

Quick, dirty and probably not going to happen

sylvain wiltord and dennis bergkamp are looking a bit young*
*scummy gooner bastards... come on Liverpool - football is the only real sport
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:25,
archived)
*scummy gooner bastards... come on Liverpool - football is the only real sport

champion crown green bowler in your region, but I prefer my sport with a bit of excitement
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:30,
archived)

(He says, having found out he now needs physiotherapy after Rugby training last Monday)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:29,
archived)

ever... all that sticking your head up arses nonsense...
... I was a 2nd row....
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:31,
archived)
... I was a 2nd row....

i've been looking for the children in need font for ages.

If you're gonna repost I'm gonna repost one of the four images I can at the moment...

( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:16,
archived)


no, really, it is
i'm not suggesting you fist yourself in the face at all
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:17,
archived)
i'm not suggesting you fist yourself in the face at all

I'm sure he just wears that hanky round his eye to get female attention and sympathy. Bastard
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:19,
archived)

makes him look like some rude ghetto gangsta actually
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:25,
archived)

i saw a take on the tweed theme that had pudsey in a tweed jacket etc the other night
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:20,
archived)

from those "jesus is with you" pictures featured in b3ta's weblog ages ago

( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:14,
archived)


is it possible to love someone but know that they are a zeppelin without being a stupid paradox and/or liar?
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:16,
archived)

Woo for horny cows
that really sounded better in my head !
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:15,
archived)
that really sounded better in my head !

make Pippy tea....
NOW!
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:16,
archived)
NOW!

But I'm already drinking the one he just made me :D
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:23,
archived)

yeah britney is a bit odd, int she (safe, yeah, innit treacle? safe!)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:19,
archived)

Can I add Microdirect customer service to that. . 4 weeks and still no new motherboard !! (cnuts !)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:12,
archived)

*smug laughter at adding human touch to cold harsh world of computers*
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:12,
archived)

I've lost count of the number of poor customers I've spoken to who've been told this, or that, by PC World "specialists", and who I have to put right.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:13,
archived)

my SCSI scanner - his face was a picture it couldn't have been any more blank. He told me they don't stock them - 15 minutes later I returned to the counter with one I'd found on display - sheesh talk about fuckwit.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:17,
archived)

It's quite fun sometimes, to go in there and ask them techy questions. Dixons-baiting, I think it's called.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:19,
archived)

And he proudly announced they all had DVD players. I asked him whether they were DVD-R or just DVD players, he said "No unfortunately they're just players." I then pointed to the display card that said DVD-R on each of the models. It was so much fun I couldn't resist
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:23,
archived)

we're sad people, aren't we?
I asked one "assistant" in Dixons to advise me on which was best - Sky, Cable or Freeview. The answer was so biased, I nearly fell over. £10 for selling Sky? That'll do nicely...
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:26,
archived)
I asked one "assistant" in Dixons to advise me on which was best - Sky, Cable or Freeview. The answer was so biased, I nearly fell over. £10 for selling Sky? That'll do nicely...

Freeview is a good option if you just want lots of BBC and ITV channels, but at least you don't have to fork out once a month. Telewest was a bit limited, although they have the best broadband going with BlueYonder. But we have Sky coz we're movie nuts and also like Sci-Fi and the Discovery Channels - although most of the Discovery channels are about Hitler. lol
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:33,
archived)

to gently lick some zeppelin meself...
Edit: This filter lark is still confusing me. Time to relurk and go to bed.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:10,
archived)
Edit: This filter lark is still confusing me. Time to relurk and go to bed.

...and as I'm dropping to bits again, I'm running away for the evening.

( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:10,
archived)


me and some mates edited a tuck shop price list made of cut out box pieces
bum sex is now just 35p
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:11,
archived)
bum sex is now just 35p

During the Neverland raid, police found class As, class Bs, and all the male members of class 5C.
it's law now isn't it? copy-pasting that joke every time he's mentioned
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:15,
archived)
it's law now isn't it? copy-pasting that joke every time he's mentioned

id love an nice cold zeppelin..
looks kinda sticky though
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:12,
archived)
looks kinda sticky though

but it's a nice piece of drawing in Flash. 
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:04,
archived)


he just thought he would give us the lovely gift of cartoon tits
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:06,
archived)

when you drew that? Nicely made with one hand. :)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:06,
archived)

masturbate when drawing in Flash. Macromedia just doesn't arouse me.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:07,
archived)

i havent seen you online since the Great Popbitch 'W-anker'Debarcle of Summer 2003*, how are you old bean? ive given up on pb myself...
*quite possibly cos i have changed jobs since then and can no longer spend all day on the interweb
edit: bloody filter!!!
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:13,
archived)
*quite possibly cos i have changed jobs since then and can no longer spend all day on the interweb
edit: bloody filter!!!

ago. It was getting very shit, so I left.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:14,
archived)

what a bunch of cranberry (well, more often than not)
more bitch than pop over there i tells ya!
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:18,
archived)
more bitch than pop over there i tells ya!

hummus is lacking...

add your own caption
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:59,
archived)

add your own caption

from a zoo in Scotland
edit: not this, but still www.b3ta.com/board/965883
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:02,
archived)
edit: not this, but still www.b3ta.com/board/965883

in animated gif form. I think Mystery Bob took the pics
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:09,
archived)

to the owls making a fucking racket outside my window.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:04,
archived)

if they had kittens for teeth just imagine the possibilities
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:04,
archived)

"OI! OWLS! TEETH IS THE FUTURE! YOU LISTENING YOU SPINNING HEADED TWATZ?"
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:05,
archived)

are you sure they're not whores?
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:08,
archived)

It's just a convenient locale to base myself near
It's either that or say near Stockport, which I'd rather not.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:09,
archived)
It's either that or say near Stockport, which I'd rather not.

watermelon-off railway viaducts! Oh, and the motorway. Mmmmmmm.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:14,
archived)

So here's my cousin It impression.

Sorry to Scary Mary for borrowing her special eyes...
Edit: Crappy picture is taken by a camera phone. I would like a digital camera, but can't afford one :(
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:48,
archived)

Sorry to Scary Mary for borrowing her special eyes...
Edit: Crappy picture is taken by a camera phone. I would like a digital camera, but can't afford one :(

And the occassional late night Open University lesson*
* May or may not be absolute bollocks.
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:50,
archived)
* May or may not be absolute bollocks.

we used to try to burn/blow up things... happy days!
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:51,
archived)

in the lesson I observed another teacher, damage limitation, since 2 out of 6 of our expensive quickfit flasks were broken, and the little shits spraying me with water when my back was turned. I'm quite happy I don't have to teach them anymore. The a revision lesson where we did a group quiz, then my all singing all dancing lesson where I was observed, on sound. I had bells in vacuum jars, hearing tests for pitch levels, plastic cups on strings, tuning forks, drama with pupils pretending to be air molecules, 10 kids lined up with their ears to the desk for sound travelling through solids. I even managed to get a reference to the film alien, with in space no one can hear you scream! Oh, and whales and dolphins, can't forget them...
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:57,
archived)

without a baseball bat to hand? *applause*!
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:58,
archived)

during the first lesson, but the last two were really good fun. And I managed to make one of the other teachers on my course look a bit put off by me saying a few of the kids deserved a good smack. 'Not very progressive', as she said...
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:02,
archived)

you could be in one of my classes. ^_^
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:18,
archived)

and had a tendency to start talking before they all shut up, but on the whole avery good lesson. Well, for me anyway.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:03,
archived)

Big incentives. I keep getting told that the summer holidays are for writing your lesson plans for next year. watermelon that.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:12,
archived)

get yerself a qca scheme of work, copy other peoples work and don't forget there is no point in re-inventing the wheel!
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:14,
archived)

They've lost the ready made lesson plans for the stuff i've been doing. I've just being slapping a rough plan together and jumping in. Seems to work for me.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:17,
archived)

Referral Unit.....it's where Mrs Witchy works and also where the local little bastards excluded kids go......
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:16,
archived)

with any luck be sent to a posh school next. I'm witholding jusgement on whether i'd enjoy a job such as that until i've had some experience with good kids.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:18,
archived)

the problem with excluded kids is the schools they've been excluded from don't understand 'em. Admittedly there's the occasional twunt, but most of 'em are nice kids who have behavioural rather than educational difficulties. Mrs Witchy is the only teacher in her place that the kids like!
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:25,
archived)

I net it didn't take an hour and a half to brush yours though, did it?
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:53,
archived)

yes. It's halfway doon me back so brushage most foul has to be done regularly.....
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:54,
archived)

coconut when I've got short hair :-/
I could go spiky (again) but I'd look like every other fucker round here if I did......
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:59,
archived)
I could go spiky (again) but I'd look like every other fucker round here if I did......

had hair down to my bum . . walked into the barbers (hairdressers actually) and said "take it all off" there was a crowd around me in the end . . I should've sold tickets ! :)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:01,
archived)

currently down to just reaching the bottom of my shoulderblades after erm however many years of growing it.
Edit: Erm, I started growing it when my girlfriend went off to study in germany for a year, god she was miserable there. I didn't particularly want to look like a scruffy mong while she was there, so that was ideal. That was, 1, 2, 2 years and 3 months ago. With any luck, as long as there are no job issues, and I don't get too sick of looking after it, or it falls out, or I rip it out in teaching stress, then i'll keep growing it.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:05,
archived)
Edit: Erm, I started growing it when my girlfriend went off to study in germany for a year, god she was miserable there. I didn't particularly want to look like a scruffy mong while she was there, so that was ideal. That was, 1, 2, 2 years and 3 months ago. With any luck, as long as there are no job issues, and I don't get too sick of looking after it, or it falls out, or I rip it out in teaching stress, then i'll keep growing it.

or Jesus (if I hadn't shaved) . . it really had to go . .
The savings in hair washing time are worth it on their own :o)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:07,
archived)
The savings in hair washing time are worth it on their own :o)

So I have to spend half an hour each morning washing it in the bath. I am never ever ever renting a flat without my own shower ever again!
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:09,
archived)

young pup compared to me....I started growing mine properly in 1991......
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:08,
archived)

22.
Although everyone I meet thinks I look 26 or older. :(
My mum is still pestering me to get it cut... ^_^
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:10,
archived)
Although everyone I meet thinks I look 26 or older. :(
My mum is still pestering me to get it cut... ^_^

Me or Lethe ?
I started the growing sometime around 83 I think .. the Goth thing was a big motivation :)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:10,
archived)
I started the growing sometime around 83 I think .. the Goth thing was a big motivation :)

me then. Was tempted by gothness, but it was all rather pretentious at the age of 17.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:13,
archived)

someone older than me with long hair on the board? Meep :)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:17,
archived)

Now nice and short . . it hides the fact that it's parting company with my head a lot faster than I would like . .
37 this year . . eeeek !
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:20,
archived)
37 this year . . eeeek !

we'll keep quite and pretend that we're "down with the kids" then :)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:29,
archived)

but since I can't scream this at work, I'll scream it here:
You stupid, monosyllabic, fat, retarted, Bachelor watching, mindless FUCKING holes!
Have you NOTHING better to do than TALK in that nasally FUCKING voice about the most MEDIOCRE SHIT all day long?
Your voices make me want to vomit and your topics of conversation are pedantic blather that would make JESUS HIMSELF wish for death.
Oh yeah.. Iain, I found your hidden message:




This was to all of the sales ladies sitting onb the other side of the room inthe ofice I work in. We now return you to funny fluffiness.
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:42,
archived)
You stupid, monosyllabic, fat, retarted, Bachelor watching, mindless FUCKING holes!
Have you NOTHING better to do than TALK in that nasally FUCKING voice about the most MEDIOCRE SHIT all day long?
Your voices make me want to vomit and your topics of conversation are pedantic blather that would make JESUS HIMSELF wish for death.
Oh yeah.. Iain, I found your hidden message:




This was to all of the sales ladies sitting onb the other side of the room inthe ofice I work in. We now return you to funny fluffiness.

so you don't like the ladies in your office?
it's a bit subtle.
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:44,
archived)
it's a bit subtle.

they're like walking billboards for EVERYTHING wrong with this state.
I must hear "Oh... MIGOD" about 100 times a day.
I like REAL women. Women who don't read VC ANdrews and watch Martha Steward.
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:47,
archived)
I must hear "Oh... MIGOD" about 100 times a day.
I like REAL women. Women who don't read VC ANdrews and watch Martha Steward.

"The Bachelor"
I actually heard one of those cranberry say one day "Well, the only reason I'm working here is so I can meet a rich man and get married"
I felt like fucking punching her.
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:50,
archived)
I actually heard one of those cranberry say one day "Well, the only reason I'm working here is so I can meet a rich man and get married"
I felt like fucking punching her.

cuz YOU of ALL people know how RICH I am...
/sarcasm
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:57,
archived)
/sarcasm

I don't read "read VC ANdrews and watch Martha Steward" (whoever they be) I just sit here in front of this moniter all day....
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:48,
archived)

but im only 17 and some wierd adults still wish to refer to me as a man...
i feel it is quite perculiar
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:07,
archived)
i feel it is quite perculiar

see? There you go!
Cat here is 18... you're 17. Go watermelon somewhere.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:09,
archived)
Cat here is 18... you're 17. Go watermelon somewhere.

watermelon?
surely that's not a verb
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:10,
archived)
surely that's not a verb

wanna watermelon? I would like to see my "boy"friend kick your arse afterwards. he's significantly more mature (and fit) than a scrawny 17 year old. hah
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:16,
archived)

what does he do
edit: scrawny, my arse. i lift people that weigh twice what i do. no watermelon for me, thanks
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:17,
archived)
edit: scrawny, my arse. i lift people that weigh twice what i do. no watermelon for me, thanks

18 is NOT a mature woman...
maybe a good screw though.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:21,
archived)
maybe a good screw though.

they've got no respect.
and they make sweeping generalisations. (geddit)
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:22,
archived)
and they make sweeping generalisations. (geddit)

by giving a weak retort against nothing.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:50,
archived)

edit: whomever you are.
and only if you are really a woman.
damn internet.
i need to get out more.
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:54,
archived)
and only if you are really a woman.
damn internet.
i need to get out more.

most offices are the same though.
if they aren't obsessing over american idol it's some other reality show.
and when they're done with that, they'll sit ang plan 50 potlucks over the next 3 months.
then ask you the bring food in for it. and i'm the one that has to pick up after them.
NO! dammit!
i'm not contributing to your obsession with stuffing your face full of food until you burst.
then i'll end up having to clean up after that as well.
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:50,
archived)
if they aren't obsessing over american idol it's some other reality show.
and when they're done with that, they'll sit ang plan 50 potlucks over the next 3 months.
then ask you the bring food in for it. and i'm the one that has to pick up after them.
NO! dammit!
i'm not contributing to your obsession with stuffing your face full of food until you burst.
then i'll end up having to clean up after that as well.

hate them....
i just want shove sharp office supplies down their throats.
hating people is mean.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:00,
archived)
i just want shove sharp office supplies down their throats.
hating people is mean.

that's true.
but STILL...
the "OHMIGOD" and the "No... way!" just make me want to KILL.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:02,
archived)
but STILL...
the "OHMIGOD" and the "No... way!" just make me want to KILL.

just go with the the flow
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:45,
archived)

for each one of them. While it may not work, it's still satisfactory to jab pins in their dolls eyes. Or is that just me...
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:46,
archived)

Just what I wuz thinking. Bloody females. You can't live without em and you can't kill em.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:04,
archived)

unless you bury them DEEP in the heart of the national forest, then BURN the inside of the car you drove their corpses in and then covered the body with lye...
uhh...
that is, if you WANTED to...
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:17,
archived)
uhh...
that is, if you WANTED to...
![Challenge Entry: Animals with Jobs [challenge entry]](/images/board_posticon_c.gif)

Navy Seal - it had to be done.
(edit: better seal head than first try)

torn between the full swappage versus a face swappage leaving the floppy ears intact, then I gave up completely 'cos I'm knackered :)
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:49,
archived)

perfect for the dislecksicks :o)
*edit* is that Lady Penelope?
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:02,
archived)
*edit* is that Lady Penelope?

isnt there some kind of military craft called seawasp?
edit: no, wait, its WASP isnt it. yes.
( ,
Sat 22 Nov 2003, 0:21,
archived)
edit: no, wait, its WASP isnt it. yes.

that reminds me of the super furry animals gig i went to recently
(they come back on stage in yeti costumes)
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:47,
archived)
(they come back on stage in yeti costumes)

stick a couple of lightbulbs in there and Kaiser`d be needing clean undies!
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:49,
archived)

lest he go flying around the room!
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:39,
archived)

that`s brilliant! you deserve a cuppa tea, freshly prepared by matsimpsk!
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:39,
archived)

All the text above appears to be blurry and unreadable
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:57,
archived)


Second time in 2 days ... You ruined my anti-repost therapy

funny you should say that!
when I was at uni (all those years ago) we had a bloke in our class who was a bit special - used to thud into walls/people on his way to lectures, with his special backpack on... and then he`d whip out his crappy laptop
we used to call him Tron :-)
... I`m sure that could have been funnier...
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:35,
archived)
when I was at uni (all those years ago) we had a bloke in our class who was a bit special - used to thud into walls/people on his way to lectures, with his special backpack on... and then he`d whip out his crappy laptop
we used to call him Tron :-)
... I`m sure that could have been funnier...

Thradjack/joke (sorry)
Why does Michael Jackson like shaggin twenty-eight year olds?
Cus there's twenty of 'em!
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:37,
archived)
Why does Michael Jackson like shaggin twenty-eight year olds?
Cus there's twenty of 'em!

his kid brother told it to him and made it sound funny
;-)
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:40,
archived)
;-)

How did MJ get busted at the music store?
He thought "Boys 2 Men" was a service.
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:40,
archived)
He thought "Boys 2 Men" was a service.

...Multiple exclamation marks are the sure sign of a diseased mind
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:44,
archived)

untalented cranberry of a shitty fantasy novel writer
"orcs and elves" my arse
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:46,
archived)
"orcs and elves" my arse

bandwagon was hitched up again! Many moons etc.....but you weren't to know that unless yer a power lurker :)
( ,
Fri 21 Nov 2003, 23:37,
archived)
« Older messages | Newer messages »
