Famous People's Particular Football Skill, Deduced By Rhyme
Proof, if it were needed, that you can get away with any football related shit during the world cup.

Davina McCall - Aligning the wall
Phillip Larkin - Zonal marking
Linus Roche - Driving the team coach
India Hicks - Overhead kicks
(Cave Duck, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 13:42, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lunch time!
I have no idea what's been going on here recently as work is STUPID at the moment.

Also some fucking pikey cuntbags stole all my lovely shiny chrome dustcaps off my car. Seriously why steal dustcaps!?!!?

I'm not asking any questions because I can't be fucked to think of any and, frankly, I don't care about what your favorite beverage is or how many times you have screamed at the TV whilst watching the football.
The question above doesn't count as it's rhetorical.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 12:12, 195 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Camping
I've just booked a camping weekend. My girlfriend isn't massively enthusiastic. So tell your camping tales here, and I'll selectively quote the ones that support my viewpoint to her.

That said, of course, the best tales are of disasters. I recall going with 3 schoolfriends many years ago (The night Nottingham Forest beat Malmo to win the European Cup to be precise.) The site was quite full and one of the lads fancied doing some night fishing so we looked for a spot at the bottom of the hill near the river. There were tents all around but we were surprised to find what seemed to be a perfectly placed pitch. That night it absolutely pissed it down and we went to sleep worrying slightly about the borrowed tent's ability to withstand the downpour. Around two o' clock I awoke feeling somewhat damp. The tent had done it's job, but we had pitched it in a something of a hollow and were getting flooded (this was before sewn in groundsheets). We salvaged what we could and spent the night in the toilet block eating Campbell's meatballs (that's not a euphemism). I trudged off to the phonebox at the as soon as I felt it wouldn't be indecently early to wake my parents up, and asked my Mum to come and pick us up, our week of adventure and showing that we were capable of looking after ourselves aborted after one night. It was years before I went again.
(Cave Duck, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 10:13, 226 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

EXERCISE
How do you stay fit? Do you have a fantastic metabolism? Or are you happy with being a bit porky?

Alt Q: How many fucking questions do you want?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 9:54, 233 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning peeps.
Or is it?
( girlinthehole, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 8:27, 124 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My laugh of the day
I've had to drive to New Jersey for a few days, accompanying my fiancee on a business trip (she gets paid mileage if she drives, and I have a tiny car). Most of the drive was predictably annoying along the I-95 corridor, but the last twenty miles or so were not on highways.

So here I am driving along a smallish two-lane road in the NJ countryside (believe it or not, there is such a thing), going just about two or three miles per hour over the speed limit, when a big SUV came up on my bumper and went roaring past me doing a good 20 mph faster than me, then cutting close in front of me. Typical NJ driver, I thought. Twat.

Just as this thought went through my mind a cop happened to be going the other way and did a sharp U-turn, then hit his lights. The SUV saw him and pulled over to wait for him. As I passed I saw the guy shrinking in the seat. I grinned at him as I passed.

Also, I stopped here for dinner. Biggest cheesesteak I've ever seen, and the best one I've ever had. I think I need to stop there on the way home and take a couple of them back with me to show my friends what a real cheesesteak is like.

I suppose I should end this with a question of some sort... Which is better, an excellent sandwich or a halfhearted shag?
( Wanderer, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 2:58, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Damn it
Missed my b3tabirthday.

7 years, 0 months and 1 day

(Yes, I know I said I was going to kick the b3ta habit - but this place keeps pulling me back in)

Q: What have you missed recently?
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 21:54, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone about?
Alt question: What would you like to ask?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 20:40, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Let's help out LabMaj make a mix-cd for the b3tan girl of his dreams.
What tracks do you think LabMaj should put on his mix CD to give to the girl of his b3tan dreams?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 16:36, 153 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Lab's candle day
HAPPY CANDLE DAY LAB

Which 3 people would you most like to be stuck in a lift/desert island/toilet with dodgy lock?

One b3tan, one famous and one of either?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 15:41, 180 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm falling asleep here!
In public and everything.
That thing with loads of fishy ingredients that would cost a week's wages is too long.

Help me to stay awaye so that I don't slobber on a customer.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 14:06, 195 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For Larry, Vipros and whoever wants to try
Paella mixta for 10 people:

Ingredients:
Leeks
Red peppers
Tomatoes
2 fish heads
20 mussels
30 clams
30 small prawns, whole and raw (they can be frozen)
1 chicken, cut in small pieces (1-2”)
1 rabbit, cut in small pieces (1-2”)
Monkfish, cut in small pieces (1-2”), around 2 pieces per person
2 big cuttlefish cut in 3-4” pieces
1 big squid, cut in rings
10 langoustines, whole and raw (they can be frozen)
1kg of paella rice
Olive oil
Salt, Pepper, Saffron, Yellow food colorant, bay.
Half a lemon cut in 2
More lemon cut in eights.

Recipe:
Finely chop the leeks, red peppers and tomatoes, enough of them to cover the bottom of your paella pan twice.

Pick a pan with cover, heat a bit of olive oil (2 tea spoons) and add all the chopped vegetables. Cover the pan and put them at a very low heat with salt. Leave them there until they are soft like a puree (around 1-2 hours, probably)

Pick a pan that you don’t like much, with a cover. Put the mussels and clams (clean) in it, with the half a lemon cut in 2. Don’t add water. Cover the pan and put them at high heat, cook them until they’re almost done, but not completely.

Pick a big pan with cover. Put the fish heads in, the liquid that you get from cooking the mussels and clams, and the heads of all the prawns, add water, salt, bay and cover. Put at high heat, bring to boil and then put the heat softer until the fish is cooked (you can use fish cubes, but they’re not as good. And, once you’ve finished the stock, you can eat the fish cheeks, which are the best bit of the fish ever). Once the stock is done, take all the bits out and keep it warm.

By the time you finish with the stock, the vegetables should be done. Move them from the pan into the paella pan. Remember that the fire needs to be evenly shared.

Add 2 tablespoons of olive oil in the paella pan with the vegetables and heat at high heat. Add the chicken and rabbit bits. Cook them at high until they are golden, then at medium, to make sure they are properly cooked. When they’re almost done, add the fish. Add the salt, pepper and the saffron in this step, making sure it gets a bit salty.

When all the meat and fish are cooked, add the rice, high heat, and move it around the pan, until it’s toasted. Then add the stock. How much? Ah, that’s interesting…
Normally, you add 1 measure of rice and 2 of stock, that’s a good starting point. Just keep the stock hot in case you need to add more.

When you add the stock, move the rice a bit, to make sure nothing is dry. Add the colorant if needed. Then don’t touch it much more until it’s getting dry. Try it. If it’s far to be done, add more stock and repeat. If it’s almost done, go to the next step.

When there is still some water left and the rice is not completely done, add the squid, cuttlefish, prawns, the langoustines, the almost cooked mussels and clams. You can add a bit of extra hot stock if you have to.

When the rice is done and dry, left it on the pan, high fire, a bit longer, in order to burn the bottom of the rice (it’s the best bit!!)

Switch the fire off, cover with a tea towel for a bit.

When serving, add the bits of lemon, and off you go.

I need to go now, I’m on a meeting until 14:30. Enjoy!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 15 Jun 2010, 12:56, 120 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just paid for the hotel for my wedding night
and good lord the costs just keep adding up, Visa £38, Malarial drugs £60, suncream/mossie spray etc £30, wedding ring, flowers for the mothers...all on top of the cost of the engagemnet ring and honeymoon.

What has worked out ridiculously expensive for you recently?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 11:59, 160 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It transpires, from an exchange about skiing, that my girlfriend and I are actually Penny and Leonard from The Big Bang Theory
Except I'm taller, less successful, not lactose intolerant and don't believe in science, and she's also taller, more successful and gluten intolerant. And more attractive.

What TV or film couple reminds you of yourself and another? Doesn't have to be a romantic couple. Are you muscular and blonde, and is your cat large enough to saddle and ride, for example?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 10:58, 223 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*Lifts head above parapet*
*whistles*
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 8:52, 181 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Funniest earthquake ever.
We got hit by a 5.9 an hour ago, and the way it hit....the drinks on the bar started a Mexican wave, then as it hit harder, each individual at the bar started to bounce up and down Mexican wave style.
You probably had to 'be' there, but it was funny!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 6:26, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Now I have time on my hands I think about things more.
Today it has been flavoured condoms.

Now anyone who has tried the Toxic Sour sweeties will know that they make you scrunge your face up and pull the sour lemon face.
My theory is that this should be made available as a flavour for condoms.
It would make a protected blowjob even more fun.
Can you imagine the suction as a result of that first toxic hit?

What strange and wonderful things have you thought about today?
Points will be deducted for simple your mum comments. Make them complex please.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 14 Jun 2010, 18:48, 102 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've gotten into a massive argument with my parents
Over something I did when I was 20 (which was two years ago). I went to Canada on a self-funded trip without telling my mum, and she found out about it through snooping through my stuff and finding my passport (which was locked in my desk in the middle of a load of paperwork) and confronted me over it yesterday. After trying to be reasonable and talk to her about it, I got called a fucking bastard by her, and also told that I'd deeply betrayed her by going to Canada, to which I laughed, and she stormed off.

What's made you laugh inadvertently lately which has caused a situation to be exacerbated spectacularly?

Alt Q: Who do you get on better with out of your parents and why?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 14:59, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There's this slightly chunky, pig-faced girl that I work with
...and I think I'm falling in love with her.
She makes me laugh an awful lot, and sometimes says things that make me think she's incredibly thick, but I adore her.

Have you ever fancied someone you know you shouldn't, or found love somewhere you weren't expecting to?

Alt Q. Why the fuck would I need an alternative question? Whose stupid, shit-for-brains idea was that?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 14:40, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Song in your head?
I currently have the magnificent Mamas And Papas - Dream A Little Dream Of Me in my head. What's in your head?
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 14:22, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was watching the season finale
of Heroes season 1 last night, and my friend told me I reminded her of Nathan Petrelli. Who/what have you been compared to recently?

Alt Q: Planning on going to the cinema? What are you going to see?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 14:06, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

oooh!
I just found 50p on the ground! Mr vitamin C found £20 on the ground on saturday and 'treated' me to lunch for our anniversary - he's lucky I'm Scottish. Once I found £20 on a bush outside my dad's office. I did lose £5 once though, so technically I'm only £15.50 up. But this is over the course of 20 years.

Anyone found anything better than that recently?
( ascorbate, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 13:03, 83 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So I was thinking the other day, just how much my life has changed since the last world cup.
I left my ex and moved house during an England match because I knew the roads would be quiet. I was working for Lush and not fully hating it at that point, but knew that wasn't what I wanted to do eventually. Two months after that I moved to London and vowed to only do stuff that I wanted to do instead of shitty retail jobs that made me want to stab customers and dating inappropriate men.

I'm now almost qualified as a nurse, I have a nice flat thanks to the landlord pulling his finger out to attract less scummy people than those who lived here before, great friends online and offline and I'm happy with my love life.

What's changed for you since the last world cup?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 10:54, 148 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Someone I work with is a psycho
She copies people. She buys the same clothes as one of the secretaries, she bought the same perfume and makeup set as one of the solicitors. I'm a little insulted she doesn't copy my awesome fashion sense.

But what she does copy is MY PERSONALITY. She repeats things that I've said to her as though they're her own thoughts. Recently I said I hated Baby on Board signs in cars because it's not like I was going to ram the car, but now I've spotted the sign I'll drive safely. She just repeated this back to me word for word, as though it's her own opinion.

THIS IS WEIRD. The only solution I can think of is to start spouting really extremist views to her and see if she adopts them.

Any psychopaths in your workplace? Any tips for dealing with the Office Psycho?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 10:51, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm off to that there London
I intend to meet up with big bro, have a few beers and then......


we're going to see Seasick Steve at the Royal festival hall!

My life is good.

How's yours?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 8:43, 241 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Come on people
No threads since Saturday?

You'd think there was football on the telly or something. Is there?

So, today's question: are you bothered about the world cup (even if you're English and your team is playing in it)?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 14 Jun 2010, 8:21, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I saw American: The Bill Hicks story last night. It's very moving, whilst being hilariously funny at the same time. I highly recommend it.
What fantastic film did you last see?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 12 Jun 2010, 11:37, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You lot obviously haven't been clicking my posts enough
Because I just became an uncle for the third time.
Little boy, not sure how much he weighed yet, born by c-section because he got his umbillical cord wrapped around his neck, and they're going to name him something greek that sounds like arsepit or something.

Fingers crossed for a bit of cot death, or maybe shaken baby syndrome
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 19:59, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Something weird happened today but no-one seems to think it's that weird
I was jogging this morning and happened across a couple of ladies in full, traditional African dress. This might not seem unusual to those of you living in ethnically diverse cities, but I live in Norwich, and it's completely unheard of here. Moreover, this happened near Carrow Road football ground, which I don't spend much time around cos it's three miles from my house. This is at 8am.

What are the chances of me happening across my first sighting of traditional African dress in 13 years living in Norwich near a football ground I never visit on the day that the first ever World Cup to take place in Africa kicks off?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 18:45, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

While we're on DEBATE mode and all that.
Are there any groups of people that you absolutly hate, such as hippys or squatters or MPs or Estate Agents or [race/creed/sex/whatever] or [taliban/BNP/whatever]..... (etc).... and why do you hate them?

Groups of people that are around, in the world, today, and are legal in that groups's country of residance.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 16:44, 86 replies, latest was 16 years ago)