I have eaten an incredibly large bowl full of veggie chilli and brown rice this evening.
I'm actually walking round like a pregnant women.


Yay for low cal food. You can eat three times as much.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 21:47, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Think I upset someone
www.b3ta.com/questions/chattingup/post591684

We're not too cliquey right? I'd like to think that if I posted something shit or not very interesting or poorly written* that I'd be justly abused for it, the same thing I would do to any one of you.

*yes, I know everything I post falls into the above categories
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 20:11, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HSH
Yesterday I put up my tree at last, and tonight I've tackled the flat-pack wardrobe that's been leaning against the wall for a week.

What have you done recently that you were putting off, or what are you still putting off?


( Maladicta, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 19:57, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If I live to be 105 years old I will get to see my town's tricentennial.
What would you like to see if you lived to be 105 years old?
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 19:38, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Armagnac or 18yo First Cask Highland Malt?
what a choice to face!
help an old soak decide?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 15 Dec 2009, 19:06, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Prejudice, Discrimination, Stereotypes
Hi all,

Quick request, I'm looking for a episode from a TV comedy that takes the piss out of discrimination/prejudices, etc for a lesson I'm teaching and I can't think of anything - can anyone help?

I was thinking something along the lines of an episode of The Office or Extras but I'm completely stumped.

Cheers

Scentless
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 18:09, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oooooh
I'm in the house on my own tonight, that means I'm going to get up to all manner of shenanigans... well that or eat pizza and play on the Xbox... or watch crappy telly!

What are you up to tonight?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 15 Dec 2009, 16:58, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I now know what it feels like to be a girl

They don't return my phonecalls, they fob me off with silly excuses, don't reply to my emails. I've been fucked over then when I fell asleep, they fucked me up the arse.

Europcar - advice to b3tans: steer clear of this shower of smegma sucking dop-wads.

I've learnt my lesson - next time I'll take a taxi from York to Cambridge - it'll be cheaper in the long run and less stressful.

So, my question is: has anyone else, after 25 years of NEVER losing a car key, lost the key of a hired car on the very first time they have hired a car? And yes, I've ordered a tattoo for my forehead that says: "TWAT - feel free to kick viciously in the nads"

-sob-
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 16:10, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can't remember who had expressed an interest previously
but I've uploaded a very nearly finished version of the extremely self-indulgent 35 minute piece of music that my mate and I have been working on.

It ranges from pink floyd style stuff, to some iron maiden type stuff, to house, going via flamenco and some odd rock bits, to end up with an acoustic guitar duet.

naturally we've called it The Red Squirrel / Grey Squirrel Scenario.

I'd value some feedback (all the while remembering that a lot of it is very tongue in cheek) so let me know if you'd like the download link.

edit: oh yeah, the bit with singing in isn't me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:50, 76 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If things don't get exciting on here soon I'll end up going on Guardian soulmates and get depressed again.
I actually saw someone on there the other week who looked very much like Wormulus. I still think it was actually him.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 15:04, 142 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Christmas Cunts
Came home yesterday to a card from the postman saying that I had a delivery that did not have sufficient postage attached to it. I was advised to take myself to the depot with the princely sum of £1.30 (30p postage and a £1 charge) and collect my mystery delivery.

I was expecting a parcel form another country, so I assumed it would be this and excited myself with the knowledge that an early Xmas pressie would be mine. The only way I can get to the depot is to get the train home during my lunch hour, wobble up the street and then wobble back to get the same train back. i have a window of 10 minutes. No problem.

So I arrived and handed over my card, the postie handed me a letter, a fucking stampless letter, not the bounty i was expecting. He then informs me I can open the letter, see who it is from and then elect to pay the £1.30 or not. I open it to find a shitty Xmas card from an Aunt. I hand her the card back and tell her to bin it, she laughs and does exactly that.

I assume the card was posted without a stamp accidentaly, then again, i may send their card in a similar fashion, accidentally of course.

Anyone else encounter any Xmas related idiocy or tight fistedness.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 13:57, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bored?
Does anyone elses workplace get insanely quiet in the lead up to Christmas? Im on my second day of doing nothing..

How do you guys pass the time?
(Grove is the collector of WOO and hoarder of YAY, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 13:39, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

GODIMFUCKINGBOREDANDWISHITWASFRIDAYANDTWOWEEKSHOLIDAY!
I am struggling to get anything done at work - I have already wrapped up all the loose ends and it is only Tuesday.

What should I do to get through the next 3 1/2 days?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 12:41, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I f you could get a Christmas prezzie from another B3tan, who would it be and what?
For example:

Someone's face punched by Monty or a box of croissants from Vipros.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 12:40, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dear
Simon Cowell & Joe McWotsit,


If I wanted to listen to a shite Hannah Montana song, I would simply listen to Hannah Montana.

Regards,

dchurch.
(dchurch bah, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 11:13, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Two sources of the same story
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/dec/14/jail-brothers-burglar-cricket-bat
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1235782/Family-man-fought-armed-thugs-took-family-hostage-jailed.html

Now, lets get some good old fashioned hysteria here please.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 11:07, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have made
a shit-load of Xmas pudding mix and the second pudding is merrily steaming away to itself, it smells a bit lovely.

How festive does your house smell?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 10:59, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Griddle pan recipe of the day

Smoked Gammon steaks with parsley sauce, mini garlic roast potatoes and runner beans. Nummies!

But whose face would you like to griddle today?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 10:53, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning b3taland
I am all on my lonesome today (or this morning at least), and have a mountain of work to do. And it's not even interesting.

Today's question:

you have one day left on the planet before your death sentence is fulfilled. freedom to do whatever (legally) accompanied by prison guards. what do you do in your final 24h?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 15 Dec 2009, 8:45, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

for all you cat lovers
MISGUIDED FOOLS!

www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,26467499-954,00.html
(knackerz is skinning up, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 23:38, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, B3ta gave to me...
12 Psychos Chomping
11 Big Girls Blouses
10 Als a-bullying
9 Flims a-Flamming
8 Vectored panties
7 Honda Acc-ords
6 Tourettes a-swearing
Clen-dix's noooorks...
4 Devil's Tights
3 Gonzes cooking
2 Autisms
And a Vipros in a smug treeeeeeee....
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Dec 2009, 22:21, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just saying good night to my mrs and said "I'm leaving now"
and whispered "forever" in a mocking way. She turned to me and loudly questioned "Craphook?"

once the laughing had subsided I explained to her that no, I had not said Craphook.

Any amusing misunderstandings in your evening?

I'm probably not going to be here to read them, I'm going to go and smoke and watch my big new TV.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 22:07, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Has anyone ever tried synching their mobile phone with outlook (as in to back it up)?
I just did. Using the windows software "Mobile Device Centre".

It only went and deleted all the contacts on my FUCKING MOBILE PHONE. 2 years and a good couple of hundred worth. No warnings, in fact a red herring saying "if any conflicts, copy to desktop". Did it copy to fucking desktop? Did it fuck! It fucking deleted it straight without warning.

I'm so angry right now I could take a Honda accord and shove it inside a Brazilian supermodel.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 21:22, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Did anyone find an umbrella on the train today?
My mate wants it back
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 21:17, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Rage Against the Machine for Christmas Number one
So, I'm guessing most of you know about this but I just wanted to make sure.

As X Factor finished last night ready to create the Christmas number one there is a counter movement to get Rage Against the Machine's Killing In The Name as Christmas number one.
The band are giving all profits to Shelter.

Now this is the important bit. For your purchase to count you need to buy it from somewhere selling it for over 40p.

Come on guys, we need to keep the insipid arse water that is X Factor off the number one spot by a song with the chorus of 'Fuck you I won't do what you tell me'.

At the time of writing it has just slipped to number two in the iTunes chart.

Go one, you know you want to.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 14 Dec 2009, 19:49, 98 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 19:41, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So what's the best thing that's happened to you in the last decade?
I would have to say the highlight for me was meeting my dad and half brothers for the first time 5 years ago at the age of 30.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 18:30, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New Year's Eve
Any special plans??

We will probably be at pub near the bff's hizzo. This is good as we are VIP, will be able to take a cab to and from, and it may be busy but will be comfortable, not like the other meat market clubs around.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Dec 2009, 16:23, 134 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, my brother gave me a copy of the 'calendar girls' style charity calendar him and his girlfriend posed for.
Should I be disturbed by this? It's all very tasteful, but I can't reconcile it with the fact that I used to change his nappy when he was a baby.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 14 Dec 2009, 15:21, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)