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# we need a top tip for the newsletter
who's got a good tip?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:28, archived)
# eating lots of rock salt makes you throw up
(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:29, archived)
# When your little girl grows out of her dresses
stitch up the bottom and fill with stuffing and lavender. You will then have a lovely special pillow.

/Chat reader.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:30, archived)
# christ man!
you can't stitch up little children!
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:31, archived)
# muhhahahahaha
Oh yes you can.
(I helped save b3ta! magnum, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:32, archived)
# Yeah, and Chat actually says
"sew up the anus"
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:33, archived)
# Most headaches are caused by dehydration
so first try drinking a glass of water or two and that should fix it, instead of resorting to tablets which they tell you to drink water with anyway. See, it's a conspiracy.
(I helped save b3ta! StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:30, archived)
# shaking a ketchup bottle
to avoid the watery red liquidy ketchup
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:30, archived)
# Don't wank in the bath.
You just get all covered in come and that.
(I helped save b3ta! chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:30, archived)
# lemon juice is great for cleaning up come
allegedly
(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:31, archived)
# Spunk
glows in a particularly distinctive manner under UV lights, too...
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:43, archived)
# Spunk stains
You are Dr Kay Scarpetta AICM £5.

That Lucy's a one, isn't she? When will she just find herself a nice young man and settle down?
(Glen Moranjie, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:33, archived)
# it goes like glue
in the bath
(Idid, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:32, archived)
# and that?
(I helped save b3ta! Kolonel, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:32, archived)
# Shits n giggles and that.
(I helped save b3ta! chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:36, archived)
# You shit and giggle
when you come?
(I helped save b3ta! Kolonel, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:37, archived)
# *shits*
*giggles*


*spunt!*
(I helped save b3ta! chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:48, archived)
# *lol*
(I helped save b3ta! Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:50, archived)
# If you've overdone
your bubble bath, remove the correct amount of bubbles by sprinkling talcum powder on them.

Not sure how I found out how to do that.
(I helped save b3ta! Fronkle99, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:30, archived)
# hey I knew that
and you can also use shampoo.


Found that by accident i did.
(brazzin, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:37, archived)
# soap on a naill brush,
pull a finger across the bristles away from the bubbles, will fire a spray deadly to bubblekind
(I helped save b3ta! monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:56, archived)
# you can paste using
shift+instert, as well as ctrl+v.
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:30, archived)
# i like windows D
that's my favourite keyboard shortcut
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:32, archived)
# wow
i've never seen that one before either, all hail the shortcut maestros
(I helped save b3ta! Gnoll, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:34, archived)
# it's actually useful
although I just pressed it and my wallpaper scares me
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:36, archived)
# What
have you got as your wallpaper?
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:38, archived)
# this
a friend put it on last night - I'd forgotten

www.earbags.com/pressroom/images/boat.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:41, archived)
# he had the ears
of a teddy bear.
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:42, archived)
# what the fuck?
(I helped save b3ta! Delete Me, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:43, archived)
# Lovely
Muffs
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:44, archived)
# that made me worried for a moment there...
windows disappearing... reminds me of the time that someone told me that there is an easter egg in minesweeper if you press alt+f4...

I was an idiot back then.
(brazzin, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:39, archived)
# .
like that free game that came with dos called deltree *.*
(I helped save b3ta! Gnoll, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:41, archived)
# yeah.
I heard there was one called "format c:" too
(brazzin, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:44, archived)
# windows key + m
does the same thing, and is more finger-friendly =)
(Insanity, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:47, archived)
# .
that behaves more alt+tab like on my machine
(I helped save b3ta! Gnoll, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:51, archived)
# or if you run gnome...
ctrl-alt-d

windows-e is good too
(I helped save b3ta! slight yoinks!, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:48, archived)
# .
well i've learned something - possibly the most useful thing i've ever learned from this board.
(I helped save b3ta! Gnoll, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:32, archived)
# good one
good one
(I helped save b3ta! Nath, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:33, archived)
# Help!
Where's the instert key on my keyboard!?
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:34, archived)
# above delete
(I helped save b3ta! homonk, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:34, archived)
# .
but that says insert on it
(I helped save b3ta! Gnoll, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:35, archived)
# oh
i get it now

/feels stupid
(I helped save b3ta! homonk, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:37, archived)
# My tip's really top
All nice and purple and shiny.

But you probably didn't want to know that.
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:31, archived)
# Never wash or put
gell in your hair, then if someone sets fire to it your hair will burn less violently and will be easyer to put out.
(I helped save b3ta! homonk, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:31, archived)
# top tip!
remember kids: nitroglycerine and fire don't mix!
(radja, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:31, archived)
# Don't kick your granny,
you might pull a muscle.
(I helped save b3ta! supermoore: HUNG, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:31, archived)
# never rub another man's rhubarb?
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:32, archived)
# Burning your freshly purchased music from Apples Music Store
onto CD removes the DRM from the track, enabling you to share it with ya mates
(I helped save b3ta! Nath, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:32, archived)
# if you don't give a crap about legals
buy your MP3s at allofmp3.com
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:33, archived)
# even
better
EDIT : I have a song for your radio show, how can I get it to you?
(I helped save b3ta! Nath, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:33, archived)
# especially if you want to get new releases
before they're actually released
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:34, archived)
# email Kim
his address is on the radio page

b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:35, archived)
# cool
will do

Hope you all like it
(I helped save b3ta! Nath, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:37, archived)
# when landscaping on large areas such as campuses
simply plant/lay the grass and leave it for a few weeks without set pathways. The students will form their own natural pathways across the grass that will clearly show where stone/gravel pathways should be laid.
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:32, archived)
# oooh
where's that from? It's good and I've heard it somewhere.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:33, archived)
# I remembered it this morning
when someone was yelling at me for walking on the grass like every other cunt does. Not sure where it's from.

edit - these chaps have done it:
www.csuchico.edu/lspr/campbuild5.html
(I helped save b3ta! Manic can teach you the secret of fire, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:35, archived)
# When cooking with a proper fire a la scouts,
paint the undersides of your cooking pots with washing-up liquid. When it comes to cleaning them, you'll find the yucky black stuff comes off much more easily.
(Gimbo, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:32, archived)
# That's a good un
Saves many hours hard work getting little bits of brillo pad stuck in your skin.
(I helped save b3ta! useful_idiot, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:20, archived)
# empty soft drink cans
make excellent ejection baffles for home-made rockets.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:33, archived)
# Empty crisp packets make handy condoms when needs be
(I helped save b3ta! Kolonel, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:34, archived)
# always use
a r.c.d power breaker when mowing the lawn
*i miss you dad, cries*
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:34, archived)
# ....
When snitching your teckloflumps, always remember to revolve your flange to prevent excessive burble penetration.
(I helped save b3ta! icezebra *insert large monkey*, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:35, archived)
# the latest version
is auto snitching so why not down load the free upgrade?
(I helped save b3ta! Vultan the real one I threw my little yellow shoe, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:39, archived)
# Because
the flexible yank plugin corrupts my main pilot episode.
(I helped save b3ta! icezebra *insert large monkey*, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:43, archived)
# never suckle the juice out of a tractor
/izzard
(I helped save b3ta! butchbint, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:36, archived)
# Buying a fake doctorate from the interweb
Is a great way to get free upgrades on flights. Just make sure it says "Dr" on the ticket rather that "Mr" or "Ms". On this basis, my brother and I went to Brazil on business class, both ways. Lots of free champers.
(I helped save b3ta! Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:39, archived)
# Ahahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:44, archived)
# oooo
where from?
(I am already a rev.
www.ulc.org/?destination=ordination&numina=1363340309 )
Hail T'internet!
(Willboy:, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:46, archived)
# That's where I got mine
Doctorate in Divinity (ULCDD)
(I helped save b3ta! Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:49, archived)
# woo yay
for phoney qualifications
(Willboy:, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:50, archived)
# how did they manage that?
I'm a Dr and I've never been offered an upgrade on a plane, did they ask?
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:50, archived)
# Did you have DR on the ticket?
Looking smart helps too - they won't do it if you're wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt.
(I helped save b3ta! Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:51, archived)
# Dr on ticket - check
looking smart - oh dear, that's where I'm going wrong, but if you don't get upgrade you have to travel in smart clothes in cramped normal class.
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:53, archived)
# it depends on the airline as well
virgin seem more prone to upgrading scruffy Drs and BA are more prone to upgrading be-suited plebs. Easyjet will probably just ask you to have a look at the captain's gout.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:58, archived)
# "Easyjet will probably just ask you to have a look at the captian's gout"
I read that as "goat"!
(negative armadillo There never was much hope..just a fool's hope., Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:09, archived)
# To remove the seeds from a chilli without resorting to rubbing oil into your hands or rubber gloves
Cut off the stalk end, hold the now open end over a bin with the chilli between your palms. Then roll the chilli between your palms; this will cause the seeds and the little ridge that holds the seeds to get rubbed off and into the bin.
(witty_ditty has made multiple miaows since, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:40, archived)
# the seeds
are the best bits they put hairs on your chest
(I helped save b3ta! Vultan the real one I threw my little yellow shoe, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:42, archived)
# god,
that's why I've stopped eating them, it's a jungle down there...
(I helped save b3ta! icezebra *insert large monkey*, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:43, archived)
# Ruins the texture of a dish I find.
And they're not the things that are hot in a chilli. It's the ridges that hold the chilli which are the hot bits.
(witty_ditty has made multiple miaows since, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:44, archived)
# Rub chilli between palms of hands?
Sounds like a wanking disaster waiting to happen.
(I helped save b3ta! Kolonel, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:57, archived)
# When entertaining a lady friend, remember,
before putting anything in their bottom, it is polite to ask.
(peewee13, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:43, archived)
# best tip ever
fantastico
(I helped save b3ta! WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:10, archived)
# When cycling, try not to fall off. It hurts. A lot.
(I helped save b3ta! TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:43, archived)
# BT master sockets have a secondary sockets
behind the lower half of the socket blanking plates. Plugging a phone into there will eliminate all the wiring in the house. If you can get a dialtone in this socket, but not with the faceplate ON, then the wiring fault is on your premises.
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:44, archived)
# Why would I want
to eliminate all the wiring in my house? What about the wires that run my telly? And all the lights would fall off the ceilings if the wiring was suddenly as you say, eliminated. Sounds risky.
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:51, archived)
# Find out if that salesman
is trying to bullshit you when you're buying an expensive new computer by asking if it has LRF support.

LRF stands for little rubber feet
(I helped save b3ta! mechamatsimpsk, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:46, archived)
# If you can't afford a holiday
Search google images for "Tropical Sea" until you find a good large image. Whilst looking at this on your screen, alternately clench either buttock, thereby simulating the effect of an ocean cruise.
(I helped save b3ta! WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:46, archived)
# don't make lollies out of curry
tastes horrid.


/true
(I helped save b3ta! Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:49, archived)
# spoons CAN kill
.
(tookishlad, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:52, archived)
# Stop cats from peeing in your garden
by filling a water pistol with water and a little fresh orange juice and scooshing them when they start their business. They'll run and never pee there again.

And they'll smell all orangy afterwards :-)
(I helped save b3ta! Dugs - The artist formerly known as Dugsybaws, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 14:59, archived)
# If your lady friend
is adverse to giving you some oral pleasure, try topping your member with squirty cream.
(I helped save b3ta! useful_idiot, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:26, archived)