So. Now the Fire Brigade are threatening to strike on Bonfire Night
over proposed shift changes. They are three times busier on this night than on any other in the year.

How many more times is this country going to be held to ransom by outmoded and archaic public sector workers boo-hooing about being dragged kicking and screaming into the modern age? The strike would endanger the lives of thousands of people (admittedly mainly proles): how can anyone justify doing this? It's fucking blackmail and it's immoral.

Under my 'benign dictatorship' I would have none of this shit.

EDIT this reads EXACTLY like a Dail Mail letter. Oh dear.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 9:20, 248 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

goooooood morning b3ta!!!!
I got the job I went for on Saturday so apart from selling my car I am all on track for my move! Oh apart from I haven't started packing yet because packing sucks.

Q: erm... when jaykay says dance, do you?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 8:02, 87 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning
How are you on the dark damp morning?

Alt q: What is your favourite cough/cold remedy? I've got the lurgy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 26 Oct 2010, 7:59, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Roll up, Roll up it's Bobby's Late Night Stupid Question.
If you could adopt a feature from an animal what would it be and how would you use it to your advantage in your day to day routine?

Alt Q? Coch a melyn
Pinc a glas
Proffor ac oren a gwyrdd
Dyma liwiau'r enfys
Liwiau'r enfys
Liwiau'r enfys hardd.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 22:31, 167 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right, I've just won £50b on the lottery or something....
I'm not giving anyone any money at all, but you can all have funding to do something that you've always wanted to do with your life, for example, go back packing or uni.... money is no object, but you have to spend the cash on some sort of 'experiance', weather that's education or 'finding yourself' or setting up a buisness.

What am I getting you?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 21:14, 140 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Evening
So, anyone else playing Fallout New Vegas?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 25 Oct 2010, 18:07, 207 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

After my epic journey from the office I'm about to go to the gym
Then cook a lovely steak with a mushroom and white wine sauce, peas and sit down to watch masterchef.
What are you having for dinner and what are you all up to this evening?
Alt: Prodigy or Chemical Brothers
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 17:25, 159 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Long sci fi thread is long and full of sci fi nonsense.
Do you believe in the paranormal? Have you ever seen anything spooky? Chompy's bollocks don't count.

Alt Q, Sci Fi to Paranormal, you'd think the irony would be lost on me wouldn't you?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 15:51, 288 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Apologies to JB, and anyone who wishes to complain about this not being Links
but this is frankly excellent news

www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=29290

albeit with a healthy dose of considered scepticism. It could suck.

What's brightened your day whilst also making you feel slightly trepidatious lately?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:53, 271 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm having a very long day today
and I'm very tired. I have a sales meeting coming up (which will be bloody) and I have to resolve some problems with John Lewis.

Any ideas of subtle things I can do in this meeting to amuse myself?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 25 Oct 2010, 14:11, 124 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So, erm, what's for lunch?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 12:49, 193 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Misunderstandings and other funny anecdotes
So, first of all, hello. I've been busy so I haven't had time to tell you all how much fun I had on Friday. However, I realised most of you are already fed up with talking about it, so I won't say another word.

Now, my funny misunderstanding happened on Friday, so forgive me for talking about the bash again. I promise I won't mention how much fun I had and how awsome everybody was.

As those who've met me know, I've got a bit of a Spanish accent. And as those who were there or have been told, BGB got me hen do accessories for the party, including a nice veil.

I went to the toilet with the veil on, and a proper, noisy, pinky girl came half shouting and super excited:

-Girly girl: OMG! You're getting married, aren't you! OMG! It's your hen party! That's so coooool!
-Me: Eh, well, yes, it is, kind of...
-GG: Kind of? Why? OMG! Why?
-Me: Well, my boyfriend is there already
-GG (looking very upset): What do you mean, he's there?
-Me: Well, he's there, you see? I had a hen party already, but things didn't go well, so, well, my friends organised another for me?
-GG (looking very sad): Oh, but, your boyfriend is there...
-Me: Yes, but it's ok. We're having fun, and that.
-GG: That's very sweet... so... how was it?
-Me: How was what?
-GG: You know, him... how did he... died?
-Me: WHAT?
-GG: Ey, you said he was dead!
-Me: NO. THERE, THERE, NOT DEAD!

People... we looked at each other and laugh, so not too bad.

So, any funny anecdotes or misunderstandings, you people?

EDIT: BTW, Kitty, I have your skirt with me here, at work.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 25 Oct 2010, 11:38, 143 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I like women, money's for spending.
It's better this way because it makes life awesome, and is much less emo on a Monday morning. How was your weekend? I'm sure everyone's sick of bashlols by now so how was Saturday and Sunday?

What are you awesome at?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 7:52, 160 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Disregard women, acquire currency
It's better that way because I suck when it comes to matters of the heart.

What are you terrible at?

Alt: :'(
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 25 Oct 2010, 5:55, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Waitrose had 3 for £2 on selected British Ales
I have had a bottle of Fullers Bengal Lancer, Bath Ales Gem, and Innis & Gunn Rum Cask.

Can you better that? 3 British bottled ales.

AltQ: If you don't drink beer, what's your favourite musical, you mincing queen (or lady)?

Edit: 3. THREE. Is this too hard for you?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 24 Oct 2010, 22:33, 52 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Evening thread.
What do the next 7 days hold in store for you?

Alt Q: I played golf this afternoon, what was the last bit of sport you did?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 24 Oct 2010, 20:40, 99 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

oh god
where is everyone? i am so hungover i think i might actually be dead and i am looking for an excuse to avoid the gym before i go out for dinner and there is nobody to play with at all???

so yeah. easy question for those who feel as rough as i do. where are you right now and what are you doing?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 24 Oct 2010, 18:26, 169 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Greetings in the name of the most high,
ever living, ever loving God: JAH! Ras Tafari. Selassie I know. Give thanks and praises to the lord.

I'm having a fucking wondrous weekend and there's still all of today to go. My still half-asleep daughter's first words of the day were 'you're the best, Daddy' which kicked off my day in fine style. She's clearly massively mistaken but that was nice to hear. I've been to the cafe for scrambled eggs on toast, and in a bit I'm going to explore some little-known corners of London with some bird off the internet, and then have a fuck-off roast dinner and some drinkies in a pub with a real fire, somewhere.

I really should take less drugs, more often. That said, I'm about to fire up a large reefer of military-strength Indian hashish and crank up The Jim Jones Revue. My neighbours will doubtless think I've been up all night again.

Fuck'em.

What're you up to, you Englander pig-dogs?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sun 24 Oct 2010, 11:09, 144 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I am drinking an excellent Shiraz, watching Match of the Day
and eating Pickled Onion Monster Munch.

Is this really a good time for Pickled Onion Monster Munch?

AltQ: Is there ever a bad time for Pickled Onion Monster Munch?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 23:34, 29 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I am injured after the rugby :(
But I'm going to MTFU and go out partying again I think.

What are you up to this evening?
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 21:14, 66 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

God I'm knackered and I may be in bed by 9pm tonight.
My bash highlights.

Kiss from Monty *sigh*, Amberl and a few others.
Snoggs off Lusty
Motorboating from Vampito.
Applebite asking me in all seriousness if my new tattoo actually did mean 'property of Jeffthedogfucker 4real'.
Aberraction's face when she saw her hen party accessories.
Not being ill.
( girlinthehole, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:23, 166 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I have a monumental hangover
Please post entertaining things to take my mind of it.

Thanks in anticipation.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 14:49, 96 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Check this crazy shit out.
Baconnaise!

www.ocado.com/webshop/product/Baconnaise-Spread/58681011?parentContainer|20001|20424|19999|19996
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 23 Oct 2010, 14:26, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

WE ACCEPT HIM ONE OF US
Thanks guys.
( WormuIus, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 12:44, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Bash!
Top thing about the bash: hugs.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 4:38, 28 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm at the bash.
I owe psychochomp a drink.
Nice cakes LAAK.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 23:24, 11 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

RIGHT
fuck those bash street kids

what the hell fun can the rest of us have? IT'S FUCKING HALF TERM after all!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 17:32, 45 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Previous thread is a) too gay and b) even more gay than that
Attendees and non-attendees, this open to all. Who do we think will disgrace themselves most this evening at the lolbash?

Answers saying 'Lampers' will be met with derision. Too easy, and it won't be. I have faith in the girl and she's been most amusing today. So don't say 'Lampers' - alright?

EDIT I'd also like to thank all you boppers out there for putting me in the TOP THREE popular slots. I feel like The Beatles, only not FUCKING SHIT. you're all cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:15, 237 replies, latest was 15 years ago)