more animal tales....
Said Jack Russell actually *licking* my feet during sex.

And then, afterwards, licking the wet patch on the sheets.

I'm glad I'm not a bloke, otherwise my bone would have been well and truly lost... on more than one occasion.
Length? It's been going on for fucking months now!
(jothemofo, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 0:19, Reply)

piss
i was having a piss in the downstairs loo, when i get that strange feeling that somone is watching me!
all of a sudden a 3 yr old, daughter, puts a hand underneath me and touches me balls.
when i got off the feckin ceiling..........
(brussellsprout Im a fucking genius. official., Thu 11 Oct 2007, 23:59, Reply)

laying in bed
when I was 14 or 15 I was about to sleep only to hear something going on outside, so I look out the window and see the couple in the flat opposite doing it doggystyle, I heard everything as they had the top part of their window open and the curtains open with only the nets blockin anything, I never heard or saw another show again tho, no matter how many times I looked out the window, Once though, they started kissin and looked like they was gonna have a session when they stopped kissin and the dude looked up looking straight at me and so I ducked but never saw them at it again
(Master of Muppets, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 23:47, Reply)

Not really voyeurism, 'cause she knew I was looking....
Many, many, moons ago, when I was an early teen, I had to spend a few days in hospital with suspected appendicitis (I think I went a little OTT trying to get out of doing a talk at school one day, but that's another story).

Being a young teen, I was in the children's ward, and there was a girl in the bed next to me, I think she was a little older than me, but not by much. Anyway, I can't remember why she was in hospital, but she wasn't able to move very much, and she had some kind of frame keeping the bed covers off her skin. I'd been chatting to her for a while when she said she felt cold and asked if I'd pull the bed covers up a little as they were starting to slip off the frame a little.

So, (and with complete innocence), I lifted the bed covers to pull them further up, and to her embarrassment (and possibly more to my embarrassment) discovered that she was laid completely starkers under the covers with everything on display.

After my eyes sprung back into their sockets (after what seemed like several minutes of trying hard not to look, and failing), I quickly put the covers back down, apologised and got back in my bed. We didn't speak much after that, and I went home early the following day, feeling much better.
( cantshopforshit, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 23:37, Reply)

Porno Paul
My neighbour has his computer set at an angle that I'm sure he imagines no one can see if they were able to look in his window.

He forgot one small detail, though -- our L-shaped building is on a slight incline, so our floor is just a little higher than his.

This means that we have been able to learn his tastes in internet pornography over the past two years by doing nothing more than looking out our living room window. He likes curvy brunettes, sitcks to softcore, and I have a hard time keeping a straight face when I run into him in the hallway.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 23:27, Reply)

Domestic violence
I've come across a few domestic arguments of variable levels of violence but one sticks in my mind.
Walking past a house in one of the less salubrious areas of town I heard a muffled cry of "FUCKING CUNT!". The yelling became a lot clearer when one of the protagonists hurled a chair into the kitchen window. Not through the window like in the movies but into it loudly smashing both panes of glass and bending the middle of the window frame.
The most remarkable thing about it was the chair was flung by a teenage lass.
I pity her future husband.
( P45 Sent by my Bosch 509e in the year 2000, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 23:23, Reply)

oh my......
......so I'm sitting there quietly enjoying my alcohol-laden beverage when I notice 2 women across from me kissing.

Next thing I know, Woman A's hand snakes down to Woman B's legs, pushes up her skirt, and starts playing around under her panties.

"interesting" I think to myself. (yeah, i'm a girl)

Then Woman A gets on her knees in front of Woman B, yanks down Woman B's panties, and starts licking furiously!

Next thing you know, Woman C comes along and starts kissing Woman B while fondling Woman B's boobs! Woman B is moaning by now.

Husband of Woman B walks up, sits down next to me, and says "God I love my wife!"

My response was more along the lines of .........."It is a truely beautiful thing to watch your friends having a good time at a party. How about after they are done, you and I find a room?"






But is it true voyeurism if you didn't just happen upon the act because they knowingly started in front of a group of people at *that* kind of party?
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 11 Oct 2007, 23:22, Reply)

Your Council Tax at work.
My mate used to work on the council bin wagon and he tells me that every Tuesday at about 5-30AM they used to park up in a certain street to watch some woman ride an exercise bike in her underwear for half an hour. For some reason she never closed the curtains and had the light on while she worked herself into a lather.
( P45 Sent by my Bosch 509e in the year 2000, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 23:16, Reply)

Uni House
Me in my 2nd year. Massive house out in Anfield. Everyone is out clubbing, apart from me as I've worked til midnight and come home. Order pizza, watch Late Night Poker, Drink beer.

I ring for pizza. Job done.

Pizza arrives, I pay, take pizza upstairs. Remember Fredericca, French PGCE exchange student has the can opener in her room.

Push open door slightly, look in mirror opposite to Fred being taken by some random girl from behind.

I get about 5 minutes gawping before in a truely british way I knock and ask if she has seen the bottle opener.

She calmly said no, then closed the door on me.

Why did I speak...
(gjb006, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 23:00, Reply)

Pigeons
Is it just me or has anyone else been happily minding there own business at a bus stop, when quite unsuspectingly you turn around and are faced by two pigeons doing it?

Oh I think I once heard my Dad and his ex girlfriend at it, she shouted his name- that was disturbing.

When me and the boyfriend first started going out (We were 18) we got carried away and his sister heard us.

When my boyfriend was a toddler he once walked in on his mum and dad doing it so he jumped on his dads back and shouted 'weeeee!!!!'

I could go on....
(purplefairy, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 22:52, Reply)

Oh dear....
...as was the usual with the first serious girlfriend, trying to find a place to shag was remote. However, we found a spot just off a country lane, nice and quiet and frequented there. The bonnet of my car was warm from the engine and also warm form our grinding sessions. One night as we both got back into the car, I saw another couple in their car....I can only imagine the look of laughter of seeing us grinding our love bits and the look of horror as my furry backside was going up and down like a yo-yo...
Last time we fucked htere.

Lenght? It was a nice warm night...
(CdrVimes, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 22:44, Reply)

Pet voyeurism!
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who gets creeped out by having an animal watching me!

The worst was the time I had my girlfriend on top of me, leaning forward to kiss me, and had a Jack Russell terrier's nose suddenly come into contact with my scrotum. Had I been able to reach her, I would have flung the damn thing out the second story window...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 11 Oct 2007, 22:39, Reply)

Damn door to doors
My computer is, rather oddly, in my living room in full view of anyone coming down into our little road to my house if the curtains are open. However, usually, no one does.

So. I'm sitting at the computer and... Well. You know what happens when you're on computers. Without bothering to close the curtains, I began my illicit act.

Then some bloke, suit and tie, appears in my prehiperal vision. Strutting towards my door. I quickly say "Oh fiddlesticks" or something slightly stronger and attempt to wrestle the snake back into the cage as it were. I look out the window into the eye of the guy who doesn't stop strutting towards my door, but definitely makes eye contact with me.

When he knocked on the door I answered. He asked if my folks were home. With a slightly red face I said "nah."... He followed that up with a grin and the phrase "You don't have to look so ashamed and embarassed".

I said goodbye and closed the door.


.. And yes, I finished afterwards.
(Uhmfhshhghd, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 22:37, Reply)

Fifty 10-year old children...
..Including me, were in a summer play with this theatre company. We were brought to the capital to perform for a few days running. We were staying in a dingy hostel frequented by the hobos, and opposite were flats above shops.

So this lovely young couple were in their flat kissing each other vigourously. In almost sitcom fashion after about ten minutes both of them stopped, and turned their heads to look out the window. This 10 foot window across from them had fifty children glued to it, and they decided it was time to get lost. They then went upstairs and pulled the curtains. Sex must've been a bit awkward then eh?
(AshTeamRacing, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 22:36, Reply)

Another kitty related post
It's quite off putting when my cat watches at me when I'm trying to have sex with my bf. My bloke can ignore it, but I feel like my evil little kitty is judging me. I can tell by the disgusted look on her face.
( gypsy turnips, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 22:31, Reply)

The Best Office
My office window looks out across a quiet residential street. There's an apartment block opposite and the apartment directly opposite my window is owned by a very hot nubile young lady. Who doesn't believe in closing the blinds. And who walks around the place nekkid several times a day (when she gets up.....when she gets back from the gym....when she gets tarted up to go out). This morning's show was the best one in a while
She often has fellas round too, late at night. Some of them pull the blinds closed, but by no means all of them. And she's certainly an enthusiastic host.
Needless to say she's a legend in my office.
I have a deal with the IT boys: I'll send a coded HelpDesk email whenever it's showtime if they'll always make sure I'm taken care of whenever my PC needs fixing, or I need some app installed. Everyone wins.
(Thomas_The_Spankengine, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 21:47, Reply)

At uni...
My bedroom window overlooked a small garden at the rear of a disused church. Imagine my disgust when I awoke early one morning, opened my curtains and found myself staring straight at a lanky ginger man's erect cock, which was promptly gobbled up by the Sklipknot-hoodie-wearing slag who knelt before him.
(jacob, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 21:46, Reply)

Oh, and one the other way. Sort of...
During my time at uni, I had to do a year's industrial placement. Now, of all the exciting places I could have ended up in, I somehow found myself in Basingstoke.

Now if you're from Basingstoke, I apologise, but it's shite. I mean, imagine the most boring place you've ever been to, and take away the fun bits.

The only good things to do were:

1. Get drunk in the pub.
2. Get drunk at home.

I would do either one of those things for the 365 days I found myself in that hell-hole. I would have given George Best a run for his money.

Anyway, on one night of doing option 1, me and a friend decided to head back to my gaff, have a few more beers in front of Eurotrash or some C5 skin flick (I can't remember which).

Walking back, upon approaching my house, I see two figures leaning on the garden wall. Well, to be more specific, I saw one bloke stood up against the wall, and one woman kneeling infront of said bloke.

Oh yes. The fella was getting a nosh off the bird. On my garden wall.

Did they stop when we started to approach? No.

Did they stop as we walked past? No.

Did they stop as we shouted 'EVENING' at the top of our voices? No.

Did the guy instead turn his head round, wink, go 'ssssssssssssssssh' and turn back to appreciate the final straight? Yes.

Was she the biggest, ugliest and dirtiest thing you'd ever seen when she stood up to wipe her mouth? Fuck yes!

Did I fantasise about the situation later, fuelled by alcohol and helped along by said skin flick? Well, that's another story...
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 21:45, Reply)

only slightly disturbing...
years ago, was at a house party. My brother was also at said party. Got royally pissed, and then shafted by some random eejit. Anyways, I was so ratted that i didnt realise some pervy types had filmed said shafting. Crashed out, then came downstairs to find video playing on the telly. Cue look of horror from me, and then look of horror from my bro, who said "oh. my. god. is. that. YOU?'. (my face was obscured for most of the vid)

We never spoke of it again.
(trickbaby, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 21:42, Reply)

Overlooked
My office overlooks some flats in the Barbican. We are the only company left in our particular office block and, I guess, most of the people in the Barbican don't realise they can be seen.

So a sudden movement makes me glance over and I am rewarded by someone opening the curtains. The law of averages would suggest that at least 50% of them would be female but no, with the exception of one flat all the others seem to be occupied by fat hairy naked blokes.

The image that is burned into my brain is watching some guy open the curtains, hunt around, pick up a pair of y-fronts, smell them and then shrug and put them on.
(bald old git was bemused and befuddled on, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 21:42, Reply)

I'm going to regret this...
Many moons ago, I had a girlfriend from a large town in Suffolk. She was a cracking girl, we got on like a house on fire, but there came a time where she couldn't find work oop north so had to move back home to her folks (we weren't at the moving in stage yet) so for a few months we did the difficult long-distance thing.

Unsurprisingly, when we did find ourselves in each other's company, we were like rabbits. Except, when I visited it her it would mean me staying at her parents' house, on the sofa bed, alone (very conservative, her parents were).

So any opportunity to make with the nekkidness was taken up with aplomb - especially one night we'd been out in town and she couldn't keep her hands off me. So we decided, as we got to her house, that Something Had To Be Done.

As it happened, her parents were in bed, but to ensure they weren't woke up by our antics, she decided to take me down the garden path (literally), into the wooded bit at the end of the garden, and give me a bit of a seeing to, her on top, me lying back and thinking of England.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, there was an alleyway that ran past the back of the garden, and the fence separating was slightly exposed at said wooded area.

So when I look up past my darling girlfriend's shoulder for a brief second as she's taking all her pent-up frustration out on me, what do I see but a couple of winos with token alcohol in brown paper bags stood, watching the action infront of them, giving me the thumbs up and appearing to motion some kind of 'give her one from us' gesture, then waved me goodbye and started off on their drunken merry way!

Well, what could I do?

I waved back. After all, in any situation one finds one in, it's manners are always important.

A week later, the girlfriend gave me a call sounding rather distressed and confused after 'some winos' had seen her walking the dogs through the park, and shouted 'THAT'S HER WHO WE WERE TELLING YOU ABOUT BOYS, SHE GOES LIKE THE CLAPPERS!!!'.

They were right.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 21:25, Reply)

fun with homosexuality
While at university, we discovered that the back of or house was overlooked by a household of gayers. We knew this because they took a shine to us, posted gay porn through our letterbox and dropped us a note inviting us to "Pork Night" at a local club.
Our bathroom window was a small square about two-feet square, with no curtain. At crotch level. So one day as I was showering, it occured to me that I might soap up my rigid schlong with a fruitsome audience observing.
I had no issues with knocking one out for the gayers, because they could only see my midsection (and foaming shaft) and wouldn't be able to identify me by that alone. It was my first and only flirtation with homoerotic voyeurism.

EDIT: MJP89 - too late, mate.
(frankspencer, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 21:09, 1 reply)

I must of been about 7 or 8
Crouching on our landing peeking out the window watching our then neighbor's 17/18 year old daughter strip off and take it roughly up against her bedroom wall.

Young enough not to be able to enjoy the moment.

Old enough to get into trouble when getting caught staring.
( nowimboard shouted "Bring On The Trumpets!" at, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 21:01, Reply)

Thin walls...
I'm not very interested in whatever "activities" my flat mates are up to but unfortunately, I can still hear them

: (

*turns music volume up ... louder*
(ladyintheradiator, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 20:45, Reply)

Recently
I saw a fat, hairy, odd-looking man wanking whilst watching me when I was naked in the bathroom.
.
.
.
Oh, it was a mirror.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 20:43, Reply)

I've told this one before, so tough...
I once had a studenty job doing the evening shift in a Supermarket. Of all the evening shift layabouts, I was the only person who would volunteer to go out and rescue the trolleys from the tramp-infested multi-storey car park next door.

The reason for this was something I kept very close to my chest - from the top floor of the car park you could see across the road to an office block. And there, on a good evening, with a following wind, you could observe one of the suits screwing the office cleaner over his desk.

As an illustration of the bourgeois-worker relationship, it was like the works of Karl Marx re-enacted porno style, with the filthy capitalist dog spunking all over her tits at the climax of this particular chapter of the revolutionary struggle.

Then I had to go back to work to stack washing powder on two quid an hour.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 20:41, Reply)

Sunday lunchtime pub incident...
Having a nice Sunday pub-lunch when one of our friends says he's just "popping home" with the girlfriend to "fetch something".

HaHa! Say we and leave them to have a 5-minute head start before walking round the corner to look through their living room window.

It sounded like a good laugh. It sounded like it would be funny. In fact, three slightly tipsy blokes had to watch a best mate shagging the arse off his girlfriend.

I have never been so embarrassed. Ten minutes later, I exceeded that level of embarrassment when they both returned to the pub and tried to carry on the conversation like nothing happened - I never looked that girl in the eye again.
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 20:26, Reply)

dogging
I was sitting in a pub in Wakefield having a loud conversation about dogging, as you do.

This guy who I had only just met 5 minutes ago(introduced by a friend, so not some pub random) was going into a long story of how he and the gf were into dogging.

One of the rules of dogging apparently is windows down = come over and join in. The couple were getting down to it with him face first in her lady parts when he feels someone reach through the window and start to give some hand relief. Not thinking to look until hes at the vinegar strokes , he saw a filthy wizened old man clutching his penis.

in his words "he was like a tiny homeless Alf Garnet look alike, and he was touching my cock"

we were all staring into our pints looking a bit embarrassed when he filled the silence with

"the worst thing about it though is that that was the best handjob I have EVER received in my life. I have to give him credit for that"

We left shortly after, the voyeurism part of course coming from the slack jawed and wide eyed office types sat behind us who had heard every last word.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 20:17, Reply)

Whilst happily reading a book
I look up, and see my next door neighbour and occasional pot smoking buddy's arse going up and down. And happily humping his Mrs. Now I mentioned this to a friend, and somehow a rumour flew through college that I had turned a webcam on them, recorded it and streamed it to the whole college. Which was of course news to me.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 11 Oct 2007, 20:17, Reply)