procrastination...
I have a business plan to produce for Thursday. I'm about halfway through and I really can't be fucking bothered.

This despite the very real chance that on Thursday I'll swap my business plan for ten thousand wonderful shiny pound pieces, courtesy of Barclays.

It's clearly in my interest to do this. But I can't muster the energy. Am I the very definition of pathologically lazy?

Bonus points for innovative flaming.
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 17:03, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

for those who care (not many I'm sure)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=kayNV3Wpr2A

this is from my gig on Saturday night. I haven't watched that one yet, so don't know what song it is.

If there is a guy in a bear suit dancing in it, we didn't arrange it, he's a mental random.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 16:27, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Medical assitance - Help!
Here's the lowdown. A few years ago I got gout in my ankle, and it pretty much seized it for about 6 weeks. Made some lifestyle changes and kept it at bay without drugs and shiz. Only ever got it in the ankle, no other joints.

December, I sprained it in a x-country, and the sprain was quite bad, but I think became worse as it had a lot of gouty symptoms - severe swelling, pain at night, etc..

Last Wednesday I twisted the same ankle ever so slightly. It sent a shooting pain up my leg, but nothing too severe. Thursday it was ok, Friday a bit sore, Saturday I ran 12 miles and it was ok, Sunday agony, today it's crying blue murder.

I'm shit scared of gout now... my question would be can gout symptoms be brought on in the ankle by a twist? I'd think not, but would like someone who understands this shiz to comment. Dr Google says no.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:35, 102 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A question about stuff
I'm thinking of applying for a TEFAL certificate to teach english abroad. I've got a degree so I'm fairly certain I can do the course, I was just wondering wether anyone here has had any experiance/reccomendations about such courses. Any advice would be welcome. Even advice not connected to TEFAL courses, as long as it's funny or usefull.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:15, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

lol - Little hitler
www.okcupid.com/profile/littlehitler?cf=regular
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 14:02, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who actually believes this chappy speaks the truth?
www.b3ta.com/questions/flirting/post643836#answers-post-643984
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:57, 42 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I own two griddle pans
but have never listened to HMHB. I intend to rectify this. What's your favourite HMHB album, all you HMHB fans?
( Peej, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:27, 84 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Mars Volta, M83 & Django Reinhardt
have all been recommended to me recently and I'm enjoying listening to them.

Share with me some sounds that have been tickling your fancy of late - I'm on a quest for new music.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Mon 22 Feb 2010, 13:12, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

just because I need to vent somewhere inappropriate
good weekend? Whatever. I want to rant about something. The iphone.

Load of shit. Cant believe how long I've put up with it.

My wonderful iphone deleted 1 months of email on Friday from my online account. Taken all weekend to sort it out. Fucking piece of shit. Turns out, I'm not the only one, its known for it. Its a 'known issue'. Anyway, its going on ebay soon, theres still some mugs willing to pay tons for them so I can use that money to buy a proper phone. Probably one of the new android things, HTC ones. I had a play and they're not quite as pretty, but a million times more useful. The novelty has truly worn off. The prettiness counts for shit when its a piece of shit under the surface. I dont use it for anything interesting, its like a toy, it just does such limited things and i endlessly, never stop thinking, "wouldnt it be nice if it just did this..." but it never does. I went on 2nd page of icons the other day and I would say i havent been off the main page for over a year, theres just nothing on there that I really use. Its an cunts phone. I feel like dirt, like shit for having wasted money on it.

The email thing is last straw. That and maybe somethings have stopped working because I havent updated the firmware in about a year. Why the fuck should i have to do that, connect it to a computer to fix all the stuff that worked just fine the other day. It truly is a crock of shit. Fucking apple suck cock. They're like scientologists only worse. Money grabbing whore fucking fuckers who cant make anything that doesnt fit into their tiny little view. I cannot express really my true feelings, I am probably going to lie down for bit. Its also a con isnt it, every single thing is designed to make you spend money on their endless shit apps. They've never had a penny out of me since the original purchase, not one and thats my own little rebellion. I've decided that I will never ever buy an apple product again. The ipod is now obsolete - I got a spotify premium account, and I havent listened to mp3's in months now. Apple are OFFICIALLY DEAD AND OBSOLETE.

Next weeks piss easy target, the monumental crock of shit that is the ipad. Oh my god they're having a laugh. And its not even out. I am going to derive quite a lot of pleasure out of that when it fails.

(no its not going to revolutionise ebooks or the print industry. Its like trying to read LIGHT)
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:32, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

All this talk of suicide leaves me with one very important question:
What are you going to leave me in your will?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 12:28, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Laugh of the weekend
An advert for Michael Jacksons This is It on DVD and bluray followed by an ad for the co-operative funeral service.

Their rates seem pretty good so if you are planning on killing yoruself I recommend them
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:25, 64 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just stop and think for a moment before engaging in mass suicide
Because that seems to be the theme for the day...Just how shit would it be if all films had to follow these guidelines?
www.guardian.co.uk/film/2010/feb/21/hollywood-films-obey-laws-science
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 10:04, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Okay, question time
at least, question that isn't self absorbed and totally emo.

This Post:
www.b3ta.com/questions/flirting/post641938
if you can't be arsed to read it, it tells the story of someone who got absolutely shit faced, tried to pull a girl, failed and then drove home absolutely smashed.

I posted a reply being slightly facetious and received a gaz thanking me for being in the OPs corner. I wasn't really in their corner, I was just being slightly racist, and I think driving home when you're that pissed is clearly a very stupid thing to do and the OP is getting rightly flamed (albeit only very slightly).

So my question is, given that I have a dentists appointment at 10.30am tomorrow am I justified in working from home before hand rather than coming into the office and then leaving again an hour later? Or should I just push my friends and family away and then kill myself?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 9:20, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Would it be wrong
to push away the people that care about you, so you could kill yourself with minimum hurt to them?
(sanguine badger spirits in the room tickle you like a sneaky prawn, Mon 22 Feb 2010, 1:13, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My cats have done nothing but sleep all day in their beds at the top of the stairs.
I know they're old but you'd think they would go out now and again, get a hobby or something.I make sure they're fed, de-flead and wormed and what do they do for me? Zilch!

I sense a pattern emerging with my men and animals.
( girlinthehole, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 21:10, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ski Cross
Is mint.

I'm sure they never had 'fun' sports on the Winter Olympics when I was a kid.

Question: Which borderline-boiler do you fancy?

I'm going for Janine from EastEnders.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 21:06, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HELP URGENTLY REQUIRED!!!
For the 1st time in about 4 years i have my entire CD collection (about 700ish) immediediately to hand.
This presents me with a big ol' quandry.
I have no idea what to listen to cos of too much choice and don't want to just start at the beginning and work through to the end. I have stuff to do so can't risk anything too mad but I keep reaching for the ACDC, Butthole Surfers, Flaming Lips and such. At present we are about halfway through Kate Bush's "The Red Shoes" and I need inspiration.
Any suggestions?
Apart from MTFU or Fuck Off or suchlike.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 21 Feb 2010, 13:13, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

God's been reading my blog
There is a sushi shop opening up down the road from me.

blog.90nz0.com/sushi-southgate/

All the things I've said Southgate has needed over the last few years has been made.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 13:06, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sunday Sunday, here again in tidy attire
You read the colour supplement, the tv guide...

The cheeky bastard snow is knowing who's boss and it is melting the fuck away. Yeah go on, run! And don't let me see you again until 2011 when I have my crampons.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sun 21 Feb 2010, 11:22, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh, Monty!
I am rooting through my old vinyl and playing them on a record player I bought my Dad for Xmas and it..is...all I had hoped for...


rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Sat 20 Feb 2010, 21:01, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*To the tune of 'Sex Bomb' by Tom Jones*
Sweet Shop, Sweet Shop, across the road is a sweet shop ! Sweety sweety sweety, in so much veriaty.
Sweet Shop, Sweet Shop, across the road is a sweet shop ! Sweety sweety sweety, in so much veriaty.
Sweet Shop, Sweet Shop, across the road is a sweet shop ! Sweety sweety sweety, in so much veriaty.

OH MAN, The Beverly Hills of North London just got an upgrade, my rent should be doubled, it's amazing !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 20 Feb 2010, 18:12, 64 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just tasted my attempt at baking for a very long time.
Feta, black olives and sundried tomato savoury scones and they're not too shabby. A bit less cayenne next time I think.

Unfortunately I had to improvise with a large pan and a bottle of vodka as I had forgotten that I don't own a mixing bowl and rolling pin.

I feel very proud.
( girlinthehole, Sat 20 Feb 2010, 13:57, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a nice cup of tea and some chocolate hobnobs
hows your weekend starting?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 20 Feb 2010, 10:53, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just thought I'd share this email I got today:
-----Original Message-----
From: DJTEES - T-Shirts That Rock [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: 10 February 2010 14:55
To: Monty Boyce
Subject: Some Great T-Shirts. Prices Just £15.99

Hi there t-shirters!

As many of you know, DJTees is famous for t-shirts of the great, good and obscure musicians but we also do 100s of other designs. So today I thought I'd show you were to find them

For t-shirts which say something about you and your attitude to life.

Complete strangers are now contacting me and calling me a shirter.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 23:59, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been out for a slap-up dinner as a reward of long service to my company
my starter included foie gras. I've decided that I'd happily stuff a goose to death myself to get just a small portion.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 22:23, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I had made an appointment at the posh salon in town but cancelled it because I was fucking bricking it.
Going to a hair salon, for me, creates the sort of fear and dread that one might achieve by going to pick out their own casket.

When was the last time you chickened out??
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 18:13, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*sings* 'Time to go home...time to go home...'
I know how to do strike-throughs and feel like celebrating.

What are you having?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 16:18, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)