Only ever involved in one 'fight'
In all my time at school I was only ever involved in one fight. It was between me and this guy called Neil. He was always picked on, no-one knew why, just seemed an easy target despite being a good 6 inches taller than most of the class.

One day for no reason that I could work out he crept up behind me in the form room, picked me up from behind and started trying to choke me. I was quite concerned about the idea of running out of air and couldn't reach around behind me or above my head well enough to hit him. The only thing I could try to do was lean forward to get his feet off the ground (not easy if you remember that he is a fair bit taller than me) and then run backwards as fast as I could into the wall. The only reason this worked was due to the trunking that contained all of the network and power cables that ran the length of the room at about waist hight.
Must have slammed his coccyx into the trunking. He let go, fell to the floor and started making retching noises like he wanted to be sick.
( sudo is bored, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:15, Reply)

My Cousin
My cousin and I used to fight all the time. Mostly because he was a psycho when he wasn't on his medication.

When he got thrown out of his school we was transferred to mine, thus he started hanging out with my group of friends. One noon hour I had walked outside for a smoke when he shouted something at me that pissed me off, so I basically told him to fuck off. He didn't take that very well and gave me a shove, sending me, my smoke, and my shiny new discman tumbling to the ground. Fuming I stood up and swung my arm with all my weight behind it into his jaw, which triggered a rapid-fire exchanging of fists. The problem was that all of his punches landed on the top of my head, while every one of mine either landed square in the face, chest or side of head. Soon he gave up and dissapeared somewhere to pout. As I gathered my things and lit another smoke, I noticed half the school had witnessed the event, which changed everyone's impression of me. I was no longer the quiet pacifist (actually, I was just stoned all the time), but now a guy with years of pent up rage and fists of fury. Apparently.

My cousin and I never got even. A few weeks later, as he and his friends were playing D&D, I made a wisecrack about the game and his character, and he used his pencil to stab me in the fleshy bit between the thumb and forefinger. I retaliated by grabbing all the D&D hardcover books they had, piling them up and bashing them over top his head. 5 years later, he tripped me within the first minute of an impromptu rugby match, resulting in a mangled ankle, as described briefly in the 'Sacked' QOTW.

Thankfully, he seems to have lost his psychotic tendencies and is now engaged.
( Hosehead, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:11, Reply)

As a total wuss
I just accepted the occasional mild kicking from the cool kids to hang out with them and gain protection. As such I never got into a proper fight.

I did once get picked to play hockey for the school, because most of the regulars were in detention. It was clear after a few minutes that I was pretty useless, so I was just instructed to stick to their star player like glue and generally get in his way. I was actually rather good at this, and after hustling him off the ball for the hundredth time or so (whilst a wuss, I was reasonably strong) bhe lost his rag and twatted me around the head with a hockey stick, which broke. When I'd got up off my arse I was pretty dazed but landed a single punch to the jaw that put him on his arse. Lucky shot to be honest, i think he was amazed I'd got up again. We were both sent off and I was pulled aside after the game by our PE teacher for a bollocking. This consisted of "Nice punch son, now get on the bus".

We also had a Grange Hill (circa early 90's )style inter-year punch up. Well, pre-punch up posturing anyway. Could have been quite nasty as people came armed with knives, homemade knuckledusters, bike chains and sprockets. The 4th year (in old money) did the sensible thing and hid, although I think one kid got a bit of a pasting.

The next day we (5th year) got called into the school hall. The deputy head went seven shades of apeshit, threatening to involve the police as most of us were 16 and could be charged with affray. Looking back he was clearly just trying to put the fear of god into us. This was largely successful, right up to the moment when some kid farted. loudly. for a good 5 seconds. while sitting on a wooden bench. that reverberated beautifully.

This just led to increased fury from the deputy head, although it was entirely wasted on us. We were all shaking uncontrollably with tears of barely supressed mirth rolling down our cheeks. Eventually he just gave up.
(Throbbe, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:11, Reply)

Not me, but...
I was never in a fight at school...
The closest I've ever come is getting mugged twice (in a month) on my way home from work... Both times I came away with all my money and bodily tissue intact... Fun and games...

But I digress...

Yeah, so... Large boy vs. small-twatty-yet-exceedingly-hard boy at school...

Large boy leg sweeps small boy onto the floor, rolls him over, places a hand on the back of his head so as to force the kid's forehead into the floor then grabs one of his legs and turns him round and round, all the time forcing down on that head...

Later on we saw said small boy... An almost perfect circle of scab on his forehead and blood all over his shirt.

I was amused. Yes.
(blackfacedfightinggibbon, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 16:10, Reply)

He took a swing, missed, fell on his face and bit off his own tongue.
He spent the next three months talking like Joey Deacon and I earned the laziest reputation for being hard as nails in the history of primary school playgrounds.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:54, Reply)

Come on then!!!
I'm a big wussy really, so I don't like fighting (I'm a big lad though, and could probably kill someone if i was pushed enough). The only fight I've ever had was between me and some kid called Simon Lunt (or the obvious Simon Cunt as he always got told). He had ADD and constantly needed drugs to keep him calm. Obviously this time he'd forgotten to take his sane-pills, and the jeer of "Haha, Simon Cunt" from me and a bunch of my mates was too much. He ran at me, whirlwinding his arms and legs in the most stupid fasion, getting closer and closer. My mates and I were giggling as he look like a complete cunt. Unfortunately one of his rampantly swinging fists made contact and bopped me on the nose. He stopped. I looked in dis-belief at him. He gave the 'Oh shit' look back. I gave him a fist right in the middle of his chest with my right hand and a sneaky thwap in the kidneys with my left. He went down.
I had a bloody nose as I waltzed into the corner shop to buy some sweets.
I was given a free ice lolly. He limped down the road in agony from a nasty kidney jab. Hah!

Also... Not a fight as such, but I very rarely took part in PE (i hated it), and the once or twice i got forced to do it, we were playing rugby. I get passed the ball. The opposing team stare at me, because i never do PE, and i'm not very fit or small. I am however, built like a rugby player. The only time i've ever seen people running frantically away from me as i charge toward the other end of the pitch. Easiest score ever :D
(Black_Dwarf frawD_kcalB, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:50, Reply)

how satisfying it was
We were standing outside in a P.E. class and the teacher was telling us what unpleasant activity we would have inflicted on us this week.

A chavvy prick called Chris was standing behind me and, whenever the teacher was looking our way, he'd subtly but painfully jab me in the kidney. Of course, given that the teacher was looking he knew there was nothing I could do to retaliate.

But of course, the teacher eventually looked the other way. At which point I turned around and blasted my fist at maximum velocity into his nut-sack.
( kingofpork is the king of pork, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:49, Reply)

School Fights
Back in year 10 back in school an old friend of mine decided that he wanted to fight me and told me by thumping me in the arm, we were waiting for my tutor to come in and everyone in my tutor group was in this room. I proceeded to puch the snot out of this twat while he was trying to pull out my hair, he managed to pull a clump of it out and then i saw red, once i had pinned him to a table by his neck, I threw him off and tipped the table onto his wrist. Thats when the tutor walked in. End result,I was shouted at for an hour, then 1 after school detention, and a lot of respect.
(theyerack, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:45, Reply)

3 of the best
my career as a pugilist isn't exactly the stuff of legend. i was so small and spindly at school i wasn't really on the radar, and now i'm huge and generaly don't get picked on. my funniest school fight was a guy who ran his mouth about me when i started at a new school, we had a farm with ginger goats, he of course decided that a: they were sheep and b: due to a, obviously me and said sheep were engaged in a passionate affair. this led to a couple years of trading insults, to a point where he and his 'hard ' mates decided we must fight to the death on the school field at lunchtime. of course he didn't connect that living on a farm and spending your evenings lugging bales of hay and unruly animals around, as well as regular swimming and weights leaves you skinny but reasonably strong. he pushed me, i socked him in the side of the head, he went down, i started whaling on his kidneys while he hugged my legs and wept for mercy, i was disgusted at his lack of backbone and walked off. later i heard he beat me because i 'ran away' weird.
my proudest school fight to date though was with the school bully, you know the one neanderthal kid who has a full beard and motorbike licence and is the capt of the being popular team and all the other teams... well in year 11 near the end i was having another traumatic maths lesson, and he decided winding me up and stealing my pens and stuff was a wise idea. i lost my temper, picked up the nice steel-framed table i was sitting at and commenced battering said bully with it. after finally being pulled off i spent the rest of the day being congratulated by beleaguered year 8 & 9's for fucking him up.
no apologies for lenght. my motto: never apologise, never explain.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:35, Reply)

Girls can (kind of ) fight!
Me (and the rest of the school) have known my best friend is gay for aaages but this year,the new year 7s were lairy little shits and when they caught onto the fact there is *shock horror* a homosexual in the school, they proceeded to make his,and my life hell!
One little kid,called Masi (haha,name and shame!)was one of the worst,and is a damn ugly little git too.

One day,me and my friend were waiting for a bus,when this kid came up,stood on a wall next to us and shouted,at full volume "LUKE'S GAY!!! LUKES GAY!!". I ingnored him like a dignifyed lady,and resisted the urge to push him off the wall. But when he got off the wall,and started getting in my face,and poking Luke,I just kinda flipped.

I grabbed him by his neck and just kinda smacked him round the head. He looked a bit shocked,so i threw him in the road. Sadly,the only car there missed him. The sod cut my finger too!
(Miharu, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:31, Reply)

I'm a lover not a fighter.
My only school fight involved being surrounded by a group of guys from the year above. In the interests of not getting a kicking I ran at the nearest one and floored him before promptly running home crying. If I was to go back in time I'd of probably been quite proud of myself rather than being shit-scared as I was at the time.

My most entertaining fight to have won since then was in the Mardi nightclub in Dundee one new years. Being English and well-spoken I go down like a lead ballon with the locals. Anyway, I am stood waiting to get my coat at the end of the night and the next thing I know a fist hits me out of no where. Now it was at a very cock-eyed angle and glanced off my cheek. The cheeky Dundonian who had tried to lamp me then proceeded to fall over at my feet before being dragged off by a couple of Bouncers. I collected my coat and wandered off rather bemused to catch up with my mates. I did however end up with a broken rib after play fighting with my brother later in the night.
(mehmeh 0% witty, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:19, Reply)

Only slippering I ever had...
...was for fighting, aged 8, with my good mate Ben Ando (now on the telly).

Claim to fame or what?
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:18, Reply)

Being the coward I am...
...I was of course "friends" with the school bully, mainly because it meant less chance of getting beaten up yourself and also because it's always useful to have a psychotic 14 year old skinhead on your side. One memorable scuff resulted in some poor kid having his front tooth chipped off, before running in tears to the school nurse. The victim was far to scared to grass up his attackers... and so despite an impromptu assembly the missing tooth was never found.

That is, of course, because my skinheaded chum had spent the rest of the day going around with half a front tooth embedded in his knuckle - knowing full well that seeking medical attention would land him in a certain creek.

And they say they were the best days of your life...
(Mr Eraserhead Why aren't you a lemon?, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:17, Reply)

Funniest fight I remember at my school...
was between a friend of mine and a Chinese guy in our class. (strangely I now see the Chinese guy more than the other) Anyway I'm not sure what sparked it off but the old school pre-fight pushing started out. After a short while of this and both combatants standing almost toe to toe, the Chinese kid pulled a really strange face and did what only can be described as a 'HAA-DOO-KEN' (From street fighter)

Obviously nothing came out and he just stayed there pulling a really odd face. Needless to say my friend ended up on the floor. (Through the medium of laughter rather than violence)
(Mr Bojangles Of London Town, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:08, Reply)

Right... School Fields... 3:30...
Epic battle was planned, 2 of the 'hardest' in our year, nay the school - planned this fight for weeks, just after school finished, 3:30 on the school fields, over the road so it was 'off school property'

Hundreds turned up, a giant circle of baying 14 year olds formed, waiting for blood. The 2 combatants entered the ring and went at it like teenagers possesed!

After 20 minutes of them knocking lumps out of each other and their clothes in tatters, we all got a bit bored... and started to leave - at which point they stopped. it was all very amicable. and yes, a boring story.

But thats how all fights at our school were organised "school Fields, after school" FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!


Being the fat kid, i was often bullied AND my nick name was 'Johny' and for years i had "can i borrow your rubber, johny" shouted at me. 1styear of big school i thought "Right, i'm gunna stop this once and for all - next kid to say it, i'll beat 10 shades of shit out of him - THEY'LL NEVER SHOUT THAT AGAIN!"

He paggered me did the 3rd year. I lost one of my favourite trainers, never saw my 'Empire Strikes Back' pencil case again and my blazer was ruined from the blood, snot and tears i covered it in as i walked home.... the shame....
(TheManofScience, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:06, Reply)

*Snap*
High School was pretty boring for me when it came to fights, alot of my mates were in the year above so I was generally left alone.

Whilst in Sixth year we were given a common room which we'd furnished with a TV, N64, couches etc. Sitting in the common room one lunch break around exam time I happened to be owning all at Goldeneye (35-2 type scores), taking away from the prick of the year who had crowned himself "King of Goldeneye". Said prick was having none of it and started spouting shite, "am gonnae kill yer ma" etc.

Now I'd normally laugh this off and slag him back but my mother happened to have just been diagnosed with breast cancer a month before and coupled with the stress of exams I wasn't exactly full of happiness and sunshine.

One of my mates explained to him that mother jokes weren't a good idea to which his reply was "Fuck off, I hope his ma's tits turn black and fall off". Long story short, went fucking mental, threw the closest thing to hand off his face (an N64 controller) and then dragged him screaming from the common room occasionally stopping for a quick boot to the face. Got him outside into the main hall, chucked him to the ground and started stamping on him whilst screaming "YOU FUCKING DIE".

Teachers made him apologise to me.

Was known as a bit of a bam after that.


*pop*
(Durth Voder, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:06, Reply)

I was with a mate whom the most pious monk would struggle not to want to hurt.
He just had that sort of face. Add to that a penchant for winding people up, and- I won't do him down - not some little skill in that department, and hanging around with him was not good for one's health.

Anyway he'd irritated these older kids at school so much they'd decided to hurt him. I got in the way and somehow they decided I should be the one who should be held by one while the other came up to kick me in the balls.

Somehow, adrenaline no doubt surging through my pathetic barely pubescent body, I managed to use the guy holding me in an arm lock for support and kick the approching would-be ball kicker. I had hoped to do unto him as he would do unto me, but missed and hit him somewhere in the chest. Anyway he backed off and was forgotten about as I writhed like hell to get out of the armlock.

It didn't work. In fact I was only released when there was a loud crash behind us.

Turns out I'd kicked the bloke right in the solar plexus and he passed out.

Result!

I was the hard man of the school until lunchtime.
(Garnett, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:05, Reply)

Picture this...
Two geeks who were friends with each other had a falling out. One a loudmouthed twat of a lad, the other a quiet lad (a member of the sea scouts).

The usual “there’s a fight going to happen after school” rumors started circulating, and a huge crowd gathered to witness this “clash of the titans” due to the sheer weirdness of this fight happening. As you all probably know, it’s the nutters and hardcases that arrange fights, or it’s a kid getting a pasting by getting jumped on. Two nerds and butts of the school jokes is a rare, rare occurrence. Neither had been seen fighting before. Getting a kicking yes, but fighting? Not a chance.

As they were squaring up, the quiet lad assumed a classic boxing stance to which the loudmouth jeered a sarcastic “Oh, Queensbury rules eh? That’ll not help you” before veritably windmilling in.

The quiet lad took two steps back, left jabbed the loudmouths nose twice to disorientate him, then followed through with one of the mightiest right hooks I have ever seen, absolutely knocking him on his ass. He turned, and quietly walked away leaving approx 100 stunned people in his wake. It was like the parting of the red sea.

He was never looked at in the same way again.
(Pandaemonium, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 15:00, Reply)

Get the cunts!
I remember in year 8 there was a rugby match between our school and our bitter rivals (such was the depth of the hatred that I've completely forgotten who it was!). It was during the lunch break that me and a friend were walking back from the local shop, we saw a couple of kids from the rival school. They were hanging around and looking a bit menacing ... quite possibly they were smoking too ... any way they meant business! As we passed them they began to badmouth the school and told us we were a bunch of faggots. We were most annoyed. We went and told a couple of guys we knew in the year above about this and they became interested ... they told a few friends to go and find some others and soon about 50 or 60 kids began descending on the front of the school. The rival kids saw this mob approaching and looked on in disbelief ... there were a few moments of silence which were eventually broken by a cry of 'GET THE CUNTS!!!' Not surprisingly they didn't hang around and were last seen knocking over dustbins in the distance and falling over. OK, this wasn't actually a fight as such, but it always makes me chuckle when I think of it!
(Pigpen was 'ere on, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:56, Reply)

School Rugby
Again when in Surrey I managed to make the rugby A team for my school. We were good and won many a match but then came the match against our local rivals. The match started and it got more violent than most in the first few minutes but nothing special until one of the opposition jumped on my mates head right in front of the ref (who was their coach) which he somehow didn't see. Feeling unjustly treated we decided to gain justice our own way. Next time this guy got the ball 15 players moved in resulting in a massive ruck with my 18 stone friend in the middle moonwalking on this guys chest. Pause for ambulance as guy has several cracked ribs. The match continued much in this way till the end (we won!) but it was back in the changing rooms where it got really messy. We were changing in seperate rooms to the other team but the wall between both rooms had a 2/3 foot gap in between. It kicked of again with insults flying over the divide and then shoes, bins, padlocks and a showerhead. Injuries on both sides but still we won the match and they had guys who needed hospital whereas the worst we had was my mate who had had his head jumped on leaving a few cuts - good times
(dethsd, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:49, Reply)

Not really a fight, more of a kicking, but funny.
We had a lad at school who seemed to be so much bigger than anyone else, and although he wasn't really a bully, he knew he was harder than other normal sized kids and certainly used his size to his advantage.
After some argument - I have no idea over what - he decided to chase me and give me a thrashing. After landing a punch on me, I did the only thing I could - curl up in a ball and hope that a teacher came before I died.
Seeing me curled up, led him to give up on fists and instead went to kick me. As he swung his leg for the second or third time, I moved and he missed - his air shot causing his trendy slip on shoe with tassles to be launched into the air, and in what seemed like comedy slow motion, to land on the roof of a mobile classroom. I was crying with laughter as each subsequent sock kicked me in the ribs.
I think he got a detention along with a wet foot.
(Hotshot, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:44, Reply)

FIGHT CLUB! FIGHT CLUB!
Ah, room 12...

Room 12 was the form room of 10H, and also doubled as Mr Brown's music room. Because of this, there was various musical equipment and other large heavy things to play around with. Some of our favourite games were Put Johnny In The Grand Piano, Drop Johnny Off A Table On His Head, and Pin Johnny In Between The Filing Cabinet And The Wall Then Run Into Him. There was also the fire extinguisher which was put to great use, such as lying it on it's side next to a filing cabinet, then using the upright piano to push in the lever, firing the extinguisher and sending it off spiralling into the room. Great stuff.

However, the highlight of the week was always Friday lunchtime. The curtains would all be drawn and the lights turned out, then all the desks and chairs would be pushed to the edges of the room to create a large space in the centre of the room. Everyone then removed their shoes, jackets and ties, much like in Fight Club, then patiently wait by the edge of the room.

Mark Curling would then get behind the grand piano and start playing a long fanfare-type intro. However, no one moved until the proper music kicked in. As we waited for this, the tension and anticipation was electric. Mark would then start playing The Entertainer, at which point EVERYONE in the room ran into the centre of the room and beat the crap out of each other, usually ending in Rowlands or Bradley getting cut in the facial area, because Rowlands was fat and Bradley was The School Goth. One particularly memorable moment was when I jumped on Jack, sending us both to the floor, at which point Manji ran across the room and kneed me in the side of the head. Another was when Martin stood on one of the tables at the side of the room and sprayed the CO2 fire extinguisher into the crowd. I seem to remember it tasting like Orange Tango.
(scoob666 Ain't Nuthin' Ta F' Wit, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:37, Reply)

a new school record!!
Within 1 week of me starting my scholarship at a posh private school I did nothing for the stigma of poor kids being rough. Having grown up in an area where if you said something about someones mum you bloody well had to back it up with a few Jabs to the head, I had no idea that posh kids used words to hurt people rather than their fists. One such prissy tit decided to say that my mum was a whore. At this revelation I proceeded to punch his bloody lights out. I remember this episode because a) I followed said prissy boy up to the secretarys office whilst he was bawling his eyes out with a bloody nose she mistook me for a friend and asked me who had done this. When I answered her that I had, she nearly fell off her chair! b)I was accused of 4 counts of bullying..always wondered where those other 3 came from!! c) Held the record for gaining a saturday morning detention ( 1 step down from suspension)in the shortest period ( 7 days). However I did spend the next 6 years getting grief for being the poor kid, so I don't regret this incident at all!

apologies for length...please dont hit me!
(Quirkyboy, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:36, Reply)

Girlie Fighting
There was this red-haired girl who started at my secondary school in the fourth year (year 10) who had a bit of an attitude. Actually, she had a LOT of an attitude, being rude and obnoxious to pretty much everyone. She made a point about being especially rude to me.

One day she picked an arguement with this girl called Sandra, over a bloke they'd supposed to have been both seeing. Sandra was "alright", ie she was not one to be messed with but always had the good grace to give you the time of day.

Anyway, the dispute got screechy and Sarah (the spoiled, redheaired type) made the fatal mistake of slapping Sandra.

Two seconds later, Sandra landed a full blown punch to the face with a clenched fist. Two seconds after that, Sandra had grabbed the other girl's hair and busy yanking Sarah's head down as she brought her knee up repeatedly. A swift kick in the nether regions saw Sarah end up a quivering, sobbing sack of ginger on the floor.

Sandra ended up my heroine for the day, although a year later I had to intervene when things kicked off between her and my then g/f. Thankfully, that dispute was settled with a single slap and a hug.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:36, Reply)

A bit off topic, but hey... my boss is out of the office
I moved to a small market town to work for a mobile network (it was shit, I left the country a year later). I didn't know anyone and renting a house was pricey so I ended up living with a bloke that was a mate of someone I worked with. His name was Ned. Ned liked beer. Alot. One day I came home to find him and a mate pissed out of their faces, electrocuting their nuts on the gas hob spark. You get the picture.

One night Ned and I were walking back from the pub and for a joke he pulled one of the elastic toggles on my coat and let it go in my face. I was bleeding and he felt guilty so to even things up lifted his shirt (pardon the pun) and said "Go on, hit me in the ribs, you'll make me feel better". Bleeding from a crap little wound I didn't really want him to feel better, so hit him as hard as I could. Then I felt guilty. Cue numerous rounds of "now I feel guilty... hit me again".

Ned related this story to a couple of mates at the pub who then started hitting each other in the head whilst filming it on their phones. Our department at work slowly filled with what looked like fight club extras (is that your blood on your shirt?). This was when I decided to leave the punch junkies to it. I'm a nice boy really.

They took it a step further by involving strangers in these phone filming, pub based antics. It was all a great laugh until ned started playing the game with a couple of strangers in a pub and one of them turned out to be a boxer.

Damage was done... but I missed it!
(ralphseviltwin, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:33, Reply)

Ooooh... Third fight.
There was a third story where I sort-of redeemed myself against my wussiness from the stories below.

Playing football in an indoor hall at the local youth club, some numpty decided it would be a good idea to run onto the pitch and pinch the ball. As he scooped it up, and ran away, I yelled "Rugby!" and, well, rugby tackled the lad. Nobody pinches my balls.

He got up, and left hooked me. It was a surprisingly weak effort and I just looked him in the eye and laughed. The fight kinda stopped there and I seem to recall we played football after that, and shook hands at the end of the match. The only fight I ever "won" though.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:33, Reply)

Boris Karloff
One of the lads I went to school with whilst being usually very quiet and docile was at aged 15 around 6'7" and built like a brick shithouse, combine with the fact he had a reather large and square shaped head led to him being nicknamed Frank (as in 'enstien'). Anyway one day I'd been winding him up as usual when he suddenly snapped and proceded to lift me up by the neck and drop me from a great height several times. Whether it qualifies as a fight or not seeing as my efforts were restricted to blindly flailing and trying to hit him while being held out of reach of any part of him but his arm I don't know, but we were both reporteds to the head and had to stand outside his office scowlling at eachotherr for hours. Mind you it did beat double maths lol.
(Bringing Sarcasm To The Masses (Valis), Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:28, Reply)

Surrey Schools (and not really about the fight)
I moved to Surrey at the start of my GSCEs having previously lived in the uneventfull Norfolk. Now we had a rather 'old school' teacher who broke up a minor fight between two people in his lesson one day - nothing major - one of the two involved was given detention, a year 9 girl if memory serves, she turns up to detention but the teacher is on lunchtime duty so he locks her in the room and leaves her for an hour. Now the silly bitch didn't go to the toilet before her punishment and had no way of leaving the 1st floor classroom - the cupboard was never the same again and the teacher was sacked.

The moral: If your going to fight then don't do it in a lesson - thats what the playground was for.
(dethsd, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:26, Reply)

Psycho Killer
Being an utter fucking wimp with a ferocious but hidden temper, I found myself being bullied by pretty much everyone. And then one day it all changed.

About 30 kids turned out for a fight between me and some scrawny cunt whose name I can't even remember. Even the teachers turned up. After pummelling the kid to the floor, I figured I was finished, and walked off. He picked himself to defend his shitty honour, so I kicked him in the nuts.

Some people still hadn't got the hint. And then they introduced something called Hockey for PE. I was an awful player - unless someone who had tried to pick on me had the puck - at which point I would race at them screaming, trying to break their ankles and get them on the floor under the pretence of getting the puck with the aid of a big fucking stick. After a couple of lessons, nobody bothered me again.

And the teachers commended my enthusiasm.
(domesticterrorist, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:25, Reply)

Two fights.
1. Just hanging out with a mate who was into Kickboxing. He wasn't vocal about this, just something he did for fun at weekends. A group of lads came up wanting a fight - now, it's worth bearing in mind that I was (am) a real wuss. Luckily for me, they only wanted to fight my mate - looking back, it was probably racially motivated, but I honestly don't think that occured to me at the time.

Anyway, these lads cheer on their ringleader to take on my mate, while they stand around watching. I seem to recall my mate asking me to hold onto his coat "as he was only going to be a minute".

Actually, he was less than that. Cocky lad approaches mate, and mate sweeps cocky lad's feet out from under him before even letting lad get close to him, let alone hit him. Cocky lad's head hits the concrete pavement hard and runs home crying.

2. Obviously holding my mate in awe, I agree to go to a Kickboxing lesson with him. We are all paired up with people of similar abilities, so I get a lanky geeky chap who joined the previous week and was "not very good at all, mate."

The first thing we were taught was how to block while the partner aimed punches to the chest. For some reason I opted to be the partner who blocked.

He beat the living gahuna bunnies out of me. I didn't go back the following week.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 14:22, Reply)