Hey otters
so what have I missed? Anything exciting?

Alt Q: What do you miss and why isn't it here anymore? No points for grandmas or cats.
(Spitz, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 15:00, 187 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm seriously thinking of starting a B3ta matchmaking club.
Girls and boys send me pics and details and I match everyone up and bask in the warm feeling of everyone on here being happy and contended.

Good idea?
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 13:28, 391 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Lunch fred.
I can't eat any more Innocent Veg Pots, I had five in about an hour yesterday evening so need to move on. As it stands I will be having my last cigarillo for lunch.

What are you bunch of arseholes having?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 12:05, 161 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Oh dear.
This weekend I stayed in a lovely posh hotel. I was on my best behaviour all weekend, and got through it without getting angry and frustrated, and I even managed (against all the odds) to be pleasant, witty and charming.

Until, after a couple of bottles of lovely wine, I awoke from a slumber and relieved myself. A little later my wife went to the bathroom and woke me with a cry of "John, have you pissed in the bidet?" After some discussion, I discovered I had indeed pissed in the bidet and informed her it was a good job I hadn't needed a shit.

When have you been dismayed by your own crassness or general lack of house training?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 22 Nov 2010, 10:15, 109 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Good morrow, fair denizens of internet-land.
How are you all? Good, I hope.

I had a lovely day down at Mater Boyce's yesterday where we celebrated my brother's 40th. Somewhat embarrassingly my sister and her husband had bought him a bottle of wine from the year of his birth, in a wooden case. So that's a 1970 Haut-Medoc from them, and..err...a night out at Motorhead from me.

Ever been made to feel a total cheapskate?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Nov 2010, 8:34, 165 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Look what Blousie sent me!
(In replies)

How awesome is that?

What have you been sent recently?

Alt: Generic eveningy-weekend-ending-what-have-you-got-on-next-week type question!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 21 Nov 2010, 20:33, 232 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

end of the weekend thread
anything to report, chumps?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 21 Nov 2010, 16:37, 63 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Music Thread
I'm looking to get into some new music, I've rinced everything I'm into at the moment. I really like a lot of Hip Hop, and love the combination of Rock and Hip Hop.

The following is stuff I've listened and liked quite a lot.

- Dan Le Sac vs Scroobulous Pip
- Devlin: Blood, Sweat and Beers.... I don't like his other albums.
- Plan B: [the latest one [with the remixes]], Who Needs Actions When You've Got Words
- Most of Eminem's stuff.
- Most of Dizzee Rascal's stuff.
- Most of Will Smith's stuff.
- A few albums by Dirty Diggers

Stuff I don't like is the current american trend of "I'm the underdog, I came from nothing, I spent a week in the projects/estates, and now I've got a private plane taking me from New York to LA.", stuff where there are like 100s of people in the band with names like "X-ibit", "X-Plained", "Scratchy Nob". I also hate all that stuff where you can't understand what they're saying because they're talking too fast.

Anyone got any suggestions, prefably with YouTube/Spotify links (but please copy'n'paste the artist/song, as a wall of links is shit). It doesn't have to fall into what I've said above, just any sort of new music, I'm into all sorts really =)

Alt Q: I'm noshing some "Stilton and Port" kettle crisps, OHMEGOSH, they're nice.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 21 Nov 2010, 12:17, 67 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

To the unknown B3tan
I was the woman sat at the next table outside a west country cafe today.
The one who snorted her tea when you mentioned a couple of well known user names on here with some rather wry comments.
So if you were that gothy looking fella with a pretty blonde companion, and who glanced over to me with a slightly puzzled look while I turned away and feigned innocence
Waves hello with a grin
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Sun 21 Nov 2010, 1:31, 83 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I have a massive gash in my hand, due to wine and algae coverd paving slabs.

When did you last see a massive gash?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 23:14, 29 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

No-one here on this dull Saturday night?
No?

No point in asking a question is there then?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 21:58, 102 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Jesus!
I just came downstairs to plug my laptop in, realised it was a bit cold so went to put the gas fire on. I lit it, walked away, sat down, then saw that it hadn't actually lit. Got up walked over to the side of it (where you turn the gas knob) and....BOOM!!!
Flying glass everywhere. Smashed through a porcelain moneybox, embedded shards of glass in the back of my laptop (which thankfully was only a couple of weeks old, so still had the protective plastic on it). Glass everywhere.
As I was standing to the side of it, the glass only caught one finger and one leg.
Thank Christ the kids were out with their nan; they would usually have been sitting right in front of that fire.

What narrow escapes have you had lately?
(dchurch bah, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 15:04, 85 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've got a hangover
What have you got today? And how are you going to get over it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 20 Nov 2010, 11:13, 60 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm bored
I spent all my money on things I shouldn't have last weekend and now I'm broke. I can't get Assassin's Creed 2 to work on my PC after downloading it either. Close to going mad.

Why the flying fuck are you here?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 23:21, 99 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

off to a party tomorrow
It's fancy dress and you have to go as something beginning with S

Currently I'm going as a swashbuckler. Mainly because it's an excuse to be a pirate again.

Any other ideas (other than not going, you grouchy people. BTW this is not a larper party. It will be largely attended by normals)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 18:00, 40 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Anyone got a spare £120k?
www.metro.co.uk/news/847470-replica-batmobile-goes-on-sale-for-120k#ixzz15jRiWRYG

Alt: What are you fucking staring at?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 19 Nov 2010, 16:36, 33 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

This advert just came on telly....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeKI-3HpCWI

It is seriously the most hellerously bad advert I have ever seen, I actually lol'd at the bad acting and the peadofile subtext.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 16:36, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

cocktails
ok so i need to make some cocktails tomorrow evening. i have:

12 bottles of pink champagne, sparkling vodka, lemon/mango/blackcurrant absolut, grey goose, jack daniels, bombay sapphire, limencello, baileys, blue bols and x-rated (pink vodka-based liqueur). any ideas?

alt q: my last flatmate borrowed my flat for new years eve and smashed all 12 crystal champagne flutes. said nothing. replaced them with cheap thick tat. have you ever broken anything/had anything broken at a houseparty?

alt alt q: do you have a middle name? is it desirable or gay to give your child more than one name?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 15:16, 194 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right, you motley bunch of benders,
harridans, WoWers and general undesirables, what are you up to this weekend?

In between attending a Red Dwarf fan convention in Dudley and LARPing your little socks off, I mean, of course.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:58, 259 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I saw this
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-11793926

And immediately thought of Karen Matthews, it must be a scam.

What scams have you been impressed with?

Alt: Lunch.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 13:03, 83 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So you've moved house a bunch of times, right?
Apart from the obvious building components, fixtures, fittings and services, you pedantic shitbeaks, what could you not live without in your new home?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 11:12, 180 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I put it to you that 'karma' is demonstrably bollocks.
So plainly evident is this, that through the ages people have had to convince themselves that their transgressors will 'get theirs' after they've died, to avoid dealing with this fact.

Another blatant load of shit is that 'the meek shall inherit the earth'. Don't make me fucking laugh - no they won't. The meek will inherit being repeatedly shat on by the not-so-meek. And when this happens time and time again, the meek then convince themselves things will improve after they've died.

This is only true in that they will no longer exist and thus the misery of their meek and humble existence with all its associated privations and degradation is finally over.

Prove to me that I am wrong, or 'eat a dick', as our most charming transatlantic cousins so eloquently put it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 9:26, 185 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Good, now I've got that off my chest. How are we all this morning?
( girlinthehole, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 8:27, 70 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What is the meaning of life?
Alt Q: does anyone actually want to know?

Edit, nah not really, would you rather have brittle bone disease or paper thin skin?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 19 Nov 2010, 0:09, 26 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Newest little project!
Take one old church window with the center busted out, replace with a mirror, add some framing to the back, add lights and voila! Christmas is sorted!

Click for image, because it's too big for some, apparently.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 18 Nov 2010, 21:29, 162 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Charity Thread
Just been been sent to my work email account:

tinyurl.com/highspeeddriving

Aparently a group of employees have convinced the company to let them auction a day out as a Train Driver (along with some Eurostar Tickets, some gadgets and the usual spa day). All proceeds go to the Princes Trust.

So if you fancy experiencing 140mph through the Kent Countryside ('cause I know some of you are closet trainspotters) have a look.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 21:00, 8 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's fucking dead around here.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 18 Nov 2010, 20:28, 111 replies, latest was 15 years ago)