That thread's exceeded the 100 mark
ignore this thread

EDIT stop ignoring this thread, you cunts
EDIT2 Fine, as seems to be the style, I shall add an 'Alt Q', despite the lack of an initial one;

Alt Q. What's worse, knowing that your dog's licking you with the same tongue he uses on his balls and arse, or snogging Psychochomp?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 13:57, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well, this week has gotten off to a mixed start
On the one hand, I have a date tomorrow, I'm going to Edinburgh on wednesday to shop in the most awesome vintage emporium, judging from the photos on fb I did the right thing skipping an old friend's birthday and I'm going to be getting drunk with Lampito and Kitty at some point very soon.
On the other, I just slipped and stabbed myself in the ear putting my earrings in and now it's like my earlobe is having a period everywhere.

Tell me about your mixed mondays.
Alt Q: What's your favourite thing about yourself, and what's the one thing you would change?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 12:55, 219 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hooray, new job offer
I've just been telephoned with a new job offer, which was unexpected as I didn't feel the interview had gone that well. I'm glad because I was on my way to another interview at the time, however this place is something like 10 times the distance from home and harder to get to. So I don't have to go to this interview, meaning afternoon off!

What things have cheered you up today?

Alt Q: eggs- scrambled or fried?
(Le Misanthrope last procrastinated on, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 12:22, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Crazed fan gone to far or genius?
Sorry I cant make hyperlinks look pretty but just saw this and got a bit of a geek hard on for this guys effort.

www.metro.co.uk/weird/834826-large-number-of-vehicles-turn-into-giant-transformer
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 12:16, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My situation
Some of you may be aware that I experienced some very prejudiced behaviour from my family when they found out about my white girlfriend (http://www.b3ta.com/questions/prejudice/post682233). This is an update on that situation.

Just yesterday the girlf and I had a sit down chat and she felt that it would be best if we weren't together anymore. Obviously, I was quite taken aback and felt like I was hit in the stomach but, in the cold light of day, it was the best thing to do. Despite the obvious racial and cultural differences (though I still feel that these obstacles can be overcome, as is evidenced by the multitude of inter-racial couples), there were incompatibility issues and she felt that I would be better suited to someone else instead of her. This was very hard to take, especially as I still consider her to be my soulmate and the person I'm meant to be with, as she is everything that I've been looking for in a person. Still, the decision has been made and I have to accept it and move on. We still care about each other a great deal and we want to remain friends but I know it's going to take me an awful long time to heal before I can go down that road.

I would like to take this time to thank you for the supportive words from my previous post, it really meant a lot to me and helped me at that point. To those of you who are in similar relationships, don't lose hope and stay strong. I still firmly believe that no obstacle is insurmountable, despite my current situation.

Thanks for reading.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 12:08, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So what do you all think of the Barefoot Bandit?
Some people think he's a scrotey little thief just like any other, some people are calling him Robin Hood.

I quite like him. He left a bunch of money (albeit stolen) at a vet's and asked them to spend it on the animals. Plus he mostly steals food and money for survival (except for the plane, that was probably a little unnecessary).

I think if you have the balls to steal a plane and fly it to the Bahamas then you deserve a little credit. Dude got skillz.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 11:42, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Advice please.
What's an acceptable amount to spend on your own child's 2nd birthday present these days? As a family we don't spend much on each other so my personal experience is perhaps a bit distorted.

I don't know whether I've gone massively over the top, have pitched it about right or I am in fact a stingy cunt and don't even know it.

Sorry for such a super-dull question but it's really bothering me and my ex will slaughter me if I've got it really wrong.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 10:34, 117 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So does anyone remember some thread from a few weeks back
where Applebite said she didn't like to give oral because a fat, ginger ex of hers essentially used to do it by grabbing the back of her head and fucking her mouth. A beautiful image I'm sure, let us take a moment to ponder that...

But essentially the conclusion that myself, Vipros and althegeordie came to was that (a) the guy was a tool and (b) that giving pleasure to your man was a healthy and righteous thing that should be encouraged far and wide. Vipros even went as far as to say that there were many decent males on the Off Topic board. In celebration of this I promised to make a b3ta profile badge designed to encourage decent blokes to lead by example and stand up for being respectful and thoughtful to women in all their actions, physical and verbal. In return, the environment this kind of behaviour creates should produce happy and content females who give freely without undue obligation or pressure, the gift of selfless pleasure. So gents, check out my profile page and copy the (poorly made) badge for your profile if you consider yourself a decent and up-standing gentleman who wishes to promote non-cuntish actions amongst our gender.


I know, I know, I'm the male version of Germaine Greer - an honorary feminist no less.
( djtrialprice, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 10:24, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What I want to know is -
during al's wedding, in the bit where they do the "if anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony..." did al's gay bike burst through the door and wheelie down the aisle before braking to a stop by the altar and then did al get on the bike and ride off into the sunset through the church doors and are they now finally happy together in a world that judges their two-wheeled love?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 9:52, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm not a regular, shoot me later.
First, I require your collective knowledge, OTers. What martial art should I study? I'm moving to a new town and having watched Kung Fu Panda last night, I've decided martial arts is an excellent way of making new friends and losing some belleh. (I've also wanted to study a martial art for a few years, but the Panda sealed it.)

I've got a choice of Shi Kon karate, possibly judo, or jiujitsu. There's tai chi as well, but I'm not sure if waving my arms about slowly will help with the keep fit thing.

Answers first, then shooting remember.
( Bats, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 9:03, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning.
I'm a little disappointed in everyone. I haven't been emo/ranty for ages now and no-one has commented on it. Do you people not watch Supernanny? You have to praise me when I've been good and not just give me attention when I've been bad.

How are you today?
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 8:51, 89 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Call me slow -
I've just heard Roaul Moat has shot himself next to the storm drain he had been living in.
Police are treating it as sewer side.
I thang yew.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Sun 11 Jul 2010, 19:03, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The moment you realise you're too old to act 25 anymore...
For me, this was after downing some wine, listening to Stone Roses on Friday night before going out, dozing off on my bed and waking up thinking it was morning...it wasn't, the sun was just going down, but hell I was confused, specially as music was still on full blast downstairs! Still managed to go out though :)
Did the same yesterday, but the opposite this time - went and saw some friends' bands, had a couple of beers and wobbled home, woke up this morning at 4!
Am I getting old or just enjoying being newly single far too much?
( curvylittlegoth heard the voices in your head on, Sun 11 Jul 2010, 17:28, 73 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What blogs do you read?
I've been reading these for the last 5 years or so
randomreality.blogware.com/
jonsjailjournal.blogspot.com/

and recently got into these ones
peopleiseeonthestreet.com/
notalwaysright.com/

Alt Q: I'm not sure if I should say what Al's first dance at his wedding yesterday was to or not, but I will say it was AWESOME TO THE EXTREME. What was/will be your first dance at your wedding?

Alt Q2: Spain or Netherlands to win?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 11 Jul 2010, 17:13, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I feel as cheated as Lab did
I'm at a charity dinner tonight and the dessert was supposedly Rum and Raisin ice cream and I didn't get any raisins!
When did you last get cheated out of a proper dessert?

No alt question as I can't think of one after this many cocktails!
(bill, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 22:09, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who else is heartbroken?
Today is the day where al and mrs al become one forever.


( djtrialprice, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 14:25, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just thrown up my breakfast.
I had a bunch of Rastas back to my 'yard' last night following my DJing session (which ended up with the landlord telling me that whenever I want a drink in his bar to simply help myself, and the inevitable cognacgeddon that followed), and I think I must have done my old trick of 'going to the lavatory and just never coming back', because they've left me a rather sweet note thanking me for my hospitality and I woke up in my own bed with one shoe on and absolutely no memory whatsoever of retiring. My front door was wide open.

Not a bad night from an unpromising start - when I turned up they were playing Wham, and it was going down a storm with their completely annihilated clientele...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 12:43, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hi Folks
Is there anyone on the board who is/works for a general building/property mantenance contractor in the midlands area within an hour's drive of Coventry? if so, could you make yourelves known to Castle estates in Bletchley?

The reason I ask is that the fucking cretinous, buttmunching, unreliable, monosylabic, uncommunicative, illiterate, uncaring unproffesional bunch of cocksucking doombrains that Castle estates presently employ (and it's not just ONE company they use) are under threat of their cushy contracts due to their absolute inability to:-
1/ Turn up on time (or even on the correct day)
2/ Read instructions
3/ Carry out said instructions
4/ Communicate with either their employers or the poor bastards who's dwellings they're working (HAH!) on.
5/ Do a day's work in a day.

Alt Q

How are you all coping with the heat?

CP
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 8:31, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh, hello.
I have absolutely fuck all to say apart from the fact that it looks like a walk in the hills at Rothbury looks as though it might be a goer tomorrow.

And it appears to be my b3ta day, which means that it's also Pooflake's. Fancy.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 21:55, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Help me B3ta
I am currently trapped in my car. the M25 is at a standstill, so I exit onto the M3 only to find the southbound sliproad's backed up because that road's fucked too. So I go northbound to nip through the outskirts of Town in an attempt to pick up the A3. traffic jam. So I sit in that for half an hour until I can find a side road to go down. I get a little way down that and hit another jam. I turn around and, although I'm now headed directly away from the previously jammed roads, I'm now stuck in a fucking fifth fucking traffic jam.

I finished work at 6 and I'm getting increasingly hungry. I meed distracting.
( Kroney, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 19:56, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So yeah.
I'm the king of Absolute Pathos, what's your title?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 17:38, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Slow afternoon is going too slowly
Enough of Kitty's anger, what are you doing this weekend?

I'm playing a gig tonight, then probably getting wasted. Lie in tomorrow (yay!) possibly riding my newly fixed bike down to the guitar shop to try new guitars, then playing another gig tomorrow night.

Finishing off the weekend with some exciting DIY.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 15:08, 249 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm in a right mood
and filled with impotent rage. Cheer me up beetches.

I don't have an alternate question. Or even a question at all, just a demand.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 12:56, 195 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A warning to all you filthy perverts.


It is bad for you.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 11:56, 119 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lots of my friends are away this weekend and I find myself at a loose end with no real plans for this evening. Any good films or games out recently to keep me occupied?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 11:30, 90 replies, latest was 16 years ago)