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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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wedding stories
anything ever happened to you at a wedding? been married? did it last?

alt funeral?
altalt birthday party?
altaltalt good afternoon?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:39, 230 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
I'm going to a wedding in Vegas next year Wooo

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:41, Reply)
wkd kl
you gonna gamble?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:46, Reply)
Probably put a few dollars down, but I don't like gambling.
I'm a stats guy.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:52, Reply)
me neither, it seems counter-intuitive to me
i'd go to LV for the hookers though
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:53, Reply)
I'm just going for the dwarf elvis.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:56, Reply)
I wonder if Hangover will be there? and CSI?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:02, Reply)
and The Killers
and Robert DeNiro
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:04, Reply)
I had a good time playing $2 blackjack
made $20 last an entire afternoon, got plenty of free drinks.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:15, Reply)
I am married and it's lasting so far, unless there's something I don't know.
AltAltAlt: yes thanks, how about you?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:43, Reply)

Does she keep her diary on the top shelf? wise woman.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:44, Reply)
There's always something you don't know.
what matters is how crucial it is.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:44, Reply)
great thanks for asking battered!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:46, Reply)
Many things. I suspect they would mostly be things where "you had to be there" though
and yes, twice, surprisingly the first one didn't, hence the second one.

Or maybe I just liked my stag do so much I secretly craved another. Who knows?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:44, Reply)
I'd definitely have a second stag do.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:45, Reply)
I can do without being dressed in a mankini and brogues at 6am on Brighton seafront again

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:46, Reply)
Me too.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:46, Reply)
I wouldn't like one at all.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:48, Reply)
I wouldn't have one unless the missus wanted a hen do.
Otherwise I'd suggest we all go out together.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:51, Reply)
You realise it doesn't have to be "loads of people acting like cunts" ... right?
I mean, would you not want to do something with your friends?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:52, Reply)
My friends would be there. As would my other half
and her friends, by the point of marriage I'd know most of them as well.

I don't really see why it's a bad idea.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:54, Reply)
It's totally not a bad idea
I was more wondering why you wouldn't do anything if your missus didn't want to, that seemed a bit odd.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:55, Reply)
No, it's just that if the missus preferred to do it separately
then I don't have a problem with it. It's just I like the idea of everybody getting hammered together.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:57, Reply)
It's an awful idea, I've hard of two "Hag does"
both ended in tears, one ended with a bot dog in the salad
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:58, Reply)
I don't like the idea of them being your last nights of freedom.
I want to think of it as the start of the wedding, I guess.

Hopeless romantic.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:59, Reply)
Only a fucking fool does it the night before
regardless of how you actually arrange it. So that part isn't really relevant
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:03, Reply)
It's not really that anymore, it's just a piss up with mates
we went to Brighton, got mega lashed, next day did go karting etc, then got mega lashed, went to the dogs, got more lashed, then went out and went to a strip club, got some more lash on, them stumbled home in the light.

Good times
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:04, Reply)
With my last relationship anyway
my missus and her mates were also my mates. I just don't see the point of segregation.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:06, Reply)
Some friends of ours had a joint stag/hen do and that was mostly quite good.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:52, Reply)
It was the ex's idea
and, whilst I suspect her agenda was mostly lack of trust, I think it was one of her better ones.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:54, Reply)
You didn't suggest the Jorvik as the venue for it, did you?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:55, Reply)
meme alert!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:57, Reply)
Just make sure that neither your best man nor any of your friends are cunts and you should enjoy it.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:51, Reply)
This^

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:53, Reply)
^ this ^
Mine was excellent, Sevens rugby at Twickenham, followed by beers, a decent meal and a lot more beer. No dressing up, no practical jokes, just a good day with 20 or so mates.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Mine was good
The best man was under strict instructions not to pull any shite so we all just had a belting night out instead
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:52, Reply)
technically I had four.
but then I'm greedy.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:49, Reply)
so how's the second marriage going?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:46, Reply)
splendidly, ta.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:47, Reply)
marvy

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:53, Reply)
I got marred at a wedding once, 2nd anniversary in July
alt: i went to two of my best friend's dad's in two weeks last year, they were both in their late 50's
altalt: yes please, with cake and balloons and games, but no clowns.
altaltalt: fuckin bored and demotivated, but i am happy with my new sunglasses
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:45, Reply)
thanks for sharing, NA

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:47, Reply)
I thought for once I'd answer properly
I have been invited to 10 wedding this year, but i'm only going to 9
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:47, Reply)
who's been snubbed?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:48, Reply)
my cousin
tbh, we don't really see each other and I'm sure he invited me because he felt he should. So really i'm doing him a favour, plus I have a friends wedding the same day which will be more fun
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:50, Reply)
you might cause a family rift that lasts for decades
your friend would understand, i'm sure
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Mrs Cow, her Dad and our daughter were in a horse drawn carriage on the way our our wedding
when it got hit by a car and turned over on its side, throwing them through the window and onto a roundabout. Not the best start to the day, to be honest
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:45, Reply)
999 meets Big Fat Gypsy wedding

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:47, Reply)
your child was born out of wedlock?
you do know that means she's going to hell, right? the accident was probably god fucking shit up
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:47, Reply)
he is quite petty like that

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:48, Reply)
I have booked my room at Satan's Inn a long time ago Q

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:48, Reply)
doesn't mean your little girl has to suffer

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:50, Reply)
She only scraped her foot a bit, thank fuck

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:51, Reply)
next time god's vengeance will be swift and thorough

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:51, Reply)
God can get to fuck

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:52, Reply)
WRATH
^that's what you'll be getting sunny-boy-o
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:54, Reply)
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:56, Reply)
+t

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:59, Reply)
+erbury

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:00, Reply)
+ tales

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:04, Reply)
+pin

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:04, Reply)
+ number

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:10, Reply)
+number

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:10, Reply)
+ number

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:11, Reply)
WANG

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:44, Reply)
hahahahahahahaha
Sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh, but that's made me piss myself laughing.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:48, Reply)
Bizarrely this happening made the rest of the day go brilliantly as no-one was worried about anything
I'd thoroughly recommend it
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:49, Reply)
something always goes wrong at weddings

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:55, Reply)
You mean apart from the horse based incident?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:57, Reply)
no the horse based thing was your disaster
at mine we had no knife to cut the cake with :/
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:59, Reply)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:00, Reply)
WITH A SPOON!!!1!11!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:01, Reply)
TERRIBLE!!1!1!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:08, Reply)
We had a little sword thing, fuck knows where it came from

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Worlds most extreme weddings.
With Sheriff John Burnell.

"and that's one backdoor impact the bride WASN'T expecting"
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:48, Reply)
hahahahahahahahahah!
I'm now having some kind of asthma attack here
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:49, Reply)
I'm still lolling at this now!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:53, Reply)
excellent *click*

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Plenty of stuff has happened to me at weddings. I look good in a suit.
I have not been married. A fact that I am thankful for.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:49, Reply)

Massive power cut at my brother's wedding led to an acoustic set by Dexy's Midnight Runners, I went out for a smoke.

alt: My cousin got so pissed at our Grandma's funeral he barfed over the buffet.

alt alt: lost 11 teeth on my 10th birthday. We played blind man's buff, my brother stood behind a concrete fencepost.

altaltalt: I am making a model and watching movies, so grand ta. How are you Q?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:54, Reply)
absolutely delightful, thanks TCTD
what sort of model are you making?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:56, Reply)
what model are you making?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:57, Reply)
Schiffer
the weirdy-beardy real doll shagging pervert shitcunt
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:59, Reply)
And he's stuck a picture of Al's face on it
so he can play out his rape fantasies
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:01, Reply)

one of my own creations, out of polystyrene and what not, coming along nicely.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:47, Reply)
Jesus, how did you hit a fencepost hard enough to lose 10 teeth?
were you playing blind mans bluff on a jetbike?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Mass x speed = velocity
EDIT: mass x speed = momentum, ie because bobby is so fat he didn't need much speed to knock out all of his teeth.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:00, Reply)
No

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:02, Reply)
I was calling bobby fat

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:05, Reply)
You were incorrectly implying bobby was fat by mixing up velocity and momentum.
velocity=speed + direction
Momentum= velocity and mass
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:06, Reply)
I'm alwasys doing that
physicslols
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:08, Reply)
then it should have been
Mass100 x speed / impact = 11 teeth missing from fat face
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:06, Reply)
velocity and mass is kinetic energy, surely?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:09, Reply)
velocity multipled by mass is momentum
a half multiplied by mass multiplied by (velocity) squared is kinetic energy.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:20, Reply)
Ah.
that explains why I couldn't get your mum off the bed this morning then, not enough momentum
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:24, Reply)
Right enough, I'd say
her wheelchair weighs at least 100 kilos, it's the batteries.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)
i can't believe you got sucked into this

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:25, Reply)
I got distracted by the word "sucked"
alright, petal?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:27, Reply)
phew
badger's back!
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:34, Reply)
Briefly, I fear.
I might be back tomorrow. WHO CAN TELL?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:36, Reply)
me
i miss you
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:40, Reply)
you mean momentum.
velocity is just speed in a specific direction

but, yeah. granted. Still, I only lost four teeth from an impact the maxillofacial surgeon gleefully pointed out would have killed me instantly had it been two inches higher. Ten seems ... careless.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:02, Reply)
i'm pretty sure he didn't mean that film with guy pearce being forgetful

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:03, Reply)
It'd be a right cunt if you had to tattoo anything you forgot onto yourself
I'd be a mess.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:18, Reply)
My brother hit a kerb with his face when came off his skateboard
after travelling full pelt down a 1 in 4 incline. He lost two.

I am baffled at Bobby's shitty tooth strength.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:04, Reply)
See scientific explanation above

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:08, Reply)
My first serious girlfriend and I were going to her uncle and soon to be aunts wedding
My father had just died which made me a miserable and then a few days before the wedding she dumped me. The day before she calls me and asks if I will still go with her. For some reason I accept. The wedding goes OK but the reception has a free bar. As the ex is ignoring me totally and chatting up some blonde guy I head for the bar and order 4 sambucas and a Guinness, I drink rinse and repeat 3 times. A couple of the ushers come and ask me to get them a drink as at 16 and 17 they are too young, I drunkenly oblige. By this point I am mullered. Highlights from then on include arguing with her very catholic grandmother about condoms, drunkenly spilling Guinness on the bride and being found passed out in the lavvys by the two ushers. They did the decent thing and carried me out for some fresh air. They then left me in a flowerbed outside the hotel. Then the best part, my ex's dad came out and found me in the flowerbed, he got me up and put me in the car, drove me to his house rather than my own and put me in his daughters bed. She had to sleep on the sofa. The next morning I was very hungover, he drove me home and told me how much he liked me and how he was upset that we had broken up. I managed, but only just, not to puke in his car. And that was that, I never saw any of them again until randomly 8 years later 300 miles away from where the incident took place I was walking past a restaurant and saw her parents eating a meal. They saw me and I smiled. He came out and we had a chat, I mentioned the wedding and he told me through the laughter that the family still talk about it but because I hadn't met any of them them and because I had been dumped a few days before so wasn't seen with the ex, no-one has any idea who I was and what I was doing there.

Alt. When I was 13 I went to a funeral and this crazy guy at the wake sat down at the kitchen table and told me a very long winded story about how he had killed someone. I couldn't understand why my parents had left me in the kitchen with this nutter.

altalt. I've never been invited to a birthday party

altaltalt. No, its going shite so far.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:11, Reply)
Did he behead someone witha samurai sword?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:14, Reply)
No, the story went on and on but the basic gist of it is
Gets in a fight, throws guy through window, guy gets slash to throat and dies, man plants his knife on man and claim self defence.

Now I am older I can see it reeks of supermodels and accords but when I was 13 I was scared of the crazy person.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:20, Reply)
you went to my birthday party
i remember it quite clearly.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:23, Reply)
yeah but hewasn't invited

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:24, Reply)
I went to a friends wedding and this skinny bint friend of my wife kept trying to get me to go off with erh somewhere so she could give me a blowjob
Her mistake was doing this in front of my wife and they are no longer friends. Huzzah!
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:25, Reply)
you should have angled for a nicky minaj a twaaaaaah
don't ask, don't get. do ask, don't get. complain about online- don't get.. maybe get caught with a friend nibbling on your nik-nak is the magic number?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:30, Reply)
I'm not putting my nob anywhere where more than 2000 other nobs have been

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:32, Reply)
I like that 2000 is the cut off point

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:46, Reply)
I live in a town called Camborne
if you knew it you'd understand why 2000 is a sensible cut off.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:52, Reply)
i'm not reading all of that

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:24, Reply)
TL:DR
I was a twat at My ex girlfriends, uncles wedding and I'm damn proud of it.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)
woo yeah!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)
i got shitfaced at the wedding of
b3ta's very own

i managed to get mauled by a very nice but rather terrifying lass who tried to eat my face/tug me off with great force.. this would have been ok but i was sat in the back of a small family hatch sandwiched between her and her older brother, with her mum eyeballing proceedings in the rearview mirror. i escaped once the car journey ended although she pinned me up against a wall and tried to coerce me into taking her home first (the fact she could pin someone my size to a wall should fully explain the 'terrifying' part!)
i also managed to leave the do without paying my bar tab, which i rectified in the morning (early afternoon) when i came to and heard the messages on my phone.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:15, Reply)
Yeh they were trying to get my mother to pay your quite frankly impressible bar tab.
I actually found a picture of the lass in question HERE I'd forgotten that she tried to pull you off in front of her own mother and brother, classy bird.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:23, Reply)
haha, I actually clicked on that as well
well played sir. Textbook.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:25, Reply)
Oh, the huge manatee?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)
it was a solid effort on my part
considering the cheap prices at the venue (compared to laaahndun) i should also mention that because i didn't confirm till the last minute and didn't therefore have a dinner, i drank steadily, on my own until you'd finished making speeches, eating, toasting, etc and were ready to dance, by whcih time i was absolutely fucking banjoed.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:34, Reply)
You think I wasn't?
I drank champers and 18year old scotch for breakfast and then went to the pub. Had a few rum and cokes and then went to the church. then drank a bottle of fizz on the horse and carriage and shared one in the rolls royce. It a damn good thing I didn't need to do a speech.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:36, Reply)
you did look slightly glazed
in all the photos.
i still have guilt for calling down providence by going 'someone's gonna trip over the bride's train in a minute! hope it's not phil...

boom
gimpwalking on the honeymoon
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:52, Reply)
I can't believe that Swipe would conduct herself like that in front of her family.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)
You can take the girl out of the North...

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:27, Reply)
i was trying to tactfully skirt around the issue of her size
but i ran out of petrol
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:27, Reply)
I believe the Spike Milligan quote was "I'll never get over you darling, I'll have to get up and go round".

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:29, Reply)
HI FACT FANS!
Her brother was drunk at a party and squeezed my wifes arse. He then fell over and broke his front teeth in half.

Justice!
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:29, Reply)
was she ur wife at the time?
i must say you took it well, and HAVE BARELY MENTIONED IT SINCE IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:31, Reply)
Have I gone on about it? Sorry
It was a few weeks ago.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:33, Reply)
ah right this is more recent? eek.
i thought you meant the original source of the jokes
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:34, Reply)
I dunno what you're on about.
But we were at Tom the guitarist from the bands house and the brother of your manatee was squeezing her arse and she kept pushing him away and then he drunkenly face planted the concrete steps. Smashed his front teeth and cut his face up. LOL!
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:38, Reply)
i'd touch your wife's arse too, i bet she wouldn't be frigid with a real man

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:40, Reply)
Probably not
and I wouldn't blame you, its a fine arse
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:41, Reply)
Wedding failures
At my friend Dave's wedding, a girl attempted to hook up with me by getting Dave to let me know she was interested. Unfortunately for all concerned I was being faithful to the ex at the time.

At my best friend Ian's wedding I fell for another guest, who was married.

At my friend Lee's wedding I got mauled by an ugly girl in front of my ex, who found it funny and refused to help. I also made friends with the world's most stereotypical stripper who "was just doing this to pay her way through college" on his stag.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:25, Reply)
I know two strippers an they are both lovely

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)
This girl was really clever and pretty good company, we kind of adopted her.
But she got in trouble for talking to me rather than dancing for me and thereby relieving me of my money.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:27, Reply)
Did she smell of stripper perfume?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:28, Reply)
Not so far as I noticed, no.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:36, Reply)
Is that gin?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:44, Reply)
i dunno, but they all smell the same

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:46, Reply)
You're thinking of chlorophorm.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:49, Reply)
I've learned a lot from my first marriage
mainly that I'm not going to have a second.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)
I like to refer to my Mrs
as my "current Wife", just to keep her on her toes
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:27, Reply)
I hate your sig, it's given me an ear worm. Wanker.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:29, Reply)
My work here is done

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:43, Reply)
I actually managed to do the old
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, you, 12, 13, 15 etc joke on her and she still married me.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:29, Reply)
poor number 11 and 14 so unmemorable

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:44, Reply)
11 was her silly
14 was fat so doesn't count
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:51, Reply)
14 should count twice

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:54, Reply)
that still only counts
as one
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:57, Reply)
nah it should be
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, you, 12, 13, 14, 14, 15
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:03, Reply)
i went to a wedding recently
where one of the guests, a really nice funny but totally utterly antisocially wrong scotsman (it helps to imagine him speaking exactly like begbie for this part) accosted the bride's father (a very respectable, godfearing american ad mogul from the old school) on the topic of his younger, easy on the eye, maybe had a bit of work wife with the immortal line "aye, soo, what's the craic big man? ha'ye got a big cock or are ye rich or what? yer wife's fit! yer daughter's fit too, but she's a bit young, d'ye ken? (she's 13ish) ah i bet yer rich AND you've a big cock eh? "
he also later to the father of the bride proclaimed " so- that speech, did you mean it? ah fuck off did ya mean it- you americans, you fucking HATE the english, eh big man? (groom is english) eh? fucking english eh? "
his crowning glory was when the stepfather of the groom, on the brides request, sang an old hebrew prayer, in the ensuing respectful silence after which he leans across, and in a stage whisper says to me "that was like fuckin' special needs karaoke eh? fuckin reet!"
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:48, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:53, Reply)
he's a fucking riot
in the most literal sense of the word. force of nature.
definitely livened up the wedding.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:55, Reply)
Office lols!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:58, Reply)
altaltalt: Nope, my ex is being a right cunt.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:49, Reply)
oh man, just imagine if she shacked up with barry

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:50, Reply)
hahahahaha

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:51, Reply)
She'd have him for fuckin' breakfast.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:53, Reply)
at 5am on the couch?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:54, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:55, Reply)
On the fucking what?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:55, Reply)
couch rape meme

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:56, Reply)
couch rape 5am hahahha barry

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:57, Reply)
Couch?
I thought the meme involved the kitchen floor.

Also I fucking hate that word.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:59, Reply)
I believe the rape starts on the kitchen floor but the rapist gets sore knees so moves the action to a couch in the lounge

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:00, Reply)
Couch is a horrid word

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:01, Reply)
oh shit, couchgate

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:02, Reply)
it truely is

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:04, Reply)
Is she going to get modern double glazing?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:50, Reply)
It's not quite that bad.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:51, Reply)
eco-bitch

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:53, Reply)

bitch
bitch
bitch
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:56, Reply)
Again? FFS

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:52, Reply)
It is hardly surprising

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:53, Reply)
Only 14 more years to go!!!!!!!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:53, Reply)
I got absolutely shitfaced at my brothers wedding
The next day, my parents complained that I was so drunk I was wearing my jacket as trousers (not my suit jacket, another one). It took me a while to work that one out, I eventually realised that as I was in a rented suit, it needed returning, and when I'd actually changed into it, I'd left my trousers at my brothers house. Therefore, the jacket-as-trousers was simply genius.

Alt: Went to my first humanist one last year, got absolutely shitfaced afterwards.
AltAlt: My 22nd was pretty good, went out, had drinks bought for me all night, ended the night with a shag (christ knows how).
AltAltAlt: Not great, tbh.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:51, Reply)
what's up AA?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:52, Reply)
Not much Q, just a bit of a dull afternoon
Ah well, tis payday, that's a good thing!
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:53, Reply)
no problems with payment going through then?
that's good, we're a bit worried here cos we bank with natwest, and if the staff don't get paid there'll be a big uh-oh
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:54, Reply)
Halifax for me, Lloyds for the company (I think)
Just applied for a Smile account though, can't wait to be shot of Halifax.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:57, Reply)
I'm with NW and got paid alright last night

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:02, Reply)
cool, i wouldn't want to be around if malc didn't get his £200 a month
but Tricky would be funny, getting married next week in poland, no passport, no money to fast track the passport, everything's going wrong for him

i want to see him cry
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:05, Reply)
You really pay the bigs bucks don't you
Is he marrying a POle?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:07, Reply)
not for malc, no
but that's his own fault.

Yep, tricky's marrying a girl called Ula, she seems almost pretty-ish but doesn't talk much
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:10, Reply)
so you payhim £200 a month...does he at least work like 2 days a month?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:11, Reply)
nope, he's here 8am to 8pm most days
plus some weekends and stuff too, we only cover his expenses really
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:12, Reply)
My mate got herself knocked up
so I'm going to a shotgun wedding in 11 days time. It on a navy base so cheap booze ahoy!
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:55, Reply)
My wedding was wicked fun
there was mead and sword-fighting and archery and people in awesome medieval costumes and campfires and a throne and cake and camping (although not me) and I got to wear dark red DMs and a cool frock I made
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:59, Reply)
Those troublesome goblins didn't muck about did they?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:01, Reply)
there were no goblins
but there was a zombie
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:02, Reply)
No there wasn't.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:05, Reply)
OK
there was a dude dressed as a zombie, then
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:06, Reply)
seems a little casual for a wedding

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:07, Reply)
I think he said he'd do it for a laugh
so I said he should. He was wearing hooded robes and sat at the back of the church during the service so as not to scare the old ladies
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:09, Reply)
yeah because nothing is less startling than leaving a church to see a hooded, animated corpse sat at the back

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:11, Reply)
How we miss Granny Ape

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:11, Reply)
he wasn't 'full zombie'
just some nasty wound prosthetics on his face and hands
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:20, Reply)
What a knob.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:11, Reply)
hardly, it was me who said he should
and being the bride is the one time people feel they have to do what you say. Even if you are me
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:19, Reply)
I was talking about you.

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:20, Reply)
sick burn, bro

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:22, Reply)
Innit doe?
How are you Cavers?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:23, Reply)
not bad
last couple of weeks of term, so I'm kicking back a bit. Also, got given wine today. If nothing else the whole 'giving wine/chocolates to your lecturer' thing is certainly a perk of the job.

you?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:26, Reply)
Shit.
Mother of my kid is guilting me out massively about how much money I give her - just a few days after telling me the dates of her fortnight in Spain in July, when I won't see my kid. The fucking utter cunt.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:28, Reply)
can you arrange a hit on her?
she sounds like a bitch
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:29, Reply)
No, I can't afford one. :o(

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:31, Reply)
surely you must know a hit man who owes you a favour?
you seem like the type
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:32, Reply)
Nah, man of peace, me.
I do know of one chap, old 'colleague' of an actual friend of mine, known as 'Kit Kat' because he only has four fingers following a, ah, disciplining he got over a debt.
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:34, Reply)
Only joking!!!!!!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:22, Reply)
toolate, MOnty
I have been cut to the bone
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:25, Reply)
i didn't know you were married before cavy, where did it all go wrong?

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:02, Reply)
she caught him in an amourous tryst with an elf from the magic forest of Gna'k'dah

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:03, Reply)
this is not far off the truth
and far more interesting so I accept this answer
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:04, Reply)
:( this is my sad hobbit face

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:05, Reply)
Home time!
Fuck you later cunts!
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:02, Reply)
by PJ, love and miss you lots like jelly tots xxx

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:03, Reply)
all my friends are lame, nothing exciting happens typically, even at their weddings
My best friend went to Vegas but it was just them
Alt no
alt alt no
altaltalt meh, they're trying to call me into work but I'm simply not answering
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:10, Reply)
come on swizz, you must have at least one wedding story

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:11, Reply)
nah
A mate and I jumped into the pool fully clothed at a reception
That's about it
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:25, Reply)
see, now that's exciting
i'm gonna vote your answer as the best in the thread and award you a free moshi monster sticker as the prize
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:26, Reply)
Wahey!

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:28, Reply)
Greetings Krizzo

(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:35, Reply)
hola!
Id ask how you are in Spanish but I don't actually know any
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:37, Reply)
Me neither.
I'm pretty rubbish, you splendid example of womanhood.

You alright?
(, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 17:38, Reply)
como esta?

(, Wed 27 Jun 2012, 9:33, Reply)

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