Play in my ARCADE you fuckers
www.5punk.co.uk/phpbb/activity.php

_{This post was brought to you by the post before 5pm and run like fuck authority}
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:52, archived)

Little elephant
On my knee
As little as
Elephant's can be.

Little elephant
Broke my leg
And is crushing my chest
Blah blah egg.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:54, archived)

I have to sign up..?
Fuck that right off chap.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:54, archived)

no, you sign up in order to get access to some of the better games
the large majority of games can be accessed without even registering you blind cunt

/refluffs
(Woo Elephant Yeah, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:56, archived)

Well it says I have to fucking log the fuck in.
So fuck right fucking off.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:57, archived)

Your site
has now been websensed unfortunately
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:57, archived)

how many episodes (of the new series)
of dr who were the daleks in, cos i was watching the last few last night and i think one was missing
( the.jokl @jonksson, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:39, archived)

3

( homonk, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:41, archived)

6

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:41, archived)

A dalek is missing?

Call for the Doctor!
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:41, archived)

Seventy.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:42, archived)

Four.


Or possibly another number.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:42, archived)

3 episodes
Episode 6 and episode 12/13 (whcih was a two parter)

But the rest of the series is good, especially 9/10 (and episode 7 if you're a Simon Pegg fan)
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:42, archived)

Your old hair looked better.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:44, archived)

so you keep saying.
But the pic in my old profile was from a while back, so my hair was very long and I looked like a cock.

img.photobucket.com/albums/v455/dellwho/meold.jpg
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:49, archived)

That picture
makes me think of Vic Reeves
( so long and thanks for all the fish, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:51, archived)

I have a bruce campbell
jaw
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:52, archived)

How much did you pay for that
on Ebay?
( trev Is not interested in your fripperies, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:54, archived)

and I own
Peter Cushing's hip!
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:57, archived)

You look much better now.
I would.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:51, archived)

You are James May
AICMFP
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:52, archived)

*Googles*






www.accountancy.state.az.us/james%20may%20pic1.jpg ?
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:55, archived)

Try this
one
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:58, archived)

Have you seen him in LOTD yet?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:45, archived)

Lord Of The Dance



Gayer
( Hankster, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:49, archived)

No no
We arent allowed to offend minorities anymore

Robin said so
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:55, archived)

Link please

( Hankster, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 17:02, archived)

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Let's not go over all this again.
I'm sure you can imagine what was said.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 17:03, archived)

Not a clue
Was it something to do with Darkies and poofs?

;)
( Hankster, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 17:05, archived)

Come on msn
And all shall be revealed
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 17:06, archived)

What was Robin doing round here anyway?
Shouldn't he be in Edinburgh, sticking it to the man?
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 17:03, archived)

I've not seen the film yet
but I saw the pic of him.

He's got too much make up on. I was hoping for something like Tom Savinni zombie where it's obviously him.

Pegg just lokes like Bub!
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:51, archived)

Lord of the Dance ?
(SquidHead, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:53, archived)

was 13
the last one, cos it went from the cardiff one to the last one
( the.jokl @jonksson, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:45, archived)

it went from Cardiff (ep 11)
to episode 12/13 which was the last two parter.
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:50, archived)

okay it was
episode 12 that i missed, anyone know where i can get it from?
( the.jokl @jonksson, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:55, archived)

Ouch!
Missing episode 12 was a mistake. You ruined it!

Get it off the torrents. torrentspy has them all
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:59, archived)

Twelvety

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:43, archived)

none, they were just lost

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:45, archived)

some twat
burned them.
(SquidHead, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:53, archived)

*points*
selfdestruct.net/kitties/
(Naughty Tortoise, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:39, archived)

So... much... fluff...
*asplodes*
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:43, archived)

Cripes! Too many kittens!
(MSB Load universe into cannon. Aim at brain. Fire., Mon 4 Jul 2005, 17:42, archived)

Nice animation in bottom left ....
Tenacious D
( iainiainiainiain, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:33, archived)

oh ah

( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:34, archived)

oh ah that's how it starts
but then later there's running... and screaming....
(Experiment 626, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:45, archived)

What?

( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:34, archived)

Nice animation in bottom left

Tenacious D

Is what he/she said. Do try to keep up.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:35, archived)

Getoutofmyofficegetoutofmyofficegetoutofmyoffice!

( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:38, archived)

office orifice
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:40, archived)

Oh good so someone else read it too...
Hmm...now to figure out if this is some sort of code...
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:39, archived)

I have absolutely no idea what it meant though

( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:40, archived)

So you managed to get a train back in the end then?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:39, archived)

What?
Where?
Eh?

Heelp!
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:37, archived)

That's what your mother said
when I was done with her.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:37, archived)

why you...
mother fucker.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:38, archived)

Spack your willy in a blind man's turd.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:38, archived)

Horses go sideways
in the arena of your envy.
Coco bean shine and lead my into frogs.

And I still make more sense than you.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:40, archived)

twat.

( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:45, archived)

Cunt.

( iainiainiainiain, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 18:17, archived)

Anyone want some tunes? I'm playing 'em.
81.179.101.232:2608 with added gingerperson rants
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:32, archived)

YAY!
THUNDER!

*hopes it isn't too loud as has a case of the squitters*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:29, archived)

*sneaks up behind you*
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
*runs away really fast to avoid the splatter*
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:31, archived)

FUCK!
*soils self*

I hate you...

*sloshes off to jump in the washing machine*
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:32, archived)

Follows behind in a doubled pronged attack with tripod in hand


"OOOOOOOOOOOOOH-LLAAAAAAAAAA!"
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:33, archived)

I just accidentaly stumbled upon this :
www.sheffieldnet.co.uk/

What the fuck ?
(SquidHead, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:24, archived)

At a rough guess,
it's directions to someone's wedding.
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:25, archived)

but
WHY buy a domain name for it ?
(SquidHead, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:26, archived)

Perhaps they bought it for something else
but are just using it for this now.
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:28, archived)

I'm guessing he had the domain already
and just found it a convenient place to put directions to his wedding to send the URL to his mates.
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:28, archived)

Maybe they bought the domain
put up wedding directions, then realised that they now had to get married. If the internet tells you, you've got to do it.
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:32, archived)

I think this ^

(SquidHead, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:34, archived)

Ridiculous!
Where do you get such ill-conceived notions?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:27, archived)

It must be
the WORLD's most expensive way of sending somebody wedding directions.
(SquidHead, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:28, archived)

I think carving them into the face of the moon
might work out a bit more pricey.

I am enjoying pissing on your bonfire ;)
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:29, archived)

bastard
!
(SquidHead, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:32, archived)

it's more expensive to pay to
have a herd of goats trained to sing the directions and then have the goats flown by helicopter to the homes of everybody you are inviting to the wedding
( homonk, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:31, archived)

yes
it probably is.
(SquidHead, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:33, archived)

In a gold helicopter
with Nicolas Cage and Rip Torn taking turns to give directions.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:33, archived)

I think its the "Wedding Directions" heading
that gives it away
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:27, archived)

It's easy
turn left after the Bluebell pub. What more do you need?
( Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:25, archived)

It's your mortal soul.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:27, archived)

Aren't souls immortal... not that I believe in them.
Or did you mean 'sole'.
In which case, what is his fish doing high-jacking the internet?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:34, archived)

It looks very much like a map.
A map to a wedding and furthermore, cake.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:27, archived)

And people who are feeling bad about being single.
*prints*
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:29, archived)

*snort*
This, in spadefuls.

Although most weddings are terrible. Ones with free bars are passable. Ones with plate smashing are quite good fun.
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:32, archived)

Plate smashing
That's either Greek or Irish/Pikie
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:33, archived)

I have a
Scottish friend who I suspect will fairly soon marry his Greek girlifriend. Theirs will be one wedding I look forward to attending :D
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:37, archived)

I've got my first proper someone-I-actually-know wedding coming up in August
He a Microsoft engineer, she an architect.
No plate-smashing, but I get to be an usher and look good.
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:44, archived)

Enjoy!
Ushers get it easier than bridesmaids ;)
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:46, archived)

*clicks 'I like this'*
I just stumbled upon this: selfdestruct.net/kitties/
(Naughty Tortoise, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:38, archived)

Write to them
and ask.

17 The Grange
Kirby Hill
Boroughbridge
York
North Yorkshire
YO51 9YB
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:42, archived)

I just might...
...
(SquidHead, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:44, archived)

Notice NASA have continued a good old scientific tradition.
Shoot the subject, then study it.
( Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:04, archived)

They got Bigfoot ?
IN SPACE ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:05, archived)

Who was it on here that was depraved enough to desire the track

"It's Orrible Being In Love When You're 8 an' 'alf?

I am afraid I tracked it down.
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:00, archived)

You know what you have to do
FLASH ANIMATION
( Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:03, archived)

There is no way I want to listen to that music

over and over and oovveeeeerrrrrrrr
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:04, archived)

do it!
you could have kittens with human lips and everything
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:09, archived)

Huh
I thought that was the only type of animation you could do in Flash
( Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:14, archived)

must be terrible when you look like
www.norwayautographs.com/other/fusco_paul_'alf'.jpg
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:03, archived)

Did you track it down
and slaughter it like a common donkey?
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:04, archived)

I should have done

someone here was serious about wanting it.
I can't remember who

/altzeimers/alcohol
( Enigmatic ™                 Voice No More                  ©, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:08, archived)

Me me me
me me me
( diffy maybs, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 17:29, archived)

Zombie news!
The zombie page linked in my llama-tabulous profile has a game on it now! It would appear to be a bit shit, but it's a zombie game! Those of you that get turgid at the thought of zombies and pointless exclamation marks should go there now!
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:45, archived)

someone has taken baldmonkey as a name.
*sulks*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:48, archived)

It was baldmonkey
I saw her.
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:49, archived)

People would like you more
if you were called "Baldminge"

it would make them smile to read of you.

*Thinks of bald minges*

hasty edit : I mean minges that choose to be bald, not ones so young they cant help it
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:52, archived)

A minge with a mind of its own?
Obviously i support its invididual right to have a mind
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:55, archived)

If cocks can do our thinking
why not let the badly packed kebabs of this world become sentinent
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:57, archived)

I support womens rights

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:58, archived)

I'll support their lefts then

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:00, archived)

I'll hold up the bits in the middle

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:02, archived)

With my face

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:03, archived)

I think that's
a great idea, but my newly empowered bearded clam says no.

Sorry chaps.
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:04, archived)

*kicks your box in*

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:07, archived)

Woman hater
*ostracises*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:11, archived)

Are you trying
to rescue me?!?

*simpers*
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:15, archived)

Rescue ?
Is that some sort of sex thing ?

Yeah, definately.

*Has a bath in anticipation*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:18, archived)

Everyone loves people with minge in their name.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:56, archived)

OH, WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN

(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:56, archived)

It's illegal.
Pervert
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:57, archived)

And how does this make you feel?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:52, archived)

Fuck off.
I'll get enough of that at my theropist's tonight.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:55, archived)

When you go there,
do you say "Fuck off, I get enough of this on b3ta/talk all day"?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:57, archived)

As the
therapist tries to bumlove you.
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:59, archived)

They do this after they hypnotise you
I read it in "Bella"
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:01, archived)

Arf.
Not until today!
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:59, archived)

tell them you aren't going to pay them
for the next 5 sessions of therapy, and then ask them how that makes them feel..
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:59, archived)

If you could turn into a slavering man-wolf at full moon
what would be your favourite prey ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:44, archived)

Sexyprey or eatyprey?

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:47, archived)

Whichever you think will best titilate
our jaded palates.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:48, archived)

Startled
basset hound.
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:47, archived)

Mmmm,
liquoricey.
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:56, archived)

I am already a slavering man-badger at full moon
and I prey on canus lupus wherever possible.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:47, archived)

Were badgers
are about as scary as zombie tadpoles.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:49, archived)

don't mock the zombie tadpoles
if you fell in my pond they'd devour you in literally months..
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:54, archived)

Isnt if funny
that "Frog spawn" sounds like "Frogs Porn"

I bet it causes endless confusion in French themed nudy mag vendors.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:55, archived)

And amphibian adoption centres.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:58, archived)

things with norks

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:47, archived)

^ that.
(MSB Load universe into cannon. Aim at brain. Fire., Mon 4 Jul 2005, 17:45, archived)

Katharine Isabelle

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:48, archived)

Ben Elton

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:49, archived)

Best answer

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:50, archived)

sexyprey or eatyprey?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:53, archived)

Predominantly the latter
and then the former with the remains.

And then the latter.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:55, archived)

Chicken kievs and chips.
But no peas.
If they put peas on my plate, I'd brush them off, and squidge them into the table-cloth.

Rooooooaaaaaaar.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:52, archived)

The cast from Airwolf to sort out any potential wolf confusion.
And also so I could whiz about in their shiny black helicopter.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:57, archived)

Blue Thunder
was better.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:01, archived)

Oh
come on!
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:01, archived)

I don't need to see
your fwap material, thank you very much.
[edit: Besides, Googling for "Blue Thunder," gives you this!]
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 16:12, archived)

need help deciding..
Do I finally start my work for the day, or do I lunch it completely and make a piece of stupidity for the b3ta-boards?

*edit: ok.. it's decided... I shall wrap myself in cling-film and make an animangle...
( oucheh I am have confused, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:22, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/616623
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:26, archived)

Try and do some work,
it will make you feel better for being productive.

Aah, who am I kidding. Sit on your arse all day like me!
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:27, archived)

I'd say it depends most importantly
on whether you have an idea for a good piece of stupidity.
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:30, archived)

head full
of stupidity.. some more approriete than others
( oucheh I am have confused, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:36, archived)

My shop is open!
Buy My Shit!
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:18, archived)

Are there any good reasons
not to set up a spice shop?
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:21, archived)

you'll be eaten by fuckoff huge worms

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:22, archived)

Ha!
I nearly choked on my Lucozade, when I read that!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:24, archived)

Send in the floating fat man!

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:24, archived)

You become the exclusive property
of spice.co.uk and will be used as a source of food for their brain weevils.
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:22, archived)

I didn't see that in the small print.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:23, archived)

It's better than being turned into
your zombie.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:24, archived)

What?
Zombies?
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:26, archived)

You feel unloved when no-one buys your stuff.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:23, archived)

I'm used to that.
I am unloved.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:25, archived)

Dear B3ta Talk Board Inhabitants,
I have a strawberry flavoured lollypop.
My eyes are sore from soap.
Outside smells lovely from the rain.
I am happy.
How are you?

Lots and lots of love,
Comma
xxx
( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:16, archived)

In desperate need of a poo
but otherwise good.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:16, archived)

Take the butt plug out, then
/standard response #2348623
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:18, archived)

We were all talking about meeting you earlier.
We would now like your home address so we can all have a big party.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:17, archived)

I live in a bouncy castle.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:19, archived)

Yay!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:25, archived)

Yes.
Yes we were all going to come round and hide in your loo and jump out and shout surprise then find out we were in the wrong house and get arrested for being naked in someone elses loo

/no punctuation ideas blog
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:19, archived)

and how is your minge?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:18, archived)

You really havent got this
grooming thing figured out yet have you ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:19, archived)

All the better for not having your rancid cock in it.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:20, archived)

Well i imagine
Its the only offer you'll get:)
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:26, archived)

Comma can have my rancid cock any time she wants.
Ha! That's made you look silly Mykey.

...hang on...
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:30, archived)

I now have 1gb of memory,
/happy nerd
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:23, archived)

Isnt it a lot more fun when we all get along ?

*group bums*

*contracts all teh diseases*

*dies*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:12, archived)

*pines at graveyard*

*gets remorselessly arse-raped by tourist board*
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:14, archived)

Tourist board ?
Jesus is everything gay these days ?
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:14, archived)

It's because
I'm back from lunch. I knew I shouldn't have left you all for so long, but I did so want to go and look at the anarchists :D
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:14, archived)

And how were they?
Is teh centre of Edinburgh now burning with the fires of righteousness?
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:19, archived)

My end's clear
although news.scotsman.com/scotland.cfm?id=736612005
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:36, archived)

In my angry, flaming way
this was kind of my point earlier
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:15, archived)

Your anger
is my turgidity
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:15, archived)

*rages*

( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:19, archived)

*aches*

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:21, archived)

Yes.
I want you guys to all know that I love you very much.

*gets teary eyed*
*can't see*
*crashes desk into wall*
*also dies*
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:17, archived)

*bums via ouija board*

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:20, archived)

*receives via window*

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:22, archived)

Second worst in Europe?
That's a compilment, shurely...
( Geordie Al, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:05, archived)

Ironic that Putin was laughing along
when Russian food can be charitably described as fucking revolting.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:09, archived)

What do you mean?!
*tucks into turnip and vodka stew*
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:12, archived)

Borsht and Russian salad are nice,
and they have some good sausage.
They are a bit overenthusiastic about FRIED STUFF, though.
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:12, archived)

True,
but on a day to day basis they eat gristle, sour milk and cabbage stumps.

Nothing can erase the memory of ice-cold spaghetti, drizzled with a soupcon of cooking oil.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:15, archived)

Russia is the most alien place I've ever been.
In some ways it was like going 50 years back in time, but some things they've got much better than we have, like sexual equality.*

* edit: sort of. Women still have to be housewives as well as matching their husbands in careers.
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:17, archived)

A lot of very well-read, friendly people
living in some sort of 1940s plutocracy, very weird.

It's still normal for a guy to have awife and a Mistress, too, Victorian-style.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:21, archived)

"I tell my vife I am spendink ze eefening viz my mistress.
Zen I tell my mistress I am spendink ze eefening viz my vife.
Zen I go to ze library and verk."
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:22, archived)

hahaha

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:25, archived)

That is the worst welsh accent ever.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:26, archived)

I went to Moscow
as an innocent 16 year old and was fed beer, crab sticks, hard boiled eggs, tinned peas and beetroot for a fortnight. Almost exclusively.

*shudder*
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:12, archived)

I would have
been on a liquid diet if it were me.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:14, archived)

BEER

( dr_fonz, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:14, archived)

*shudder*

/the only living man who doesn't like beer
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:16, archived)

Because I was English
my exchange's very large, naval officer father (with whom I could only communicate in French) took it that I must love beer. And fed me the stuff for breakfast. Kept out the cold right enough :D
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:19, archived)

At a guess,
it was that instead of vodka.
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:24, archived)

I'm not a voddie fan
Although I did bring buy lots of yoghurt pots full for 50p each, for the novelty value :)
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:38, archived)

Scented nonce that he is
I'd rather be a bad cook than a big french gayer stinking of BO
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:09, archived)

The man has a point.
(Wouldn't know about Finnish food though, except for the revolting salty liquorice things)
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:14, archived)

Black mans cocks ?

*dons hair shirt*
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:15, archived)

Ever seen a BMW?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:27, archived)

Salt liquorice is nice
but Finnish food is reindeer meat and a wide range of bitter berries. Nice for a one-off, hell for more than a day.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:16, archived)

My Finnish housemate has just brought the liquorice things back
as well as boiled sweets that are salty liquorice on the outside and pepper on the inside.
Sweets, people of Finland. They're supposed to be sweet.
( Newington, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:21, archived)

'The only thing they (the English) have ever done for European agriculture is mad cow disease," ' said the cheese eating surrender monkey
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:16, archived)

Exactly
we should have one of those ill informed yank style rants about how they'd have all been germans if it werent for us.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:17, archived)

It's ok to hate the French
Knock yourself out
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:21, archived)

Ta

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:25, archived)

What a name!
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4647213.stm
(tacpprm has a mmrpcat, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:03, archived)

Not as good
as Randy Bender.
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:04, archived)

Or Amanda Sabled

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:06, archived)

*changes Mykey's name by deed poll
to 'Gaylord McPoofter'*
( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:05, archived)

Gaylord McBumlove the third
Is what I'd call a pony if I had one.

The police wont allow it.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:06, archived)

A name and a wrestling hold
all in one!
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:08, archived)

and heres me thinking offending people on here was banned now....

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:12, archived)

Stop misbehaving
or there'll be no punishment for you!
(s0WmVHAwZgpG, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:15, archived)

Where can I get distilled water?

When I was a young'un I built a small still out of a tin can and various bits of pipe, filled it with vodka and distilled it to make near 100% neat pure vodka-based alcohol. Now I need some distilled water, but I don't have the various bits of pipe any more.
( dr_fonz, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:56, archived)

A garage
Or a stationers
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:57, archived)

Steal it from a school chemistry lab.

(Borderline Schizo, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:57, archived)

Awesome
If I was going to venture into a school at my age, I'm sure I'd find plenty more worth having than just distilled water.
( dr_fonz, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:03, archived)

Scoobies?

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:09, archived)

Halfords
You use it for filling up car batteries.
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:57, archived)

Call me ignorant
but I thought car batteries were full of acid, not water. What's been going on in the world?!
( dr_fonz, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:58, archived)

Sorry
topping up car batteries. You're right (I think) but if the level of them drops you add distilled water (presumably the water evaporates but the acid doesn't).
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:01, archived)

*hands over A-level in chemistry*
correct answer that man.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:08, archived)

I got a D
:(
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:10, archived)

slags.
did they swap your paper with that of some insignificant royal to get him into oxbridge via the back door? .. I bet they did you know ..
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:13, archived)

No, but in fairness
no one in my entire school got above a B that year. Not even the guys doing 5 A levels and getting As in all of them. Don't know what happened there really, seems everyone dropped a mark on their predicted.

I got a B in physics (if I'd done any course work it'd probably have been an A) and failed maths.

Coincidentally, 16-18 I started doing a lot of acid :P
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:18, archived)

ah, can't have been the drugs*
It must be a conspiricy ;)

*in fairness I turned up to a couple of my A-levels stoned out of my mind and it didn't do me any harm :P
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:22, archived)

Ah I'm not blaming the drugs
just I did really well at GCSE level and then got very interested in sex, drugs and rock and roll (and all night illegal dance parties) and stopped seeming to being that interested in thermodynamics.

I regret it slightly but a youth wasted isn't a wasted youth :)
( Fenris temporary Lazarus, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:27, archived)

fair enough
I didn't have those problems until my final year so didn't fuck myself up too badly. well, not academically anyway ... ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:33, archived)

All the acid got used up by our parents/grandparents
at woodstock
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:01, archived)

I thought that too
until revising for my theory test last week.

I also learned that if I adjust my chain incorrectly it could cause.. Oh.. Bugger.. Seem to have forgotten already.
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:04, archived)

flanging, I suspect.
or more likely ... it to come off and decapitate a small child

/if you need to know about chains, what happens if you only want to ride a shaft-drive bike?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:07, archived)

Ach it was
only for the theory test - everyone does the same one. And then instantly forgets it all :D
( Dekazer, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:30, archived)

Just look at everyone else's reply
and look at yours.

You are the class swot.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:00, archived)

They sell it at McDonalds
if you buy 85 harpie meals.
( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:57, archived)

Harpie meals?
Arf!
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:58, archived)

there's a machine that makes it
about 4 metres from where i'm sitting, if that's any help?
( Fergburger, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 14:59, archived)

a kettle?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:00, archived)

Pfft!

( Fergburger, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:01, archived)

Chemists*,
I think.

*High street, retail outlets, not strange men in white coats.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:02, archived)

Or people from the democratic republic of chem

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:03, archived)

Don't get me started on them.
Slit-eyed little bastards...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:10, archived)

I never understood why countries put "democratic" in their names
it makes me immediately assume that they're run by totalitarian despots.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 15:11, archived)