Urgh.
I had to walk home from the City last night, drunk as a lord. I missed the last train and t'buses were bollocksed. It was shit and today I am fucked.

When was the last time youzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Alt: I really don't feel very well today. Has Windy been washed out to sea, by the way? RIP niggah.

AltAlt: Yeah nice one
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Nov 2012, 8:16, 68 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well this isn't very good.
Bristol City are losing and I'm bored.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 20:03, 37 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What the fuck is wrong with you cunts?
Eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 16:38, 171 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Think HIV.
This is a poster I've just seen I have no idea what it means. What have you no idea about?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 14:00, 258 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i have to choose a leaving gift for a colleague and alongside the usual champagne etc
i thought about this: www.britishfinefoods.com/cheeseboard/lancashire-bomb-gift-set

would you like this or would you think it sucked mouldy ass?

alt: what b3tan would you like to see leave and what leaving gift would you give them? if that's too controversial for your vanilla tastebuds, try politicians or celebs.

altalt: lunch???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 12:41, 72 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

New threadddd
So there's a note on the fridge at work which says.

"To whoever stole the roll of meat from the fridge, that was cat food for my cat, it was unfit for human consumption, if you're feeling unwell please contact your doctor"

What office larks have you lot been up to? xxx
(PsychoChomp, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 11:37, 127 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Wakey wakey you lot.
Board games/after dinner games.

Are they really all shit? I like Scrabble because I am a Stilgoe-esque 'wordsmith' aka Massive Prick. Can you recommend any others (you cannot get Escape from Colditz on eBay because there's a massive swastika on the box, fact fans). I am trying to plan ahead for a tedious 'at my mother's' Xmas. Much as I love straining to hear and see my mother's 4" television whilst she knits and her 'paaaartner' reads in silence, I was hoping for a small diversion other than watching to see how pissed my brother gets before he starts causing massive offence and then passing out.

Spears Games' 'Tell Me' quiz is banned following a near-riot two years ago. 'Monopoly' and 'Trivial Pursuit' both go on too long.

Alt: Talk about a subject other than this one, preferably in an amusing way
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:35, 149 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

My house didn't float away overnight.
Scare mongering environment agency. When was the last time you were lied to by someone who was supposed to help you?

Alt. Normal whinging morning thread, "my day is shit" "I've got a hangover" "my idiot child was sick" "blah blah" please try and be a bit positive.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 7:54, 102 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Pricks
Alt: wankers.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 19:46, 38 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So my smug "I'm not getting flooded" post earlier has back fired.
I've been out getting sandbags and sorting out all my stuff upstairs. If I learnt one thing, its that people are still idiots. People taking like 20 sandbags each for a terraced house in oxford. Not sure they understand what they're doing. Panicy fucks. do you panic, or keep a clear head?

Alt. What's your favourite weather based emergency?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 16:51, 43 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

See I told you milton keynes was GREAT
www.mk-news.co.uk/News/Deputy-Prime-Minister-Nick-C-20121123150157.htm

Bet all the places you live haven't been praised by Nick Clegg.

Pricks
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 15:56, 88 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hi guys!!!!!!!
That Windy Pig character is extremely rude if you ask me.

Who else is extremely rude?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 14:50, 87 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Newslink- Christmas adverts, are they all shit ?
beta.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/nov/25/2012-christmas-adverts-snowmen-slave-labour

alt: lunch.

altalt: Storing moths in the fridge. Foodwrong?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 12:01, 253 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink*
*apart from the bits you can.

Are you under water this morning? Are the floods affecting you? Do you even care?

Alt:
Best thing about this week/Worst thing about this week
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:41, 131 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good morning to you.
Monday morning 'review your weekend/outline your upcoming week/make a lol joke about sex and someone's mum/use the word 'quender' like a cunt/crap on about some dismal tone-deaf Ghanain bongo album you've recorded/etc etc etc' thread.

Alt: see if you can go a whole day without being shit. Go on, I bet you can't. Alright, why not start by trying to manage a whole morning first. Let's not run before we can walk eh.

Altalt: I read on the weekend that Paul McCartney 'always thought there was something dodgy about SirJimmeh'. If only he'd have been a member of the most famous pop group in the world whose every utterance was hung upon and debated over like he had something of global importance to say even when he was just wittering on about an egg man or some shit, then maybe he would have been listened to. If only eh. Yeah thanks for your fucking help Macca you wanker.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:10, 142 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

there is a stoner band called Dozer
And a mate just posted on Facebook that he wishes he was 'in Dozer'.

How do I break it to him?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 25 Nov 2012, 22:23, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

morning.
Alright.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 25 Nov 2012, 2:54, 13 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Saturday evening thread?
Any takers?

Any givers?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 24 Nov 2012, 19:26, 12 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Who shot JR?
Goodnight Larry.

Alright Saturday /ot.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 24 Nov 2012, 9:06, 30 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

llymhtg vfyddy e
vglldfy dghio llriota ryioaw llyre a ddywai gllap ddmfydp basddkdyll?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 19:21, 26 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i just got a spam email which has to get 1/10 for being the laziest yet
"hi sorry babe i don't normally do this, but i just saw your pics on facebook and had to call. please message me. my name is terrywetwetwet".

terrywetwetwet? unbelievably shit.

what's the worst spam you've ever seen? alt: tell us something else unbelievably shit. apart from posting here at 3.30 on a friday, might as well be posting in a graveyard really.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 15:26, 109 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Here's the newsletter
www.b3ta.com/newsletter/issue556/

Don't worry I haven't forgotten you lot exist.

( rob Hello, I'm a board sig., Fri 23 Nov 2012, 14:11, a friend [x], Ignore, Hide, I like this! Reply)
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 14:39, 52 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Remakes
I'm quite excited for the new vision of Evil Dead. The poster boasts that it will be "The most terrifying film you will ever see". Same producers and looks like they've made it less slapstick.
Also, new Carrie is said to be closer to the novel and has been superbly casted.

From the not too bad Texas Chainsaw to the genre raping Nightmare on Elm Street what are your favourite and worst remakes of movies.

Alt. Same for cover songs. I love Placebo's version of Where Is My Mind

Go!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 13:37, 215 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

it's so heartbreakingly sad when a thread dies
:'(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 12:47, 73 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

wedding puns!
as kroney is about to propose to his beloved on their holiday, we need some good french wedding puns.

alt: make a pun about any b3tan.

altalt: it's friday. what's for lunch?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 11:08, 176 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So Geordie Jay is going on a date,
what do you predict will happen?

Alt: Looks like the next election will focus heavily on "Green issues" stupid idea if you ask me.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 11:04, 50 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Sooooooaaanyway.
Good morning, one and all.

It is Friday, isn't that great?

What are your weekend plans? I have my flat being inspected by a mentally ill woman and her obese, grey-teethed, semi-literate (but wealthy!!!) boyfriend at ten tomorrow morning. I'm really looking forward to it. I was told last night that having social engagements on two evenings and one day over the next four weeks is 'taking the piss' as it renders me unavailable to babysit my child. I quite agree. I mean what kind of cunt am I?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 8:40, 243 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Nice suit. John Phillips, London. I have 2 myself.
Rumour has it Arafat buys his there.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 0:29, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

my train this evening is horrendous
Is your evening horrendous?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 18:37, 45 replies, latest was 12 years ago)