My gums taste like curry.
Should I be concerned?
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 20:11, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right, who's about?
It's Friday and I'm stuck at work until 8pm for fucks sakes. I am properly bored. Bring on the abuse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 18:35, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where has everyone gone?
I've only got about half an hour left of the working week and I need something to distract me from actually having to do anything!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 15:39, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There's not a great deal going on here, so I've been reading the vet's copy of 'He's just not that into you' and finding it hilarious and insightful at the same time.
It's basically a self help book with jokey undertones for girls with little to no self esteem and a doormat complex. I don't know why she has a copy of it since she's gorgeous, but that's her choice.

So anyway, it's written by a man and a woman and is comprised of letters from women excusing their boyfriend's shit behaviour with hollow excuses and then the man editor saying how if the guy was interested he'd do x, y and z with cherries on top.

So my questions for you based upon this literary tome of greatness:
If you were into a woman and you'd had a succesful first date with her, how long until you'd call her?

Lets say you have to go travelling for work, would you call or text her while you were there if it was just for a few days?

Dating going well, how often would you like to sleep with her and go on dates, or would you rather be staying in more often - within 3 months - to watch a film or play some backgammon or trivial pursuits?

Still going well, 3-6 months - how often would you be calling, emailing or texting her per week?

How much do you drink when you're out together? Enough to be good company or enough to sink the bismarck?

How long until you invite her out to meet your friends and your family? When would you expect to meet hers?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:22, 115 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I got to work at 11, right
All management figures disappeared into a meeting about 11.30. I am leaving this job in five days. I have done absolutely fuck all work so far today. Somehow, this is making me hungry. Take my mind off it, B3ta.

Alt Q, because I haven't asked one yet, think of a creative punishment for people who litter/walk really fucking slowly when you're in a hurry/cut in ahead of you at roundabouts/whatever most pisses you off
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 12:54, 96 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Kitteh's!
new additions to the family, that's Ramone at the front and Flo in the background.

Both absolutely mental, as most kittens are.

8 weeks and 4 days old.




Sorry it's a bit blurred they kept moving!

Best go back to lurking/working now.

Edit: Pic in replies.
(Kip, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 11:52, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Waiiiiiiiting... Waiiiiiting.
I'm waiting for a bunch of programs to finish running at work, waiting to hear if I have a PhD and ultimately today, waiting to go to the pub. What's the rest of offtopic waiting for? Or claiming to be so they can muck about on the boards?
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 11:27, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I saw a Spitfire flying about 100mts above the motorway.
Near Carlisle. I am on my way to sunny Cornwall for my holidays, so I will definitely be ramming my piehole with the finest Cornish Pasties I can lay my sausage fingers on. Any recommendations?

I hope the Glasto cocks don't mong up my motorway smoothness as it has been plain sailing so far.

What are the best sweets to take on a long car journey? I have Tootie Fruities, foam fruits and cough candy.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 11:19, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bits Of Songs That You Love, Loathe Or Laugh At.
Yeah it is another music thread so apologies in advance to those who don't like them, but you don't need a great deal of knowledge to join in this one.

I'll start

Love: That bit in Al Stewart's Year Of The Cat where the sunny sounding acoustic guitar break is suddenly supplanted by the strident electric and the string section comes leaping to the front of the mix. Works everytime for me.

Loathe: Jeff Buckley does a fine version of Hallelujah but at the start he does this sharp intake of breath. Now you wouldn't believe that breathing in could be pretentious, but it is. It really is. It's ages before the singing starts so it's not done for any technical reason. It seems to be saying - don't breathe reverence is required.

Laugh At: From End Of The Century by The Ramones "It's the end, the end of the seventies, it's the end, the end of the century." Erm what calendar are you using there Joey?
(Cave Duck, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 11:00, 47 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's friday
and I just read a paper by the most wonderfully named author - www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20417643 - almost as good as Welcome Bender, the Harvard scientist.

I'm almost regretting not naming my child something spectacular like Arrsol or Helmut. Almost.

What are everyone's plans for the the weekend ahead? Anything exciting happening in the world of the off-topicers? We're taking baby to the park and then swimming. And I'm going bra shopping tomorrow.
( ascorbate, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 10:59, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm listening to Vipros's Squirrel Thang.
available here and it's got me working. And off OT. Can't be bad.

Edit - Question is buried in replies.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 10:54, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've mentioned before that, from my bathroom, I can sometimes hear my neighbours arguing
I'm sure I just heard her sob "I'm not fat" across the paper-thin walls between our abodes.

I resisted, but would anyone else have given into the temptation to shout back across the wall, "Yes, you are"?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 9:37, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just received this by text, made me laugh anyway
And so at Wimbledon, the Isner vs. Mahut match breaks every record, except 'number of balls hit in one day'. That record is still held by Katie Price's chin
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 9:02, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Friday, friday
and tomorrow party, party!

And our lovely BGB has allowed us to watch The Doctor at hers!! Woohoo!! Who's the best, eh?

Today is going to be a good day. I'm not going to let stupid people to spoil it. And Spain better wins against Chile.

Any special wishes for this weekend from you, my friends?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 7:47, 91 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dear Deidre
Just thought of this.

Why is it that my HB will let me go to my friend Lesley's who lives in Southsea for a girlie curry night any day of the week except Saturday ? It's not like we do anything special on Saturdays ! A good friend of ours, Alan, said that Saturday night was a "pulling" night (I think he was joking). but is it ? surely any day of the week would be a pulling night ? When I go to hers it is a stricly man free zone. HB knows this.

Am I paranoid ?
( Tiggy the diver, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 0:18, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Soft top cars (oh and sex)
I went, with a friend (call him C - HB and I have been to dinner with him and his wife several times), to see someone in winchester hospital this week. My friend drives a soft top top of the range BMW he bought recently, so we visit the mutual friend, who is intensive care. He then he dropped me off at home an hour later. My husband looked at us as if looks can kill. Even C emailed me to ask if everything was OK, so he picked up the vibes as well. The 1st issue here is that I am buying a Mini and I wanted a soft top, but my husband wouldn't allow it and thinks I've been talked in to having one. C hasn't said one word to me about cars only that he thought a mini would suit me. (I'm 5ft 1). So, off to the pub later, C comes in for a quick pint. The HB has said nothing about C, but then I find out the next day from a phone call from C that HB has said to him in the pub, that I am a noisy shag. Completely out of character for HB to say this. 2nd issue here is, why did he say it ?? 3rd issue - I'm not a noisy shag !

PS - this is like Dear Deidre !!
( Tiggy the diver, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 23:54, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just got offered a new job. Locumming at first and then permanent the next week if I like it there
I've been locumming for a month now and it's a bit good as I get all my expenses paid for me - I was actually advised to submit my weekly shop bills minus toiletries as I can claim for all of that food which ROCKS - but I miss being in the same place permanently and being able to continue my nursing training.

ALSO: I have the new Futurama episode cued up to watch RIGHT FUCKING NOW and I'm a little excited about it.

What's made you think, hey that's pretty damn awesome recently? Animal mineral or vegetable
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 21:25, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've figured out why I hate supermarket self-service tills so VERY much
It's not the ridiculous way they are laid out, so that there's no proper queue, and fuckers can push in front of me (although that does rankle)
It's not the fact that the supermarkets dress them up as a great efficiency, and try to imply that they save time and improve my customer experience (it doesn't). Despite it being a transparent cost saving exercise.
It's not even that the fucking things don't EVER work properly.

It's the fucking voice. Cashpoints don't have an artificially cheerful voice patronsing the fuck out of you, nor do parking meters or any other automated system. The cheery cunty voice is clearly meant to put me at my ease while the machine fails to work, but I'm only too aware of the hypocrisy of it. The machine isn't friendly and helpful. It's a machine, it doesn't even know I'm there. I don't want to be patronised by a machine.

I much rather being served by a surly greasy suicidal teenager, because at least their contempt for me and all mankind is genuine emotion, not some digitised facsimile.

CUNTS!
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 20:14, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm starting a campaign to have the word Sisyphean replaced with Mahutian
Who's with me?

If you're not into Tennis, tell us how you'd most like to die. Note: "Sex orgy fuelled heart attack" is insufficiently creative to pass muster. We'll need to know who else is present.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 18:07, 59 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

God hates me so always makes the sun shine when I'm hungover
leaving me regretfully hide indoors wasting a precious sunny day.

Why does God hate you and how does he show his wrath?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 16:25, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quotes
I repeat lines from movies all of the time but rarely quote books, until today when I quoted a line from "Simply Sexual" by Kate Pearce simply stated "We'll see who ends up begging."

Last quote you uttered or wrote?

alt q: last book you read or book you're looking forward to?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 15:44, 73 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Buff, buff, buff
I need to breathe and calm down.

Why is everything so complicated and stupid? Why?

Alt Q: Methods to calm down when everybody around you seems to be stupid and complicated.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 24 Jun 2010, 14:32, 127 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Help with buying a car
I asked for some advise the other day on how to pass my test:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post762164

Well all your suggestions were utter wank brilliant and I managed to pass with only 5 minor faults.

Now onto looking for my first car. Ideally I want something fairly new (2006 onwards) as I'd rather pay more for the car on finance, than end up shelling out £200 every month for new parts on an old rusty piece of crap.

It also needs to be fairly cheap on the insurance, though about £80 a month is the best I've found so far for a Peugeot 106.

Ford Ka's seem to be quite good on both purchase price and insurance, even a couple that are only 2 years old, so they're in my good books at the moment along with Nissan Micra's.

I was hoping you wonderful people could help me out with some tips about buying your first car, what to look for, what NOT to look for, what to be wary of etc.
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 13:33, 141 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was filling in a job application yesterday,
And one of the questions was: "If you rang up your friends and asked them to describe you in 6 words, what would they say?"
Shit! I thought. They'd come out with stuff like slag, minx and stripper without having to think about it. After much deliberation, I settled on bullshit ones like 'independent' and 'hard-working'. There was also a question asking about something that I am passionate about and dedicated to. Erm...Poledancing?
Yeah, I've not got that job. Not that I mind, it was in one of those wacky warehouse kids playareas, and I fucking hate kids.

So, describe yourself or another B3tan in six words.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 12:41, 249 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Wiggy's birthday tomorrow so we're having a barbecue on Saturday (weather permitting)
I'm going to make coronation chicken, potato salad and coleslaw. FROM SCRATCH. The barbecuing itself is up to the menfolk.

Besides the massive piles of meat, obviously, what else would you include?

If you hate food threads, tell me a fire related horror story.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 11:06, 173 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning to you all - well, most of you.
I am still drunk. Tell me a joke.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 9:11, 247 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

London Salary Advice - is 40k ok?
Possibly starting a new job in London in a couple of months, and in my initial interview they asked a couple of times would I be happy relocating to London (from Melbourne) for the salary I'd be getting.

I have no idea if 40k is a decent salary for working in London...seems ok to me? Any thoughts / advice about living in London etc?
(Zutroy started without you, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 0:28, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can't remember who expressed an interest
but if you want them, The Red Squirrel / Grey Squirrel Scenario Parts 1 and 2 are available to download here and here respectively.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 21:40, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today I have seen a midget, an albino and five mongs
All I need now is a spastic, an amputee and a flid for the full set.

Have I ever told you what my favourite thing about summer is? I think I have, but I've done a search, nothing came up and I can't remember
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 16:13, 92 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

No point starting a new thread if everyone is watching the game : (
I've just finished my work for the day and everything.

Question: Who thinks I should leave B3ta before I start the menopause?
( girlinthehole, Wed 23 Jun 2010, 15:02, 131 replies, latest was 16 years ago)