I still have a fossilized sharktooth
When I was 14, our science teacher planned a trip for us to go to a cave about an hour away to search for fossils. We were told the cave would be damp and cool, so dress in long pants and long sleeves, closed shoes, the works.

We get there, and the "cave" hasn't been a cave for about 50 years, in which time the area was turned into a quarry and blasted to hell, making a large open area, with no shade, surrounded by limestone walls. This is April-ish, in Florida. We're wearing pants and long shirts, and it's well over 100 degrees F in the quarry. However, there are indeed fossils all over the place, which we try to dig up and make the best of the situation, ignoring the heat, our faces getting sunburned, etc.

The teacher and several students find this huge rock with lots of fossils imbedded in it, and get the bright idea to bring it on the bus and take it back to school with us. So the teacher and three students start carrying it back. Someone drops their end. The rock was very sharp. The teacher had several fingers cut up. One of the students fared worse; one of his fingers was peeled open like a banana. We saw bone. Blood everywhere. Cue lots of 14 year old screaming, and injured boy saying things children should not be saying in front of teachers. They pile us all into the bus, and we all drive to the emergency room, dropping off the injured. Her husband and his parents had to drive an hour to get out there. The rest of us are taken back to the school, where we attempt to call our parents to come pick us up. Other chaperones had to wait several hours until everyone had been picked up.

Fucking disaster, it was. The kid's hand was fucked up ever since.
(puttysan, Sat 9 Dec 2006, 9:56, Reply)

In the last year of GCSEs, a group of us were designated as "able students"
Which basically meant we got to piss around with Science and stuff while everyone else was doing English or Maths.

It also entailed a trip to the Science Museum. Apart from dropping coins down six storeys and generally pratting around, we also found a machine that you record your voice into. The point is that you then change pitch and tone to make it sound different.

So, being the mature and intelligent students that we were, we recorded "Uh uh! Stop fucking my mother, bitch!". Then we pressed all the buttons, which set it on auto repeat, as it grew steadily deeper and louder.

We fled the room as "UH UH STOP FUCKING MY MOTHER, BITCH!" echoed out in a deep voice. What larks!
( The Coast Of Yemen, Sat 9 Dec 2006, 8:20, Reply)

Antony and Cleopatra
John Nettles as Antony. Woman with very hairy armpits as Cleo. Brilliant.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Sat 9 Dec 2006, 7:25, Reply)

Amazon Water Park
Ah yes the buddy system, is there anything it can't do it's utterly flawless. This is a story I remember really quite fondly as it was so amusing to me and so distressing to others.

First year of high school, and for some reason, I forget why now, I think it was some sort of end of year celebration, they decided to take us all on a trip to amazon water park. Amazons is the no frills version of wet n' wild waterpark that costs about a third of the price at the sacrifice of safety which I always found rather funny but it wasn't the lack of safety equipment or regulations that put a damper on this trip.

The day was much as you would expect quite alot of fun. For security the teaching staff had decided to opt for the ever foolproof buddy system and me and my buddy were getting along pretty well, we were to arrive at the meeting place with our buddies at 2.55 pm meaning we should have left at 2.50 but we decided that we could reach the end of the queue for a waterslide and be back in time for 3pm and the extra five minutes really wouldn't matter because well, what were they going to do about it, so that's what we did.

We found it awfully strange that there didn't seem to be anyone at the meeting place and after about 10-15 minutes of waiting there still wasn't, so we went to the waterpark's office and told we had apparantly been left behind. So they called the school (several times before they got through)and eventually after a good half hour or so of what I assume was either them arguing with one another or sitting around with their thumbs in their asses they decided to send the society and environment teacher and my english teacher in her personal vehicle to pick us up. Me and my buddy passed the time playing air hockey and having a pretty good time, took them a good 45 minutes to get there, lazy bastards.

I see Mrs. Anderson my English teacher waddle her fat ass in the gates of the park with a fury in her eyes which I found most amusing. In the most bemused tone I could muster I said, "G'Day Mrs. Anderson what are you doing here?"
"This is NO TIME FOR COLLOQUIALISM'S STUMPS I AM FURIOUS" this statement put the broadest grin on my mouth, my buddy however didn't find this at all amusing he couldn't stand the injustice of it all that they would have the audacity to blame us for their blatant neglegence, and finally when Mrs. Anderson continually repeated "This is all your own fault boys no one to blame but yourselves" he couldn't take it and said "DIDN'T YOU GUYS DO A HEAD COUNT AT THE BUS?!?!?" this brought on one of the funniest responses I've ever heard. You have to imagine the accusatory and angry tone that was used when Mrs. Anderson retorts "YES WE DID!! AND WE WERE TWO SHORT!!!" at this I just burst out laughing whilst my buddy asked how it was that they had decided to leave whilst being two students short to which he never got a response.

She hated me and my buddy so much it was hilarious, I recall the car trip her forcing us to lay down towels such that we wouldn't touch her precious seats and her screaming at the other guy "DON'T SNEEZE IN MY CAR!" as a post note this same car got scratched on school grounds later on and everyone thought it was me because I hated that fat bitch so much, as it happens, it wasn't me but I always did want to shake the man's hand.
(StumpsForArms&NoEyebrows, Sat 9 Dec 2006, 5:51, Reply)

It's not quite school, but...
Last year my orchestra went on tour to Sweden, Finland and Russia. Cue much debauchery - this is an orchestra, after all, and in Russia where the drinking laws are somewhat less stringent. Much vodka smuggled into rooms. One bloke must have been drunk constantly the entire time we were there.

The chaperones imposed a rule that a boy and a girl couldn't be in a room together with the door closed, allegedly to stop carnal activity. Little did the chaperones know that their plan backfired - they happened upon plenty of public snogging (and more), and the odd orgy with the door closed.

Teenagers are just exciting that way.
(echomikeromeo, Sat 9 Dec 2006, 5:05, Reply)

more of a university trip
In my 2nd year at Staffs Uni (back in good old '91), we took a trip to Dublin.

We left at about midnight, well pissed already, to catch the 4am sailing from Holyhead.

Needless to say, more alcohol was consumed on the coach, and a hell of a lot was bought duty-free and necked on the ferry.

I sort-of remember my mate being dragged off and being "searched" as he was from Norn Iron, and I think I can recall arriving at the hotel, and being told we couldn't check in until noon. So we found a pub. And drank more.

I don't remember collapsing in the "Brazen Head" (I know I was there, as I managed to buy a T shirt), or blowing chunks in a porno video shop, or being carried back to the hotel by the local equivalent of the old bill.

In fact, I don't remember much of Dublin at all from that trip, apart from a hotel toilet, a broken finger (i still don't know how), an RTA involving our coach on the way back, and getting back to find out that some scrotum had stolen my motorbike.

Hmm.
A later excursion to Dublin saw me getting the shit kicked out of me in a pub for being a Man Utd fan, by a load of Chelsea wankers. I was wearing a Preston North End shirt at the time.
(coobeastie Used to Be in Evil Gazebo, Sat 9 Dec 2006, 3:20, Reply)

She appreciated the arts
Back when I was at high school in the US, our school orchestra wanted to go on a week-long school trip to Europe. As they were a bit short of cash, they decided to ask local businesses to sponsor them in return for advertisement on the back of the official trip T-shirt.

One day, a women in her forties calls in and says she'd like to sponsor the school orchestra. My violinist friend meets her and collects $200. "What's the name of your business?"

"Beulah's Raw Sex."

Yep, she's a hooker.

The music teacher forced them to print the name backwards, "Xes war s'halueb", but the official school trip shirts still advertised her services on their European tour.

And that's the story of how our orchestra's school trip was sponsored by a prostitute.
(generic hybrid, Sat 9 Dec 2006, 2:05, Reply)

Art trip to the national gallery in London
Taking GCSE art, I managed to get on the trip to London to see pictures in the antional gallery, the train journey was pretty un-eventful (except my mate calling a builder a wanker, and getting the reply "your mum sucked my dick")

When we got to london almost half of us got run over by the crazy london cabbys, and busses seem to not care for human life either, after spending a couple of hours in the gallery we got told we could spend some time in Trafalger square..... cue about 5, 14 year old boys running off to soho, me and my mate both got propositioned by a large woman with a hairy upper lip (we both look 16 and she probably thought we didn't have any taste) we all managed to get back to trafalger square in time, we still reminisce about or going ons in Chinatown as well
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Sat 9 Dec 2006, 0:55, Reply)

Art trip to m-m-m-m-MENAI!
During upper sixth we went on an art trip to Anglesey. As deputy head boy I also got additional duties such as looking after some of the first years who were also there on their induction. The added bonus was that whilst all the other lads in my year had to go dry we spent loads of time in the teachers lounge getting loaded and playing darts.

highlights of the trip included:

Getting up on a really high rocky outcrop with my mates and throwing sheep shit at the deputy headmaster.

One lad dressing up in a bin bag with a big smiley face drawn with toothpaste running through the first year's dorm screaming and the first years shitting themselves and crying (having been prepared by our insistence that the building was where the Shining was filmed and that it was actually haunted - although tbh it did look like the bar/ballroom enough to freak me out whenever I walked thru there alone)

Same bin bag lad climbing a hill and levering a boulder which came crashing down the hill and caused everyone to shit themselves and jump out of the way. Thank god for them welsh dry stone walls otherwise the school minibus would have been totalled.

The sight of 'schools fittest teacher' every morning exiting the shower in her wraparound towel.


there are many others but the highlight was this. Our art teacher and educator legend Tony Butters (famed for doing flame throwing in classes, setting light to tennis balls and chucking them at you, and his best trick which was to completely over patronise the shittest pieces of work known to man - yes this man convinced me that sculpting a 6ft piece of Sweetcorn on the cob made with balloons and Mod roc would look great and not like the worst known case of genital warts ever recorded - a year after we finished me and a couple of mates went back to see him and he gave us all the porno mags he'd confiscated during that time)

Anyway Mr B set up a visit to see renowned natural artist and sculpturist David Nash (http://www.sculpture.org.uk/artists/DavidNash)

Us sixth formers felt very privaleged and after an hour or so in the minibus we landed outside of a converted museum or church.

We go in and Mr B shows us around some of the huge sculptures - basically Nash makes his art from trees and carves them, burns them etc but they are immense in their size and we were dwarfed by many of them. Mr Nash wasn't quite ready to see us so we wander around all being very pseudo and talking the artistic talk and polishing our 'art-cocks'.

Finally Mr Nash is ready and he comes down.

His work has already set the context - we are impressed and respectful of the ocassion.

Mr B gives an introduction and then asks us all if we have any questions for Nash.

One art-cock polisher puts his hand up.

'Mr Nash - out of all the natural medium that you choose to work with -which is the easiest and the most inspirational?'

pause. Nash has a think. Then replies:

'b-b-b-b-b-b-BEACH'

All of a sudden 20 students stifle laughter and bite their lips - very much like that scene in police academy 1 after the fella's head gets stuck in the horses arse and on parade the one who makes the noises neighs.

The inner laughter in all of us was such that nobody had the capability to open their mouths without laughing. There were a few laughs that exploded out naturally and were quickly turned into coughs.

Nash continues:

'b-b-b-BEACH is my f-f-f-fffff-fFAVOURITEMEDIUM' and then goes onto list his reasons with interspersed stutters, but as he reaches the conclusion to the sentence it's like the stutter builds up, trying to be contained and managed and then explodes in a shout.

think welease woger from Life of Brian but instead of the laughter getting louder, that the laughter became more difficult to contain. Think the same of Nash's stutter.

It was a stand off of will

Several of us started to move behind some of the scupltures simply to silently laugh. Even more outbursts of laughter were quickly turned into coughs.

Not one student dared to look the other in the eye otherwise they'd break.

This Q&A eventually continued for a good ten minutes or so and thank god for the more mature amongst us who had the calm to ask a question and keep the session going. However, it cracked the less composed up even more.

Honestly, people were doubled up crying whilst Nash became more nervous and the stutter more pronounced.

Eventually we were all so dispersed around his exhibition that there was hardly anybody but Br B and Nash to keep the Q&A going.

We all applauded him with tears in our eyes, from behind sculptures of his own creation as he went up back to his study upstairs.

One of the funniest things I have ever experienced.
(spike starski, Sat 9 Dec 2006, 0:17, Reply)

from Hilda Ogden to a room full of german schoolgirls in Prague
many moons back it was ITV's 25th anniversary and as part of the celebrations they held a comp to find someone who also had a 25th anniversary on the same day as the first broadcast.

Our infant school teacher won so come the day we were all taken to Granada studios. My mum had made me a packed lunch but my penguin had melted. I cried. I was only 6 though. Anyway on arrival at Granada and I was still gutted at losing the only luxury food item I had out of some fish paste sarnies, and apple and some weakly diluted orange juice in a Donald duck flask. We were corralled into a waiting room.

I was still bleary eyed and soon became the subject of the producers sympathy. So sad was I that she got Jean Alexander (Hilda Ogden) Helen Worth (Gail Tilsley) and Eddie Yates to bring me some choclate biscuits and they spent some time with us cheering me up.

As part of the show we ended up singing hey jude with Russ Abbott.

I was half deaf for days after as I was stood next to the drummer.

Still... not as bad as my mate Rich who had to kiss the teacher on live tv.

24 years later me and a mate are on the final leg of a tour around europe and decided to take it easy and got back to the hotel for nine. We got back and I went out for a smoke on the balcony. All of a sudden there were some girlish giggles and ciggy buts started to drop on the balcony. My mate Rob says, come on lad, lets go and say hello. Can't be arsed says I. so he goes up. A few minutes later a knock on the door. It was Rob all excited - come on mate there's a room full of german students up there.

Fuck, let's get some beers.

we only have enough for the taxi.

Down to reception. Yes they do sell beer.

Where can I get some money? There's a bank just down the road.

We fucking flew down there got about £100 quids worth out, bought a couple of cases and went up to the room above and introduced ourselves.

Sharing the beer around, the lasses were ever so slightly flirtatious.

Despite the language barrier we managed to suss that they were all 18, in their final year of school before conscription and this was their last hurrah.

Where were the lads? in town visiting strip clubs.

Had a fucking great night and having a top laugh when there was a knock at the door and some heavy assed sounding fraulein was outside.

Me and my 32 year old mate were ushered into the toilet where we were standing half cut, in the bathroom, complete darkness pissing ourselves silly and half shitting ourselves that we'd be found out.

The lasses had a severe dressing down and then the party ensued again. We were treated like lords I say, LORDS!

One by one the girls went to bed and then the lads came back so we went onto their room to carry on the session. Perhaps due to lack of motivation on both parts the conversation wasn't as easy - especially as most of their girlfriends had been in our company that night.

Anyway, the universal language of ale championed and we carried on boozing. The highlight of this part being the discovery that one of the lads who was wrecked on the bed had prematurely ejaculated in one of the clubs?

How did we find this out?

bloke does imitation exotic dance

points to the lad asleep

Says 'wiggle wiggle, shakey shakey'

then shakes his beer can and opens it squirting ale onto the PE lad asleep on the bed.
(spike starski, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 23:29, Reply)

That must have hurt
When I was about 11 our entire year went to some outdoor pursuits style camp. It was all camping, kayaking, making lethal bow and arrows and shooting them at each other, that sort of thing.

To keep us entertained there was a fuck off big deathslide that started at the top of a pretty steep hill and went for about 100 meters across a field. It was a pretty bad boy deathslide for 11 year olds to be fucking about with. But what made this one more dangerous was the thing you held onto as you slid down the cable actually came off when you got to the end. Once you'd stopped moving you had to drop to the ground and roll away as this 2 stone metal contraption would spring into the air and land safely, inches from your head. You then had to carry it back up the hill and give it to the next guy.

The thing is, every time this massive metal thing came crashing to the ground it was getting clogged up with grass.

Cue this girl, we'll call her Patrick (her real name was Cathy) flying down the slide and then slowly coming to a stop about halfway down the hill and about 15 feet in the air. Our teacher yells to this girl to hold on and rushes to help. Just as Ms Ward gets to her, all the time yelling not to let go, she let's go. The 2 stone metal slide thing launches into the air and lands bang in the middle of our teachers head.

As the blood was pissing out Ms Ward walks up the hill and into an office and calls an ambulance, whilst Patrick, who was completely fine, screamed and cried like the little girl she was.

Turns out the force of this thing landing on her head was sufficient to break her nose. As well as a filthy scar on her head she still had two massive shiners 3 weeks later when she returned to work.

As Mother Theresa one said: "Never apologise, never look back"
(Stainer Has been treating objects like women since, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 22:55, Reply)

Ticking Time-Bomb Wheelie Bin
Back in 2005, a group of people from our school, including myself, won part of a speaking competition, the prize being to present our talk on climate change to the wives of the G8 leaders. On the 7th July.
This, if you are not aware, was the day of the rather nasty bombings in London. We found out about this on the bus up to the place where we would be doing the presentation.

Our presentation's props included a wheelie bin, as we were talking about the new recycling scheme in our area. The other school's presentation props inculded a clock, their message being to stop "the ticking time-bomb" of global warming.
For storage purposes, all the props were bunged together in the bin.

Cue armed policemen, guarding the place where we had come to do our presentation, looking rather puzzled at our ticking wheelie bin, on a rather innapropriate day.

A rather interesting school outing.
(Eilidh likes comfortable shoes., Fri 8 Dec 2006, 22:12, Reply)

Like superman, After the horse.
We were on a bus trip up to Surfer's paradise for an end-of-year trip, and one of the lads, Daniel, starts hearing the call of nature, about five minutes into the hour trip.

After 20 min of clenching, one of the other lads offered him an empty bottle of softdrink to piss in, which he gladly took them up on.

So, he's filled the bottle, and he's turned back around to the rest of us, still with the cap of the bottle off, and asked what to do with it - we told him to throw it out the window, which he does.

Immediately, we hear a siren and see some lights, and we're shitting ourselves as the bus gets pulled over to the emergency stopping lane, and the driver opens the door.

No sooner has the door hissed open than a motorcycle cop comes stalking up the steps, absolutely Covered, Head to toe in Piss and holding a softdrink bottle.

On the upside, I guess its not like his day could have gotten any worse after that.....

(Apologies for length. No apologies for the shit joke you expected about it.)
(Churba, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 21:47, Reply)

Italy Trip
At my school there was a yearly trip to Italy which was legendary among the students mainly due to the laid back teachers who took us and the abundance of alchohol.

Now this trip was for latin students only...but as there were so few of those they opened it up to everyone eventually, fortunatly I managed to get myself a place on the trip when I was in year 10.

That year the trip was headed to Sorento near Naples on the Italian coast, so we were to go around the area and look at Pompeii and all that...

Its all too long to explain here, so I will just list it all instead:

- Getting stopped and searched at Gatwick because the buiscit crumbs and dust at the bottom of a bag looked like radioactive material on the xray machine.

- Someone taking a photo on the plane whilst leaning on the emergency exit handle on the door whilst flying over the Alps.

- Landing at some military airfield in Rome and being allowed to walk unescorted through pairs of fighter jets whilst the terminal was full of soldiers carrying M16s.

- Coach trip to Sorrento with a very horny 6th former who flashed her breasts to every single lorry between the airport and the hotel.

- Finally ending up at the hotel at 12 at night to find a) it is called the hotel tourist and b) the doors are locked

- Get into the hotel at about 1am to find the beds collapse when you jump on them.

- Getting drunk with all the teachers in the town.

- Getting free ice cream and pizza because we were such great customers!

- Getting given rolls filled with plastic cheese and mouldy ham every day by the hotel (aparently this counted as lunch)

- Getting repeatedly told to keep off the grass at Pompeii and other places by tour guides who believe that a whistle gives them the ultimate power.

- Having the uber horny 6th former stalked by a random Italian man everywhere she went....whilst she flashed everyone....still...

- Breaking absolutely everything in the hotel, the list is somewhat long:
Four Beds
One bathroom door
One bedroom lock
Two wardrobe doors
One window
One fusebox
Six matresses
One TV
Twelve Sheets (which tore so easily)
Two floor tiles
One shower
Three seats
One Lift (which concequently had stereotypically fat American get in it next and have the lift wedge halfway between floors and the whole hotel echoing of the fat American screaming that they are going to die)
and a whole lot more....

- The cliff edge journey where our coach came about an inch from falling off the edge of a 150ft drop.

- Walking around Pompeii where I worked out that all those old big stones make excelent bottle openers.

- Accidently destroying part of Pompeii when a brick fell out of a wall someone was leaning on.

- Throwing packets of jam out of the bedroom window at the police officer directing traffic at the traffic junction below.

Thats about all I can remember at the moment, but I'm sure I will remember some more....


I know I can't tell a good story to save my life, but go on...click "I like this" you know you want to...
( Jimbo314 is drunk on, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 21:26, Reply)

Bet none of you ever almost got locked up in Heathrow Nick!
I was on a school trip to Glasgow, and I decided to take a photo of a friend in Heathrow.

In the security lounge.

Well, the guards sprung, and I had a fat bobby reject scold me, and say I could have been put in the heathrow lockup for photographing their equipment, which I wasn't.

Finally he let me go, and then later, in glasgow, I left my ticket on a table, and had to run all the way across glasgow airport back to go get it.
( B.T., Fri 8 Dec 2006, 21:18, Reply)

I pooed myself during the school trip to the East of England Show.
( giant_squid, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 21:07, Reply)

I don't remember my last school trip very well
Something to do with vodka being put in the coke cans I think.
( TBL I posted this on, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 21:02, Reply)

German Exchange
Now...where to start...

In my first year of 6th Form (Highschool to any septics) I was invited to go along with the german exchange group from the school (The sixth form I go to is attached to a rather large school as well).

Now this was a regular occurunce and was a yearly event for all the German Students who all got a week off to go to Germany to experience the culture first hand. Did I mention I was 16 at the time, which coincidently is the legal drinking age in Germany for beer (as it is also for most of the continent).

Everything was going swimingly, we had all piled onto the coach and managed to make it across to Calais on the ferry without anyone throwing up, unitil we stopped at a Cite Europe or (whatever it is called) in Calais.

This was when me and my mate decided to go shopping for beer to last us the coach journey to Germany. We ended up with about 10 bottles between us on the coach journey without any of the teachers noticing. So far so good!

When we got to the town we were staying at in Germany we got to our various host families houses and crashed out for the night, bear in mind we had been traveling all day and had been up for over 16 hours or so.

The next few days are really a bit of a blur but as far as I could work out they don't have many lessons over there, and when they arent in lessons they're in the pub enjoying a few pints.

Then came the day we went to Colonge, naturally me and my mate went and found a nice bar by the river and enjoyed the local beverages whilst keeping a wary eye out for teachers.

Whilst we were doing this most of the rest of the group had decided to go and hide behind the cathedral (I have no idea how) and ended up getting stoned, on the coach journey back me and my mate were well and truly sloshed but managed to make ourselves at least appear sober. While alot of the kids smelt "alot like marijuana" observed a teacher. Naturally everyone kept quiet.

By the end of the week me and my mate were just getting used to the strength of German beer (which is much stronger than the rats piss larger we had been used to getting here) Just in time for a massive party on the last night where there was me, my mate and one other english kid, who was so sloshed after just one beer that he followed me around for the rest of the night repeating the classic line
"You're English, I trust you..."

By the time we had to catch the coach home the next day my mate and I had bearly sobered up, and so it was a long and boring coach journey for us home. (With the exception of us throwing up over the side of the ferry right onto the kids below us smoking the last of their precious pot before getting back to blighty.)


I know I can't tell a good story to save my life, but go on...click "I like this" you know you want to...
( Jimbo314 is drunk on, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 20:47, Reply)

Our sadistic teacher
took us (a bunch of 8-9 year olds) on a 13-mile hike. Most of us had never walked more than a mile or 2 to/from school (those of us without Chelsea Tractors of course).

These days, the kids & parents would be suing for human rights abuse!

Edit: length? wouldn't have minded if the walk hadn't been so long
( Mrs Trouser is probably annoying Dave just by being here on, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 20:31, Reply)

Oops
Once when at school, I fell over my shoelace.

Badum Tisch!

Length? Wouldn't have happened if it wasn't so long.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 19:48, Reply)

He filmed us.
People in the Swindon area may remember that a few months ago a certain Head-Teacher was accused of being a Paedophile and was forced to leave his job. He was my Head-Teacher.
In year 6 we went on a Trip to France and on the first coach journey we made a stop at a public toilet. For some reason said Head-teacher followed us in and filmed us.
While we were pissing.
He filmed us.
While we were pissing.
He pointed the camera at us.
While we were pissing.
He neglected to completely edit this out of the final version that parents were allowed to buy. So there is a short flash of me and a couple of my mates.
While we were pissing.


Strange thing was, though, this still doesn't really bother me. What does bother me however is that in the aforementioned flash of us in the video my friend appears to be staring at my cock.

Length? He wasn't impressed.
(littlenipple hate's bad grammar, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 19:38, Reply)

When I was in grade school...about 10 years old
I joined the Safety Patrol...the idea was they'd give some of the kids a neon orange sash and have us stand at intersections by the school and make sure the smaller kids crossed the street safely

I got drafted into doing it as I had a rep back then as a trouble maker and it was thought some responsibility would be good for me but what they never considered was giving me some power was a mistake(think what happens to normal people with absolute power then think what a kid who suddenly gets even a little power...a kid who had no business with any power at all)

I would stop trucks and make them sit while there were kids a hundred feet away who might or might not decide to cross at my intersection but I felt it was better to be safe than sorry...anyway this part of the story doesn't really concern the QOTW

As a reward for "volunteering" to be in the Safety Patrol all of us got to go to a tourist town an hour away where we would get to spend the day riding roller coasters and having fun

But first the teacher who was watching over us all wanted to ride the "Ducks"...this was a waterproof bus that could also run in the water as a boat...it took us on all the sights and then into the river where we looked at tons of rocks...needless to say by the time we came to the end all the kids were bored out of our minds

To get out though we had to pass through a souvenir shop where most of the kids bought candy and picture cards but I was entranced with a six foot rubber snake that was selling for only $2...without anyone noticing I made my purchase but I didn't know right then what I was going to do with it until later when we were forced into a "House of Horrors"...yeah the teacher thought it would be fun but it was just a dark couple of rooms with fake scenes set up supposedly to frighten us

It worked better than she hoped because while in there I had an idea to spice things up...I took my rubber snake(it was formed into a coil like it was about to strike) and I unwound it and placed it around this girl's neck

She began to scream because once I let go it coiled back up and she thought it was alive...her screaming got the other kids all scared and running into walls...everyone was looking for the exit in the dark and bouncing off each other yelling...the commotion finally got the attention of the guy running this particular attraction and he opened the door and when everyone saw the light from the door they rushed over knocking him down and getting him trampled by about 30 kids(and two teachers)

Since I was the only one laughing hysterically I was quickly pronounced the guilty party and my poor snake was confiscated

I was punished in the worst possible way...from somewhere the teacher found a thick cord and tied us together by our wrists for the rest of the day so no roller coaster for me since she didn't like them..no go carts because they were one person vehicles and tied together we didn't fit

Actually it didn't turn out all that bad since she wasn't that bad of a person and we ended up getting along pretty well but she still didn't untie us until we were getting on the bus to go home
(Inventor of the slipless banana peel, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 19:34, Reply)

Year 7..
Ahhh the joys of year 7...

We went to some crazzzy activity place for a week.. slept in dorms and had a hell allot of fun!

Like.. pushing people in the river, watching you wants to be a millionaire before the arranged disco..

Oh and staying up in the dorm until 2 running up and down (50 odd boys, half the boys in the year)shining torches and generally pissing people of you wanted to sleep.. Like our teacher..

Fun times.. not so fun when i asked the girl i liked to go out with me (year 7 remember) being told no and not being talked to by her for at least a year. But damn.. I'd stil bang her..

Length? Not much at all..I was just reaching puberty
(Samsquanch, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 19:14, Reply)

I took German class only because
at the end of the year all the language classes would get to attend a world's food fair in Milwaukee, WI(a big city in my state)

So I and a friend ditched the class once inside and went back outside to explore the city(we didn't realize that once out there was no way to get back in again due to an overzealous security guard)

We ended up ironically...considering it was a food fair we had been supposed to be attending...starving by the day's end after all our walking about the city

We had some great adventures though because the building was in a poor part of the city and just blocks away were throngs of street walkers who thought we were the cutest things ever...we were both small and skinny and soooo out of place those girls teased us unmercifully to pass the time

We window shopped at some of the most(to us anyway) disgusting sex shops that had their wares prominently displayed for anyone to see(this was in the 70's) and studied with microscopic intensity the posters of the local porno theatres

We learned a lot that day and if the teacher had known she would of had a conniption fit

BTW I don't know whether to be proud we pulled it off without getting caught or somewhat disturbed because the entire day passed and no one even noticed we were gone
(Inventor of the slipless banana peel, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 19:00, Reply)

Not a bad trip, nightmare journey home...
When i was 15 we went to Longleat Safari park. Trip wasnt bad at all (except accidentally groping some old lady's boobage, but thats another story), but when the coach wasn't waiting to pick us up, things went rapidly down hill.
45 Minutes late, the coach thundered into the car park, and the driver may as well have pulled a handbrake turn and done a few donuts - our nice, safety concious, old bus driver was still sat behind the wheel, but something was....different.
It soon became apparent that while we had all been throwing rocks at lions, he's been in the boozer celebrating the fact that he'd got 5 numbers and the bonus ball the night before (which he hadnt found out until after he dropped us off). Not only was the fact that he was smashed a worry, but the combination of drink and a nice warm coach soon wore him down and he began drifting off, gently swerving onto the hard shoulder and back into the slow lane every few minutes. We got home alright, but were shitting it.
(Nyphur, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 17:53, Reply)

Geography field trip, year 9.
I found myself sitting on a rock halfway up a mountain in Wales. All my friends had decided to stop talking to me (for some reason that escapes me now, but they did that a lot at school). The rain was sideways, the wind was coming from all directions. The waterproof clothing provided by the hostel was very much un-waterproof. It was gray, cold, wet and vile. And then the geography teacher pipes up

"Alright then girls, lets draw the landscape".

Drawing in sideways rain is not a possibility. I think we all laughed at her.

On the plus side, on the last day they let us loose to do some information-gathering in a small village (how many post offices and sheep there are kind of thing). Me and my friend (who had started talking to me again) spent the day sitting in a cafe eating chips and making the answers up. It was going great until I put sugar on my chips.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 17:47, Reply)

Austria / USA
I've been abroad with my school a couple of times, not really had many mishaps or super-exciting things happen, but still...

Austria:
- Mates decide to rub that gel that colours your hair, in my hair. Unluckily for them, the colour didn't show up in my thick, long(ish) hair. Still had to wash the gel out and show up at dinner with wet, dripping hair though.

- Endless snowball fights on the ski resort, as you do. Teachers eventually joining in, with the PE teacher critisizing everyone on their crap throws.

- Mate decides to have a nosebleed on the coach. Very, very long coach ride (UK to Austria via coach + channel tunnel...). Fun.

- Spending the trip in a haunted hotel room. It appeared haunted anyway, what with stuff moving about with no logical explanation and such.

- Mate decides he's a pro skier, jumps up a snow ramp. Very impressive height, unimpressive landing...on his arse...not comfortable while wearing skiis). Two more people from our group think they can do better, resulting in a pile of bodies.

- Some stupid, whiny girl, who kept crying whenever she fell over. Cruised down the wrong hill (out of bounds due to lack of snow). Fell over and sat there crying for half an hour, instead of walking back up sideways, as she had recently been taught.

USA:
- Arrived at the hotel about 3 hours before we had to get up for breakfast and depart for the ski shop.

- Mate pisses in the girls' bathtub. Teachers forced him to wash it out, so he washed it out with one of the girl's sponges. The girl had to wait outside while he did this, and got asked by a girl from another school if she'd been caught having sex with him.

- Some random black bloke, playing with his cock when we walked past...

- Scared the shit out of roommates after telling them I was a Satanist. Of course, they assumed the heavy, devil-worship type, but I actually follow LaVey's Satanism (not devil worship).

- Our room was next door to the girls' room, and there was an unlocked door between the two rooms. Every time I got out of bed for a piss, I came back and there was a fucking girl lying there. This made it impossible to change without the fear of a female watching...

- Hotel telepohnes! Wonderful things! Phoning classmates' rooms and asking for room service is actually pretty fun. Accidentally phoning the teacher's room is not.

- We ended up going to Ben & Jerry's at about 11:40pm. The only people who bought anything were teachers...

- I got left behind in the Empire State Building. When we came to the metal detectors, I had to remove all my metal accessories, taking about 10 minutes, while everyone just wanders off to the top. I had no fucking idea where to go, and got on the right lift purely by luck. When we got to the top, we couldn't see anything though, as it was so foggy. It was like being inside a huge white room. And some kid threw a bouncy ball off the top.

I think that's it...

And by the way, if you're ever in America, have a slice of pizza. Best pizza ever.
(Grim Jimm makes loud noises at myspace.com/corpsewalking, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 17:43, Reply)

Stratford
when i was in year 9 we went to stratford to watch a midsummer
nights dream. the play was on at night so we got all day to wonder
off.

one boy decided it would be a great idea to kidnap a duck so climbs
into the river only to be bitten by the duck he was trying to kidnap

me and my mate went to mcdonalds and decided to find somewhere to sit.
we started this mad food fight and lots of people were looking at
us with horrified faces. thats right we were sat outside a church.

and to top it all off one of the teachers got pissed and got us all
kicked out of the theatre.

what a day.

.
(i eat crayons, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 17:35, Reply)

Uni organised summer school...
...in Berlin this summer.

I'd had the flights booked a month in advance, so it only cost me about £55 for the return. But I, showing my usual powers of recollection, got the dates jumbled up in my head, thinking that the date i was coming home was the date i was flying out.

So one monday morning i was out in my garden enjoying the heatwave when i heard my mobile ring. The phone was inside so i was in two minds about whether i could be arsed to answer it or not, but i needed a fresh beer from the fridge anyway so i thought i might as well go now and answer the phone at the same time.

It's an unknown number.
"Hello?"
"MrTrent?"
"Yes"
"I'm whatsherface from that uni you go to. I'm just ringing to find out why you aren't in Berlin"
"..."
"Y'see, everyone's been there since saturday night and they were wondering why you haven't joined them yet?"

Luckily there was a flight out from the local airport a few hours later. Cost me £150 though.

Spack.
(MrTrent cannot think of a clever sig., Fri 8 Dec 2006, 17:11, Reply)

Room mate
At least this taught me a lesson.

In preparation for a week long trip aged 10 to Dinton (somewhere near stonehenge) we all had to write on a piece of paper in class who we would like to share a room with. Basically a list of some names so teacher could give us our 1st/2nd choice etc.


As many 10 year olds do I was prone to taking things to extremes. Put it this way if asked to write my address as the point where I should have stopped I would have continued:
Great Britain, Europe, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way... and similarly pathetic themes.

SO, asked who I would share a room with I named my mates, then went on to name class aquaintances, then others in the class and finished with the class Nerd-Mong called "Jeremy".

I think I must have been the ONLY person to name him as he was my new room mate. I was inconsolable when I found out.

So all the cool kids were in a bunk room and playing stupid games into the early hours while Jeremy and I shared a twin room.

Having said that we had our own ensuite showeroom and he kept himself to himself normally quietly reading before bed so I was able to get plenty of sleep and didn't have to smell 9 other kids poo like my mate upstairs!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 8 Dec 2006, 16:54, Reply)