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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Come on
when was the last time you were mean lately? I was a bit mean to someone on QOTW.

Alt Q: what would your party trick be?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:10, 343 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
I called Kitty a fat emo
And my party trick is to squirt drink through my lip piercing.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:12, Reply)
The first time I did this
it was for a dare. I should probably not have chosen to do it with a really cold fizzy drink - it felt so freaking weird, and in my spazdance of surprise I managed to twat my head on a doorframe and fall over.
Christ I'm fucking special.
(berk, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)
Wow...
I'm curious to see if I can squirt a spirit through a lighter in order to set it on fire. Don't think it'll work, and I'll probably end up injuring myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:20, Reply)
do it do it do it

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
it's not like your face
could get any worse is it?
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
This is very true
B3tan scientists, do you reckon vodka or sambuca would ignite if squirted through my lip and passing through a naked flame?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Fuck it, petrol wouldn't be the worst thing you've had in your mouth.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
Also true
And if Kaol or Catface ever manage to tongue-rape my mouth (and they've tried), then I'd need petrol to rinse out the shame.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
overproof rum all the way

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Nope.
Vodka won't burn like that, full stop. 'buca needs to be heated, and only stays burning because of the sugar content as well as the alcohol.

You might, as kitty says, get somewhere with seriously overproof rum - Bacardi 151 or Mount Gay 154. They at least are flammable at RTP. But I think a lighter flame will be too weak - the liquid stream will just put it out.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)
Stroh 80.
That'll do it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 17:35, Reply)
^ this
although I suspect it will sting like a mofo.
(berk, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
I can do that!
hehe
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
I'm never mean to anyone
I am pure sugar, sweet to everyone. In fact I am so nice they have me lined up for a sainthood. St Badger patron saint of niceness
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:12, Reply)
Patron saint of punch.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)
Oh man that was good punch

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:14, Reply)
But were you
NOOORRRRTEE/pissed?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)
Both, very.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)
I have this idea that the appropriate thing to do now is to strikethrough "nice" and replace it with "cavernous"
but I hardly know you, and it seems mean
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:13, Reply)
Cavernousness, though.
Nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:14, Reply)
I read it as carnivorous
I'm pretty sure my vagina hasn't eaten anyone
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:15, Reply)
But it loves meat

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)
And veg. We've all heard the marrow story.

(I helped save b3ta! Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
I dunno
The comparisons with the Sarlacc Pit can't JUST be about size...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)
I drove to Stoke on Friday and played Stobart with my passenger
She refused to play, but that didn't stop me from excitedly yelling at her. I considered texting you at one point, but I was driving, and my friend refused to text you on my phone.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:15, Reply)
text your friend now saying I think she is
LAME. On so many levels.

Unless she is actually lame from getting shot in the knee in 'nam
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)
She's downstairs (not a euphemism)
She has full use of her limbs though.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)
'bless you child'
Patron Saint of lost travellers. They'll always find shelter with you.

Edit: oops a half post completed with 'though they may not know they are sheltering *in* you.'
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:16, Reply)
I once gave someone diebities with just one kiss.
I'm THAT sweet, it's almost sickly.

I don't know if this is a good thing or not =(
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)
I used to have a party trick of being able to name the appropriate American President if anyone shouted out a number between 1 and 43
worked better when I was at Uni and hanging out with fellow History and Politics students. Won't be particularly impressive via the internet. Anyone could do it with the appropriate Wiki page open
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:14, Reply)
God you're dull
Have you ever even been to a party? And having one at your mum's with just your mum doesn't count
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
*ahem*
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post788132
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
12

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)
Zachary Taylor
Took me a minute to work out what you were on about there. Can't tell you the years of his term any more. Lack of practice
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Mark's friends party trick
is for each of them to say a prime number, in order obviously.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
MARRY HIM MARRY HIM NOW
But for god's sake don't let him have a Stag Do, those people sound fucking crazy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Don't they?
Once they got to above the 500s, imagine that.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)
I'd rather not
The idea of maths geeks trading Prime Numbers for hours gives me an uncontrollable erection
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)
God I love geeks.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
Me too
They're so sweet. I still think I could find you a good man among his friends.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Don't worry about it.
The longer it goes on, the less I care.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
You're familiar with the experience of sex with me, then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
Nahh
good man drunken shag
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I can't be mean to someone I'm not related to.
It's not in my nature.

My party trick is going to bed early.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:16, Reply)
that's why I'm impressed with myself
I'm congenitally almost incapable of being mean. I try my best though
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:17, Reply)
I'm the same
I'm only ever jokingly mean to people.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)
You're proper mean to me all the time

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)
You give as good as you get

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
That last thread - I was a little mean to Rogerthestarfish. Noobs: gotta learn the hard way.
Staying sober. Never quite got it right, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:18, Reply)
I don't like to be mean
as it makes me feel uncomfortable. There's rarely any need for it.
My party trick is either to fall asleep ludicrously early or be totally unable to sleep and then start tidying/washing up at 4am.
(berk, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:20, Reply)
I'm sure you mentioned something about disrobing before the falling-asleep last time this topic came up.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
That's not a party trick
It's what I do when I get home after the party. I only did it in front of my mates by accident...
(berk, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
I'm never mean
I'm nice to everybody. Except Chompy. I do like to wind him up. And Darth, I do like to hound him for his bumderish behaviour. But there's never any malice to either of those. I'm not mean.

My party tricks are kind of uninspired and depend on which one people insist on bringing up in conversation. There's occasionally a moment when the room goes silent just as I hear someone saying
"Crow, tell x and y about the time you were mistaken for a woman/male prostitute."
Or
"Can you do that thing with your eyebrows?"

I really should resort to a good Lord's Prayer Wank.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:21, Reply)
I can't believe you didn't do that thing with your eyebrows at BGB's party.
I'm more and more dissapointed with you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
Well get him next time.
He can perform for us all night.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
Gladly
Hopefully Monty will have taught me the Lord's Prayer by then...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
You don't know it off by heart?!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
Usually I can only get as far as "Thy Kingdom Come"
and then I get a bit, erm, carried away...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Thy will be done
(up the arse)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
I don't remember the parenthesised bit being in there
Though I can imagine my Evangelist-masquerading-as-C-of-E primary school probably censored it for all traces of BUMDERISM.

(They certainly didn't teach us to cry and masturbate as we recited it...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)
What's the
'thing with the eyebrows'?
(berk, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
Oh, I have very mobile eyebrows
I can waggle them independently, a bit like the freaky kids in those Cadbury's adverts.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Our Bumder
Who art into Anal
Hallowed be thy Bum
Thy Kingdom bum
Thy will be bummed*
On earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bumming
And forgive us our heterosexual sexual incounters
As we forgive those who are straight around us
And lead us not into straightness
But deliver us from AIDS.
Ilike-men.



*I know it's "will" as a noun, not as an auxilliary verb. Work with me, here.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:54, Reply)
Well said
He won't go to sleep until all of us (including the cat) have had enough or his performance.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Oh, not the cat
I can see him being a thoroughly difficult audience to satisfy.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)
I don't 'do' mean. It's just not in my nature.
You fucking idiot.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)
I think I might go cry

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
'go AND cry', you mean?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
I'm crying now
huddled in a small corner. You're so mean Monty
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
Quickly!
Crying hot internet girl in the corner. Someone Engage the PANDAtron.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)
where? where?
but there are no girls on the internet. We all know that
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
Good point, Geoff.

(I helped save b3ta! Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
yes, it all makes so much sense now
you hide your package well btw
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
thanks
was awkward walking.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:46, Reply)

walking drunkenly-stumbling
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)

drunkenly-stumbling moving with uncanny grace and precision
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
NEEDS MOAR GEESE
(As I don't have a copy of the original Pandatron and I can't be arsed to look for the bugger now)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
I thought the PANDAtron image was posted as a result of someone PANDAring
Well, seeing as the missus isn't around ¬_¬
Oh Amberl, that nasty Monty is so unkind and cantankerous. Don't worry about him. There, there. C'mon, put this in your mouth.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)
you realise this makes you gay?
/gets in truck
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
*shhhhh*
I'll keep up the pretence if you do
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
alright then
thanks djtrialprice for your supreme internet white knighting. Climb into my truck feminine car. Then you can touch my moobs leg
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)
"Look. Ahm no a feckin' buftie an' that's the end o' it."

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)
that's why you can call me Jenny if you want

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)
Indeed it does. Unfortunately the only one I have close to hand is this one:

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I still love this
I have a few variations ready to bring out, but one's rather convoluted.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)
Hi

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)
would you tell your lad
that I'm not gay?

the drive just gets lonely
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
Your small text made me chuckle a lot

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
Eeeeeek
Erm, hi. I was uh... look I don't know what you've heard but it's a goddamned lie!
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)
der jus jelus ov us
an runnin mouvs wiv lies 2 brake us up
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
Well find a larger corner if that would help.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
I remember in primary 2
we were asked to write "I go down town" on our little blackboards and show the teacher.

I wrote "I go down the town", because to me it made more sense, having never heard the expression "down town" before. I was reprimanded.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:32, Reply)
I would favour 'I go down into the town'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
"You going down the town neebs?"
"Aye, that's me aff the noo"

*misses home* :(
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Please no...

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
I'm going to make you move to Scotland!
You're going to live in a padded cell in Stratheden.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)
I will be in a padded cell if you make me go to Scotland
It's TOO FAR from ANYTHING.
And it pisses down all the time.
Just fuck off right.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
The fact that it's too far from anything
I see as an advantage.

(BTW, Stratheden is close to where a mate of mine lives. But he's not a mental).
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
Scotland is brilliant, you fool.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)
For a holiday, maybe

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)
Pros and cons of Scotland:
Pros - excellent scenery; relatively underpopulated; fresh air; clean water; mostly nice people; low cost of living

Cons - the weather's not the best; traditional food will give you heart disease; it costs more to fly to Europe because it's further away; some of the central belt is a right shitehole.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:30, Reply)
I can't.
I just can't.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:30, Reply)
Now Roota
Who is your very best friend. I'm gonna help you mend. By roping you up, throwing you in a car and making you live in Fife/Lothian. Probably Lothian. It has stuff. Comedians and bands come to Edinburgh. And there's looooooads of English people there. It'll be just like home.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)
rope :D
But seriously.
I need to be able to see my people and not be in a foreign country.
Oh Jesus this is going to be like when you sold the South to me all over again.
You're never satisfied.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:54, Reply)
You're right there

I live in the central belt and parts of it is a shithole.
(Hooty ....away and shite!!, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:40, Reply)
greetings n00b
I used to live in Fa'kirk *shudder*
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)
Could have been worse
It might have been Skinflats.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)

I'm only a few miles from Skinflats
(Hooty ....away and shite!!, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:20, Reply)
I live in Falkirk

It's not that bad.
(Hooty ....away and shite!!, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:19, Reply)
Yes, I would concur.
Such indolent contractions as 'down town' and 'go cry' should not be allowed.

Scottish variants are however permissible (and indeed on occasion preferred) in the relevant region of the country.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)
We call the city centre Town
It is a place.
"I am going to Town. Do you want anything?"
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
That always amuses me, coming from a rural location
City dwellers (who to me are clearly already resident in a conurbation) speak of going to town when they go into the centre.

I would refer to the place by name, because I'd have to specify which town I was going to.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
Oh yes
I remember a friend from Wigan saying to my mum "You let Roota go into Liverpool on her own? Mine can't go into Wigan until they're 14."

And my mum said "Look out of the window. That's 'Liverpool'."
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)
Wigan is a shithole anyway
Used to go there before I was able to go into bars
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
Terrible place
Those poor people...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)
Could be worse...
Could be Sun Telens (say it out loud if you don't get it)
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Haha we say "Sin Tellins" when we're taking the piss

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)
Haha, accurate
One lad I know couldn't grasp it being pronounced in any other way but "Saint Helens". I told him if he asked for directions to there, no-one would have a clue.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)
full of mingers
in chavvy track suits, eating pies whilst walking. Lived there til I was 16. Snellens.......
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)
I told my good friend of over 10 years
that she was a selfish, hypocritical cunt last night. And the other guy who stitched me up sent me a text this morning asking for his cd back so I stamped it. I can be a right child me.

Alt answer, I deleted my post, sorry for treading on your toes.

EDIT - YES I AM A BIG WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WWAAAAAAA TODAY! IM FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF AND ANGRY.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)
She better put out for you after you deleted your post for her.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
sorry Chompy
I'm a cunt like that.

But thanks boobypirates
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T MEAN!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)
I lied
THAT'S how mean I am
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)
If i deleted her post I'd expect a kick in the bollocks!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Man up you fucking child

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MAN MAN MAN

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
ALERT, ALERT
Waaaaaaahbulance deletion has occurred. Keep calm and carry on.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)
NO, WE MUST ALL GET INTO A TREMENDOUS FLAP ABOUT THIS
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
I didn't like it anyway, too many names
Tommy, Jacqui, Mike...there was even an un-named dead person and something about Wales.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
AND THERE WERE SCROTUMS.

Scrotii?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)
Scrota, I'd guess

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
That would be the feminine form.

(I helped save b3ta! Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
No, it's neuter
Like baculum/bacula
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
Why do you do that, K9P? Why?
(Bollux - now you've got me quoting Friends.)
(I helped save b3ta! Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)
Can't help it, sorry
It's a reflex action from school Latin classes, ca1984
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)
Scrotula

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
Bawbags
At least in Scotland.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
I miss hearing Scottish
swearing. Ya hoo'or!
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
South and west Fife is good
Even saying you like someone involves a lot of swearing:

"Ya hoor, sir, I'll tell ye, he's a right guid cunt"
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

*imagines vampyric genitals*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Great, that'll have me singing "vagina dentata" to myself for the rest of the morning...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
"what a curious phrase
it means no penis, for the rest of your days!"
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
It's a penis freeeeeeeee
girl cavityyyyyyyyyy
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)
One-upped by the wookiee as usual

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
It's how I roll.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Scrotes?
My preferred pluralisation of 'penis' is 'penii'.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
When do you use a plural of penis?

(I helped save b3ta! Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)
When describing OT

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
10/10 superb

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:41, Reply)
When talking about more than one penis, I'd imagine
Not usually on the same person, but some animals have more than one.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
I wish they were all dead.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:28, Reply)
For me, they all died with the post
Gone but not forgotten. Good old Tommy, he wasn't so bad when you got past his racist tourettes, and Jacqui, what a trooper, sucking off strangers for cigarettes, and dead guy, always there when you needed a door stop.

Mike was a cunt though.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
uncanny! do you know these people!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)
Yeah, i'm moving in with them this afternoon
They were going to give the room to some student teacher
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
first time ive smiled today!! good work fuck face!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
11/10

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)
Party trick is drinking out of a rubber.
Unused obviously/hopefully.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:23, Reply)
haha my friend does that
then complains about the taste
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
My party trick is never being invited to parties
I suppose I could host some but I don't like the idea of people in my house
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:24, Reply)
How old are you again?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:25, Reply)
33

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
That's just verging on Ok to be houseproud.
Invite a load of b3tans. The only damage I had was a broken chair and it was cheap crap anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)
The drunken vandal!
Clearly he deserved every cock that he had drawn on him...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)
Although he was wandering around for quite a while with a glass of red wine in his hand and pissed as a newt and didn't spill a drop.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Good to see he has his priorities right
The hallmark of a true and committed alcoholic.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
excuse me
It was expensive wine. That means I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a lush.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 13:10, Reply)
I'm not so much house proud as I am....oh I dont know, my house is my space.
Some comedian said "Pubs are where you go to meet people so they don't have to be in your house" (or something similar). I laughed for 3 days straight.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
A select group of people having fun in my house now and again is lovely.
I can't wait for the next time.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Was awesome!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)
the last houseparty I had someone vomited in my bed.
and my terrace is sticky. I didn't think outside could get sticky.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)
^this
I can't really be bothered with parties, because they tend to be late at night, so I get sleepy and want to go home. (I"m much more of a morning person...)

But if I were already at home, it would be very rude to throw people out so I could go to bed!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:26, Reply)
We went thriugh a stage of having Pissups in the Park.
Parties in the daytime WTF!
Usually afternoons. Could call them picnics, but with musics and dancings. Usually led to an early night, and eventually to marriage.
(I helped save b3ta! Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Now that
I like!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
You will always find me in the kitchen at parties.
Can I come to your house?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:27, Reply)
you standing at your gate with a 12 gauge
screaming, "Geeeeeet ooooorf moi laaaaaaand!" is rather off putting too.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:29, Reply)
never heard it called that before

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
*arf*

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
not mean, but apparently very irritating.
I can put my legs behind my head, not bad for a big bastard like me
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Hey Vip
How are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:33, Reply)
exhausted, frustrated with work
and apparently I'm smug about knowing stuff, as well as smug without knowing anything, and that is very irritating.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
And this is a revelation to you?
Being smug can be irritating, but you pull it off perfectly.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
well I don't really think I am smug because of what I do and don't know
more because of general contentedness.

I'm not quite as smug as I make out either.

Not really my problem if my continued existence irritates certain people. They can always fuck off and not come back.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)
Amen to that!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
how are you?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Similarly exhausted
But have an evening to myself now, so can relax.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
nice
unfortunately I've got my canadian part-time housemate at my place until the end of the week. Means I can't relax quite as much as I'd like.

Still, at least I have some nice steak to eat tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

relax do the missus over the kitchen island
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Wish my kitchen was big enough for an island
It'd make kitchen sex more classy.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)
mine kind of had one
but it was shit, so I bashed it up with a sledgehammer
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)
and what happened to the kitchen island?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)
it went to the dump in pieces

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:27, Reply)
Sounds like me earlier.
Oh, THE dump...
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:43, Reply)
there's a 'Frigidaire' in my kitchen
Fortunately I forget this when I'm drunk
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)
Does it make your nips poke out?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)
Mine are like Jelly Tots anyway
I think I'm not supposed to say things like this anymore.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:26, Reply)
what flavour?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)
Erm the pink ones?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)
sweet

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)
You missed my shit pun
Or you didn't, and are glossing over it in order to save me humiliation.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)
Did you mean 'frigid air'?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)
Bingo
Oh God, did you think I was just flat-out asking about your nips? What do you take me for?!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)
But that IS the pun with Frigidaire fridges you mong!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:32, Reply)
I was making that pun to start with!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)
No son
The manufacturers made it about a gazillion years ago
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)
are you having trouble accepting that he is being quite as slow as he seems?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)
Evidently

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)
I understand that
Oh nevermind.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)
I'm guessing nips
As in nips of whisky.

Unless you keep Japanese people in your fridge?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)
RACIST

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)
I can't manage to put my legs behind my head
but my girlfriend has been known to do so. Put her legs behind my head, that is.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:34, Reply)
lies
you don't have a girlfriend.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
*not rising to bait*

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)
That's the wrongest thing I've ever seen on here
Why would a big beardy bloke want to put his ankles round his ears? That's sick.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
I don't particularly want to
but I can
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
Out of interest
Can you auto-fellate too?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:39, Reply)
Who'd want to suck off a car?
You people disgust me
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
hahahahahha

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
I can do that without bending over

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
do you keep it in a jar?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)
usually in my pants

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
I bet that looks well odd

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
I wouldn't know
probably less odd now.

the mrs took a photo of me in rash vest and boardshorts last night after I got out of the sea. freaked me out a little.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)
what's a rash vest?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
tight lycra t-shirt basically with a high neck
stops you getting a rash from board/wetsuit.

you can get fleece-lined ones for warmth and stuff

usually not very flattering, hence the shock of seeing a photo of myself looking thin.

like this
www.transsurf.co.uk/rash-vests/mens-short-sleeve/oneill-rash-vests-skins-short-sleeve-turtleneck.aspx
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)
If i wear one under my clothes will i look thin too?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)
they tend to show up everything
so probably not

also, people who wear rashvests under clothes, or any time when they aren't doing watersports are idiots.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)
I thought they might be like Spanx for men

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)
they might work like that I guess.
women tend to look hot in them.

generally, though I've just looked fat, and now I don't.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)
That's very good news

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)
it is
other than even more of my clothes not fitting me anymore.

even some of my shirts I've bought since getting thinner are too big
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)
Yeah but don't get too thin and diddle yourself out of nice clothes

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)
that's the risk
working out well for my dad though, because he is getting all my cast-offs
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)
If I tried to get into a wetsuit it would look like this

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:41, Reply)
I immediately thought
"What did she Google to get that, and how many NSFW images did her search also bring up?"
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:43, Reply)
Well, thanks to my intricate knowledge of Tom & Jerry cartoons
I googled the episode title.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:43, Reply)
You legend!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)
I don't have many talents...

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)
Christ
Erm, congratulations?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:45, Reply)
Tom & Jerry is still my absolute favourite show ever
I like to watch it when I'm cutting out pattern pieces or pinning because that's boring.

I had 1 to 5 of the box set, but Wiggy borrowed them when he and his friends were going to take acid and that was the night his friend got robbed, so they took the bag with the DVDs in, sadface.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)
Gutted!
I always used to watch T&J when I was a kid, but later in my teens I saw one where they'd put voices to them. RUINED.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)
oh god yeah the Tom & Jerry Adventures
they suck and so does the film, simply because of the voices. The lack of speaking made the facial expressions so important and comical, voices ruined it. And now that I'm older I really appreciate the music as well, I never noticed how brilliant the composition was when I was a kid.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:54, Reply)
And I like the old charm to them
Like watching Catch The Pigeon.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:56, Reply)
I love the old Bugs Bunny cartoons
Marvin the Martian was my favourite. Oooh this makes me very angry.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Loony Tunes cartoons are awesome
I liked Daffy Duck for his impotent rage.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:02, Reply)
You are dethpicable!
And my favourite line "of course you realise, this means war".
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:04, Reply)
YES!
Ahhh good times!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:07, Reply)
My nephew's got the box set
And he likes to point out when it's on tv where things have been edite for political correctness
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)
there's a whole episode that I'd never ever seen until I bought the box set
it's because they land on a tropical island and Jerry fully blacks up and says things like ooga booga.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)
Oh yes!
My favourite is the little mouse who sings like Robertino
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)
I used to hate the country and western singing mouse
who kept plucking Tom's whiskers for guitar strings, he was so annoying.

When I had it on the other day Wiggy started trying to blow heart shaped smoke rings like Tom does for ladies he fancies.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)
We love him!
CC-C-C-C-C-CRAMBOOOOOOOO!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)
AARRRRGGHHH!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)
Superb!
*doffs cap*
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)
I'm glad others appreciate the importance of Tom & Jerry

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)
:)

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)
My lead guitarist Tom
Snorts a condom up his nose and coughs the end out of his mouth grabs both ends and sort of flosses it. He did it on the talent stage at reading festival 2007 and got on the BBC.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:31, Reply)
my singer Carl used to do that with string

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
Yeah
it works quite well with a liquorice shoelace as well.
(berk, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
^^ this

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)
I've seen someone do that at a party.
Gross!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)
Doesn't all the spunk and fanny batter taste disgusting?

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)
I don't think I've ever actually been mean in my entire life
I'm a really lovely, friendly person at heart.
I don't need party tricks, I'm such an amazing dancer that I don't need one, and I'm widely known as the black Will Smith
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:35, Reply)
my party trick is impressions, I can do about 3 pretty well.
Nelson Mandela
Jimmy Saville
William Shatner
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:37, Reply)
Yeah, but why is Uhuru black?

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
Damn, Bert got there first
Because William Shatner
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)
skills, even for you cuntface

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
You're so HORRIBLE to me
All I've ever wanted is to be loved, but you can't handle that, can you Psychochomp? You're so emotionally stunted as a human being that unless I'm screaming 'no, no, for the love of god, no' through my tear-spattered face, you're just not interested, are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)
I want to fist you until there is nothing left but stains on my knuckles.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Haha!
I just read your sig, you're doing an excellent job of convincing me that there's nothing 'comedy' about you
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
I've only just started to convince you?
Christ I was convinced you were someones annoying little brother after one post how much evidence do you need poirot?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
I'm finding you more amusing as time goes on.

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
I'm the fucking life and soul, me.
My party trick is upsetting people by hyperextending my elbows. And if you're lucky, I can make a big throbbing vein the back of my hand hop from one side of a tendon to the other.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)
one of my friends puts his arm behind his head and his shoulders seem to semi dislocate
so the elbow of his right arm will be on the left side of his head and vice versa. It's gross.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
Mean?
Erm, I recently told my friend he was at the bottom of every food chain. I like the lad, but he has a tendency to attempt to lord it up over everyone.

Problem being, he has nothing to hold over any of us, he has no qualifications, is still in college at 22, has never had a job, and still lives in the shadow of Mummy.

My pointing that out to him along with the words "why don't you let go of her apron strings and go get a fucking job, you docile cunt?" is probably the meanest I've been in a very long time

My party trick is that I can join my hands behind my back, and bring them to over my head and to my front without letting go.

EDIT: Better?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
Now why would we do that, AA?
This is probably the most amusing thing you've ever written (although, I haven't actually read it).
Out of interest though, why are all of your posts so long-winded and tedious?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
Is that better?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
I only get mean if someone's mean first, and mostly I just let karma sort it
On occasion I can be so furious that someone was mean to a good'un like me, that I can then go overboard and be disproportionately mean in my retaliation.

EDIT: and my party trick is my boss whistling. As endorsed by Bloke From Zutons
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)
Zutons freaked me out when I saw them live
The difference between their singing and speaking accents is crazy
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)
Oh my god how scouse is Dave
Abi/Abby? lives opposite me.
I'm cacking myself in case she hears me practising the sax and making a tit of myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)
I can vouch for the amazingness of Roota's whistling
Hard to describe how something so simple can actually be impressive. I shudder to think what your nasty retaliation is like.
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)
I wouldn't mess with you.
I'd leave that one to karma.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
"karma"
Being the name of your bladed strap-on?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
OUCH!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
my god
Has she shown her drawer of toys to every male b3tan!?
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)
I was particularly creeped out by The Intestinator

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)
And the 'Van der Graaf Rootavator".

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)
Added hilarity when your hair stands on end.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)
Shuttup!
Your sister might be about!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
So it's a full drawer?
Are they meticulously arranged in size order, each placed reverently in their own cutout space in the foam?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

draw walk in wardrobe
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)
Oi

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)
Nope
I'm a messy slattern
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)
I love that word

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)
Me tooooo

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)
We should totally get together ...oh, taken
That's ok, I'd be honoured to be your BFF..wait..shit!
Erm, highfive?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)
Double ice lolly?
It's lime...
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:27, Reply)
I don't even get a highfive? Oh the pain!
But yeah, I'd love an ice lolly actually.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)
sweet
I'm perfectly safe then ;)
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
Try telling that to everyone else who has wronged me
;)
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
*points to the hideously mutilated corpses*
*their faces contorted through unimaginable suffering*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
Oh no, they're not dead
They're still roaming the earth in pain and destitution
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)
It's fecking terrifying
Sounds like he belongs in Fazakerley.

I spat my beer when they came on, sang, and then shouted "Alright kidda!", fucking freaky
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)
The lady saxamofone player is smokin' hot

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
See above ;)

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)
Tell her I love her
actually dont bother, i'll shout it from the bushes tonight
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)
Oh my god the only big massive bush is that one outside my house
Are you the one who left the bottle of WKD in there?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Do I look like I drink alchopops???
Oh yeah, you cant see me can you...hang on, i'll stand up and wave
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

out in
house pants
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)
tut tut

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)
It was too easy!

(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)
That's all you do these days K2
Turn up with random strike throughs. Good ones mind.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)
I have my moments
But I have been around a wee bit more of late. My boss is on holiday...
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)
Ah good stuff
I'm on holiday, hence me being on through the day. Shows you the standard of holidays I have.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:26, Reply)
I was a bit mean
by telling everyone who gave me the small, yellow bruises on a part of my anatomy. And by using Britney Spears lyrics to describe doing something I shouldn't have.

My party trick is getting too drunk, being inappropriate and causing hilarity and/or mental scarring for all present.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)
One of the lads who kept commenting on your status seemed a bit...well...odd
The one who said something retarded like "Count it!" as a point.

And as for your drunkeness, I'm going to go with hilarity!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)
Oh no, he's always like that
He usually starts screaming when I walk in the club/bar/whereever.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)
I think we share
the same party trick
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)
My mood just shot through the roof
seeing my favourite band EVAAAAAAR, probably on my own, but I'm going to go covered in glitter and be excitable and yesyeyseys.

The only thing is they're playing in Manc the day before, but it's during October, so I probably should stay in London. I'll see if it's a weekend then go to both.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
I did something similar a few years back
Heard SOAD were touring, managed to get 3 tickets for a Tuesday gig in Manchester. About a month later they were announced for Download, so I got a ticket for that too.

Didn't realise the performances were 2 days apart until about a month beforehand...
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)
Is he a Care In The Community type?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)
I'm not even that mean to people these days.
I don't have the energy for it, or the imagination for witty insults.
I don't even have a party trick apart from public nudity, and having a bruise on my eyeball that I can gross people out with. Fuck, I suck.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)
I dunno
Being the architect of cockneck has to count for something!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)
I would agree

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)
Ah, cockneck was mean!
Woo, salvaged! I was probably mean to many people when pissed on Saturday but I can't remember.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)
Party tricks?
Snorting Tequila.
Folding napkins into the shape of a 'cock n balls'.
Engineering creative and elaborate bongs.
Telling the truth about what I think of people.
Getting punched.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)
I love engineering a bong
not done it in years and years
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)
What?
One of life's great simple pleasures dude.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)
Engineering a bong!
I remember 'Lucinda III' that my mate made a few years back from a water cooler bottle. Six pipes, everyone had to inhale simultaneously. Fun times.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)
best I ever saw
was a hotknife bong made from a wine bottle, some aquarium glue, a rubber tube and a hurricane lamp. It was a design classic.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:45, Reply)
Never underestimate the ingenuity of a stoner
The Maguyvers of the drug world.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)
Pringles tube, bit of wood, 2l Coke bottle, 5m plastic tubing, 2 10cc syringes.
And a bit of a socket set. It was awesome.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)
See, the A-Team would build a tank with that

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)
Snorkel, boiling kettle, bicycle pump, vacuum cleaner hose.......
...all attached to one of those oil-light projectors* much loved by Velvet Undergound during live sets.
*Monty. Vippers. Anyone. What are they called?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:54, Reply)
I'm always mean because I've got a naughty mouth.
my party trick is to be able wank off a toddler within 30 seconds. It's well funny when you get them out of bed at a dinner party to do it too, their parents try and high five you with their fists.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)
THREE

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:43, Reply)
HUNDRED

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:43, Reply)
REPLIES !!!!!
Woh', record ?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:43, Reply)
Nope, there was a thread of BGBs that hit over 600.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)
450 of which were proclaiming a love of breasts.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)

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