and another thing...
My brother has worked part-time in Tescos as a 'trolley collector' for some time now.
EVERY time i've shopped there when hes been working, Not once have i seen him anywhere near a trolley.
All he does is sit in a little hut reading FHM all day; and has never been spotted skiving by the managers.
I question him about this and all he says is "yeah well, its shit and i cant be arsed." ???WTF

Although, he starts Uni in September so i guess hes in training to be a lazy useless twat who'll do fuck all for 3 years, apart from wanking himself senseless all day in his little student dwelling.


Tesco Value Trolley Boy: 'Every little helps.'
(nappy rash, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:27, Reply)

Re: skiving
Until recently, I worked in the kitchens at Dominos Pizza, Basingstoke. When I wanted to skive, I just didn't bother going in. Exept on paydays, when I fiddled the time schedule on the computers (the manager trusted me with his password) so I still got paid about four times as much as I earned (which was pitifully little). I would take weeks off at a time, the managment not seming to care when I strolled in through the door. I would stay at my supervisors, get high with her fiance, and not leave for days.
All this stopped suddenly when I got fired a couple of weeks ago. Ah well, of to the dole Jobseekers I go...
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:21, Reply)

This afternoon
i've 'invented' some client appointments in Manchester, but really i've promised to take Mrs Rash to see Kylie in concert tonight. - I cant stand her music so i need to take the rest of the day off in order to prepare myself by getting suitably pissed this afternoon.
Didn't really fancy booking an official day off and wasting it on watching that buck toothed bint prancing round the stage.

Nice beaver though.
(nappy rash, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:18, Reply)

mongobongo is a fraud...
Every dedicated skiver knows that Countdown starts at 1515 not 1600.
(spastic_lequeer, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:16, Reply)

extreme dumping...
I used to work in a factory where I'd work in one area for a few hours before they'd send me off to another one. The great thing was, they would send me but not tell the other area they were sending me there. So I could just 'get lost' along the way. Big place etc etc.

Tended to sit in the toilets with a spliff and read or whatever. This was all great up until the day some one came in, took the cubicle next to me and proceeded to take the longest, most horrific sounding shite I had ever had the misfortune to witness.

Can you say mentally scarring?
(sporky, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:12, Reply)

Boss is out of office
As a result I am off into town to get my haircut. And my weekly shop. And I may stop off somewhere for a pint.
(Taco Tickler, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:04, Reply)

Just send them all to one house...
thats what i do in my new job mailing out postal voting slips
(captain_party, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 11:02, Reply)

my working day
when supposed to be out on the road visiting customers

i phone them telling them i have a family emergency/goldfish has died/am expecting the apocolypse/my arm has fallen off and sometimes stay home. If the boss phones, i have a recorded sample on my pc of engine noise that i start before answering and tell him i'm on my way.

I don't think i'm going to be in this job for very long.
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:56, Reply)

my working day
When working from home :

8:30 - get up
8:35 - make a phone call to the boss pretending i have been up a while and already started
8:40 - have breakfast, followed by a bit of morningtelevision
9:30 - Write a couple of emails asking really pointless questions - preferably ones which require in depth answers
10:00 If boss phones, tell him i'm waiting for replies to these emails
10:30 - early elevenses
11:15 - acknowledge receipt of emails and promise prompt reply
11:20 - have a quick troll through b3ta
12:00 until 14:00 - if the boss phones between 12 and 1 i say thats my lunch hour, if he phones between 1 and 2 then the same applies.
14:00 - reply to emails received, maybe make a few phone calls
14:30 - cup of tea followed by biscuits (preferably jaffa cakes)
15:00 - phone boss to ask if he has been trying to email me then explain that my internet connection is down
15:30 - phone boss to tell him my internet connection is back up
15:45 - phone a few customers who generally will not be available at this time as their skiving pattern differs to mine
16:00 - Do a bit of tat in photoshop and send it to office as 'draft' - then afternoon snack, followed by countdown
17:00 - finish 'work'

I make this about an hour and a half of actual work.

/edit and for spastic lequeer and any OTHER pedants out there, yes i know countdown is at 15:15 now, but i might have sky plus so can watch it whenever i choose (although it WOULD be yesterdays episode)
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:55, Reply)

I used to do summer work between Uni years for a farm.
This was supposed to involve walking up and down a wheat field picking out all the wild oats and stuffing them in a sack. If it was sunny it was bliss, I'd pick just enough to make a nice pillow with my sack and sleep in the sun all afternoon periodically waking up for a quick toke on a joint. Winner.
(Mr. Partyhat, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:43, Reply)

...
To skive off school work I simply don't wear uniform :) Sounds strange but works. I get set down to a unit called BIP and have a fun lesson there :P
(Lezarel, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:31, Reply)

Using Technology To Slack
My methods have involved...

Ghostzilla - puts a browser window in faint grey on white over whatever active window you have. Only shows images when you move your mouse over them, so great for NSFW. Browser disappears when you move away from the window - genius loafing software.

The Wonderful Icon - a brilliant little helper app for Windows. Right-click on the minimise button on a window and the window minimises to the system tray by the clock instead of on the bar with its name to be seen by all. If that's not good enough, I've set Ctrl+Shift+/ to hide whatever is active completely, and it's right under the return key. Way better than Alt+Tab.

Bluetooth - I've got myself set up with a Bluetooth Access Point, so when I go to the loo (which, having IBS, is frequent and for long periods) I can browse the net on my phone. Having a phone that isn't restricted to WAP is a boon.
( Irregular Shed is trying to remember what it is he does, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:27, Reply)

Nobody knew where I was
I worked for a year looking after property for a large company. Because the buildings were all over the country I could get up a 9, drive to wherever, stay somewhere the night and go to another the next day.I always chose the best hotel up to my limit of £250 a night. Best bit was the fact that I only ever spent an hour at the most in each building, so could spend the rest of the time doing nothing. I was always home by 12 every friday.

Put on two stone though, 6 penalty points on my licence, and the company was taken over and everybody got the sack. Got to keep my car though, and phone, laptop, blackberry, camera, laser measure!
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:25, Reply)

No one knocks on MY office door anymore....
I find that stapling my cock to my desk not only allows me to take half a day off to visit the hospital, but also raises serious doubts over my mental health. Oh well, another half day, another hole in my cock. Only the one draw back. I have to hold my cock like a recorder to piss, though this does go a long way to explain why I spend the whole morning in the toilet, cus I can’t play the recorder.But I have all afternoon to practice.
(Jeeves, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 10:00, Reply)

SLACKER........
I find that going to sleep in the Network hub rooms of my organisation is very easy, all i do is say i'm going to check something out, disappear for the afternoon head out to the room ive got with comfy chair/pc to surf interweb with/drink and chocolate machine right outside and sleep in the nice warm room listening to the fans...
(Jimmy Large Is huffing Jenkem on, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 9:44, Reply)

So many ways!
A couple of jobs back I was a facilities lackey. Basically if you needed a chair in your office, you called my boss who then sent me on way with said sitting instrument. Anyway, I had a walkie-talkie. I used to go out at lunch time, smoke a joint in a nearby park, eat my sarnie, come back to work and go "check the envelopes" in the 3rd floor stationary cupboard, which had a second cupboard behind it that was lockable and had a light switch. Mmmm, nap-time!

Also, I read and reply to QOTW on b3ta.com.
(Mong-the-Merciful, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 9:36, Reply)

Upgrade from ALT+TAB
I have a 5 button mouse at work, and have made one of the buttons "Minimise Window". I make sure I have something work related unnderneath, then open a web based game or other such skive. When the boss comes in, a quick mouse click (which doesnt look any different to clicking on the screen normally), and Im back to AutoCAD or whatever else im 'working' on.

I also make sure that if he ever asks me what Im currently working on, I always have something to tell him, even if im not doing any such thing.
(jimmy_stavros, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 9:23, Reply)

wagging
i dont wag work, i feel too bad when i do, but when i get back from my lunch-break instead of getting back into it i need to spend 10-15mins "fixing my braces". when questioned about it: "oh, my orthodontist says its really important that i do this after every meal" while either doing nothing or (if someone is looking) running my tongue over my teeth while holding up a mirror.

at school i would simply not turn up to class, as i went to a small school everyone covered for each other and we'd basically take it in turns at showing up and taking notes, although people tended to prefer when i wagged because i would write nonsense and the lyrics to whatever song was in my head instead of schoolwork.....
i did surprisingly well in my exams though :D

needless to say i plan on enjoying uni when i start next year, everyone should study to be a teacher, i dont plan on working ever

apologies for sounding like a slacker, i am australian and compared to everyone else i have a good work ethic ;)
(dawa, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 9:22, Reply)

Fools!
I work for a company as an in-house designer, except I work from home because the boss didn't want to fork out thousands on a mac and software (I already have all the kit n' kaboodle).

When I bother to get up (normally about 8.30ish) I'll partake in a leisurely breakfast then a walk round the forest for an hour with my dog, come back, check my emails and maybe do a bit of work before deliberating about what to have for lunch.

And I've just had another pay rise, BONZA!

Live the dream!


Apologies for length but I've got a lot of time to waste before lunch.
(cherry B, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 9:20, Reply)

Off sick to the MAX!!!
I live in Holland and here once you have a permenant contract its almost impossible to sack you no matter how much you take the piss.

There is a guy my husband works with who uses this to the max.

My husband recons he only works half a year with the amount of time he has off sick!!

The ultimate in my mind is, here if you take holiday time and you get sick you can phone up your work and tell them your sick and your holiday time stops and it becomes being off sick!!!

So everytime this guy goes on holiday he`s off for a day or two and then calls in sick, last year he called in sick from Turkey!!!
(Smumps, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 8:44, Reply)

surfin'
My company has open offices and I used to sit in a place where everyone who walked by could see what was on my screen. I used to put my browser window in the bottom of the screen to better cover it and I used to resize online casinos to small sizes and place them in a corner of the screen. I avoided the NSFW links.

But now I have managed to get a spot where my screen faces the wall. Pure bliss ... :)
(spinoza, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 8:25, Reply)

Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately...
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

You see Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's another thing, I have eight different bosses right now. Eight, Bob. So that means when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Apr 2005, 8:13, Reply)

I've just spent the last 4 hours deleting my emails, then sending them from my trash back to my inbox...
Now I'm off to walk around and ask people why they aren't working.

I love my job...

29/4:

Today, I locked myself in an office with my laptop and have spent the day "trying to set up a video conference". Now I'm off to wander around and ask people why they aren't working...
( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 7:43, Reply)

Nothing very clever...
I'm a tutor so I can't really slack off. If an appointment doesn't show up, though, we hang out and have vulgar discussions, often about literature (we're nearly all English majors).

I used to work in the equine department of a petstore. When it was slow (not many people think, "It's 11am on a workday; I'll go buy a bridle!"), I would sit at the desk with our catalog nearby, and read the equine magazines we had. If a manager came by, I would quickly switch to the catalog and pretend to be looking up an item for a customer.
(ladycat, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 7:33, Reply)

school, so sorta work
anything from walking right past the building on a morning and going straight to my boyfriend's house, to "Miiiiiiiss, I feel really ill, I was sick on the way here and my head's spinning..."
( Kittenpants, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 6:07, Reply)

I skive off school by
leaving the building.
(DeadCats, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 4:39, Reply)

dumb
On slow days at school I slip a comic book or magazine into my textbook(classic, I know).
It's much more effective than the method used by most kids, which is to slip on their headphones and sink into their shirts as if it's some sort of magic invisibility cloak.
If I'm supposed to be writing and don't feel like it, I just make squiggly lines on my paper. It works, surprisingly.
( trintrin has jam for blood, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 4:04, Reply)

typical day
because the network was so rubbish, and company spending on work stations was dire when i worked for HP, it would take about 40 minutes to an hour for my pc to actually start doing anything, download updates, restart, download emails etc.
so i would wander off for breakfast. and complain to my manager that i needed a new laptop.

then the next 30 minutes was taken up reading emails and filtering out all the news, and other crap that got sent around the network for the staff.

i would reply to a few emails, and go for lunch for an hour.

then reply to some emails and do some work for about an hour or two.

then it was coffee time which took about 25 minutes

and then home early for 430 to avoid the traffic.


of course if i hadnt underclocked my work computer, and had all my emails stored on the network i *might* have been able to work a bit quicker. oh well!
(davemate11, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 3:49, Reply)

Art
I live in quasi-fear that one day my art teacher will notice that I'm not making any artwork in spite of the nearly 3 hours I spend in there - it's just that there's a lot of waiting involved with ceramics (waiting to use the kiln, waiting to get stuff out of the kiln, waiting to glaze and get back in and out of the kiln again...) and it's vastly more intersting to talk to people then try to wrestle with a dried-out lump of clay...

in an unrelated note, all of my best drawings seem to be done during long lectures in big auditoriums

It's pretty hard to sneak out of work when you don't have a job (sadness)
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 3:15, Reply)

King of skiving
In a company where everyone skived, no work happened for at least 10 minutes before or after any official break and we were all waiting to clock off 15 minutes early, I managed to skive the most. This was in a furniture factory in Tadcaster about six or seven years ago, having been sent by an agency to load trucks etc and me being of the stick like build I immediatly got given the job of wraping the smaller units from six different production lines, hence alot of walking around between the six lines and more importantly I always had an excuse for not being where the boss was. I didn't do more than 2 hours work a day.

Even when the managment knew I didn't have much to do I still managed to skive off by tidying up the stock areas. Fifty or more 2 meter high cabinets that needed to be organized, or find the right one, sometimes 3 or 4 of us would waste an hour or so in there.

The best was when the factory shut down for their 2 week summer holiday but I ended up working when it was mostly maintenence staff. "Take that van and clear out the loading bays" no other traffic on site and not my van, I spent the best part of 2 days just prating about in the van doing about an hours work a day.

Tip: don't do hand brake turns in a transit luton, they go onto two wheels very easily.

No apologies for length: if it's too long don't read it.
(Mookfish, Thu 28 Apr 2005, 2:45, Reply)