enough to leave behind all that you once were?

If the answers are yes and your heart is free of doubt, then you go with my blessing and, I am sure, those of the whole Council of Off Topic.

Ride well.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I think I might put you on 'ignore'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:17, Reply)

now I know I have truly achieved something in my life

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:18, Reply)

I got as far as the first made up word
and came to the conclusion that you own a foam rubber sword and spend your weekends deluding yourself that crushing the top half of your belly into a wench costume to form a cruel parody of a bosom makes you less physically repulsive.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)

got it in one

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)

My middle name is Astute.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)

I'm going to be re-ripping all my blurays as it turns out
my ripping software fucks the dog when it comes to ripping to mp4 at the correct framerate. So I'm now going to have to rip to mkv, which (as the PS3 doesn't recognise that format), I'm then going to have to rename back to mp4.

Glad you asked?
( Kroney, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

What software are you using to rip blurays?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

DVDFab.
Known bug, apparently. Wasn't fucking known to me when I started. Serves me right for not testing first, I guess.
( Kroney, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I use Handbrake to rip my DVDs
But haven't tried with my blurays yet. Might give it a go.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I used DVDFab because it's supposed to be a one-click rip job.
I fuck about with PCs enough at work that I don't want to have to do it at home, too.
( Kroney, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:10, Reply)

My stupid Creative Zen doesn't like DVDFab
as it keeps insisting it can only play videos in .avi format. I am very cross with my Creative Zen. Piece of shit 60Gb paperweight.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:18, Reply)

DVDFab can rip to avi, though?

( Kroney, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I'm not sure...
It seems to have quite a few problems doing anything. I honestly can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)

I've got some awesome b3tans coming up to visit!
And TGB.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

you poor bastard

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I actually was yesterday
A bill came out one day earlier than expected, just pushing me over my overdraft limit. I got paid at midnight, so hopefully I can talk nicely to my bank and they won't charge me for it.

Who am I kidding, it's a bank, they're going to charge me for that plus the phone call...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

who are you with?
sometimes they aren't complete cunts
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:07, Reply)

HSBC

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:08, Reply)

you poor fool

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Yes

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Yeah, they'll charge you but if you talk to them nicely they'll recinde.
They're not as big a collective cunt as, say, Santander.
( Kroney, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I'll give it a go
The bill usually comes out on pay day, so if i can sweet talk them out of charging me £25 it's worth a shot.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:12, Reply)

HSBC told me I had an overdraft of £250.
Then charged me £250 for being £100 overdrawn and denied any knowledge of giving me an overdraft. I asked what they were going to do if I didn't pay and they said "we'll just keep phoning you". Terrifying. They dropped it eventually.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:26, Reply)

trying to charge you £250 for going overdrawn is laughable
you could've told them to get bent and that you'd see them in court.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)

It was £250 plus £50 for using my card whilst being overdrawn.
Which didn't make sense as I was overdrawn for about two months (thinking it was fine) and used my card loads during that time. I just said to them good luck getting it off me and they dropped it as a 'gesture of goodwill'. Morons.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)

"gesture of goodwill" is standard bankspeak for "we have fucked up but have had our humility glands removed so are incapable of admitting it"

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

this is the truth
I've worked in a couple of banks. Almost every member of staff in both were complete fucking morons.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I spent a summer working in a bank in Germany when I was a student.
Talk about your humour bypass...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I worked in Lloyds twice
I'm not sure if you'll have heard of the 'Fish Philosophy' it's a whole thing about having fun at work.

By the time it reach Lloyds it meant that when someone blew a whistle we all had to do a mexican wave. Then the whistle was blown again. Outside of these times were had to be silent and got in trouble for talking.

I am NOT exaggerating :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:48, Reply)

What the actual fuck?
Some people should not be allowed to have staff.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:49, Reply)

yeah
to be fair it brightened my day as it was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:50, Reply)

And I thought my last bosses were the biggest cunts ever.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)

I've had 23 jobs over the years
I have a fine selection of cunts to chose from
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

For you, ze overdraft facility is ofer.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:48, Reply)

It was quite a small, southern, old fashioned kind of area
and once, I was talking this old couple through some kind of standing order or something. I was splitting eye contact between the two of them, and the husband was giving me pure evils. I don't think I was supposed to talk to the 'little woman' about important stuff like bills.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:51, Reply)

The birthplace of Naziism.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

that implies you, too
are a fucking moron
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I was a temp
so don't count as a member of staff
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

i shall also claim this defence

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)

How come?
Did she get wind of it through the others and then invite herself along and you were too polite to say no?

It happens.
( Kroney, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I stupidly gave her a sympathy invite, hoping she'd be busy working
Major backfire.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Schoolboy.

( Kroney, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:11, Reply)

cocktails in a fancy bar tonight
party in birmingham tomorrow night.

seeing the boy on sunday. not sure what we are doing yet, depends on weather.

so pretty exciting, aye!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I got one this week!!!!
This Sunday lunchtime, I will be flinging myself to a squishy death from a great height. I woke up last night absolutely petrified. I think the gravity of the situation has finally sunk in. As it were.

£130 raised so far. Woo.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:14, Reply)

YAY!
good luck!

oh yeah and poidh
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Woo Hoo!
If I'm still alive afterwards, I'll show you the pictures.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I can't wait to see them.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:22, Reply)

That's awesome,
Good luck! What's the good cause?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)

It's a local cot death charity.
I told them it would be cheaper to just get a couple of carrier bags, but apparently they'd rather have the money.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Haha lovely.
But srsly, excellent cause.
Bungee jumping or sky diving?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:48, Reply)

200ft bungee
in a local pub car park.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Woweee
That sounds awesome, I'm well jealous!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Don't become pizza.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)

My dad just turned me down when I asked if he fancied lunch and a walk round town later.
New low for Barry.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Jibbed by your dad.
Oh man...
Are you wearing clothes? Have you had three showers?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I'm off to a mini festival.
Local one.
There were will be music and booty shaking. And possibly falling over.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:21, Reply)

A friend's housewarming party, and not much else.
And I've already mentioned the walk around the Isle of Wight, which is in a couple of weeks. It's starting to hit the local media. I'm in the sodding papers.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:23, Reply)

You mean you're sleeping on a park bench
covered in newspaper, don't you?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Haha!
No.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:26, Reply)

'Internet weirdo in 'goes for walk' shocker'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)

That's the one.
I'm walking with a radio DJ, his co-presenter, producer and a news reader. I may be starting to regret this.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)

If you don't push the radio DJ into the Solent you are doing society a massive disservice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)

He's a good friend, although a little misguided.
Having been knocked back from applying to work in children's TV, he has now applied to be on The Apprentice.

I despair sometimes.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:33, Reply)

This further detail only makes Monty's suggestion sound more and more sensible

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)

"I am desperate to be on TV, Srallen"
You can smell the desperation on those fuckers through the TV.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)

You're not allowed to call him Srallen anymore.
It's Lord Sugar now.

Pretentious twat.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

That would make him Lord of the Dunce

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Social-climbing little peasant.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I think my idea of opening a chip shop in Jerusalem called 'Arbeit Macht Fry' is superb.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)

If he gets on The Apprentice
we *will* mock him. He is aware of this?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:38, Reply)

i don't even watch the aprentice
but i suspect everyone will, that seems to be what it's there for
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

As much as I love watching it
(and, I have to admit, the X Factor auditions), who watches the programme, sees the idiots on there being made to look like idiots, and thinks 'well, that won't happen to me'?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Similarly
who books a table at Hells Kitchen on the first night? You're not going to get a fucking meal you idiots, and if you do it'll be shit.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

because being on telly
validates our tiny lives
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Happens every time you walk down the street in all fairness.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

airstrip1lols

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

If he ends up on TV, I'll be sure to let him know.
In his defence he is a very good bloke- very honourable and a thoroughly decent man. Truly, a rare breed.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I'm going camping
This is not exciting. I shall be making it more bearable with marijuana and nice beer.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)

I like that sort of camping.
I am going to Cornwall next weekend to do the same.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:38, Reply)

It's the only way
Camping sober is rubbish.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

This evening will be spent reading in my ex’s flat
whilst my daughter sleeps. Tomorrow morning we shall have many LOLz, watch some Spongebob and perhaps go to the park. The rest of the day will be spent frantically cleaning my flat in preparation for Lusty moving in and her mother prying into my sordid living arrangements helping.

Then we shall get pissed up and/or go for a walk.

Rock - but also, roll.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Best of luck to Lusty on the move.
What book is your daughter reading to you at the moment?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

The very hungry caterpillar.
He can't wait to see what it's going to eat next.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)

3 pills and some Ket.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)

It's called 'The World's Biggest Spastics'.
I think you are chapter three.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Same title as my autobiography.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Chapter Three is a shit title for an autobiography

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Oh, not much
Just moving to the other end of the country to live with two strange men I've never met, in a house I've not seen to start a job I'm not allowed to talk about.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Are you going into witness protection?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)

It sounds like you've been sold into the sex trade.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)

That happened years ago.
Old news now.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)

spy?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I could tell you if you're right or not,
But then I'd have to kill you.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:45, Reply)

You can tell me
I'm going to die on Sunday anyway.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Is this from the job interview at *censored*?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

*censored*
I *censored* on *censored* and hopefully I should *----censored-----* Its *censored* :D
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Awesome
I'm really glad for you, and I'm sure you will enjoy working under *censored* at *censored* for the next *censored* months.

Strange question I know, but will it do wonders for your CV?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Hopefully... yes
Especially since this is where I want to work after I graduate anyway.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Ahh, cool cool
Is it just a summer placement? There's a couple of lads living in my house who are working at AZ over the summer.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Nah, all my third year.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Ahh, awesome.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

I have SC security clearance
gaz me, I promise not to tell.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

So do I, on point of fact.
People seem surprised at this, and I can't for the life of me think why.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)

I'd quite like to *censor* all over your *censor* until we both shout at the top of our voices *censored* and then have really mucky sex that requires tarpooling.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

tarpooling
sounds very very painful for people with body hair.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:53, Reply)

*late pander*

(PsychoChomp, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

OMG
the new hotel chocolat "lemon cheesecake" chocolate is the most amazing thing EVER.

i think my mouth just came. hard. anyone who has one near them has GOT TO TRY IT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

How much does it cost?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:49, Reply)

depends how much you buy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)

If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)

I might get that tattooed on my chest.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Should I enquire as to the size of the font?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)

because typography gets you hard?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Totally.
It's the font of all sexual desire.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)

this was very good, actually
you have gone up a tiny notch in my estimation...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I feel so validated.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

online validation
best of all the validations
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

*Looks in walet.... counts a few notes.... looks in coin purse.... looks up*
Is there a cashpoint on the way?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

it's a mini slab, ie a chocolate bar
£3.50 each or £2.95 if you buy 3 or more mini-slabs. somehow the latter always seems to make good financial sense.

even if it doesn't. nor does it make good health sense.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)

I bought some cool fudge at the seaside the other week.
One was Marmite flavour, the other was WKD BLue flavour. Good stuff.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

free to those that can afford it
very expensive to those that cannot.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)

they do give out a lot of free stuff there
my colleague is shameless, she goes in almost every day pretending to browse, eats the freebie, waltzes out.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

that's all well and good
but what has that to do with the tattoo we're getting on B3th's tits?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)

i have zero interest in tits
my own are quite enough. some would say more than enough.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)

We're all heartily interested in b3th's tit tattoo.
We can be interested in yours too, if you like.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

they wouldn't have enough ink
or a big enough needle
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)

"We're going to need a bigger shop".

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

now that's just rude
fuck you, the luggage, fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

That didn't come out the way I intended.
Oh well.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

i'll get over the pain
eventually. the sense of betrayal though, that's something else.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

A song title occurs here.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

The annual food budget of Somalia.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Slavering lolz

( Kroney, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

so i'm getting seriously laid this weekend
and you are.... not?

thought not.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

I appreciate that you get all your self worth through the opinions of others
but really, this one defence is a little dreary.
( Kroney, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Aww MAN, I wish my office had a slut like you.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

i do liven up the place
on my desk, red fishnets on, legs akimbo.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Don't stop!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

i haven't started yet!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Well get writing!
Gonzo needs to read!
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

er
i'm not exactly going to have any fingers spare, am i?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)

You could type one-handed.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:27, Reply)

I bet you have one of those desks with a green leather top.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Great news, my uncle has finished reading Chris Evans' autobiography.
He's bringing it round after work. So that's what I'll be occupying myself with this weekend. Saving myself for next Saturday which will be a fantastic 'we have more drugs than Boots' affair.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

"Let's bomb boots, coz they sell condoms that make you wanna bang white girls."

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

The Norwegian nutter reminds me of Four Lions.
When Barry suggests they blow up a mosque.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Radicalise the moderates!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Man that movie was hard to watch...

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Really?
I watched it with a bunch of Muslims. They laughed harder than I did.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Very English humour though, isn't it?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)

I just found it really .. I dunno.
I couldn't decide whether or not I enjoyed it because some parts were just a bit grim for me. I'm not saying it wasn't excellent - it was. I just found it hard to enjoy.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Fair enough!
Black humour isn't everyone's cup of tea, I suppose.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Not really. I mean usually when I watch TV or a movie it's because I want to just enjoy it,
I'm not keen on depressing or tragics, or on romcoms. I'd rather watch a Fish Called Wanda to Atonement, for example.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Ahh, I get you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Thoroughly.
Chris Morris is a genius.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

great terrible
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

beach hockey and a barbecue on the beach.
Take that, internet.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Living it large in Harrogate tomorrow evening.
Beat that.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)

I'm wearing an inside-out pig as headgear
meat hat.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I... don't think I can.
Touché.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

I'm preparing protected british species tapas for lunch
eat bat.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

I'm going for ultrasound liposuction next week.
Treat fat.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I'm in your base eating all your pies.
L33t f4t.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

I've got some very exclusive neckwear on.
Elite cravat.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

I'm meeting David Cameron this weekend.
Complete prat.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

There's a beach in Edinburgh?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

It's on the coast.
it can't be that unexpected, surely?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Oo. Get you and your so-called "geography"

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Well I'm learning stuff here
It turns out that I am quite ignorant of the "geography" of Scotland.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Almost all of it is next to water.
If you're not next to water then you're up a hill. Sometimes you're next to water even when you're up a hill. In short: water.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

If you're not next to water
chances are water is being propelled towards you via the twin accelative actions of gravity and variable air pressure.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

A definitive list of things that scotland isn't short of:
1) water
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

2) gingers

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

3) a pervasive sense of some ill-defined injustice at the hands of the fucking english

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)

international-class religious bigotry.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:27, Reply)

I can't believe that no one has suggested
9) Drunks
10) Heroin
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)

They send most of the drunks to Kings Cross station for safekeeping.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:35, Reply)

3) Midges.
4) Strange angry men in dresses.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)

5)annoying dirgy folk songs
about poor maidens and mean english sasanachs
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

6) A massive cultural chip on their shoulder.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I'm going to fit right in

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)

sassenach.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Angry men in dresses made me think of morris dancing, for some reason
Now I'm imagining a dance off between morris dancers, and laughing like an idiot.

Today is an odd day.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Could be worse.
You could be FreeFare reading my not-so-magnus opus for the first time.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)

5) Munchy boxes

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)

I know, it's a fucking disgrace.
Strictly speaking, the good beach here is Portobello. Although that's still Edinburgh.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Is that where they invented the mushroom?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Cramond is nice. Depends on what you're looking to do there I suppose.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

RAINING

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

It had better fucking not.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Looks unlikely according to the awful librul conspiracy of the met office.
I fancy going to the beach.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)

showers. fuckers.
although the satellite map suggests they are south of Edinburgh. Good job we're taking MONSTERGAZEBO.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_and_the_Gazebo
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

horseguards avenue (off the mall, running up to buckingham palace)
is closed because of the beach volleyball championships.

there is no beach on horseguards avenue. or anywhere else in zone 1. how random to put it there. why not put it somewhere where, you know, there actually IS a beach.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Wells-next-the-Sea would be good.
If someone screws up, they fall in the river.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

now THAT
i would pay to watch
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)

And here I thought everyone on here would be watching the gymnastics.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)

no you didn't
you thought they'd be watching porn and eating pizza in their parents' basement
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Or that.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

see you Wednesday!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

indeed.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Ur mum
and by that I mean a picnic in Primrose hill.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Drinks with HATD
and possibly the chance of some night work which would quite suit me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

You're going to be a table dancer?
I'd pay to see that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

I think everyone would.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

Not a table around
that'll stand for that treatment.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Lap dancer then. :P

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)

I don't want to be negative
but lapdancing wouldn't be a good line of work for me.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

damn.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Hool and the Dang?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

catching a locomotive to Bristol
possibly having a pint with Jeff, then watching some football, then heading back up to Birmingham for a mate's do.

Sunday I shall spend curled into a fetal ball whimpering, I suspect.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

Who's playing?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

That there Bristol City and those there West Bromwich Albion

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 13:07, Reply)

2 games of cricket
and my sister's birthday party.

Well, you did ask.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Out for a curry with some old workmates tonight
Might take the kids to the cinema on Sunday morning as it's cheap and doesn't require selling a lung to get us all in.

I'm having a sick day at the moment and I'm counting down the hours till I can hit the hot rums and do some damage to this cold. A nice hot curry later should help too.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 29 Jul 2011, 12:27, Reply)