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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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WITH A CAR!!
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/8748722/Reece-Witherspoon-hit-by-car-while-jogging.html
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:18, 203 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
EDIT
Undulating Tentacles just gazzed me a really funny chin gag so I'm posting it here:

'I expect her chin absorbed most of the impact.'

I take no credit for this.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)
Damn you I was going to make a chin related quip :(

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)
Would you like me to delete it?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Can you just change it to a picture of a kitten instead?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Well, quite frankly YES.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)
I've edited now - better?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Hang on I had a much funnier chin quip than that.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:48, Reply)
PROVE IT.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:01, Reply)
"The car is in a serious but stable condition "
See?
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Your silence speaks volumes.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:24, Reply)
Hahahah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:34, Reply)
you replied to the wrong message.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:35, Reply)
If, of course, it WAS a car.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)
No, you've got it wrong
It's "If it was indeed a real car"
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:36, Reply)
Al, Needoo's is now better than Tayyabs.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Hot Damn
I know where I'm gonna get my hot poos from now on then.

What was the deciding factor?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:42, Reply)
They put the price of dried meat up by 10p.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:46, Reply)
I cannot believe that they serve food called poos
that is actually food and not actually poos.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:46, Reply)
It's the very height of perversion from your point of view I should think.
"Waiter! What is this sham poo I see before me?!"
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:48, Reply)
I really don't know where to turn with it.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:50, Reply)
no wonder you spend so long in the shower

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:51, Reply)
You fancied changing your name, but couldn't think of anything to change it to
so rather than wait until you could, you just changed it to "fancied a change?"

Oh dear :(
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:53, Reply)
She also took down the "sultry" photos from her profile.
Is it me, or do you think she's building up to a second flounce?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:55, Reply)
The photos have been gone for a while, I think.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:55, Reply)
let's instead ask ourselves
why you are looking at my profile.

why al, why?

edit - haha another unfortunate post-timing incident here for kroney!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:56, Reply)
I think you should be asking yourself
Why he hasn't looked at your profile for ages, cos I'm pretty sure I've never seen any photos and I'm sure I checked your profile a while back.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:58, Reply)
i'd kind of prefer it if he didn't go near it
he's probably sticking online voodoo pins into it or something
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:00, Reply)
if you could see what i have had to do this week
you would realise why my poor brain is wrung out of all creativity and thought. and i still have 5,000 words left to write on how ibsen, bennett and lavery develop character, theme and plot... doom.

i am going for mullet surgery shortly though. the insanely hot frenchman who does it wants to colour it very dark and cut it quite short. i will probably do whatever he tells me to, with his liquid accent. and then spend the whole of tonight sobbing on the boy's shoulder that i look like a lesbian (not that he would mind if i did, hmmm)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:57, Reply)
You mean like this?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UU1RQRXGH9U
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:09, Reply)
hahahaha!
he'd better not do that to me, however hot and french he is...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:12, Reply)
Change your name to "a frenchman made me a lesbian"

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:31, Reply)
"and I never had the good grace to thank him"

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:33, Reply)
The food was better, and cheaper, and service friendlier.
They've upped their game on the chops, and the way they serve the fish in foil parcels makes it much moister and more nommy.

Wednesday's meal was the best I've had in either Needoo's or Tayyabs in a long time.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:50, Reply)
Oooo, I like the sound of the fish.
I think the location of the internet hardnuts lunch has been decided then.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:54, Reply)
It wouldn't be the first time I've been wrong, old chap.
let's be honest.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:38, Reply)
I've been saying this for some time
but you kept resisting.

This mornings DIY advice aside obviously.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:43, Reply)
You've been getting you capacious knickers in a twist about me being wrong a lot.
I'm usually right. Just sometimes wrong. I've never denied this, online or otherwise.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:45, Reply)
factually right is one thing
morally, spiritually, sexually Wrong - you can't deny that, surely

/swipe
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:49, Reply)
Oh, morally I'm wronger than Goatworrier.
I'm not sure how you can be "spiritually" wrong, unless you claim to be "spiritual" in which case you're not just wrong, you're a fucking tool.

Sexually? that's for me to know.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:53, Reply)
if you are morally wrong
you are definitely sexually a total wrong-un.

anyway, we all know it.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:55, Reply)
if you can't separate moral and sexual judgement
I'm nervous.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:56, Reply)
you can have morals without sex
can you have sex without morals?

of course YOU can. you're a man.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:00, Reply)
I like morals with steak

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:05, Reply)
I like mine with lions

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:32, Reply)
You're doing it again!
Stop getting all serious!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:52, Reply)
pssst.
I'm not, mate. I just needed a way of using the phrase "capacious knickers" without offending a ladytype.

Come on, it's quite a good phrase.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:54, Reply)
It is actually
It's quite onomatopoeic.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:55, Reply)
WITHAKNIFE!!!1!
Mornin.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)
No, just having a shit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Haha! Love that joke.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:38, Reply)
I see you cunts have been harshing S London.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Damn right.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:42, Reply)
I saw them preparing a welcome party for you.
Bolt cutters and blow torch from what I could tell.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:44, Reply)
That was just what they were using to secure their MASSIVE DRUGS to stop Montys GIGANTANOSE
from inhaling them all.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:46, Reply)
GIGANTANOSE! Hahaha!
On his MEGABONCE.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:48, Reply)
this made me do a lol.

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:51, Reply)
I think you should start using the terms MEGABONCE and GIGANTANOSE around the house.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:56, Reply)
Get your MEGABONCE in the kitchen
and make me dinner.

Use your GIGANTANOSE to sniff your way to the fridge and get me a beer. That kind of thing? Ohhh man he'll split my lip again if I start acting up :(
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:01, Reply)
I fucking will and all.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:04, Reply)

he'll split my lip again if I start acting up I'll fall down the stairs again if I'm not careful
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:04, Reply)
when my ex split my lip and it all swelled up
he told me that it was cheaper than collagen and i was always wanting fuller lips.

charming fellow, he was.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:08, Reply)
What a gent.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:10, Reply)
You should have held on to that one.

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:10, Reply)
i know, he was a real keeper. he blacked my eye too, that was seriously fucking painful
i wish someone had told me then that it takes a lot longer to build your self-esteem back up than it does to find a new bf!

anyway, ancient history now.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:12, Reply)
Black and white minstral bastard

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:16, Reply)
indeed, he was just a tiny bit of a GIGANTIC CUNTHORSE

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:17, Reply)
I like horses

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:18, Reply)
I think she is fit, am I alone in this?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:53, Reply)
No, you are not.
But then again, I like The Beautiful South, so don't let this make you feel any better about yourself.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:59, Reply)
You really, really need to kill yourself right now
don't even take any time to think it over
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:00, Reply)
I like the Beautiful South, too
but don't tell Monty, he'll judge me.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:00, Reply)
I'll fucking judge you, you musical nonce

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:00, Reply)
SEND HIM DOWN
*bangs gavel*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Only auctioneers use gavels.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Alright QI, that's enough.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Yep, that's where I learned it from.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:37, Reply)
pervert

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Not to my eyes she's not.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Only look at her using your penis, then.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:00, Reply)
beauty is in the japs eye of the beholder

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:01, Reply)
Her chin gives me acorn-cock.
Just seeing it is the equivalent to eating a tablespoonful of speed and then jumping in an icy river.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:02, Reply)
I believe she is your number one fan.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:05, Reply)
My girlfriend wants to look like her,
I quite like the way she looks already but I wish she has less facial hair.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:05, Reply)
She's got
That downy fuzz thing going on.

I'd marmalade my cock up her bum though.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:07, Reply)
That's no way to talk about my missus.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:24, Reply)
I meant no disrespect

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:27, Reply)
She's not really
nor is that other one who was in Bridget Jones Diary
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Ugh God no.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:09, Reply)
she is (or was, anyway)
boning bradley cooper. BRADLEY COOPER. the world's hottest guy. this makes me feel that his standards are, if not exactly achievable, well- it's more encouraging than if he were boning megan fox or mila kunis anyway!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:13, Reply)
My name's not Bradley Cooper.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:16, Reply)
silly monty
i meant, the world's hottest guy who is in my league, not 5 leagues above me. i know where i stand.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Ah, gotcha.
Carry on.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:19, Reply)
Mila Kunis is at best a 3 or 4-pinter.
Even then, I doubt I could muster much enthusiasm. Megan Fox, not so bad, but I'm not seriously sure I could shag someone with "we will all laugh at guilded butterflies" tattoo'd on her back and keep a straight face. I mean, I'm sure she thinks it's really deep.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:27, Reply)
I will laugh at your stupid tattoo, you vapid turd.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:32, Reply)
To clarify, I am not addressing that to you, Mighters.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:33, Reply)
right you are.
I thought vapid was a bit harsh. You can go with the rest.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:34, Reply)
me, or Megan Fox?

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:33, Reply)
What guild are they in?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:34, Reply)
I think she's trying to be self-deprecating.
when in fact what she's being is a silly vacuous cunt.

/I'm sorry, I don't know any guilds, so I couldn't really run with your joke.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:35, Reply)
Tee hee

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:36, Reply)
Renee Zellweger is hot.
FACT.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:38, Reply)
i wouldn't say no to swopping faces, bodies, lives and bank accounts with her
although there are others i'd prefer.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Would you consider swapping?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Don't swap with AA.
He'd balls everything up and want to swap back.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:08, Reply)
This is very true.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:10, Reply)
You'd get some great t shirts though.

I say great, I mean awful.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:19, Reply)
but hilariously crazy and LOlw@Ki!!1!1!1!!!!!11!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:26, Reply)
i was kind of thinking of a girl
someone like mila kunis would do. she's fucking stunning. bitch.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:08, Reply)
The only sense in which she's fucking stunning
is if you picked her up and used her to stun someone with a blow to the head.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:31, Reply)
I think she's got by because she's not as minging as Meg Griffin

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:37, Reply)
noooooooo!
i think she may actually be the most gorgeous woman in the world. have you SEEN "forgetting sarah marshall" ?

see, this is another example of you being Wrong!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:43, Reply)
I'd smash one up it.
Fact.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:48, Reply)
Unless you enjoy shagging Slow Lorises (slow Lorii?)
Her eyes are way too big for her head, her face is too skinny and angular and she's got the body of a teenage boy. See also Moss, Kate and recently, Knightley, Kiera. Although she at least has an alright face.

If this is me being wrong, I'd rather powersand my own balls than be "right", thanks.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:54, Reply)
Ellis-Bextor, Sophie.
You don't like cat-face.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:59, Reply)
Ellis-Bextor's rhomboid features are an abomination.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:02, Reply)
I absolutely would

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:04, Reply)
She's Meg Griffin though.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:36, Reply)
Alright our kid

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:37, Reply)
Afterloon la.
I've always wondered, if The La's were from London, would they be called The Mate's?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:40, Reply)
They'd be called 'the cunts' and would be soundly thrashed.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:41, Reply)
this should be true of so so many people

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:43, Reply)
We wouldn't let such rubbish music be made in our city, definitely.
Razorlight only slipped through because none of us were watching.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:45, Reply)
Yeah, you still owe us all an apology for that one

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:48, Reply)
And them other cunts...
I've forgotten their names. You know who I mean.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:51, Reply)
The Clash?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:53, Reply)
Them and all

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:54, Reply)
I am genuinely very sorry about them.
It won't happen again.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:57, Reply)
I don't actually mind The Clash too much.
They're a damned sight more listenable than turgid bitches, Razorlight.

Having said that, so's white noise and the torture of innocents.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:00, Reply)
First album is just about OK.
'White Riot' is a fucking great tune.

'London's Burning' and all that cod reggae shit = awful beyond words.

If I want political information (NB I never want political information) I certainly don't want it from a silly pop band, thanks awfully.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:10, Reply)
Probably.
I think the La's should have been called the mates or the kiddas though, because we don't really say la much.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:41, Reply)
To look like her, simply start by breaking your jaw in several places and then get it set by an Albanian 'doctor' in an allyway

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:08, Reply)
the jaw is kind of the last bit though
i was thinking more about the successful hollywood career, really
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:09, Reply)
Hahahahah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:10, Reply)
barry, one for you
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2035320/Nike-finally-release-iconic-self-lacing.html
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:10, Reply)
Fuck me they are vile.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:15, Reply)
the yoots will love them.
The irony is MJFox could probably use automatic lacing shoes now!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:17, Reply)
he wears out velcro in no time

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:19, Reply)
He gives good hand jobs though.
Sunset/sunrise.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:28, Reply)
Bare hype on them sneaks, init.
They're all on eBay for about $5000 a go at the moment, Nike's got their own section for them. But on the plus side, free shipping!
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:35, Reply)
Hahahah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:37, Reply)
I like how they don't mention
you can't actually fucking wear them!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:06, Reply)
What?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:07, Reply)
You can't actually wear them.
There's a proviso that mentions they aren't meant for everyday use.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:34, Reply)
I don't think anyone spending five bags on a pair of shit trainers is going to want to wear them.
They're for extreme sneaker heads (they call themselves that, not me) to add to their gay collection. Who collects trainers, honestly.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:36, Reply)
Apparently if you accidently hit a Reece Weatherspoons on the public highway the viachle behind you is legally allowed to keep her.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:42, Reply)
the only wetherspoons i like
is the knights templar on chancery lane. that is a gorgeous building.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:44, Reply)
Oh Swipey, please come over tonight, I'll make pizza, no meat, lots and lots of veg, you'll love it.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:45, Reply)
aww
thanks darling, but i'm going to the national portrait gallery and then for dinner with the boy. and then having to skip my lovely weekend away with the girls to FINISH MY STUPID THESIS.

but after 16 sep, when it gets handed in, i am all yours!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:47, Reply)
I reckon if I added up all the times you've said "After [date] I'm all yours" and charged one sexual act for each week, then I'd never have to get married ever !

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:58, Reply)
I bet the one at Liverpool Street was a right posh affair in its day.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:51, Reply)
Yeah', and look at who they let in these days !

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:57, Reply)
The finest ladies known to man!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:02, Reply)
.... and you guys too !

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:06, Reply)
And Jawj and Fiddy Pence

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:07, Reply)
Haha, I was told about 'em yesterday.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:26, Reply)
Hamilton Hall?
It's reet grand, innit?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:59, Reply)
Yeah it makes me wonder what it was like in the olden days

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:02, Reply)
It would have been a ballroom, I suppose?
Google is not our friend.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:06, Reply)
That's what I assumed.
I was picturing me and r0salicious in our big poncy old frocks with men like those off the opening credits of Cheers. Monocles and that.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:11, Reply)
courtesy of fancyapint.com:
"originally a part of the old Great Eastern Hotel (some say it was a banqueting hall, some say a ballroom, it all depends who you ask)"
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)
Precise, incisive historical data, there.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:14, Reply)
What, you wanted facts, online?
Scratch that, JDW's website says it was a ballroom.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:16, Reply)
I am very demanding.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:18, Reply)
grassy arse

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:19, Reply)
possibly - that or I've snapped the key off in the lock.
/pineconelols
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:21, Reply)
Does it not have the story of it on the inside, maybe?
There's a pub in Newcastle that used to be a mosque. Oh, irony...
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:38, Reply)
It's incredible isn't it?
How on earth do they make that pay? The rent must be enormous and their drinks cost fuck all.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:00, Reply)
It's such a magnificent building
that I expect they think it's worth making up the shortfall with funds from other branches.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:01, Reply)
Last time I tried to go there some cunt had hired it out and we couldn't go in.
So I spent the next week posting my every poo to them.

They probably have enough to build a 'log' cabin now!!!! LOL!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:07, Reply)
Rofflecopters!

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:12, Reply)
Hullo Peeps.
I have cheese and pickle sandwiches, which are surprisingly spicy, but this is a Good Thing.

In other news I may, just may, get to personally stab up Monty In Greenwich tomorrow.

Anyone care to make a small wager as to his last word, should this happen?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:26, Reply)
After a short exchange of lines he will gasp "Well, I can see you've played knifey spoony before!"
and then die.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:30, Reply)
I promise
that if when I get stabbed, I shall do my level best to use this line.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:34, Reply)
It only works if you can first look down at your chest and say "That's not a knife! This is a knife!"
and then produce a large spoon, which ought to elicit the response "Neither is that, that's a spoon"
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:36, Reply)
£50 on 'cunt'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:30, Reply)
I'll pay it to your estate.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:34, Reply)
His estate's full of broken glass and syringes

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:38, Reply)
I always assumed he lived in a run-down Mansion.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:40, Reply)
"shit"
preceded by "fucking"
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:32, Reply)
By which I mean the preceding word
not that he was making sweet gay love with CQ.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:43, Reply)
*sadface*

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:47, Reply)
You're the gay Sharon-Stone-in-that-movie-where-she-stabs-people-during-sex of /OT

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:53, Reply)
At least I'll be the last pretty face he sees.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:32, Reply)
I'm planning on using you as a distrcation

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:35, Reply)
I shall use my cleavage to mesmerize him.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:36, Reply)
At least I'll die happy.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:37, Reply)
This will definitely work.
I think his last work may be "Tiiiiits.....
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:38, Reply)

mesmerize him allow him to slip away peacefully when the pain gets too much.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:38, Reply)
Blousie!
Just messaged you on FB!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:36, Reply)
*trundles off to fb*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:36, Reply)
He didn't message me
The bastard.

It's like he doesn't care that I'm running a half marathon this weekend.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:39, Reply)
Yes, but I replied to your comment on my thread.
So a half marathon, eh? To be followed by a full Mars Bar and a family sized bag of Doritos, I'll wager.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:41, Reply)
Cheese and pickle sandwiches are wonderful.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:33, Reply)
This is not so much pickle as spicy Indian apple chutney.
I only used a little thank heavens, but it has made some rather bland cheese sandwiches rather nom.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:37, Reply)
It's unlikely that these will be my last words, AA.

You fucking weird cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:37, Reply)
Well they fucking should be, you mentally deficient fuckstain.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:38, Reply)
But I don't even agree with the sentiment.
You gibbering flidmo.

I don't like cheese in sandwiches unless it's toasted. I consider it a waste of cheese.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:51, Reply)
I had a toasted salami and mozzerella panini for lunch. WADDYA THINK OF THAT EH!? EH!?EH!!!!?????

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:53, Reply)
Sounds fucking great.
I had chilli con carne and rice.

YOU HAVE NO COMEBACK TO THIS!!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:57, Reply)
I ALSO HAD A PACKET OF SALT AND VINEGAR MCOYS AND A CADBURYS BOOST!!!!!!!
IN YOUR FUCKING GIGANTANOSEd FACE MEGABONCE!!!!!!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:58, Reply)
I'VE GOT FIVE GIANT OATMEAL AND RAISIN COOKIES.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 14:03, Reply)
I hate you so much a little bit of jizz just came out of my cock.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 14:19, Reply)
I had salami in my sandwich today
/not a euphemism
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 13:58, Reply)

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