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# Only mocking the fakes.
(I helped save b3ta! op op op op op I stink therfore I spam, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:49, archived)
# Ha! This!
I fecking hate that whole "Well what it is you see ... my wife's a nurse, and ..."

yeah yeah yeah let's skip to the end - fuck off.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:50, archived)
# exactly
i get this shit all the time where i live. They even have the audacity to ask the next person along when i am still in earshot after just handing them the money the so desperatly needed.
(I helped save b3ta! op op op op op I stink therfore I spam, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:52, archived)
# really
is she sexy? got photos?
(I helped save b3ta! sinisterduck, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:02, archived)
# Very much this.
"I've just come down on a bus from Sheffield, but I'm originally from Southwark *points inexplicably up Parkway*, so I'm trying to raise 1 pound 50 for..."

No. No. No.
(I helped save b3ta! The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:20, archived)
# 2 quickies
In `99 I couldn`t afford a mobile phone. beggartoss at oxford St /newman street with dog by cash machine "spare some..." and his mobile phone goes off under the blanket.

My favourite was my mate, walking past another identitramp beggar clone in Holborn " I`m homeless and hungry, can you help?"

(in Glaswegian) "Aye I can, a wee bit of advice to you pal, EAT THE FUKKIN DOG!"

(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 15:36, archived)
# Haha!
You missed the "Give us fuckin 20p you nob-head or I'll fuckin hit ya!"
(I helped save b3ta! Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:52, archived)
# *gives 20p*
no trouble here mate...
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:57, archived)
# Cheers mate.
Got another?
(I helped save b3ta! Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:07, archived)
# take it all!!
just don't hurt me!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:22, archived)
# *takes it all*
Got any more mate, you fuckin' bellend?
(I helped save b3ta! Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:24, archived)
# Ha ha
also the "How much were them trainers mate? Can I try 'em on?"
(I helped save b3ta! Droog is too orangey for crows, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:24, archived)
# heheh - indeed.
There's one round our way who's 'got a daughter on dialysis' and he needs cab fare to go and see her.
(I helped save b3ta! Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:52, archived)
# i hope you help him out geoff
his poor daughter
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:54, archived)
# I tell him he's taking the piss
ba-dum
(I helped save b3ta! Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:55, archived)
# i'm dissapointed in you
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:56, archived)
# haha
(Professor Yaffle now with added sodium, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:09, archived)
# =(
Such a sad story.
(I helped save b3ta! Xenctuary ~xenc., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:57, archived)
# The more elaborate ruse is to ring on your bell
and then claim to

a) have moved in "across the way" *points randomly*
b) has an electricity meter on a card
c) has a wife/kid/parent on a dialysis machine at home
d) needs money for the meter to run the dialysis machine.

No.
(I helped save b3ta! The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:22, archived)
# pffft
spare cigarette? no i tend to smoke them all
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:53, archived)
# Reminds me of what happened to me one time.
"D'ya have a fag mate?"
"No, sorry."
"Yeah you do. Yeah you fuckin' do!"

I just walked away.
(I helped save b3ta! Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:55, archived)
# When I lived in Leeds I used to keep an empty pack on me
for precisely this eventuality.
(tomsk, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:55, archived)
# hehe, you said that the last time i made this joke
b3ta, round like a spiral in a circle like a wheel within a wheel, :)
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:57, archived)
# Did I really?
Damn. I've obviously run out of internet. I'll go and read a book or something instead.
(tomsk, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:58, archived)
# http://www.b3ta.com/board/4460814
sort of, ithink we both need to get out more
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:59, archived)
# You're allowed to tell the same anecdote every 3 years, aren't you?
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:01, archived)
# if ony i could find the picture that started it
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:02, archived)
# there
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:03, archived)
# When I lived in...

(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:07, archived)
# hehe, i've been spazing back through the archives
different days here to be sure, most people seem to have gone :(
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:10, archived)
# Change is inevitable
but that doesn't mean we have to like it!
(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:23, archived)
# hahaha!!
i like to let them whitter on until they run out of steam, then say no.

except for those damned christians....
they nearly got punched
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:53, archived)
# haha!
give us you card details in the name of baby jesus!
(I helped save b3ta! op op op op op I stink therfore I spam, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:55, archived)
# it wasn't that,
i really was in hurry so i said no and stepped round them and they physically stopped me.
it was all i could do not to slap him!!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:56, archived)
# No no.

The LORD stopped you. Not them.
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:02, archived)
# The Lord works in mysterious ways!
I.E: wild eyed crazy people after your moneys.
(I helped save b3ta! Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:06, archived)
# i had someone in Brixton on thursday night ask me for 2p
i was impressed...

but i didn't give it to him
(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:57, archived)
# I once stood outside tesco asking strangers for 63p.
They all gave me strange looks, and a guy wanted to give me the money, but his wife said no.
So he slipped me a quid when she wasn't looking :P
(I helped save b3ta! ClanSoul, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:59, archived)
# Hah!
And I bet he didn't hear the end of it on the ride home!
(I helped save b3ta! Xenctuary ~xenc., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:21, archived)
# You should have gone IN Tesco
And bought goods using money earned from gainful employment.
(Super Jet Shoes, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:50, archived)
# hahaha!!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:01, archived)
# hahahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:05, archived)
# If you have a fairly posh accent, are dressed smartly and talk with a ridiculous degree of politeness you can get away with murder.
"Oh hello officer. Oh goodness no, we're just rehearsing for a play you see. Well no I'm afraid in a brief lapse I did accidentally stab him in the chest, high spirits if you will. So I'll just be cleaning this mess up if you don't mind. Good afternoon."
(Jeru War and Piss, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:08, archived)
# Nice!
Have you had this one: 'Ah blew a' ma money in yon one-armed bandit an' ah need tae get the bus back wi' ma burd'. Get her to pay for it!
(I helped save b3ta! Raindance Work is inversely proportional to post-count, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 12:57, archived)
# it's OK, you can mock all homelesses
for they have no interwebs!
(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:01, archived)
# the have groin and armpit webs
its true!
(I helped save b3ta! op op op op op I stink therfore I spam, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:03, archived)
# Wouldn't bet on it.
They probably all have 3G mobile phones and whatnot. I'm basing this on the fact that everyone in the world seems to be better off than me at the moment.
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:03, archived)
# not making money from porn?
you must be doing something wrong!
(I helped save b3ta! Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:07, archived)
# Also known as
A twisted fetish =/
(I helped save b3ta! Xenctuary ~xenc., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:24, archived)
# Those charity folk annoy me more...
"Hello sir, could I just have a minute of your time?"
"I'm not eigh..."
"It won't take a second, really, I'm here about poor little kiddies in wheelchairs"
"I'm not eightee..."
"But first, can I ask how old you are?"
"Seventeen"
"Oh, sorry, you need to be eighteen. Have a nice day."
(I helped save b3ta! Incredibly Ordinary Dave needs your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:03, archived)
# I'm getting quite good at weaving my way across streets to avoid them.
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:04, archived)
# That actually happened to me once!
Almost word for word. Except I can't remember what the charity was about...
(I helped save b3ta! Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:07, archived)
# That happened to me with an NSPCC charity bloke.
Unfortunately he talked to me for about ten fucking minutes before he asked that. Cunt.
(Jeru War and Piss, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:15, archived)
# I hate their logic
"Excuse me sir, do you agree that deaf children should be helped wherever possible?"
I can't deny it.
"And that two pounds is a small price to pay to help a deaf child?"
Yes.
"Well, given that you've accepted both my premises as true, syllogistic law says you need to sign here and give me two pounds a month."
No.
"But the syllogisms! Think of the syllogisms!"
(Fuiru Sting, where is thy death?, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:57, archived)
# I'm
Terrible dealing with these people..
I feel bad just walking away saying no, so i end up waiting for them to explain their cause to me, which ends up taking a fucking AGE, by which time i've missed my lunch and am ready to jump into the road just to get away.

I'm going to get some fake hearing aids and pretend i cant hear them.. knowing those cunts they speak 10 different types of sign language and would have the patience to write down what they're saying for you.
(Ahoyhoy, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:22, archived)
# "Spare change?"
"Uh, sorry mate, but I already gave you some change via your website."
(I helped save b3ta! Xenctuary ~xenc., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:05, archived)
# hahaha!!
good old rob the hobo!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:15, archived)
# Hahaha!
'scuse me, guv. I gotta get this sex-change operation, see, so I need to borrow a couple of quid so's I can get to the hospital on time...
(I helped save b3ta! Puromycin is still licking windows, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:08, archived)
# On a similar note..
I need a new car,and if every b3tan/ard would paypal me 50p, I'd end up with over 30 grand,which is more than enough for a new car, so come on dig deep.
(I helped save b3ta! Mstandot I suppose I should post more often., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:08, archived)
# Raising £30k, eh?
You could have at least tried to imitate a Nigerian ex-dignitary!
(I helped save b3ta! Xenctuary ~xenc., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:14, archived)
# But this is not a scam!
and will only cost you 50p.
(I helped save b3ta! Mstandot I suppose I should post more often., Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:18, archived)
# im in!
give me paypal address
(I helped save b3ta! op op op op op I stink therfore I spam, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:20, archived)
# Woo!
I love it when people come and ask for money saying they just got out of prison. What? That's your sob story? You're a criminal? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? That's the best you can do? Fuck off.
(Fuiru Sting, where is thy death?, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 13:53, archived)
# Had this interesting guy once...
Scuse me mate... Im a police officer *flashes odd looking card ID, I've just started in the force and I've been unable to catch anyone.. So I've been up in the woods having a drink throughout the day.. I'm really under pressure to catch criminals but haven't.

Anyway, I know you lot have been doing something wrong (sneaky spliff down some alley way, fair do) but I'm not gonna arrest you, if you take me to the nearest offie and buy me some booze..

Err, what?? Dont think so mate..
It's that or I call in my collegues and arrest you chaps..
No.

*We walk off
*He gets his mobile out and mumbles '3 youths, walking mumblemumble...' into it like a radio

Twat.. Thing is, the week before the same guy stumbled up to us and asked for a bite of my KFC. FFS.
(Ahoyhoy, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 14:14, archived)
# there's a tramp in liverpool
who starts begging about 8pm and always asks for cash for fuel for his ferrari.
think a fair number of people give him a quid just for making them laugh, everyone else just buys him some special brew
(cs192 is sucking on a Koala at, Tue 1 Apr 2008, 15:31, archived)