Inspired by Monty
What would the title of your autobiography be?

or the biography of another b3tan?

I don't have a good title for mine yet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 13:57, 9 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Monty is sad and grumpy, lets cheer him up with offensive limericks about him
There was an old man called Monty,
Who hated both town and country,
He loved massive drugs,
but had the charm of a slug,
And his spelling and grammer were wanting!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:55, 153 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Merseyside Deviant of the Day
This should win an award for the most complicated headline too.

Better than dogfucking gran
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 11:04, 180 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Tell me something about what you do in your jobs that makes you think "FUCK YEAH, I'M AWESOME".
It doesn't matter if I, or most people, would understand what it is that makes you think it's awesome, but as long as you think it's awesome, then that is what counts. If there is nothing job related, then hobby or life related or something like that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 9:29, 112 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fucking hell I'm hungover
I blame Tesco for not having any Budweiser when I swung by last night. I'd forgotten the aftereffects of San Miguel. Bastards didn't have any jalapenos either. Someone tell me a funny story. Doesn't have to be true.

Q, for the sake of it - Best meal you've ever cooked. I made Ms Foxtrot halloumi, mushroom and cherry tomato kebabs on apricot couscous with salsa verde last night. She was half an hour late home because she'd been sat outside in the car nattering. I texted all three people in said car to find out when she'd be home with no reply. Which brings me to my Alt Q - was I right to fly off the handle?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 8:06, 174 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Very short fantasy story - The Uncharted Isle
My story The Uncharted Isle is now available for free on Daily Science Fiction.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 4:50, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I have just been reviewing correspondence
between my boss and a government official, and noticed that her name is Aquanetta. For those in another country, Aqua Net is a brand of fairly cheap hairspray noted for causing the hair to form into a stiff shell that can deflect a blow from a baseball bat. For some reason this name has delighted me far more than it should.

What has given you an unexpected giggle recently?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 23:22, 55 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What's beakering?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 21:30, 127 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

A number of OT'ers seem a bit run-down and low at the moment.
How do you like to try and cheer people up?

Alt: Natter.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 20:24, 135 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hey hey!
How's everyone this evening?

I have to do a brave thing in a minute. How do you work yourself up to do tricky things?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 18:52, 187 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

New thread to escape from 'THATS THE JOKE' and my beakering.
You can bring back one television show and one musical 'act' from the past. They can be retired or dead, there are no constraints.

Which are your choices?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 16:03, 181 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I just paid a parking fine to Hammersmith and Fulham council
The only reason I got a fine was because of that idiotic pastime of cretinous neanderthals that is football; because whilst parking is generally free on Sunday's everywhere it's not when Fulham are playing. The selfish wankers.

I pointed out that I don't check the entire football listings before going to my friends for Sundeay cake but this fell on deaf ears and I had to pay, bastards.

So why is football rubbish aside from the injury faking, obnoxiousness, rape, greed and arrogance.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:32, 220 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fireworks, Hoax or Aliens?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=jczjyV4v3i0

YOU DECIDE
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:29, 9 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

New Thread Time.
If you could do any job in the world for a living, what would it be and why? Keep in mind that it's not a 'dream job', but a real job, and every job has bad points to it. Are you currently doing anything too different from that at the moment? Are you doing anything to achieve that job?

Alternativly, tell me about the best thing you've ever ate.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:34, 100 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Where's Jeff?
I've found him a lady

Alt: What don't you want your neighbours to know?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 11:28, 117 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is it just me that's fed up of Monty's continuous
I'm better than you threads? And his constand moaning? And talking about his stupid kid?

Let's not do a monty and moan about things though, let's talk about things you're looking forward to. So Oxford this weekend. YAY!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:11, 135 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Heil Hitler.
Last night was fucking stupendous. We had the De Luxe Parrillada: the steaks were epic, the black pudding utterly sensational and the chimichurri as splendid as ever. The Argie sausages, whilst very good, are kind of pointless in the overall scheme and could easily be left off. We had a stupendous bottle of Malbec and large Hennessys in place of a pudding. If you find yourself in London with a spare wad of cash and are hungry you could do a lot worse than to go to Buen Ayre on Broadway Market, E8. Of course if you are a vegetarian or a bumlord this is not the place for you.

Today I feel a little sick and exactly like a fucking fat bastard.

The Roots's ?uestlove states in the paper that Public Enemy were the Sex Pistols of their day. Do you agree?

Alt: Nommy zombies, kittums, Egypt blah blah fucking blah.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 8:44, 279 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Someone start cpr OT is dying..
I have been proved wrong, hooray!

Q: Which movie character do you like the most and why?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 21:32, 123 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Before I have to go and be merry and stuff
would be brilliant if people could give me some ideas for songs to go on the playlist I'm meant to be helping to make. The theme is anti-Valentine, so no love songs, just cheerful upbeat songs, preferably about being single, or glad to be out of a relationship.

Alt: How many people have had a dream of a zombie apocalypse?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 19:52, 62 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Singletons.
What will you be doing this evening to disguise the fact you're a massive loser in the world of love?

And if you were to be whisked away on a date by someone, what would be the perfect first-date?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 17:47, 235 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Well, Monty is over a hundred now so time for a new thread
We celebrate "love" with Valentines Day, the birth of Jebus with Christmas and a Turk killing a dragon in Egypt with St.Georges day.

But what holiday would you like to see?

I'd like an Atheist day, which would always fall on a Sunday and the shops could open for as long as they wanted! Take that organised religion.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 15:33, 228 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

lolcats, RickRoll and now the potential to make the middle east uninhabitable for the next few 100 years. =S
Holy shit: www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/feb/14/anonymous-stuxnet-nuclear-iran
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:39, 140 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Threadstomp
I don't care how uncomfortable it makes you, cross everything and wish me luck in my interview. I need a fucking job NOW.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 14:11, 35 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right, that's...OH FUCK OFF.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:59, 79 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Starting threads with 'Right that's over 100 replies' or whatever is fucking bent.
You're bent. Horribly bent.

Q: what do you say to THAT, EH?

Alt: EH?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 13:17, 125 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right that's over 100 replies
Gazzes. Do you get or send many? Are you a prolific board gossip or do you keep yourself to yourself? Do you email or text or phone other b3tans? Or are you a lonely fucking sadsack?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 12:34, 128 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right that's over 100 replies
www.we7.com

Recommend me any song by any artist you can think of. Ideally someone you might not expect me to have heard of, so I can broaden my musical horizons, and all that bollocks. Also, I'm putting together a playlist for the Uni DanceSport team trip to Blackpool in a couple of weeks, so if the songs will mortally offend students with delicate sensibilities, all the better.

Q (cos the above isn't a Q) - in honour of the aforementioned Uni team's enforced stay until 3am in Chesterfield cos the coach broke down (I was at my parents' place with a beer), what's the worst place you've ever been stranded?

Alt Q - ideal boob size. Go nuts.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 11:27, 121 replies, latest was 15 years ago)