Knackered CD's or console game discs?
Polish out scratches with T-cut or some other car polish type stuff.

1. Polish till scratches removed and disc works again.

2. Profit
( M o D, Thu 17 May 2007, 10:26, Reply)

Best tip ever...
DONT WIPE YOUR ARSE WITH A PINEAPPLE!
(accsme cheese, Wed 16 May 2007, 12:14, Reply)

Whoever writes the 'ways to test a remote' on the newsletter
Why don't you just point it at your telly and press a button? If the channel changes it works.

Or am i not getting the point of the question?

Edit-http://www.b3ta.com/newsletter/issue277/ It seems i AM a spakka and didn't understand the question.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Wed 16 May 2007, 9:40, Reply)

Don't eat a cat.

( Shegetz Chris Kamara's comedy moustache, Wed 16 May 2007, 4:55, Reply)

...
Setting fire to your bed may void it's warranty. To avoid this, set fire to other peoples and then blame it on Vista.
(Lordfudgington is hiding the expense report filed on, Tue 15 May 2007, 12:21, Reply)

hangover
want to avoid a hangover? before you pass out asleep from drinking way too much. EAT A BAR OF CHOCOLATE! May sound stupid but it has something to do with glucose or something (biology professor told us is) and anyway. It works.
(lei, Tue 15 May 2007, 7:03, Reply)

When comforting a female friend who has just been dumped ...
... by plying her with vast quantites of red wine and cuddles on the sofa, when she turns to you and says "you're my best friend" it is time to give up and leave. Face it, buddy: Your chances of a 'sympathy f@@k' just went out the window!
(Dionysian Aut viam inveniam aut faciam, Mon 14 May 2007, 14:08, Reply)

Johnnies
A money saving tip courtesy of a condom machine in the pub toilet at Euston station, upon which was scrawled;

"Save money, cum on her face"
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Mon 14 May 2007, 12:20, Reply)

Toothbrush
You can get another three month's use out of your toothbrush by trimming the bristles down to where they're still straight and firm.

Whether you'd want to is another matter.
( TK-421 wasn't at his post on, Sun 13 May 2007, 2:31, Reply)

Crossing the road?
Crossing the road in NYC? Don't bother pressing the button on the traffic signals. They are just placebos - the whole traffic system is controlled by computers on a sequence, and the button is only there to make you feel like you have some control. It does nothing whatsoever.
(Flickr_Freak is a figment of your imagination., Fri 11 May 2007, 16:05, Reply)

Top tip:
Write something other than 'Top Tip' for your fucking subject title. The whole question is called Top Tips, you cocktacular spermbiscuits.
( Iki I think my camel is dead., Fri 11 May 2007, 13:05, Reply)

Spending money on expensive DJ equipment?
Simply buy prerecorded CD's or MP3's of artists who are almost certainly exponentially better than you, for a fraction of the cost.
(WittyUsernameHere, Wed 9 May 2007, 18:00, Reply)

BATTER YOU!
want to avoid being thrashed around a pub car park late at night?

read the qotw thoroughly and dont post the same effing thing for the umpteenth time with the feeble pre amble of 'probly bindun'.

IT HAS BINDUN AND I WILL RAPE YOU TO DEATH!
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Wed 9 May 2007, 16:39, Reply)

Betting
Always back the horse that opens favourite in the last race at Windsor on a Monday night.
(gjb006, Tue 8 May 2007, 17:54, Reply)

Carpets
Furniture left indents in your carpet? Place an ice cube in the dent, leave it overnight, and the following morning, dent shall be gone.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Tue 8 May 2007, 7:38, Reply)

lavatories
If there is a gap under the door, write "Beware midget Limbo Dancers".
(kitescreech still here, Sat 5 May 2007, 23:02, Reply)

When BBQ'ing sausages...
...leave them in warm water for 10 minutes before putting them on the grill. This not only seals them from bursting, but should ensure that you don't get "black on the outside, pink in the middle" poisoning^*.

^* Except if you're a complete mong and throw them into flames directly or onto coals - but if you cook like this yoiu probably deserve the shits.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Fri 4 May 2007, 11:03, Reply)

Are you an only child?
fear not: Move to America where Big brother will always be looking over your shoulder.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 3 May 2007, 16:03, Reply)

Hiccups
I can't believe my first post is about this but there seem to be alot of posts about how to cure hiccups on here and this subject has come up several times as a topic of conversation between myself and some of my NHS professional friends.

DRM, (Digital Rectal Massage) not the way they try and stop us stealing music.

I thiink the guy even won a Nobel prize for it.
(Just_Mister, Wed 2 May 2007, 16:56, Reply)

To cure hiccups
swallow bleach
( Roland E O'Dorant R Tape loading error, 0:1, Tue 1 May 2007, 23:20, Reply)

Top tip...
Do not ever panic and try to spray a spider that is dangling in front of your face...sitting right beside a box fan that is blowing towards you.
(NancyycnaN Wðñ'† ¥ðµ §hðw §ðmê ¢l姧?, Tue 1 May 2007, 19:11, Reply)

religious aspirations
This one is for the Ladyeez:
Girls if you are serious about finding true meaning in your lives why dont you become muslims and chop your cliterises off with rusty hacksaws.
(amy crackpipe firing up Camden, Mon 30 Apr 2007, 3:58, Reply)

If you're into pain...
Try inserting a finger into your japs-eye and stretching it until it tears
(small-non-bearded-gentleman-of-indistinguishable-origin, Fri 27 Apr 2007, 15:27, Reply)

Top Tip:
If you want be denied sex for a week, next time your flatmate says "You have a small tinge of ginger in your beard" just simply mentioned it was because your face was touching your redheaded girlfriend while you were sleeping, and then finish it off with the comment "That's how the rust spreads"

=(
(WittyUsernameHere, Fri 27 Apr 2007, 10:44, Reply)

Always let your pot pie cool down before you eat it
or your mouth might spontaneously combust.
( mariosoup is the patron saint of quality footwear, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 22:25, Reply)

shorts
running out of shorts to wear? they still to expensive to buy or have no money? Then heres the answer! buy cheap jeans from local pound shop or supermarket and cut them just below the knee. Alternitivly, if your favourite trousers have rips in them, cut them up and wear them until crotch has huge hole in them!
( Captain Pilchard The king of B-movies!, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 3:23, Reply)

Travelling Abroad
When in Berlin or Vienna you should try and speak German to the people who live there ... it's the only language they understand.
(Jymbul's Academy of Twang Alan Hansen probably drinks a bit.se!, Wed 25 Apr 2007, 14:21, Reply)

Having trouble acheiving orgasm?
Look at pictures of naked people on the net and imagine that you are having sexual intercourse with them - and that you don't have to persuade them to do so by lying about loving them or pretending that you have any interest in what they have to say.
(frankspencer, Mon 23 Apr 2007, 16:21, Reply)

Realised that your life is meaningless?
Congratulations. It gets worse from here. Your body will start to deteriorate, you'll be ill more often and everything keeps getting more expensive.
(frankspencer, Mon 23 Apr 2007, 16:18, Reply)