My fucking clothes were just stolen
from the fucking laundry room in my fucking apartment complex!
Not technically a peeve, but a fucking rant.
What kind of mentalist fuckwits would steal MY CLOTHES AND UNDERWEAR from the fucking laundry room.

FUCKWITTING CUNTS!

I wouldn't mind, sounds like a good chance to buy new clothes, right? EXCEPT I CAN'T FUCKING AFFORD IT! I'm barely making it as it is. CUNTFUCKING FUCKCUNTS
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 4 May 2008, 0:09, 6 replies)

The sound of other people eating
I used to make excuses when my family sad down to eat, then come back later and have cold food instead.
( WormuIus, Sat 3 May 2008, 23:59, Reply)

Some people just should't be allowed to have kids.
I know what your thinking and no, this isn't a complaint regarding the spawn of the chav race. I love watching chav children running around whilst being yelled at by their unfit mothers in public, I find it highly entertaining.

This is all about mothers who encourage their children to be annoying little cunts.

I was mowing the lawn today as I watched a mother and her (probably) 5 year-old son walk down the street. I heard the mother ask the child "Who you gunna call?" to which the child replied "Ghostbusters!" I smiled to myself and found comfort in the fact that the children of today have an avid interest in classic cinema. I soon lost this feeling when i noticed that the mother had asked this question a second time, and then a third and a forth etc and she laughed hysterically every time her son answered. This pissed me off severely after about 15 times and it continued until they were out of sight. It reminded me of that twatty advert "Were going to London to buy a Heat Magazine" I hope you get suicide bombed along with your irritating little loin fruit you intolerable fuckpile!
(chrisdood Why yes, I am the shizzle, Sat 3 May 2008, 23:52, 2 replies)

difficult food
i have now been eating them for half an hour... still only managed about 30 or so I reckon... and my lips and toung are blistered from the salt! Frickin salty sunflower seeds, tasty but impossible!!!
(molleja, Sat 3 May 2008, 23:49, 3 replies)

Whinging fat bitches
I'm not a fan of noisy eating (close your mouth!) children in public places or of people walking slowly in front of you on the pavement, but fat cows are definitely my favourite peeve.

Fat cow: "Oh, you're so lucky to have a fast metabolism "
FUCK OFF - Since when have you been personally acquainted with my metabolism? It's actually *your* metabolism that's faster - fat people need faster metabolic rates just to keep them ticking over.
I'm the right size because I have a healthy balanced diet and exercise regularly, not because I somehow have a magic metabolic rate.
You're fat because you eat too much and don't do enough exercise. If you want to lose weight, get off your arse and start doing something.
IT'S NOT YOUR METABOLISM, IT'S YOUR DIET AND LIFESTYLE you lazy bitch

Oh, and clothes are not designed for 'thin' people - FFS, half of every highstreet shop is devoted to clothes for fatties
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Sat 3 May 2008, 23:43, 3 replies)

BJ
My, lovely, girlfriend, mewwing when she goes down on me.

I know it tastes nice, so shut up and get on with it.

Almost makes her puke!
(Suck it and Sea, Sat 3 May 2008, 23:36, Reply)

perfect timing for this question
people that post messages in the qotw saying 'change the question please'

If you don't like the question, then don't participate for that week...it's quite simple

sorry, but it really annoys me when i'm trying to read all the posts and see loads of 'hurry up and change it' posts
(csc2ya also uses this name on xbox live, Sat 3 May 2008, 23:26, 1 reply)

Baz Vegas
Yeah! Refusing me entry to their chav Club 5 mins ago, due to me wearing leisure shoes. No, not trainers, but smart non shoes.
Arse.

Even got the manager to look in lost property. Anything in size 9! Slingbacks would be fine, but knock off the diamond bling.

Going home for a tommy tank.

Don't click your heels on this!!!
(Suck it and Sea, Sat 3 May 2008, 23:25, Reply)

Dogs and their owners
Hate the fuckers. Noisy and irritating at one end, they stink in the middle and shit out of the other end. If a friend or relative has a dog that isn't restrained or isolated from visitors, I refuse to go to their house until it is.

I tell people that I don't like dogs and I often get "Oh but you'd like mine!" Why? Is it dead? Is it a non-dog? Is at actually an ostrich or a goldfish but you like to refer to it as a dog?

These same owners let their vile, slobbering shit machines shove their snouts up other dogs rectums in the park or wherever they're taking them out for a walk and then later that day, they'll forget this display of bum identification and let their mobile flea habitat lick their face. Filthy bastards! Go to fucking hell locked in a hot car!
(Taunting Lunatics Belming at you since, Sat 3 May 2008, 23:15, 3 replies)

Packaging
I've just taken custody of YET ANOTHER new Dalek (look, it was even more of a bargain than the last one, OK?)

Unfortunately, the manufacturer seems to think that half the fun is getting the fucker out of the box, and liberally seals the box with sellotape. Off I trot to get a knife to slice through the tape. Fine.

Taking shiny new toy out of the box, I find that it is actually contained in another box-within-a-box (sort of). And is attached to the box-within-a-box with several loops of plastic binding, twisted around to keep the Dalek in place and thus preventing damage in transit. OK, I'll just untwist the bindings then...

No, that doesn't seem to work, so stomp back into the kitchen for some scissors. After a few minutes of hacking away, I manage to cut the bindings and free the Dalek from its bonds. Except that the top half of it is encased in plastic, which is bound by more sticky tape. Out with the knife again... slice, slice, and it's free!

Except that the eye piece isn't actually attached to the rest of the body and needs to be slotted into place... simple enough you might think. No. Absolutely cunting well not. Not this bastard. Click the right hand side into the slot and the rest will follow, say the instructions.

No it bastard well doesn't. Well, not for at least half an hour of pushing and sweating and grunting and swearing and worrying that I'm manipulating it way too hard and it might come away in my hand...

Bloody packaging.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 3 May 2008, 23:03, 7 replies)

9)
Mawkish sentimentality.

This more than most things in life make me seeth enough to want to shit out my intestines in anger.

For example, the demise of Diana, Princess of Wales, the "Peoples Princess" and the huge wailing and gnashing of teeth in grief the proceeded her death. Jesus fucking christ it was embarrassing, sitting there watching as the general public lined up teary cheeked decreeing her second only to *insert prefered diety here* as the greatest thing that ever existed, how she did soooooo much good to everyone she ever touched or so much as fawned over. ARRGH!

Maddy McCann, would quite happily strangle the parents with the intestines currenty hanging out of my bottom. Dear Mr & Mrs McCann, you are shit parents and entirely responsible for her not being where she should be by your own fucking negligence, blame a film, sue the police, it works for american parents.

A minutes silence on 9/11? right, if you live in America or lost a friend or relative I absolutely agree, but why should some fat cunt in my office in Cambridge lecture me about not respecting this tragedy and the terrible loss! oh fuck off, ok , how many minutes silences have we held for . . . . . .
Dunblane (shooting) Hungerford, Columbine, Omagh, Lockerbie (plane falling on it) Herald of Free Enterprise, Bardford stadium fire, Hillsborough, The Kings cross tube fire, Belsen, Auschwitz Cambodia, etc etc etc ad fucking nauseum.

Why is this one event so important that I have to respect them? hmm? 9000 dead because a couple of crazy fuckers fly a plane into it compared to what Pol Pot did? or Stalingrad in WW11? or Ethnic cleansing in Rwanda, Whats left of Yugoslavia, The killing fields? can't remember ever being asked and expected to stop and pay respect to these frankly awful events in history.

Bah.
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 3 May 2008, 22:25, 7 replies)

Night Club Peeves
I work in a nightclub and have a couple of peeves:
1. People who take their drinks into the toilets. WTF people? Those toilets are the scabbiest I have ever seen and yet when I do a toilet check, lo and behold for every gent at the urinal, there is a pint glass in front of him, on the topo of the urinal. Is it that hard to ask your mate "look after this for us would ya" when you go?

2. The female bar staff. When I am on the door, the bar staff come past me a lot. If they have a coat on, I can't see their uniform and don't always recognise them as staff. The men seem aware of this and will remove their jackets as they approach.
Do the women? Hell no. Instead they will wave their chest at me so that I have to stare at their breasts to confirm that they are wearing uniform and not just a black shirt with a logo. Unfortunately this means that any ladies with a logo in that position get me sneaking a look at their chest as they approach. Not all of them (read as none of them) understand why and I end up with dirty looks.

3. DJs who will not shut the fuck up! The lights are on, the bar has stopped serving and the DJ will not stop playing. There are two or three that are total bastards and we have to get the crew to just pull the plug on them to make them stop.
WE WANT TO GO HOME PEOPLE!

Anyway, apologies for length, the DJ wouldn't shut up!
(qwertyman66, Sat 3 May 2008, 22:25, 1 reply)

Oh dear
I have many.

First, motorbikes. I ride a beat up 125 to work. Started riding in october, been doing 40 miles a day through winter, starting at about 0630 every morning.
Now it is summer, the plastic crotch rockets are out in force up our roads. They appear to think it is their private race track, and someone is always killed by one every year. It gives me, and those like me a bad name.

Then there are the arses in tin boxes. Yes, I'm sitting at 30 in a 30 zone. Funny that. What with the plod eager to put 3 points on my licence for speeding, me only passing my full (expensive) test a few week back, and relying totally on that bike-why wouldn't I do warp factor 11? And no, I don't mind you overtaking an inch from my right hand.

And the retards on peds, or those 125 "racing" bikes. It is you, who crash and speed and act like dicks, that bump up my insurance. Ditto thoe same folk in cars, who ensure I can't imagine running one for several years because of premiums.

Fat kids too, especially chavs. I was sat in Dads car at a petrol station. I watched as a mound of blubber consumed some of those cheese string things. Shiny sweaty face, long, greasy straggly hair and a sweat stained T shirt. Fat fingers tearing up whatever toxic shite he was eating, and stuffing that blubbery maw. Then the inability to shut his mouth whilst masticating. Such people shouldn't live.

15 year olds who thing they are hard by failing at school. Yep, you ensured I hated secondary school. What are you up to now? Usually dead end job in a chippy. Or on benefits, which means I'm geting £150 a month less partly to support your lazy arse. Can't we swap them for illegal immigrant workers? At least they actually, you know, work.

House prices. Isn't it marvellous that a rabit hutch is worth £20million. Not really, it means I'm still sharing a room with 2 little brothers. I hope the sub prime fiasco breaks you, you smug twats.

Anyway, can't be too cross for long. I've finally got my vintage bike on the road, so can annoy everyone else by vibrating along at 40 leaving a trail of blue smog. Yay!
( Greenbat, Sat 3 May 2008, 22:08, 2 replies)

I hate it when...
... a phone in the office is ringing, but the person (whose phone it is) isn't there.

If they haven't answered it in 20 rings, why can't you get the message that they're not there?

Even worse, you've been waiting for somebody to answer and after 3 minutes of incessant ringing, you pick it up in the vain hope that it may be important :

"Is Tina there?"

WHAT DO YOU FUCKING THINK?

IT RINGS FOR THREE MINUTES AND A BLOKE ANSWERS. IF TINA WAS HERE SHE'D HAVE FUCKING ANSWERED IT, WOULDN'T SHE, YOU STUPID GIMP?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
( finnbar has officially retired, Sat 3 May 2008, 21:53, 4 replies)

I really can't be assed with this:
If everyone could just collectively imagine all of the things that piss me off, well, that is a start. Triple it, include innocuous things like small children lisping "Away in a Manger" while clothed in tea-towels, ice cream that's too solid and bends the spoon, and this fucking Italian keyboard that I'm currently trying to operate, and you might have an inkling of what it's like to be me.

Thank you for reading, I can't be bothered posting any more this week so consider this the single, unifying, condensed, encompassing, all-coherent rant that incorporates everything annoying in existence and that'll do nicely and will save me wearing out my fingers posting individual rants.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Sat 3 May 2008, 21:48, 4 replies)

Tuneless whistling
and people who make chomping, lip smacking sounds when they eat.
(hutchers, Sat 3 May 2008, 21:37, Reply)

Where do I stop?
Drivers who tailgate, ignore red lights or think that the white lines at traffic lights must be straddled by at least half your car and you mustn't at any point actually apply your fucking brakes so that you actually stop at the bastard lights instead of inching over the fucking line every second. A couple of ignorant cunts nearly killed wifey the other week by flying through a red light as she was walking over crossing - yeah, great, surivive cancer and be killed by some absolute fucking cock head who cant see further than their own nose. Oh and the stupid tin cans a lot of chavs have strapped to their exhausts - IT'S A TESCO VALUE BEAN CAN YOU PRICK AND YOUR CAR SOUNDS LIKE SHITE!!

Cats - yes, I know blasphemy, stone the unbeliever, blah blah - why the hell can't their ignorant owner at least make sure the bastards have a shit before they are let out. I really do want to clean your cats shite out of my garden on a weekly basis, filling up a carrier bag and wasting space in my bin, no, really, I love it, honestly. I have started hoying it back over the fence when I find it now. Maybe they'll get the message, or maybe I should start hoying my dogs' shite over there as well.

Wiggers, chavs and Year 10 kids - on the day I left work last week one pain in the arse little chav decided to take the piss and was acting the hard man in front of his mates. Later on he tried it again by leaving the dining hall with food and drink (a big non-no at the school) and moaned and bitched when told to go back, ignored me, tried to force his way past me, swore at me, etc. Yeah, real smart, I leave work for good today, you really didn't want all your coursework to remain on the network did you?, are you sure your account has the password imadrippydickend? He was brought to apologise to me and refused because I'm only support staff, and I don't have a life. Cunts.

I spent my first week working in prison this week. Working with murderers, thieves, drug dealers and users, and other various scum of the earth was a breath of fresh air compared to working in a school. They are polite to staff, smile more, can take a joke, and despite being sneaky bastards I find myself loving going to work with them.

I'm sure there's plenty more I can think of but it can wait, I'm of for a drink.

Ooo, one last one, nitrite spikes in a nicely populated aquarium.
(Tyrion, Sat 3 May 2008, 21:20, Reply)

Gillian McKeith
the insane, patronising, possibly poo-based bint. Your stomach doesn't have any teeth? Really? I'd never have guessed, in my 22 years on the planet I did wonder why I'd never been told to clean the teeth in my stomach! And her degree is off the internet. Why are we giving this woman the right to tell us what to eat and poke our shit and subject us to colonic abuse for her own amusement?

In a similar vein, Trinny and Susannah, when they were at the height of the What Not To Wear craze. I wear what I think looks good - if it fits me, that is, isn't too big and isn't too small, and I feel comfortable in it, I will wear it, not allow two sarcastic tarts who most of the time look like they got dressed in the dark themselves to dress me while bitching me out about my large quantity of black clothing, some of which may or may not feature dragons.

I guess this is all because when I was still living at home my mum bought into both these mentalities a bit too heavily and preached the gospels to me far too often so that the mere mention of the words "On Trinny and Susannah tonight..." would send me into apoplexies.

And I second the post a little way down the page about 'superfoods' with 'antioxidants' and 'five a day' - if I eat more than two a day I'm proud of myself, and if I don't manage to do it you have no right to look down on me. Stupid nanny state.

Also, as much as I know my parents love me and haven't seen me since January and all that, why my mum has to text me every single day asking "all well?". Surely no news is good news?
( Maladicta, Sat 3 May 2008, 21:13, 5 replies)

Yup
I too share - THE FACE - the eternal scowl - I was once asked 8 times in one day by the girl next door What Wrong? My reply of nothing this is how I always look, just didn't cut it...
(Lukekull Fuck, Sat 3 May 2008, 21:12, 2 replies)

Pet SHOP peeves..

The complete fucktards I get coming in to the pet shop I work in. Examples include:

'The guy in the pet shop told me they only grow to the size of the tank they're in..'I swear, when I get hold of the 'guy in the pet shop'I'm going to kick him up the arse. He told you that to get you to buy it you moron. Can you think of any other animal which would do this? Does the queen have Elephant-sized corgi's in Buckingham palace? Do people in caravans have tiny guinea pig sized rottweilers? NO. The poor fish chokes to death on its own piss before it gets a chance to grow to adult size. If you did that to any other animal the SPCA would have you lynched.Buy a bigger tank /smaller fish you fuckwits.

'ooh look tortoises!'#1 No, it's a FUCKING TURTLE.Like the label says. Jesus H Christ what has become of the nation's basic general knowledge that people don't know that turtles live in water and tortoises live on dry land?

'ooh look tortoises'#2 'it's illegal to keep them you know' Riiiight. But we import them, look after them and SELL them in full view of the public, and DEFRA knows ALL about it.

'ooh look tortoises!'#3 'you can catch salmonella off them' IF you're in the habit of eating raw terrapins, then yes, I suppose you can. You're more likely to get it off a dog or cat or from not washing your hands, yes you who went and ate something after coming out the loo without washing your hands you filthy pikey.

Clownfish. If you've seen 'Finding Nemo' you'll know that Nemo is a clownfish. They are probably one of the cutest fish around. Everyone wants one. They are easy to keep too! Now, after spending 90-odd minutes watching some beautifully animated Pixar did it not occur to you that Nemo LIVES IN THE FUCKING SEA! SO WHY WOULD YOU BE ABLE TO PUT HIM IN A FUCKING GOLDFISH BOWL WITH NOTHING BUT SOME TAP WATER??? Really are people nowadays so ignorant that they don't know sea water is SALTY?

People who carry dogs about. WTF? why do you need to carry that rat on a leash around when it's perfectly able to walk on it's own? Oh, and don't try and sneak into my shop that has a sign saying 'NO Dogs'; that vile canine in your arms is still a fucking DOG! And big butch men walking aforesaid small dogs- you pussies! Your missus obviously nagged you to buy the little fucker; let her walk the little bastard!

customer:'My fish died I want a refund'
me: OK, do you have a receipt?
customer: No
me: OK, when did you buy it; I can check the Audit Roll (we have itemised till receipts)
customer: 3 weeks ago
me: Sorry, we only guarantee fish for 48 hours, subject to a satifactory water quality check. Its very clearly stated on the poster in the aquarium.Do you have the fish?
customer: I flushed it down the loo.
me: I'll check your water quality for you if you like then.
customer: I didn't bring any. Anyway, all my other fish are fine.
me: Right, so I'll just open the till and give you some money because the fish you have no proof you bought, that you have no proof EXISTED was in a tank of water that you have no proof was suitable for keeping said fish in and all the other fish you claim to have are 'allright'. Get to fuck.
customer: My sister works in Trading Standards.
me: Everyone's sister works in fucking Trading Standards. It's the UK's biggest employer by the looks of it. If you can't prove you bought something, and you can't even bring the fucking thing back you have no rights whatsoever. For fucks sakes, would you walk into Argos and say 'I bought a plasma t.v. last week and its broken I want a refund' without having either a receipt or proof you actually had a fucking telly in the first place? Get out of my shop.

'eeewww I can't stand rats' Now this is not a rant about folk with a phobia about rats. If you have a genuine phobia about anything then I will respect that. This is about those people who spend ages ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the 'hampsters' before they read the label that says 'rat'. See, you weren't scared of them up until you saw the word 'rat'. And anyway, how the fuck big do you think 'hampsters' are anyways? Jeeez!

And finally, well just for now anyway, I get several people every day with problems with their fish tank or pond. Now, everyone who buys a tank or pond or whatever leaves the shop with a big pile of leaflets and care sheets and information books and whatnot. Even a CD-ROM or two. So what do you do to avoid any potential problems with your pond/tank?
READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS!!!!!! Every day I waste hours on the phone or talking to people who could have saved themselves and me a whole lot of grief by READING THE GODDAMN BOOK!

aaand breathe....
(kilt101, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:58, 2 replies)

Chavtastic
I hate waiting in queues at the best of times, especially when it's held up because the customer at the till is a complete and utter FUCKNUT who shouldn't be allowed out alone in public, but what gets me even more is when asstards push in front. After a shift at work, I was waiting in line in TJHughes, and I was somewhat anxious on time as I had a bus to catch. The people at the tills were the standard wankers, one women kept whining how ALL the perfume boxes (discounted price, mind you) were a TEENY bit dented, and another was just being a spazz with her card.

I was about three people away from the cashier, when this tracksuited wanker slips in front of me, with the pretense of looking at the aisle near the tills. He's lanky as fuck, face of a bulldog that's pissed on a thistle, and just reeks of White Lightning. I'm five foot nothing, looking more pissed off by the moment, and look about fifteen.

'Excuse me' says I.

Nothing from the bastard in front.

"EXCUSE ME" I then demand with all the ferocity of a pushed too far primary school teacher, annoyed that the time my bus came was drawing closer and closer. That caught the attention of most of the queue, and he reluctantly turned around to look at me.

"Back of the queue? Surprisingly, is BACK there," I glared at him, before pointing in said direction, "Get to it." I'm one of the quietest, politest people around, but I was just so narked that the dole scrounging little sod could cost me my bus, and making me wait another hour to catch the next one. He looked startled that someone actually stood up to him on the matter, before slinking to the back of the queue, tail between his legs.

So.. in short, I also can't STAND queue jumpers. Fuck you, you're no special snow flake. TO THE BACK WITH YOU.
(Aruu does not put all her trust in root vegetables., Sat 3 May 2008, 20:57, Reply)

"calm down"
This has always annoyed me, but it took me a long time to figure out why.

If you are in pain, there is a reason why you are in pain. If you are annoyed, there is a reason why you are annoyed. If you tell someone who is in pain to "feel better", what do you expect to happen?

It's a half-arsed attempt at treating the symptoms, and not the cause. It shows you don't care about the cause, or even believe there is a cause: it carries the insulting implication that your annoyance is irrational.

If I am annoyed, I can always explain why, and am prepared to do so at length: listening would show that you care about the problem, and are not trying to "handle" me. If you try to "handle" me, you are treating me as the problem, and ignoring the real problem.
( bnt what, me worry?, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:46, Reply)

Vino Vigilante
Chavs, pikeys, call them what you like, are a major source of irritation. However, live and let live if their only crime is lacking the skills to breathe nasally, causing their chewing gum to fall out all over the town centres. More serious crimes, such as wanton vandalism and stealing cars are another matter.

Last night / early hours of this morning, Davros' Granddad and I were outside in our bikeshed having a smoke. I did quit a few weeks ago but my resolve weakened - and it's a good job it did, otherwise we wouldn't have been outside.

We heard voices and a bit of a commotion so went to investigate. Four hooded chavs were trying to break into our neighbours' car. Such behaviour makes me see red to the extent of making my arsehole putt. It's more than absence of respect, it is total disregard for other people and their property. Fucking GRRRRRRRRRR!

They saw us and scarpered but that wasn't good enough for me. Hell, no. Emboldened by two bottles of red wine (Australian Shiraz) I threw my semi-smoked Marlboro into the wind in abject fury and made chase. DG couldn't join me as he was only wearing slippers. MY bikeshed slip-ons are sensible old ladies' Springers and perfectly good for running. (Also I rather think he wanted to finish his ciggie.)

Shaking like a dog shitting peach-pits with rage, I vanished into the night after the scalliwags. In my head I was running like Jamie Summers. In reality it was more like Penelope Pitstop, complete with knocky knees and arthritic hips.

Scummies tried to hide in a clump of trees in the school field around the corner, but were too thick to know about stealth so I found them easily. Being considerably taller than I am, they were able to leap the fence with the agility of gazelles. I'm about 5'1" at the moment as I've not been to my osteopath for a while. (When he straightens me out I can measure as much as 5'2".)

As I was straddling the fence my phone rang. It was DG. The conversation went thus;

DG: Where the fuck are you?

Me: Straddled on the school fence.

DG: Are you ok?

Me: Bit out of breath but otherwise fine thanks...

DG: Well, get your arse back here for Christ's sake!

Me: The hell I will!

DG: What the fuck do you think you're going to do?

Me: I'm gonna catch those fucking fuckers and cunt them in the fuck! (Thank you b3ta for teaching me that expression).

DG: No you're bloody not.

Me: Yes I fucking am.

DG: (More firmly) No you bloody aren't! There are four of them and they're all much bigger than you.

Me: Er, I win on body mass! (that's true) And do you know how hard I am? (soft as shite) Do you know how many tattoos I've got? (3.5) Do you know how many people I've decked? (0)

DG: (Adopting that tone used with really slow people) Yes pet, that's nice. Now come home.

Me: No.

Scummies were out of sight by then but I'd seen them head for the main road. Undeterred, I marched off in that direction (wearing an imaginary cape by that point - can't remember what colour it was now).

AHA! Spotted the fuckers ahead and broke into *special* sprinting. They saw me and pegged it towards the forest where we walk our dog.
What was puzzling me at that point and on reflection today, was why the hell were they running away from me? A girl in the 5' gang.... although I was foaming like a rabid dog...

I lost the bastards. BOO! CUNTY-FUCKSOCKS!
Normally an uber pacifist, I was really in the fettle for twatting some low-life last night. The whole aggressive bravado crap was entirely hormonal. Stupid bleeding cunt that I am....... (literally)

So we live happily for a while longer.

Length / girth - neither at the moment as I'm off the road :o(
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:42, 19 replies)

Men who think I'm just the "operator" at work.
No, seriously, you called the line for tech support and dialed the relevant extension - yes, that's me.
Yes, I know more about your PDA than you do because I work with them every day, and guess what else? When your unit gets here, I'll put it on the shelf for the techs with a note saying you thought I was the operator, and your unit will sit there for about 4 days before my techs even look at it, while the device that came in yesterday is fixed and is shipping today.
Cocks.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:35, 1 reply)

graffiti taggers.
these little morons get my goat. i mean REALLY get me enraged.
you see 'nibz' or 'tpk1' about seven times on a stretch of wall. well done! you managed to sign your 'name' or whatever the fuck you want to call it. good. nice. is this wall a piece of your art then? did you build it? IS IT YOUR FUCKING WALL? no. it's not. so why you signing it? you've got the time and the materials, come on, if you're gonna break the law, at least make it look good maybe make people think. there's 171,476 words in the english dictionary, before we even thin about slang, or words with dual meanings. is this the best you can come up with? i know some people that tag, and i've had it out with them countless times, they ALWAYS say the same thing: 'but it's art! no it's not! art is new, art is original, art is creative. you're writing your name on stuff that isn't yours! it's not art, it's a fuckin advert for better parenting. really, come on! you know what that says? that says 'i'm a talentless unimaginative little bastard'
seriously, i think we should round up these little vermin and make them tattoo their tag in reverse on their own forehead. lets see how fuckin good it is when YOU have to see it every time you pass a reflective surface you little fuckbag.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:28, Reply)

One of my biggest pet peeves is California drivers.
Oh my fucking god. They never use their indicators, they have no concept of merging, they go 55mph in the fast lane of a 65mph freeway!
On top of that, they will just park in the middle of the street while waiting for a friend, or switch lanes without looking just because they realised they needed to go right instead of left.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:11, 1 reply)

Bias in the news
Many young people go missing each year.
However, one blonde middle-class brat scarpers and we have a massive 1 year anniversary speical!

Also, we hear endless amounts about watever in vogue totalitarian regime, TV bosses choose, while others are left to oppress their people in peace.

AND why oh why, are hezbollah slated constantly for killing Israelis? Yet little is mentioned about the Israeli government killing far more Palestinians, that it has done for the last 50 years.
(Daveth Koresh is jesus, but welsh, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:08, 5 replies)

PCSOs
you know them- these little jobsworthy, semi-coppers with little blue bits on their uniforms to tell you they're not the real deal.. like tesco value stripes or something. well it's NOT cunting value for the taxpayers! you know what these self-important busybodies are allowed to do? they can 'observe' potential criminal behaviour, advise members of the public, and call for backup.. whihc i'm reliably informed if they do so, a real copper HAS to attend ASAP, dropping everything they're doig at the time.
you know who else can do these things?
ANY MEMBER OF THE SHITTING PUBLIC!! you see a crim being committed, you ring the rozzers, bingo! you're a PCSO! get in line for your little blue coat and wages paid by the taxpaying public! except no bastard's paying me to call in the numerous crackheads stealing hubcaps and trim off cars in our street, breakin inot houses, spraying mindless twaddle on the walls.. where's my salary? at least i have the advantage of not being fluorescent fuckin yellow so the crims don't cease and desist when i come near! these people are shamelessly suckin down our taxes for doing nothing more than being a goddamn good citizen- something we're ALL capable of doing, yet they get a damn paycheck and a nice little uniform for it. no-one pays the local neighbourhood watch dude!
twunts!
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:07, Reply)

8)
"Healthy" food.

Its great to know that something you have been eating for the last 20 years is suddenly "A super hyper uber 4 or your 5 a day wonder miracle food" and costs twice as much.

Im not a consumer monkey, a blueberry is a blueberry is a blueberry, it was 1000 years ago, it was 100 years ago, it was 10 years ago, yet now its a brain food? oh get thee to fuck people.

Advertisement moguls, you want to brand something? brand "I AM A CUNT" on your forehead and save everyone the effort of finding having to find out!
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 3 May 2008, 20:06, 1 reply)

Forget Freeman!
The Nihilanth. That makes me angry.
(FurtiveBiscuit, Sat 3 May 2008, 19:58, 1 reply)