Krusty
My brother had a girlfriend called Kristy who was often nicknamed Krusty. Now I know two other Kristys who are sometimes called Krusty as a joke derived from Krusty the Klown, but this particular Kristy got her nickname due to a characteristic of her nether regions...

Plus my flatmate plays footy with a guy called Tugger 'cause he was caught having a tug in the showers after a game.
(Demonic, Fri 19 May 2006, 7:06, Reply)

Well as my B3TA name suggests,
I worked in a bar in Truro, where I aquired the name 'The Amazing Togaboy'. People I know in Cornwall still call me 'Toga' rather than my real name. Previous to that was 'Turkey Drummer', during an unfortunate stint at agricultural college.
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Fri 19 May 2006, 7:05, Reply)

Following ArtificialHero's post
about taking the first letter of a name + the surname, i went to college with a guy called "Dingo". EVERYONE called him Dingo. Only later i realised his name was David Ingoe. He was asking for it really. But it could have been Bingo, Lingo .... more as they come ...
(hayno, Fri 19 May 2006, 5:50, Reply)

Friend of mine,
Monique is her name, is, for reasons unknown to me, called "Mingey". She's been called this for ages, and i've never really thought about it till now. Poor girl responds to it too.
(hayno, Fri 19 May 2006, 5:30, Reply)

I had an acquaintance of mine in high school...
... by the name of Chuck Farkas. The similarity of letter sequences in his first and last names resulted in the invention of a number of amusing spoonerisms that became his nicknames: Fuck Charkas, Fark Chuckus, and Chark Fuckus, among others.

He was also known as "Upchuck" during our stint in the Boy Scouts, for no particular reason other than it sounded similar. I don't remember him doing anything that warranted being called that. Oh well.
(The 2-Belo OH SHI--[Sound of impact][End of recording], Fri 19 May 2006, 5:13, Reply)

I appear to have aquired one this week.
Dirty.
Matt sounds almost exactly like the Chinese "mait"- dirty.
This is how one of my students remembers my name.
Twat. I think there might be an amazingly difficult exam coming up.
(you FUCKING *BANG* BANG*BANG* AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!, Fri 19 May 2006, 5:09, Reply)

Us losers got our revenge...
Giving nicknames to the people who tormented us (secretly of course) which included the following:
Penis- because this teacher was such a DICK.
Caterpillar carrot top- this kid had one eyebrow..and was ginger.
Jesus-teacher looked just like him, beard and all. I don't think Jesus ever wore a ponytail though..
Grandma-girl dyed her hair blonde and turned out grayish.
Gopher-this kid had big teeth in the front.
Beaver-bigger teeth than the one mentioned above.
Rat faced Robbie-swear to god he looked like a rat..beady eyes and real short hair.
Splotch- this teacher had a black splotch of SOMETHING on his tooth.
I got called Porkchop. Yeah, I'm fat.
The best one ever: Wetseat/Betsy Wetsy- this girl sat in our area one in lunch and we didn't like her..so we made her move. When she got up out of her seat there was a WET spot where her nether regions had been. No idea what it was, but we called her that for a long time afterwords...and never sat in that seat again.
(gingerdeadgirl, Fri 19 May 2006, 5:00, Reply)

Crab.
Best friend has cancer, her husband came out with crab about 8 months ago.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 19 May 2006, 4:50, Reply)

Makes me laugh anyway...
One of the girls at work has breast implants, she gets called rubberjugs.
( Halk, Fri 19 May 2006, 4:43, Reply)

Name's Angie.
Having hormonal issues, they call me Mangie.
:(
(gingerdeadgirl, Fri 19 May 2006, 4:35, Reply)

There are a couple...
I once heard of a guy who's name was Tony Hancock, he was named "PARTS" atfer the various body parts his name reflected.. Toe, Knee, Hand, Cock. Funny stuff I thought.

My favourite one is a man I know who lost most of his fingers on one hand due to a panel saw accident. We all refer to him as "The Clock", because one hand is shorter than the other.
( Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Fri 19 May 2006, 4:26, Reply)

There was a guy at school...
Who's Firstname, Middlename and Surname could be used in their shorter forms to allow for

'Dick Willy D.'

Poor guy, was a bit special and as a result using the nickname could often be at the risk of a spack-attack.

There was also a girl in our year at secondary school who lost her phone, and when someone found it they had a snoop through the contents. One of which was a photo of her topless, on her knees, with what looked uncannily like cum in her mouth. The person who found the phone quickly bluetooth-ed the picture to their own phone before later attempting to distribute 'Jizzy-Lizzy' (or the rarer, cruder, 'Cumgullit') and her talents to anyone with an active bluetooth connection in an assembly. Including, it would seem, two teachers. She and they were not impressed and the culprit - who quite stupidly had his own name as his phone's bluetooth name - was excluded for something like a month, but the damage was done as most people had accepted the image transfer. Eek.
(daylightroddery, Fri 19 May 2006, 3:38, Reply)

from high school
a kid named ryan ansanelli"ass so smelly"(the smelly kid)
another kid bill burgamashe "burga-douchebag"(he was a douche)
so creative...
(guiltyspark, Fri 19 May 2006, 3:19, Reply)

During training
for my new job there was a girl who had the unfortunate nickname of Pang.

'Cos that was the sound the Ugly Shovel made when it hit her face. Of course then there was pang 2 & 3...
(m0n|<eY, Fri 19 May 2006, 3:09, Reply)

His name is scott
He has ginger pubes (despite not actually being a ginge himself. collar and cuffs etc) so he gets called fantapants. Not very inventive i guess, but when coupled with going into the bar on a friday evening and putting Roxanne on the juke box several times in a row but singing "scott's gran" instead...

the desired effect is more or less the same
(Rushy, Fri 19 May 2006, 2:59, Reply)

people who wish they were known by an unfortunate nickname.

My friend Neil Mugford disliked his last name and so changed it - to Neil Ford.

Similarly, there was a German immigrant in the area where I grew up called Hans Nees.

Also, a woman called Joy owns a local goth shop.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 19 May 2006, 2:42, Reply)

Thanks to the ever-wonderful 'Kevin and Perry: Go Large'...
...my nickname from then on was 'gingerpubes'.

Well, it was on a good day. Otherwise it was mostly 'ginger + obscenity'. Usually cunt.

Also had the name 'matchstick' for a while, on account of my ridiculously thin legs.

Ah, fun times...
( SocialRobot, Fri 19 May 2006, 2:30, Reply)

My Dads mate...
When he was a nipper was called Nigel. He was black...you can see where this is going...

They called him Nigger.

In a none offensive way of course, my dad says Nigel didn't mind either.

Also one of my mates, FB (check earlier post) is a DJ and has a DJ mate who is kinda half-caste, we call him Black Tony or Peppersteak Tony because his moles make him look like peppercorn sauce.
(PieEater, Fri 19 May 2006, 2:18, Reply)

Damn it!
In some course last year we'd just completed major projects for external assessment (ie projects sent off to foreign countries/etc for grading).

We'd been asked to do peer review before submitting a final draft, and on my friend's paper I ended multiple comments with "damn it!" for no particular reason.

She didn't print out new charts.

She turned it in.

This just happened to be one of the papers selected to be sent in for grade assessment, to make certain the teacher had the scaling right.

Henceforth, the teacher referred to me as
"damn it girl".
(Fodqou, Fri 19 May 2006, 2:14, Reply)

not so much a nickname...
but a mistake that everyone makes!

my name is candace...
and on every letter i ever get from college or the bank...
it's spelled 'candance'...
which really pisses me off!
(Candy-O <-likes scotch, Fri 19 May 2006, 2:08, Reply)

Not the worst, but worth mention
My nickname since sophomore year has been Seman. Oddly enough it did not arise because of any perversion, but only because if you take the first letter of my last name (M) and put it in the middle of my first name (Sean, if you couldn't figger it out). It wouldn't have been so bad, but the teachers picked it up. (The students didn't find out about my strong affinity for pornography until junior year, though) Now whenever I get on fellow students' nerves in public, they just say, Shut up Seman, and out goes any chance of not coming off as a perv to the ladies.
(pimaw3n, Fri 19 May 2006, 1:56, Reply)

Theres a friend of mine who we
continue to make up nicknames for His name is Donnan and so far he's been:
Donna the man.
Donnyvan or Donnyvan the tinyman
Donnyvan of the dead.
D-van the T-man.
Donny mcdoogle.
D-MAN.
Destructo Donny.
Donny.
Danny.
He hates us. His name now seems to be Donnyvan. Also we are planning a TV show pilot for a show Called "Donnyvan the Tinyman" about a lepracaun who eats peoples kneecaps.
( d d, Fri 19 May 2006, 1:52, Reply)

When I was 10 or so
I was very naive, sexually ambiguous and even more ugly than I am now.
They used to call me "It's Pat!" and I didn't know why until a couple of years ago when I started watching Saturday Night Live.
I also have incredibly thick, curly hair that was kind of short at the time and had formed an afro. So on top of that, they called me Bush, which I was fine with until a friend felt sorry enough to tell me what it meant.
But now my hair is long, and I have breasts, so you can tell I'm a girl. As an added bonus most of the people who made fun of me are now in juvenile detention.
All is well.
( trintrin has jam for blood, Fri 19 May 2006, 1:41, Reply)

I was known
as The Walking Dead during my schooldays, as I was very tall for my age, as well as being stick-insect thin and having an extremely pale complexion. The fact that I managed to break my arm by just falling over in a relatively uninteresting way while playing football led to the name "Brittlebones"

I also had various puns made on my surname (Cockbill), such as Cocktail, Cockballs and the splendidly abstract Snotwheels, which I loved merely because they missed the obvious penis-related joke and went off on a massive tangent.
( Chrico is a bounder and a cad, Fri 19 May 2006, 1:31, Reply)

Never really had a nickname, just insults
but I do know this guy who tried to pick his own nickname, and as you know, thats just asking for it. I mean you might as well ask to be kicked in the balls cos every fucker is gonna take a swing at you after telling people you want to be called 'Ford'.

My mate is a huge hitchhikers guide to the galaxy fan (so am I, hence the name) but he takes it to extremes. He used to carry a towel everywhere with him (read the book and you will know why) and climb trees to write his poetry. Anyway, he announced one day that "If you want to give me a nickname, then I want it to be Ford"

He kinda got his wish, he ended up being called 'Escort', 'Fiesta', 'Granada' etc etc...
( Bamboo Steamer, Fri 19 May 2006, 1:27, Reply)

The originality
My nickname in high school was Dave, God knows how they got that from David but thats kids for ya.

I was also called puppy dog in primary school cause I had chops like a puppy. Also in this area up north called Billinge everyone calls me Ozzy.


One of me mates had the best array of nicknames. His surname is Herrington which then went to Herring which then jumped somewhat weirdly to Ferret and thus Fezza and finally settling on the catchy FezRat.

I also used to call a girl 6357I13 cause she had it written on her hand once and I've never forgotten it :S
(grey.squirrel, Fri 19 May 2006, 1:24, Reply)

The Initials Game
I'm not sure if this counts... a game of sorts was played at my school where we would take our full initials (works best with 3 or more) and make something amusing of them, a nickname or whatnot. Ignoring the guy whose initials were IRA, it give results like this:

David James Sutherland = DJ Sutherland

And of course, how do I come out of this situation?

Gay Cunt Tumilty.

They all seemed to think I was gay back then; either that or they'd just ran out of insults. Amorous thundercunts.
( Iki I think my camel is dead., Fri 19 May 2006, 0:37, Reply)

I am not what you'd could...
..slender, I'm 6'1, 36" waist and rather, stocky, all my life I've been on the large side (to say the least) yet despite obesity and a facial birthmark I never earnt a nickname..

until that is one day at work.

Andre, the 50+ yr old, supposed actor, half Spanish, rich, bull shitter decide one day to ask me the immortal question

"have you been working out?"
"no, why?"
"well, you're looking rather chunky"

well, ever since then I've been referred to as chunky.

Kinda hate it, but I do like the fact I've finally got a nickname.
(Laxly, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:36, Reply)

Shitbrick
I used to shit bricks.

Now I only do breezeblocks, and the occasional cobble.
(RowdsterDelux, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:30, Reply)

Possibly to do with swimming...
One of mine in secondary school was "Douglas the Whale, The King of the Fishes"...one of my mates even made me feature as such a creature in a flash movie he made about godzilla.

A friend of mine was apparently called "Spermy"...because she looked like a sperm...what the curly fuck?

Having a name like Douglas makes you open to a fair few names...particularly im primary school e.g:

Doug Funny (didn't find out about the cartoon for years)
Ducklas
Doglas (or maybe he just couldn't pronounce it...HIS name was Goke)
Father Dougal/Doogle
McDougal the Freud/third
Dung beeteel (as to how he pronounced it
Fin (wtf?!)/findelheindrich/findelusé
Nug/Nuggles

And aside from that every person I know has made the 'What do you call a man with a spade on his head?' followed shortly by 'What do you call a man WITHOUT a spade on his head?'

You call him fucking pissed off after all these years!

Length? PENIS!!
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Fri 19 May 2006, 0:29, Reply)